not sure what "time out" means.

[kathy679]

Last week my boyfriend started ignoring my texts and phone calls. Then 5 days later he sent me a text saying 'sorry I haven't text u I'm having time out I'm not thinking about anyone apart from myself'. The thing is I've been suffering with depression over the last 8 weeks and I have been really difficult to be around, so I've given him some space from me already. I left it a few days then I asked him if what he really meant is that its over: I also asked him why. He said that he is no good for me, but he didn't answer the 'is it over question'. So I asked him again, and he ignored me. The thing is I now have no closure, I told him I'm not up for this time out. He either wants to be with me 100% or he leaves me alone. But he isn't letting me no if it is over, and there r questions I need answering. To text me and not say it to my face has also not given me any closure. My conclusion is that I think 'I'm no good for u' actually meant, its not u its me. And that his too gut less to actually admit that I've been 100% dumped so his hiding behind this 'time out' saying. What do you think? Any other perspective is welcome. Thanks

[Batya33]

I think it was rude of him to ignore you -he needed to tell you in advance that he needed time apart. Here is what I would do. Don't contact him at all and accept that the closure is his decision not to respond. Move on with your life. If he contacts you you can ask your questions but not through typing -either in person or on the phone.

[savignon]

Extremely rude and selfish. His non-answer IS his answer. He doesn't get to be the ultimate decision maker. YOU are. It's over because you're done. Not if/when he gets back to you. Stop giving your power away. He doesn't deserve it and most decidedly doesn't deserve you.

[Kendahke]

I agree with the others. What he is doing is rude and selfish.

 

Quite frankly, I would not leave it up to him to decide. His behavior alone is telling you that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, so tell him it's over. You need to look out for your interests instead of putting your fate in his hands.

[kathy679]

Thanks. I've just sent him a message saying "your too gut less to tell me its over or make a desision. So I'm telling you. Its over goodbye'. I've deleted his number because I am weak at the moment and I no I'll call him when I'm really down.

[Edmund Exley]

How old is this person?

[ParisPaulette]

If he's ignoring you then yes it is over. He just has some weird preconceived notion that either he doesn't want to be the bad guy OR if he decides to come back later he can claim "Well I never said it was over" and then guilt you into taking him back. Don't do either, just text him and say, "Fine, you won't have the cajones to says it's over so I am. Never contact me again." You make your own closure and bounce him, because just disappearing on you like that is the coward's way out.

[kathy679]

His 35. And Paris I said in my last thread that I sent him a message ....'or too gutless to tell me its over or make a desision. So I am telling u its over, goodbye'. You are right though Paris, he is a coward because he didn't want to be the bad guy, so his left me dangling. It feels quite liberating to get some power back. I think I'll now go on eBay and buy some heeling books...... He has just replayed to my text saying its over with 'I'm not gutless I'm having a bad time at the moment'. So I've sent him another message ' that doesn't give u the right to be so cruel to me'. Now I've deleted his number again and I'm moving on with my life

[Edmund Exley]

His 35. And Paris I said in my last thread that I sent him a message ....'or too gutless to tell me its over or make a desision. So I am telling u its over, goodbye'. You are right though Paris, he is a coward because he didn't want to be the bad guy, so his left me dangling. It feels quite liberating to get some power back. I think I'll now go on eBay and buy some heeling books...... He has just replayed to my text saying its over with 'I'm not gutless I'm having a bad time at the moment'. So I've sent him another message ' that doesn't give u the right to be so cruel to me'. Now I've deleted his number again and I'm moving on with my life

 

I would have guessed that he was 17. When you are having a tough time you lean on your partner, not hide from them. Do yourself a favor and move on and no more contact.

[ParisPaulette]

Now I've deleted his number again and I'm moving on with my life.

 

Good for you and holy crap, 35? I thought this was a kid we were talking about. Noooo at 35 he needs to put on some big boy pants, but he can go do that with someone else. By all means go buy those seriously cute high-heeled boots on eBay (I love eBay for that!) then take them out dancing to find a guy with some guts. This one hasn't got any. You dodged a bullet there.

[Ms Darcy]

What do you mean that you have been really difficult to be around?

[HeartGoesOn]

He has just replayed to my text saying its over with 'I'm not gutless I'm having a bad time at the moment'.

 

I'll take a wild guess and say that "I'm having a bad time at the moment" translates to I found a replacement. You deserve better than this clown...

[SpottiOtti]

Last week my boyfriend started ignoring my texts and phone calls. Then 5 days later he sent me a text saying 'sorry I haven't text u I'm having time out I'm not thinking about anyone apart from myself'.

 

I almost didn't need to read any further. This is completely unacceptable. Do not allow someone to treat you this way. You are better off without this guy - you are depressed and you need to focus on yourself and getting better, and this type of relationship was definitely not helping you to do so. Now it's time to take responsibility for getting better. Good luck to you hon.

[ChellyV]

How old is this person?

 

i know right edmund? this person is a child! you will be acting like one if you keep associating yourself with him!

[kathy679]

I would say that he acts younger than 17...lol. Reflecting back on it though I actually think he must of been cheating, or had his eye on someone else because he said "i'm no good for you" why would you say that unless you had done something or felt guilty for something? Although when i text him (he wouldnt meet or answer the phone) he wouldnt explain what he ment by "im no good for you". The only thing that makes sense is that he was cheating. From a males perspective: is asking for "time out" something that men would say to a girl when they have cheated or have someone else in mind?

[kathy679]

What do you mean that you have been really difficult to be around?

 

I had to have an abortion because he wasnt supporting me and being selfish basically

[kathy679]

Thanks guys, I took the power back yesterday and told him to do one!, it was very empowering. Im now going to focus on my needs,my healing and my recovery. Its going to be hard but I will come out a stronger wizer person for it.