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He wanted a hookup but did not even try to sleep with me?


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There is this guy I met online and we instantly hit it off. We talked about friends, family, his brother, grad school, politics, high school and all that jazz. He agreed to wait an entire month to finally see me because I was really busy (he initially wanted to meet after a week).


We finally met up and he was really nice. He asked me out on a 'real' first date before we parted ways and sent me a text 5 minutes after we parted ways. He kept initiating contact almost everyday afterwards.


However, he planned a date twice and then asked to reschedule (first time he was going on vacation, second work issues). He did this two times. He never cancelled though. He would always ask for a rain check. I decided to cut him off telling him I wasn't gonna chase him. He was like 'I wanna see you I swear, I do hope to see you soon' yadi yada.



Anyway, a few weeks passed by and I tried to get in touch with him but he blatantly ignored me. A few weeks later after I tried to get in touch, he updated his profile to have his entire sex life on display as answers to different questions. Before last week, his profile was very serious and all about "love" and now he's acting all bad boy one night stand type. Now, I'm confused and feeling slightly inadequate.


He spent ages talking to me and initiating contact talking about books and music, and even telling me how his day went and talking about every single detail of his day/week. He shared a few vacation pictures and all. Suddenly he's done a complete 180. If he wanted a quick hookup, why didn't he make a move on me? He did not even try. He never mentioned the subject and was always talking about substantial things.


What would make a man not want to have a quick hookup with one girl but accept to hookup with other random girls?


Based on the info in his profile, he met up with absolutely random girls after a few messages just to sleep with them. Yet, when I was around, he didn't try - he had more substance.

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Have you considered all the bragging about hookups are lies, meant to try and make you feel the way you do? Inadequate and maybe jealous? People do those kinds of things you know, so don't believe everything someone tells you until you've gotten to know them better, and their life patterns.


Did you want to be just a quick hook-up by the way? You sound insulted that you weren't.

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He could have been intimidated by you - it happens, they meet their match and their "moves" shrink as their insecurity holds them back. Or, he wasnt that interested in you, maybe he was chasing someone else - and she left, he got angry and posted all that crap on his profile with the mentality that "nice guys finish last"- and you were his in-between safety-net.


Or, you annoyed him somehow. I get annoyed sometimes and i dip out of the persons life, and yes, i talk a lot (look at my long posts), and i am a good listener, and i do talk deep - but, i do it with a lot of people who give me their time, its nothing special until i actually tell you it is- or until you ruin it.


But who cares - the guy has two faces, you just witnessed it. Even a hookup should be at least normal and not be with a two-faced person, what else can he do a 180 on? His sexual health? His sanity? His living situation?

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  • 1 month later...

I'm thinking he really liked you -- I mean, it sounds like you two had a lovely first date -- and then when you cut him off, as you say, he felt that you rejected him ... even though it also sounds like it conveniently "slipped his mind" that it was him that did the multiple postponements, and not you.


Sometimes guys can be passive-aggressive like that. (Yes, even the ones who pursue you aggressively at first. Yes, I wish I didn't know so much about that.)


Sometimes it just doesn't occur to guys that we're as busy as they are, especially when we both work or both go to school, and our time is just as valuable as theirs.

Boggles my mind ... but it just doesn't occur to them.


He could have been intimidated by you - it happens, they meet their match and their "moves" shrink as their insecurity holds them back.


And then there's this variation on the theme.



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My guess is that he was *kinda* interested in you at first but his interest level declined for whatever reason, but that he revamped his profile for reasons that had nothing to do with you. And I don't think he's two-faced; lots of men & women with integrity, intelligence, and depth ALSO enjoy one night stands as well!


In any case, I agree with the posters above that you only had one date so there's no need worry about his motivations. It wasn't a connection, move on and find someone who is.

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