I don't know where I stand

[Indecisive123]

I've posted about this situation before, but I doubt anyone would remember it.

 

Basically I'm interested in this girl and we've been talking for a while now. I just recently met up with her for the first time in person. I took her out for lunch but I tried to keep it casual without labeling it anything. And I obviously offered to pay for the meal. When we first started talking it was completely innocent. I just now started noticing that the flirting became heavier, we talk almost everyday, we kinda have little nicknames for each other, and she insists we hang out more. The first time meeting her I felt pressured in making a good impression, but she wants to see me again so I guess that's a good sign.

 

Now she's said this to me before, she always mentions that, "I'm not really looking for a relationship right now." Even when we first met as we talked face to face, she mentioned how I'm busy with school, work, etc. And how she doesn't have time to talk to a boyfriend everyday, and make time to see him. But in the end she casually ends, "buuut, you never know." Now for me, I'm looking at it like we already talk basically everyday, and she actually makes time to see me.

 

So I'm really confused on where I stand with this girl. I do see herself as a potential candidate to be my girlfriend, because we get along and connect so well. And she actually makes the effort to ask me to hang out. For example, she mentioned how we should go skating sometime. For me personally, it seems like I've been on this boat before. I think she may like me, she enjoys my company, but she doesn't want the commitment of a relationship. Which SUCKS because I've been in this situation before.

 

If anyone sees this any differently, please tell me what you think. Is there any chance of a relationship in the near future? Am I wasting my time here? Is there anything I can do to change my playing field? Please and thank you.

[Furbys]

She said she isnt looking for a relationship right now so take her word for it. She does not want a partner. You should look elsewhere.

[Indecisive123]

Thank you for your input!

[DancingFool]

Whenever someone tells you that they are not looking for a relationship, especially repeatedly so, take it at face value and believe it. They are actively warning you not to get attached. The fact that you two hang out and talk in this case is irrelevant. She has repeatedly put you on notice, so if you choose to continue to engage, it's your problem, not hers.

[Indecisive123]

That's true. Thanks for your input. More is welcome.

[catfeeder]

She enjoys your attention, but she can sense that you're prematurely invested in her.

 

I don't know many people who decide on a committed relationship after a couple of casual dates. Your wish for that probably comes through loud and clear, so it's putting her off a bit.

 

I'd back way off. Treat her as a friend, and if you find that too difficult, you'll need to understand that your urgency will position you badly with future women as well. You might as well test your ability to neutralize your investment with this girl so you can learn how to control a tendency to romanticize someone you barely know.

 

You'll thank yourself later.

[Indecisive123]

Thank you catfeeder for your advice, it's much appreciated. You are right about moving things a bit too fast and deciding on committing into a relationship after a couple dates. But it's hard treating her just as a friend when she reciprocates to all the flirting, and when she's the one who initiates on the effort to make time to see me. So I'm getting mixed signals here. I can understand that she's not looking for a relationship at this very moment, but she does see it happening in the future. I just don't know whether if it's with me or not. I can trying going for being friends for now, and taking things slow, but I don't want to waste my time here if there's no assurance that there would be anything more between us.