Help!! A major setback

[Ladytmt]

Feeling low again. I just saw photos online of my ex and his new wife at their wedding. The sad part is she isn't the person i caught him cheating on me with. He married someone else. We broke up in 2011 and i thought he left me for the girl i caught him with but he got engaged to this totally different girl last year and they got married in september of this year. I thought i had healed but i am hurting so bad right now. I feel like i need to get back in counseling all because i saw the wedding photos. I wonder if he knew this girl while with me, i just feel like crap now and like im worthless all over again. The have each other and i have no one, please help.

[JJ2980]

How did you see the pics? Why envy a woman who married your cheating ex? He may have changed and could be a nice person now. Don't let that sadden you though. He wasn't right to you so didn't deserve to have you.

 

One day you'll meet someone right for you. Don't rush it. And don't worry what he's doing now. You don't have to.

[bw92116]

Sometimes these events are actually a sudden surge forward through the grieving process, not necessarily a setback. Seeing those photos precipitated a grief reaction that actually may have helped you let go some more, and get it out of your system some more. This event might have caused you to process out some more feelings that you might have continued to hang on to otherwise.

[Ladytmt]

How did you see the pics? Why envy a woman who married your cheating ex? He may have changed and could be a nice person now. Don't let that sadden you though. He wasn't right to you so didn't deserve to have you.

 

One day you'll meet someone right for you. Don't rush it. And don't worry what he's doing now. You don't have to.

 

They were on facebook. I doubt if i'll meet anyone right for me. This has really crushed me i thought i was doing better

[Ladytmt]

Sometimes these events are actually a sudden surge forward through the grieving process, not necessarily a setback. Seeing those photos precipitated a grief reaction that actually may have helped you let go some more, and get it out of your system some more. This event might have caused you to process out some more feelings that you might have continued to hang on to otherwise.

 

Maybe but its just amazing how fast he moved through me and these other 2 women as if he can't be alone and here ive been single since we broke up. I feel like he gets blessed while i get punished

[bw92116]

So he goes from woman to woman and then just discards them. He probably doesn't love any of them, or even himself. I think you are actually the one that is blessed, by not being involved with him any more. You will find someone who does love you. In the meantime, it is crucial for you to love and care for yourself.

[Ladytmt]

So he goes from woman to woman and then just discards them. He probably doesn't love any of them, or even himself. I think you are actually the one that is blessed, by not being involved with him any more. You will find someone who does love you. In the meantime, it is crucial for you to love and care for yourself.

 

Im trying but its difficult. U would think this wouldn't phase me after 2 years but it still hurts. i guess i cared more for him than he did for me. Sometimes i wonder if he rushed into marriage because everyone in his friend circle got married

[In the Dark]

Yes looking at your ex profile and what they are doing in their life will hurt you no matter how many years have past.

Especially if you are still single all this time and they have moved on.

 

Your wounds are now reopen.

 

You will have to heal again.

[itsallgrand]

The others have given good advice. I just wanted to chime in and agree. And help you, maybe, get back on track with your healing forward.

 

What you do now is crucial. That you give yourself love, compassion, and (speaking from experience) try as much as you can to focus on what you DO want and not on what you do NOT. In practical terms, redirecting your mind from dwelling on the negative thoughts going on in your head and redirecting them back to positive things going on in your life.

 

You may be single, but are you truly all alone? I am single as well, but you know what? Being single for many years has helped me in deepening and appreciating my other relationships. Friends, family, community, and putting in to that. Really cherishing it, not taking it for granted.

 

Remind yourself of all the good things you have done too. Anything at all positive. I would say, leaving a cheating ex is a positive decision you made. And one that many people have too hard a time with to actually follow through. So kudos to you for it. And that is only one.

 

Hugs. It hurts, it's understandable...but look at how strong you have proven to yourself you are. You can ride this wave too. And you won't feel this awful forever.

 

And when all else fails...remember, this too shall pass. Because it really truly does.

[Ladytmt]

Well i guess if i remember his awful snoring, anger, and body odor this will help me forget. I feel sorry for this girl shes a lot younger than him a lot!! and is just in happy land at the moment.

[Iwouldbetheone]

There's nothing like Facebook pictures of your ex with someone new to completely crush you.

 

This just happened to me recently and I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut. I actually felt physically sick. I also thought I was doing so well, but seeing this photo opened up all the wounds and I felt like I was on day one post breakup. I felt rejected yet again. And then when I saw that this new woman was the female equivalent of him and had everything he ever wanted in a partner, I seriously wanted my life to end.

 

I haven't gone back into Facebook since then. In fact, I deleted everything. Not only did I delete him, I deleted all of my other friends, my liked pages and anything connected to my account. Then I deactivated it. My Facebook account wasn't that important anyway and I am connected to my friends through other means apart from Facebook.

 

Then I started throwing out all of the remaining items I had in my house from him. Every time a thought of him creeps into my mind, I force it out and try to replace it with a happier thought.

 

I need to move on. I need to move forward and can't think about the past. I think these kinds of discoveries help us move on. We need to be good to ourselves, concentrate on what it is WE want and make our lives happy. I don't want the ghost of this person controlling my life and making me unhappy.

 

Hugs to you. I completely understand how you feel, but this is an opportunity for us to now move on and turn the page on this whole relationship and start afresh.

[annie24]

I'm sorry. I think you should use this new information to try to move on with your life - block him on facebook and stop looking at his photos, etc.... No one can say if this is true love, or he's just going to cheat on her in 6 months (or if he already is?) He's married, off the market, consider him on a different planet. Time to focus on you and your healing. Try to do something fun and take care of yourself.

[KarenC]

You're feeling sick but he's happy?...Think about it!!!

 

You need to find a way to get over him...Quick too!!!

 

We all have feels and I would be hurt too if I were you but at this point you must choose a new direction...He isn't worthy of your tears.

[SooSad33]

I know it's HARD to let go.. and move on. It's ALL very difficult.

I do think him 'getting married' and just after being together about a year- is way too fast & stupid!

 

They dont know each other well enough, at all- But, oh well- his doing! If it makes YOU feel better, laugh about it!

Think this " Oh, he's sadly, sooo mess up! This will NOT work because of the guy he is. He's made ANOTHER mistake.. but HE made this bed, he can lie in it. !"

 

Meanwhile, YOU are still going, still working in 'healing you'. You're NOT the one ruining your life like he is...

See this as a GOOD thing, to accept he's made another mistake and it'll fail.. again.

 

Meanwhile, YOU will heal, move on, get over him and you WILL feel better, soon enough AND be over it all, enough to move on successfully.

 

It all takes time... I am sorry for your hurts. I understand ALL of your feelings. We all do, on here. You're not alone.

 

Take care.. of you.

[annie24]

for the record, my parents married after 6 weeks. Not everyone needs to be together for 5 years before marriage. I don't think that 1 year is a super crazy short time like 6 weeks. OP and her bf have been broken up for over 2 years, so it's not unreasonable he's moved on in the meantime.

[savignon]

I think you're torturing yourself by looking at his FB and should ask yourself why you'd do that to yourself 2 years later. When my ex bf and I broke up I deleted and blocked him from FB immediately. No need to keep tabs on each other after the drama we had.

If he is happy/successful/healed/ moved on/whatever ...that reflects nothing on you. It's not a competition. It doesn't even reflect poorly on the relationship you had. You shared what you shared and ultimately weren't meant to be. He should be unhappy and miserable until you aren't anymore? That doesn't make much sense, does it? You can choose to move on and be happy as well...start with not looking at his pictures and not comparing your life to his. You have your own life and whether its happy or not is a choice you make.

[Live-N-Learn]

Why are you making this about your value and self worth? It seems you are feeling worse about yourself because he has moved on and dated 2 or more other women after you and married one of them. How does this make you less valuable as a person? Why are you letting his choices decide your value?

[bulletproof]

Stop, stop, stop looking at his facebook photos, or anyone's that include him. Why would you do this to yourself?

[Ladytmt]

Stop, stop, stop looking at his facebook photos, or anyone's that include him. Why would you do this to yourself?

 

I know you're right! I'm not sure why i did this. Just feel that i wasn't good enough and wanted to see who was to him. I guess she won

[annie24]

won? it's not like that. chin up, you'll find a better match for you!

[cryingalways]

He's getting married...he will cheat on his wife. Be GLAD you are not the wife. I have a friend who's husband cheated on her and left her for the girl and she has been through HELL. She has a 2 year old with him and he basically moved on because he was BORED of being married with a kid. That would reaaaaalllly hurt. You don't want that. Also, I do think a year is quick to get married. Why rush? He's obviously not a "no sex before marriage" guy-Maybe she is?-but when people do these big gestures of romance early on it's just because they are not good with relationships and are no taking it seriously enough-they don't see marriage as a serious enough thing to spend time thinking about. I dunno, I've never been married so I'm not an expert! I have however seen photos of an ex of mine from years ago with his new girlfriend and it floored me. And he was a nice guy. It was MY fault that one ended. And I have gotten over it. So there is defo hope for you!

[Ladytmt]

Yeah i do think it was a rush because to him it may have seemed like " everyone is doing it" within 2012 his brother and 2 best friends got married. I also think he was trying to please His parents and make them think he isn't who he is.