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kels701

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I met this guy on line about 4 months ago we were chatting via email for about 2 weeks, then we exchanged numbers, he was full on for about a month then he started to get distant at times when i asked him about this he always said sorry and that he didnt want to seem to keen so thought he would leave it up to me to contact him i said that was fine but we should take it in turns rather than one person having to initiate contact all the time

 

In the short 4 months we were talking these were some of the excuses he gave me, his daughter got beaten up by her boyfirend, his friend died and he was arranging the funeral so busy, next he told me he was taken to hospital with fluid on the lung then the last excuse was that he had a shadow on his lung so had to go into hospital, i know it sounds crazy but i actually believed him, my friends were telling me he was just playing me and i should forget him, the last time we spoke was 3 weeks ago and half way through conversation he said his son had just arrived and he would call me back, no call came and 4 days later he text to say sorry he hadn't been in touch but he had been away with friends but he hoped i was fine, i said i couldn't do it any more and i wished him all the best, i have not heard since, i have also not contacted him since but i feel like i was just used when he was bored.

 

has anyone else had any experience with on-line men like this ? is it me or are men just out to play women ?

 

Thanks x

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Online is the perfect stomping grounds for players. They get to send/receive lots of emails, get multiple numbers, text multiple women during a given day, date and sleep with many women, all while calling it 'casual', 'moving slowly' until they move on. I'm not saying all guys online are players...in fact I've met some quality guys... But online is a breeding ground for guys and girls just looking to hook up and keep it moving.

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On the other hand you could have picked up a lot quicker than you did that he was giving you excuses and not stuck around for 4 months. Some people will not be upfront and find it easier to make excuses than to say they're not very interested, but you can read it between the lines.

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Sadly- the way i see this is like a 'date at your fingertips' It's like a convenience to everyone.

Way too easy to fool around now.. so they do!

 

Even those that are NOT single, do it. Some just dont get caught cause they know the way.. for a while, anyways.

 

Thing is, is it's just too easy for everyone. Either on here or on everyone's phone as well. there goes so much trust, pretty much, which is making life and relationships this much harder! Really sucks.

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I know that now and wish i had acted sooner feel silly for letting myself believe him but i guess i didn't see what he was really like because i chose not to, i liked him a lot so just kept excepting the excuses but totally realise now i was just being stupid.

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Don't feel silly! It's all a learning experience. I could tell you some horrible stories of dating since my separation in 2009. But you live and you learn, and you get smarter and become a better judge of character.

 

A lot times now, when a guy contacts me on a dating site, I can judge 50% of them fairly quickly by their message to me and their profile.

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you could have picked up a lot quicker than you did that he was giving you excuses and not stuck around for 4 months.

 

This.

 

At least half the women I've dated who don't want to continue seeing me come up with excuse after excuse rather than just coming out and saying they're not interested.

 

So I realized a long time ago that 1 or 2 excuses are *potential* red flags, but 3 or more definitely means they're just wasting your time, for whatever reason.

 

And it doesn't mean they are a "player," either. For all you know, he was sitting around at home playing video games with not a woman in sight.

 

But now you've learned the "excuse rule," and you won't ignore it next time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...right?

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Meh, my take on it is he's married and was just using you to while away the time. That is one of the problems with online relationships, you have no idea if you're being catfished. I would focus on finding a guy who lives near you that you can see, touch and while married guys will still try to fool you sometimes it's much harder to do that in person. You know for instance if he only wants to stay in and tells you never to stop by his house, or won't even tell you where he lives, that he's likely married. Online you don't even have those clues to go by, you pretty much just have to take the word of a stranger who is creating a fantasy.

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Thanks for replying and your right most guys on-line in my opinion have a motive, its a shame some are so shallow as it hurts when they do this its left me really confused and doubting myself but time to forget and move on i guess x

 

This attitude might be influencing your experience.

 

I think this type of situation can be avoided if you minimize the talking time and - relatively quickly - set up a time and place to meet up. If he flakes once, then move on.

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Thanks for the replies, all really helpful, and i think now its time to forget and try to move on, we live over 400 miles from each other so i guess in reality its not going to work we are both single parents so have children to consider, i just wish he had told me he was not interested or he had met someone else, thanks again have opened my eyes to what it was all about for him it just hurts but i have to forget him x

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