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Cell phone trust


emotionalLT

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I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. Two days ago I noticed he had put a lock pattern on his phone. He NEVER had one before and he tilts the phone when he unlocks it like he's trying to hide it from me. He also never leaves his phone unattended (he's done that for a while). Even if he is going to the next room to get a drink, he's got his phone in hand.

 

I'm wondering if I should say something about the locked phone. I don't think he's cheating because he's a good guy. I'm thinking maybe he doesn't want me to see something he's looking at? I'm not looking for his password...he's allowed to have privacy. I'm just wondering what changed and why he feels the need to beef up security.

 

Should I say something or let it go?

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Are the two of you exclusive, or are you both dating others? If you are exclusive this is a huge red flag He is obviously hiding something from you. I will now tell you what it is. He is either on a dating site or a porn site or both. You can call him on it, but he will just turn his phone off, guaranteed. He will just be more careful that you don't find out. I would tell him if it continues this way you are done with him. You cannot have a relationship without trust. chi

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People who lock their phones probably frequently leave them places and have to run back and try to find them. I don't need mister security guard reading all my private texts.

 

I have something to hide I guess--from complete strangers and people at work, that is.

 

People who always bring their phones into the bathroom with them while at home...those are the ones to watch.

 

Go ahead and say something. It's probably just porn or an ex and nothing terribly serious for you to worry about.

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Personally, I would talk about it.

 

You may not get any real answer. But at the very least, you open up the lines of communication about it and let him know you have noticed and it gives him a chance to do something about it or not.

 

I just think, at this stage in my life, that it is better to address things instead of letting them fester. This has raised some suspicion and alarm bells in you; hence, you posting and wondering whether to say anything or not. So a small ish kind of thing like this can start to eat at trust and how you guys communicate.

 

Better to try and solve it now when it is little than letting it go now and it either escalates or results in a fight or something later.

 

If he were to tell you this is simply what he is doing now and it's not going to change, would you be able to live with that?

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If it was something he always did it wouldn't even be an issue. It's the fact that it's a new thing that makes me nervous

 

I would tell him you noticed this change in his behavior and that it makes you wonder what he is hiding from you. His recent behavior certainly indicates that he is hiding something.

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Not always. I bring mine to play a game on it. Well, maybe not every time though I suppose.

You're fine then! I dropped a brand new, excruciatingly expensive self bought phone in the toilet once, so I guess I have a phobia. I even like to have plenty of space between my beverage and my phone at any given moment. And you know how they tell you that packing it in dry rice will dry it out and everything will be all fine and hunky dunky? They lie.

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I would be concerned. I actually was concerned about my bf so I started a conversation about friends of ours who had been living together for a year and the guy never let her near his phone...I told my boy friend that I believe if you are in a committed relationship you don't hide things and if you need to hide things or have that level of privacy you should be single. He ended up agreeing with me and said "her my phone look all you want"...(:

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My phone did the same thing as Annie's, and I think it's good security, but I told my boyfriend the passcode just in case he ever needed to use the phone.

 

I would be suspicious if this is new behavior. Have you confronted him about it yet, OP?

 

I haven't confronted him yet. I'm afraid he's going to think I'm just wanting to snoop. A few months ago he left a picture of a naked girl up on his laptop (porn not a girl he knows) and I asked him about it. I feel like if I keep bringing things like this up he is going to think I'm crazy. Everyone is entitled to privacy...it just feels like he's afraid I'll find something.

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My phone did the same thing as Annie's, and I think it's good security, but I told my boyfriend the passcode just in case he ever needed to use the phone.

 

I would be suspicious if this is new behavior. Have you confronted him about it yet, OP?

 

Yup ,if his phone updated to the new iOS it could be that it asked him to put a lock code. Not only that many many many many people put lock codes on their phones. I have a lock code on my phone in case I ever lose it. My husband has a lock code on his phone because he puts it on his desk at work. My brother has a LockCode on his phone because it is a work phone and he'd rather not have people know other people stock trades.

 

If you ever lose your phone Lord knows who's going to be reading all about your life.

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I must say it does sound very unnerving. Like others have said I think it is more the CHANGE in behaviour as he didn't lock it before - but you also said he doesn't leave it unattended. That to me is very worrying.

 

However, other people have said that there could be a legitimate reason for this so maybe have a think about if there are any other behaviours that are different from usual. Is he less open in conversation than he used to be, more colder, distant etc etc..

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A brief off topic thing about lock codes. If you have one on your phone, make sure to keep a card in your purse or wallet with I.C.E. numbers because in an emergency if you're unconscious, they won't be able to notify family because they can't get into your phone.

 

ON TOPIC: I would casually bring it up somehow. Just ask.

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I own the very last ten-dollar flip phone, but if I had a real phone, I would lock it. I also request that people coming into my home ask before using my laptop. I am very private and none of these behaviors mean I'm cheating. I do some strange google searches that I would prefer people don't see, as they often reflect my state of mind at the time. So privacy is turned on, history is off, and all locks are in place if possible.

 

And I would be absolutely fine with my boyfriend doing the same. It's none of my business what he's doing on his phone.

 

I honestly don't think you should say something.

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I locked my phone. When I'm spending time with a person, I leave my phone. I don't carry it with me like it's attached to me.

 

I would do the same thing right back at him. I don't care. In the mean time, I would start spending less time with him and start spending time with someone else like my family, friend, or someone who wants to get to know me instead of being attached to the stupid phone .

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