Having second thoughts...

[Batya33]

You've received many different alternatives on this thread and your many others about what you can do to maximize your chances of reaching your goal of a long term relationship, potential marriage and family. Up to you -take the input or leave it. Perhaps consider what would happen if everyone had your defeatist attitude about romantic relationships. What I do know is that if you put in the effort (and I'm not going to repeat it all here because each time I do -or anyone else does -you find an excuse/dismiss it/generalize what was offered to the point of irrelevance) in an open-minded, proactive, positive way (and you might need help to work on that open-mindedness/positive attitude) then if you don't end up meeting your match you will know you did all you could, and you will be able to say to yourself in a positive way "I did all I could possibly do, and I don't think I'm cut out for a long term relationship". You're nowhere near that point, even remotely in my humble opinion.

 

But yes, go have sex, have fun, see if it works for you.

[Capricorn3]

I don't mean to be a pain to you guys, and there is a part of me that does want to get better, but I just refuse to let that happen for myself.

Ahh well, there ya go. You've basically admitted you have no intention of helping yourself. Which brings us to the question of: What's the point then in posting the same kind of threads over and over again, when you KNOW you are not going to take any advice given to you? When you KNOW you have no intention of making the necessary changes to make your life happier and better? When you KNOW (and more or less admitted) that you enjoy the attention and pity parties?

 

This confirms for me why I swore I would no longer reply to your threads. I actually feel more upset that so many many people have spent so much time and so many hours putting so much thought into trying to help you with really amazing and valuable, good, constructive advice and all for nothing. All their time and effort wasted. It's really upsetting. To think so many people care more about helping you, when you don't care enough to help YOURSELF and even worse, have absolutely no intention of helping yourself, making no effort to get help, but just sit back and do nothing but complain about it, over and over again, because it's just easier to feel sorry for yourself.

 

Please remember one thing: It is YOUR CHOICE to live this life. YOU, and only you, have the power to change your life for the better. Seeing as you choose to do nothing about it, be prepared for a long and lonely life. The choice is yours and in your hands. There is nothing anyone here can do for you anymore.

 

I apologize for being a little harsh here - it is not my intention to be mean, but more to give a little "tough love" in the hope that something will change, (but knowing nothing will).

 

Once again, I give up. Good luck.

[MattW]

Look, I understand where you're coming from, and I don't fault you for being angry/ upset/ annoyed by me, but I was just trying to be honest.

 

What I hope you and everyone else here can understand is that there is a part of me that DOES want to get better, wants to help myself, wants to make a better life for myself. THAT'S why I continue to post, because deep down, my intentions are good.

 

But that part of me isn't in control, and that's the problem. That part of me is trapped in the back of my mind, while the part of me that is in control, the self-loathing part, forces myself to suffer.

 

I don't come here to purposely annoy or bother you guys, but I just can't figure out how to wrestle away control from the side of me that's hellbent on making myself miserable. That side of me is firmly in control and has been for some time.

 

I WANT help, I really do. I just can't figure out how to overcome the part of me that won't allow it.

 

This isn't a fun position for me to be in, I hope you realize. I hate it. Like I said, it makes me feel like I don't even want to be alive anymore. I don't like being stuck in this cycle anymore than you guys enjoy watching me be stuck in this cycle.

[Batya33]

"But that part of me isn't in control, and that's the problem. That part of me is trapped in the back of my mind, while the part of me that is in control, the self-loathing part, forces myself to suffer."

 

No. You're not a victim of that part. At all. Realizing that is the first step. Nothing is forcing you to suffer and if it really is true that "something" is then a psychiatrist probably would be able to diagnose whether that is the case. My non-expert opinion is that you are not a victim of that part of you.

 

I think having sex might be akin to my four year old needing to have the "touch the hot stove" experiences (no I've never put him in harm's way, never will). Who knows -maybe that will trigger something productive/positive. I personally don't advise it because it could be life-altering in a very negative and harmful way but that is another way of looking at it.

[Jennifer89]

Matt, I hope you go for it! You may find that it opens up the way you see women and you may discover a new sort of physical attraction, I know that I felt like I wasn't attracted to anyone until after I had sex, and then it opened up a whole new way of viewing the men around me, haha. You can always enjoy this in the moment and once you have learned the ropes some, start looking for a relationship. I was a late bloomer and didn't have sex until I was 20, and I worked with people in there mid/late 20's, and I think to them, even though I never said I was a virgin, it was so obvious that I was that most people didn't want to pursue anything with me, once I got that out of the way and out of my first relationship, the possibility of sex and relationships of various sorts with others became much more real.

 

With that being said, you need to know that it is also super easy to fall for the first person who you sleep with, so you are possibly setting yourself up for that when she has made it clear that she is not interested. If this is worth the risk to you, shake off the nerves and go for it. I have had several *cough* FWBs this past year and most of them met online, and believe me, you always get nervous before meeting someone, but if you let those nerves control your decisions, you will never have an FWB. Let it go and enjoy yourself!

[Jennifer89]

Do yourself a favor sweety, and pick up a bottle of St. John's Wart next time you are at walmart. It costs $5, is completely natural and has helped a friend of mine out of sever depression/self loathing. I think you take two per day, but read the dosage because taking too much is harmful. If it doesn't work after trying it for a few weeks, your only out $5. (ladies, do NOT try it if you are on hormonal birth control!)

 

Depression is very real and sometimes you need help to get out of it. You are not depressed because you want to be, you are depressed because you don't know how to not be depressed. It could be dis balance of hormones, or life events, or a number of other things, but depression is real, and blaming yourself does not make it better. A lot of people think that depression is a joke illness, it is not. Get yourself some help, find someone to talk to, professional or not, try some natural ways to treat depression, but get help. I am a psychology/human services student and depression is real. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[Batya33]

I would not try St; John's Wort until you see a doctor - it has different effects on everyone even though it is "natural". Until you can see a doctor I would try things like cutting down on caffeine/sugar/white flour, getting at least 30 minutes of vigorous exercise a day and making moving around (walking/running/whatever) a regular part of your day -cut down on the time you spend just sitting. And then talk to a doctor (or more than one) about whether pursuing supplements is right for you.

[MattW]

Well, this may no longer matter, anymore. Been trying to get a hold of her for a couple days now to reschedule our lunch tomorrow (something came up for me), and all of a sudden, she's not responding to my texts.

 

Blah. Seemed like everything was going great, don't know why she'd all the sudden back out, but I can't say this is the first time this has happened to me. D'oh. I don't know if I want to bother trying to get more points on AFF in order to write to someone else and try again... *sigh*

[Jennifer89]

I would not try St; John's Wort until you see a doctor - it has different effects on everyone even though it is "natural". Until you can see a doctor I would try things like cutting down on caffeine/sugar/white flour, getting at least 30 minutes of vigorous exercise a day and making moving around (walking/running/whatever) a regular part of your day -cut down on the time you spend just sitting. And then talk to a doctor (or more than one) about whether pursuing supplements is right for you.

 

Sorry Batya, but I have to disagree. Most doctors are going to put him on some horrible, medicated drugs that are both addictive and harmful. The only doctors who know about herbs are herbalists, if he wants to talk to someone before taking a completely natural supplement, that is who he needs to track down. Yes, all of the other things you talked about are helpful. As long as you do not take the recommended dosage and you are not on birth control or a very heavy drinker, st. john's wort is safe.

[Batya33]

Sorry Batya, but I have to disagree. Most doctors are going to put him on some horrible, medicated drugs that are both addictive and harmful. The only doctors who know about herbs are herbalists, if he wants to talk to someone before taking a completely natural supplement, that is who he needs to track down. Yes, all of the other things you talked about are helpful. As long as you do not take the recommended dosage and you are not on birth control or a very heavy drinker, st. john's wort is safe.

 

I disagree as well. I know of many doctors who are familiar with St. John's Wort and I wasn't suggesting any other type of drug or supplement. I really couldn't care less that it's "completely natural" - so is marijuana. I've done my own research on St. John's Wort and I don't agree that it is safe if taken in the recommended dose on the bottle, unless the OP sees a doctor (holistic is fine) who evaluates whether he should be taking that.

 

I also disagree with your narrow view of what most doctors would do.

[Batya33]

Well, this may no longer matter, anymore. Been trying to get a hold of her for a couple days now to reschedule our lunch tomorrow (something came up for me), and all of a sudden, she's not responding to my texts.

 

Blah. Seemed like everything was going great, don't know why she'd all the sudden back out, but I can't say this is the first time this has happened to me. D'oh. I don't know if I want to bother trying to get more points on AFF in order to write to someone else and try again... *sigh*

 

Nothing "happened" to you. A stranger who was interested in having sex with another stranger- you -apparently changed her mind. Big deal. Please don't add this to your list of "always happens to me". Whether or not you want to contact someone else on AFF is up to you but I suggest that unless you really don't care whether a stranger decides to have sex with you, every time someone backs out for whatever reason, you're going to use it as an excuse to feel rejected. I don't think that's the best idea, do you?

[MattW]

But that's what it is -- a rejection. It's just frustrating, is all. The few girls I WANT to date flat out reject me, and the girls I'm only half-interested in (or in this case, just interested in the sex) seem on board, then at the last minute, they suddenly go dark on me, with no real explanation.

 

I've had this happen several times while trying out the whole online dating thing. I'd write to girls that seemed okay enough for me to give them a chance, and we'd chat and talk about meeting up, but then when that time actually came, they just disappear. Again, it's frustrating, and I see no reason NOT to count that as a rejection.

[Batya33]

But that's what it is -- a rejection. It's just frustrating, is all. The few girls I WANT to date flat out reject me, and the girls I'm only half-interested in (or in this case, just interested in the sex) seem on board, then at the last minute, they suddenly go dark on me, with no real explanation.

 

I've had this happen several times while trying out the whole online dating thing. I'd write to girls that seemed okay enough for me to give them a chance, and we'd chat and talk about meeting up, but then when that time actually came, they just disappear. Again, it's frustrating, and I see no reason NOT to count that as a rejection.

 

Yes of course it's technically a rejection (or, she might have been a he, or married and her husband discovered her profile, or she decided to go back to an ex, etc who knows). Would you tell your best friend that if he was "rejected" by a stranger who he contacted for sex he should treat it in the way you are? How about at least ranking these "rejections" so you get some perspective - on a scale of 1 to 10 how would your rank getting rejected by a stranger on AFF?

 

And AFF has nothing to do with dating or online dating, and people disappearing often has nothing to do with anything personal particularly before you've met. Please get some more healthy and balanced perspective, ok?

[Wonderstruck]

Sorry Batya, but I have to disagree. Most doctors are going to put him on some horrible, medicated drugs that are both addictive and harmful. The only doctors who know about herbs are herbalists, if he wants to talk to someone before taking a completely natural supplement, that is who he needs to track down. Yes, all of the other things you talked about are helpful. As long as you do not take the recommended dosage and you are not on birth control or a very heavy drinker, st. john's wort is safe.

 

This is just not true. My friend took St. John's Wort purely because he had "heard that it was good for treating depression and anxiety". He ended up having a HORRIBLE physical reaction to it and had to go off of it almost immediately.

 

I don't think you should be cavalierly telling people "Hey, it seems like you might be depressed, go buy some St. John's Wort! That'll fix ya right up!". It's not even close to being that simple. I agree with Batya 100% on this.

 

 

I've had this happen several times while trying out the whole online dating thing. I'd write to girls that seemed okay enough for me to give them a chance, and we'd chat and talk about meeting up, but then when that time actually came, they just disappear. Again, it's frustrating, and I see no reason NOT to count that as a rejection.

 

Go take a look in the "Dating" section of this forum - this happens to people ALL OF THE TIME. Half of the threads in that forum are about online dating and how often people have been flaked out on or had somebody disappear on them with no valid reason or explanation. If you read any of the threads in that forum, you'll quickly realize that somebody bailing at the last minute for no apparent reason and going completely dark is one of the most common occurrences in online dating. And it doesn't just happen to guys - many threads have been created by girls who have had this happen to them and are reeling from the frustration and disappointment.

 

It's nothing personal to do with you - this seems to be par for the course in online dating, unfortunately.

[blueidealist24]

Yeah, the woman not answering your texts isn't anything personal. If she's on that site she likely talks to a lot of guys and is probably hooking up with another guy who was available right away, like the next day. She could randomly come back at any point.

[MattW]

Would you tell your best friend that if he was "rejected" by a stranger who he contacted for sex he should treat it in the way you are?

 

*shrug* I wouldn't tell anyone how to treat anything, to be honest. I don't have enough experience with dating and sex, and all that, to give anyone else advice. All I know is that 100% of the girls I've tried to get something going with have rejected me in one way or another. I'm not trying to treat this particular instance like a big deal, or anything, I'm just saying, when you get to 25 years old and you have a "100% failure rate" with dating/ sex, it's a little hard to be optimistic. I just got a little hopeful in this instance, because things were going really well, and I thought this was going to finally be the time where things go differently. But nope, it just ended up going like every other time has gone.

[Batya33]

*shrug* I wouldn't tell anyone how to treat anything, to be honest. I don't have enough experience with dating and sex, and all that, to give anyone else advice. All I know is that 100% of the girls I've tried to get something going with have rejected me in one way or another. I'm not trying to treat this particular instance like a big deal, or anything, I'm just saying, when you get to 25 years old and you have a "100% failure rate" with dating/ sex, it's a little hard to be optimistic. I just got a little hopeful in this instance, because things were going really well, and I thought this was going to finally be the time where things go differently. But nope, it just ended up going like every other time has gone.

 

As you know that is not what I meant. You can't honestly believe that a stranger not responding to a message on a sex site to have intercourse with you is a "rejection" akin to a woman breaking up with you after a long relationship or even declining to date you after you met in person -even then, no big deal for the latter.

 

Seriously, if you're going to get your hopes up about a stranger on AFF in any manner then I suggest you not take that path. People on all sorts of sex and dating sites fail to respond or keep in contact for all sorts of reasons. Even if she wrote to you "I am rejecting you because I've changed my mind about having sex with you" -she is a stranger. Who cares. Adding it to your internal negative list of "everyone rejects me" makes little sense. How is that working for you?

[MattW]

Again, it goes back to the fact that I have a 100% failure rate with all things romance, dating, sex, etc. Maybe to you I'm making a "big deal" out of this rejection, and I'm sure most "normal" people would agree with you, because most normal people find people they like often enough for it to not be an issue, most normal people don't have 100% failure rates like I do, most normal people don't HAVE to stoop to slumming the Internet for casual sex.

 

But I'm not "most normal people". If I can get a woman's attention, I HAVE to make it count, because god knows when I'm going to be able to do that again. If it doesn't work out, it's a "big deal" for me, because I don't get opportunities for sex, or dating, or anything like that, very often.

[Batya33]

Again, it goes back to the fact that I have a 100% failure rate with all things romance, dating, sex, etc. Maybe to you I'm making a "big deal" out of this rejection, and I'm sure most "normal" people would agree with you, because most normal people find people they like often enough for it to not be an issue, most normal people don't have 100% failure rates like I do, most normal people don't HAVE to stoop to slumming the Internet for casual sex.

 

But I'm not "most normal people". If I can get a woman's attention, I HAVE to make it count, because god knows when I'm going to be able to do that again. If it doesn't work out, it's a "big deal" for me, because I don't get opportunities for sex, or dating, or anything like that, very often.

 

Sorry I have to bow out. It's unfortunate that you use your abundant intelligence and articulateness to get in your own way. I wish you the best of luck whatever you choose to do and I will give more input if I believe it is helpful -that is if you ask for sincere input on the steps you are taking to get out of your own way. Going in verbose circles isn't going to help you and my continuing to post only allows you to continue that cycle.

[MattW]

Sorry I have to bow out. It's unfortunate that you use your abundant intelligence and articulateness to get in your own way. I wish you the best of luck whatever you choose to do and I will give more input if I believe it is helpful -that is if you ask for sincere input on the steps you are taking to get out of your own way. Going in verbose circles isn't going to help you and my continuing to post only allows you to continue that cycle.

 

I understand, and I respect that. I'm glad you think I'm intelligent and articulate, though; honestly, I tend to question whether or not those things really apply to me, myself... Truth is, I think my logical tendencies have severely warped and altered my mind, overall, to the point where I just can't process anything that isn't a conclusion I've arrived to on my own. I'm not even sure how I get my own way, let alone how to stop doing it. All I have is my own logic, and many of you tell me that my logic is faulty, but my brain justifies it regardless.

 

Honestly, I wish I could just be another "dumb guy". It doesn't seem to actually mean anything to anyone or the world itself how "intelligent", "mature", or "articulate" I am. At least if I didn't have those things, I could just live a more blissfully ignorant life.

[blueidealist24]

If it's worth anything, I've found you very intelligent while reading your threads too. I think that's partly why you have trouble finding a match, because you're looking for someone who is as intelligent as you. I actually thought you might even be a genius, because of how well you express yourself in writing, although of course I can't make that pronouncement. However, you're just using your intelligence to over-analyze yourself and your own life and come up with negative observations and conclusions right now. If you were able to find something you could apply that analytical intelligence to that was actually useful, and brought good results (like some sort of occupation), I think you'd feel better. Unfortunately, I'm not really sure what that is.

[BrianH46]

Without your intellect or logic you would just be a dumb lonely guy. This is not a matter of intelligence, you lack social skills and most of all initiative/drive; which is obvious when given your academic track record at a community college and the fact that your only job is due to your parents pushing you. The only difference between a dumb lonely guy and you is that you rationalize your decisions and life choices, you believe that you are right no matter the outcome whereas a dumb guy wont even realize his predicament. Listen you're an awkward guy with no friends, the advice given to you is to guide you. Not provide immediate results. The advice given to you on this forum are initiatives for you to develop your social skills and provide you with some life experiences. However like everything else in life it will amount to nothing if you do not take action. You NEED TO DO SOMETHING to get anything. Put yourself out there, take all the blows/get back up and be willing to accept humility and learn/try something new. As long as your alive everything has a purpose in the form of an experience be it good or bad, so no more "I don't see the point" because the point is to experience something itself.

[Wonderstruck]

Nailed it.

 

Honestly, Matt, your "intelligence" has nothing to do with it - it's the fact that you have absolutely no ambition, no drive, no social skills, and are terrified of taking any kinds of risks/chances, or trying anything new to improve yourself or your station in life.

 

In fact, in one of your earlier posts in this thread, you even admitted that if you had to go on a lunch date with this woman you were planning on having casual sex with, you wouldn't even know a restaurant to suggest. I cringed when I read that. I don't understand how a 24 year old has NO IDEA what restaurant to go to for a lunch date - do you literally never go out and do ANYTHING besides work and school? Don't you ever go out for lunch or dinner anywhere in your city, even if it's just with your family? I mean, do you know how unattractive that would be to a girl, to date a guy who doesn't ever go out and do anything, who doesn't care about experiencing new things, who doesn't have a basic knowledge of his own town/city? Do you know how unattractive it would be to a girl for the guy to always say "Um, I don't know. What do YOU want to do? Where do YOU want to go?" That's not going to fly for very long, unless you date a very controlling, demanding person.

 

You need to work on improving YOURSELF before you'll ever be ready to attract a girl or be in a relationship. You need to work on becoming the kind of guy that a girl would be interested in dating. You need to work on becoming a lot more independent, confident and well-rounded. Girls don't want a lazy, passive, indecisive, boring person with no ambition, no hobbies, no interests, no knowledge of any places to go or things to do, no initiative and no drive. They don't want a 24 year old who still lives at home with his parents and doesn't have any intention of moving out any time soon. They don't want someone who wouldn't even apply for a job unless his parents nagged him to get one like a freaking 16 year old. They don't want to have to become the person who nags you to do ANYTHING, because you're too nervous to try something new.

 

You're a grown man - take charge of your life already. Take chances. Take risks. Fall flat on your face. Then get back up again and try again. That's what life IS. It's not always going to be smooth sailing, but that doesn't mean that you just pack it in and refuse to leave your comfort zone. Because I guarantee you that no girl wants to date a guy who wouldn't ever have the ambition, independence or courage to move out on his own, pay his own bills, apply for better paying jobs, and who doesn't have enough of a personality/life experience to be able to suggest things fun things to do or try new things. That's why it's crucial that you work on yourself FIRST, before worrying about finding a girlfriend.

[MattW]

which is obvious when given your academic track record at a community college and the fact that your only job is due to your parents pushing you.

 

They don't want someone who wouldn't even apply for a job unless his parents nagged him to get one like a freaking 16 year old.

 

Ugh. First off, because I'm sick of hearing this, I have to clarify on this. I was 18, I was just out of high school, I was at one of my most depressed, "**** the world, I don't care about anything" points in life, and while I knew I had to get a job, I just didn't care. Yes, my mom was putting in applications for me, but it wasn't a case of me being "nagged" to get a job, I just didn't care. I didn't get my job begrudgingly, it just happened, and I rolled with it, and I've been rolling with it for the last five-ish years. That's literally all it was. Why you guys keep harping on that fact like I'm a lazy child, I don't understand. That was years ago, and it was due to the bad place I was in at the time. That's it.

 

As for career and ambition, again, that's not laziness, that's just been me not knowing what I want to do with my life. I tried a few different majors while at community college, and nothing stuck with me. I couldn't find anything that I felt like I could really do, I couldn't find anything that I really WANTED to do. But for you guys' information, I found a career direction at the beginning of this year that I'm very interested in and very hopeful to make a living out of it. Since then, I started attending a trade school for it, and I've been enjoying that experience quite a bit, and said school has helped me get a pretty solid internship right now, and I actually just had an interview yesterday for an even better internship at somewhere really cool. Don't assume that those aspects of my life haven't changed, just because you remember (or looked up) posts I made several months ago.

 

You think I don't want to move out of my parents' house? I pretty much despise my mother, and I've known for a while now that the first thing I want to do when I get a better paying job is find a place for me to live. But what am I supposed to do? I can only work part time (due to school and my internship), and I only qualify for low paying retail jobs. I can't afford to live on my own right now. I haven't been "refusing to apply for other jobs", but I don't have the qualifications for anything else. Best case scenario, I could apply to other retail stores, or something along those lines, but I wouldn't be making any more money than I am now. What kind of jobs am I supposed to be applying for, here?

 

In fact, in one of your earlier posts in this thread, you even admitted that if you had to go on a lunch date with this woman you were planning on having casual sex with, you wouldn't even know a restaurant to suggest. I cringed when I read that. I don't understand how a 24 year old has NO IDEA what restaurant to go to for a lunch date - do you literally never go out and do ANYTHING besides work and school? Don't you ever go out for lunch or dinner anywhere in your city, even if it's just with your family? I mean, do you know how unattractive that would be to a girl, to date a guy who doesn't ever go out and do anything, who doesn't care about experiencing new things, who doesn't have a basic knowledge of his own town/city? Do you know how unattractive it would be to a girl for the guy to always say "Um, I don't know. What do YOU want to do? Where do YOU want to go?" That's not going to fly for very long, unless you date a very controlling, demanding person.

 

I understand that just fine, and no, I really don't do anything besides work and school. When you don't have people to actually go do stuff with, it's difficult to go places and do things. How am I supposed to know good places to go, or good things to do, if I've never had an active social circle to help show me what's good? That's how most people discover those things, via friends. I'm not just going to randomly drive around and stop at some place, and go hang out by myself. That's stupid.

 

Look, it's not that I don't want to have friends, and it's not that I don't want to get out more and go places and do things, and all of that. But when you're raised the way I was, it's a bit of an extra challenge. My mom and dad never taught me these social skills. My mom and dad never had friends, they never went out and did things, and whatnot. They've always just kinda sat at home, either doing nothing or doing housework, and only going out for necessary stuff like grocery shopping. Not to mention, my mom drilled it into my head as a kid to be nervous of people, that people are all bad, that you can't trust or depend on anyone, that no one really ever likes you, etc. All of that combined has just left me in a very bad place, socially. I'm self-aware to see that I've picked up all their bad habits, and whatnot, but I don't know how to teach myself to be something different. At this point, it's such a foreign concept to me, that I can't even begin to fathom grasping the concept.

 

And again, as far as the whole "ambition" and "independence" and "responsibility" stuff goes, again, I've found a career direction that I'm happy with, and while I'd love to move out, I just don't have the means to do it. But I take care of myself; I clean, I cook for myself, I keep myself organized, I pay my bills, and heck, I even pay a bunch of my parents' bills. So please don't talk to me like I'm some petulant little child that doesn't take care of myself, doesn't pay any bills, wants to live with mommy and daddy forever, and is content being a retail "lifer" with no future.

 

And since when does any of that even really matter? I've known at least a few guys that had similarly crappy jobs, who didn't seem to have career ambitions, who lived at home, heck, even had their mommy cook their meals and whatnot for them, and you know what? They still had no trouble dating and attracting women. This whole "You need to be the best person you can possibly be to find a girl" schtick is so silly. If that's the case, then it just seems like there's always going to be one more "hoop" I have to jump through. When I was in high school, it was "High school girls are dumb, girls want a guy that's going to college and has a job". When I got a job and started taking college classes, the hoop became "Girls want a guy that's done with school and has a good career". Now I only have one year left in school, and I'm on a decent track for a career, and the hoop is STILL moving jumping ahead. Why is it I have to keep jumping through all these hoops in order to date, yet guys who are even worse off than I am in a lot of ways have been doing it just fine?

 

If it's worth anything, I've found you very intelligent while reading your threads too. I think that's partly why you have trouble finding a match, because you're looking for someone who is as intelligent as you. I actually thought you might even be a genius, because of how well you express yourself in writing, although of course I can't make that pronouncement. However, you're just using your intelligence to over-analyze yourself and your own life and come up with negative observations and conclusions right now. If you were able to find something you could apply that analytical intelligence to that was actually useful, and brought good results (like some sort of occupation), I think you'd feel better. Unfortunately, I'm not really sure what that is.

 

Hah, "genius"? Okay, now you're definitely being way too nice. I absolutely agree that I'm an extremely analytic person. That's just the way my mind works. And I absolutely agree that, with no one else to really share my life with in any capacity, I tend to over analyze myself and particularly, the bad and the negative things, and my analyzing leads me to what I believe are logical conclusions about myself, but what I lack is the intelligence to make changes for the better. There's a lot of things I can't comprehend, that any normal human being can comprehend just fine, and I can't wrap my head around it.

 

As far as finding an intelligent match, well, I'm not so much concerned about how much someone knows, or what they know about, but I'll say this, I want to find someone that understands the way I think, because I don't think anyone can truly love me (or even "like" me) if they can't understand me, and for the most part, I think I'm a bit too difficult to understand, for most people.

[BrianH46]

Well you "jump through hoops" to become a better person for yourself. I memorized your posts and follow your progress because I am rooting for you. Why am I rooting for you? Because I can relate to the loneliness that comes with being ostracized and the hurt of being rejected by a girl you care about only to watch her get with a jerk. Btw the girls that go after jerks specifically are never worth your time, their tastes should be telling. You are not the only one who have had a rough childhood, in fact yours sound relatively nice compared to mine. The difference is I didn't blame the world and all of it's problems nor did I let it hinder my development as a person. I could've easily given up and wallow within my own self pity and defeating thoughts but I didn't. I still remember the website and articles that I read, I implemented the advice I read over time no matter how embarrassing or non-nonsensical it seemed to me at the time. I did it because I wanted more for myself. I wanted friends. I wanted a hot girlfriend. I wanted a career.

 

I consider myself to be intelligent and originally very socially unaware although I exceeded in self awareness. I can relate to what you feel and your beginnings. Except I took a different path then you. Again I am offering my experiences in hopes that you can achieve what you want in life. There are a few others who used to post on here, their predicaments were similar to yours except a few more years down the road. The pain and anger within their writings... I wouldn't wish that onto my worse enemies. You're still young and you have time, don't waste it.