Do you still believe in love?

[goodheartlady]

I was in a long term relationship with a man, who did some pretty cruel and just downright dishonest things towards the end our break up. I have been in strict non-contact for the past 10 months. I ran into him - very much unplanned -- earlier today. We started talking, and I realized

 

1) He has rationalized his own mistakes by rewriting history.

 

2) He has rationalized our break up by making methe "bad guy."

 

Some of the stuff he said made my blood boil, and at the same time, they helped me realize that despite my love for him, he is a very flawed human being.

 

Some of you are dealing with ex-partners who did abusive and cruel things - like verbal/physical abuse and cheating. Some of you may wonder how your ex-partners sleep at night, and why they can't just reach out and apologize.

 

Here is why: it is painful for people to admit their own faults and mistakes. Over time, they rationalized their own behaviors. It is incredibly painful to admit to yourself that you have intentionally harmed another people, and people rationalized this in their mind by making you the person who deserved ill treatment.

 

In all, if you are hurting over any kind of abusive behavior from an ex, just realized that you will have to seek closure on your own. It is very rare for people to come around and recognize their own wrongs, and you will just have to learn to forgive yourself and set yourself free from the

[Firesite]

Thats a hard questions for me to answer right now. This is the first time I have been in a relationship and my first time being dumped. Right now I don't really believe love is real because I loved my ex so much yet the things that happened at the end of our relationship made me realize that her feelings for me were probably fake. As time moved on I realized that a lot of the things my ex said to me; "I love you", "You have been the best boyfriend I have ever had", "I miss you" were all just lies. In the end she cheated on me, and it showed me she didn't care who she was in a relationship with as long as they gave her the attention she wanted and let her control them. So yes my view on love has changed I don't think true love really exists anymore. At least I haven't seen it. All my life I have seen relationships fall apart, from my parents to family friends. It's sad that I think like this now I hope one day I meet someone who will prove me wrong.

[Seraphim]

I do, yes ,because every person is different. Does love mean that every relationship will last forever, well no. But it does not mean that love did not exist at some point . Try not to see it as love does not exist but as a learning experience. See it as a learning experience as to what to look for in the next person or not look for in the next person.

[Watergirl777]

I don't think my ex is ever going to feel bad for his behaviour so I'm just going to have to overcome this for myself. Thanks for your post!

[mbee]

It's easy to be cynical after being deeply hurt. I'm in a similar situation where someone mistreated me and is rationalizing their behaviors. It's extremely hurtful and makes me feel terrible. I gave this man my heart and love, and he just threw it away. However, I am happy to have loved this deeply. I'm not sure what the future brings, but it's clear my ex knows what he lost and is deeply hurt in his own way. He's still rationalizing his mistakes but I think deep down he knows what he lost. I don't know if he truly loved me. I'm not sure if I'll ever open up my heart to love someone as deeply and freely as I love my ex, but if that day comes, I hope that man will love me just as deeply and freely, and will be loyal and honest.

 

Too much to ask for? Sigh... Honestly, can someone direct me to a thread where any of these nutso people have actually changed. This isn't me searching for false hope. If anything I'm just losing faith in people just changing and becoming better people.

[mbee]

I don't think my ex is ever going to feel bad for his behaviour so I'm just going to have to overcome this for myself. Thanks for your post!

 

It's so hard. I'm there with you.

[shellyf62]

My Ex re wrote history too. That hurts because I am a very honest upfront person.

Our adult children have realised what he has done this as well, because they lived through the divorce, and things he tries to lie about dont add up to them.

He is just making a fool out of himself.

[Watergirl777]

It's so hard. I'm there with you.

Mbee, and I'm here for you x

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I have seen couples where love has lasted their lifetime. You saw the connection and love between them which lasted 60 years. Yes, love does exist but lots of people are selfish and that is why for many, love doesn't last. One person is devoted while the other one is selfish. In order for love to last both sides have to think of "us" not just "me".

[MD Geist]

I don't think love exists these days. In a few years from now we will be no different than animals where the only interaction we'll have with the opposite sex is when sex is involved. Times are changing.

[surfjon]

I'm with MD here, love is dead, relationships are a farce, lets give em a decent funeral.....

[kz91]

Fresh out of the break up, I didn't believe in it anymore. Love is supposed to be this beautiful feeling that you get, so why so much pain? But then I understood what love really meant, they say it isn't love if it doesn't hurt and that's so true. Love is one of the best feelings in the world but when it goes wrong it's easily the worst feeling. It's not always butterflies, because unfortunately you will get hurt. When you get into a relationship, you're giving yourself the chance to feel heartbreak and for that love to hurt you.

 

Do I still believe in love right now? Yes, I do. I believe that there's someone out there who will love me for me, and they won't hurt me. Do I want to fall in love right now? No.

 

The problem with love is that you have no control over it, which is a shame. You're gonna meet someone and somehow they'll sweep you off your feet and you won't even know. Even if you don't want to fall, you will.

[hopefully]

Yes i do. But my definition of love has changed.

[lorelaijones]

Love? Of course it exists.

I felt it for him. In his own way, he felt it too.

It was genuine.

It's not because love ends that it doesn't exist.

[strangecacti]

Of course it does! But love is out of our control, which is both terrifying & awesome.

[digiash]

I don't think I'll ever be able to love again.

[Looking up]

I'm with MD here, love is dead, relationships are a farce, lets give em a decent funeral.....

 

I agree. It's so easy for someone to just walk away.

[DerekJason]

hell ta' da' naw.

[hereigoagain1]

I'm with MD here, love is dead, relationships are a farce, lets give em a decent funeral.....

I agree with everything that was said here.

[bob the brave]

Sorry GHL, I don't agree. These kind of people rewrite history and are in denial for the same reason that they caused the pain in the first place - they are selfish. Not only do they commit wrong others for personal gain, but they also selfishly fail to take resposibility for them.

 

It is sad, but I believe most of us who do wrong, know it when we do it. We are selfish. I bet your ex knew exactly what he was doing was 'wrong'. That it might hurt you. He just cared more about himself. Whatever your relationship was, for him it was what he could get out of it for himself. You are right, it is rare. I think that is sad, because it means, 'truly good' people are rare.

 

You are exaclty right. Closure with people like this is impossible. These people would leave the scene of an accident because they don't like the mess. I guess we just have to realize there are ***** in the world, like potholes and hubcaps in the road. We just have to avoid if possible, hope the damage is minimal if we do run into one now and then and aim for the open road.