harsh284 Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 Hi, Me and my GF have been going around for 5 years. We fought a couple of times during this period and broke-up also a couple of times. Last year we decided to get married. My parents met her and didnt like her so much because she is not good looking (average looking) and is quite short 4feet 9 inches and I am 6 feet tall. Also, since I was studying my parents told me I cannot get married before 1 year. Now that I have completed my education and I talked to my parents for the marriage again. They said she is quite short and just average looking and is not an appropriate match for me. They said socially you will face lot of problems. I have also started feeling that she is short. Now I am confused about all this. I dont know if I should marry her or not. I dont if after marriage I will be attracted to other women or not. I am getting doubts in my mind about marriage because of the above factors. I am so confused. Since she is 28 already, her parents are pressurizing her to get married. So I cannot take more time also, I need to decide fast what to do. Please help me. Link to comment
redrose85 Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 There needs to be no doubt in your mind that she is the one for you. Shut out all of the other opinions and voices and listen to what you want. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 Thats the problem I am so confused that I am not able to think - the social stigma is influencing me a lot There needs to be no doubt in your mind that she is the one for you. Shut out all of the other opinions and voices and listen to what you want. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 If you have any doubts then you shouldn't do it. You should know from the bottom of your heart that you want to spend the rest of your life with her and, quite frankly, it shouldn't matter how short or tall she is and it shouldn't matter how good-looking or average-looking she is. If you love her, that should be enough. It seems to me that you are both too heavily influenced by your parents and thus could end up making some major mistakes! That said, you've been together for 5 years, I would have thought you would 100% know by now that she is the one if you are at the point of marrying her. How old are you? Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 I am 29 and she is 28 - Yes I think sometime back I was sure but now the social stigma is scaring me and the constant reminder by my parents that she is not suitable match for me is also creating doubts. I dont knw if looks/physical appearance should matter or not. If you have any doubts then you shouldn't do it. You should know from the bottom of your heart that you want to spend the rest of your life with her and, quite frankly, it shouldn't matter how short or tall she is and it shouldn't matter how good-looking or average-looking she is. If you love her, that should be enough. It seems to me that you are both too heavily influenced by your parents and thus could end up making some major mistakes! That said, you've been together for 5 years, I would have thought you would 100% know by now that she is the one if you are at the point of marrying her. How old are you? Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 I am 29 and she is 28 - Yes I think sometime back I was sure but now the social stigma is scaring me and the constant reminder by my parents that she is not suitable match for me is also creating doubts. I dont knw if looks/physical appearance should matter or not. Not if you truly 100% love them. Not if you are happy. Not if you are sure that she is the one then, at 29, you shouldn't be letting your parents influence you so. That said, her parents shouldn't be rushing her into marriage either if neither of you are sure that is what you want at this moment in time. If you don't feel ready yet are happy to continue on in the relationship then do so. This is your life now. You are both adults. Make your own decisions and don't be influenced by others. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 Yes you are right but how long should I wait before I am sure as in do people who do love marriages are 100% sure about their partners? Not if you truly 100% love them. Not if you are happy. Not if you are sure that she is the one then, at 29, you shouldn't be letting your parents influence you so. That said, her parents shouldn't be rushing her into marriage either if neither of you are sure that is what you want at this moment in time. If you don't feel ready yet are happy to continue on in the relationship then do so. This is your life now. You are both adults. Make your own decisions and don't be influenced by others. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 Yes you are right but how long should I wait before I am sure as in do people who do love marriages are 100% sure about their partners? Well I know I was - not that it made a difference in the end. All I can say is, you just know. I guess it may be different for you when you have outside influences that are confusing you. Have you met her parents? If so, what do they think of you? Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 Well I know I was - not that it made a difference in the end. All I can say is, you just know. I guess it may be different for you when you have outside influences that are confusing you. Have you met her parents? If so, what do they think of you? Yes i met her parents - they are happy with me. But my parents feel that her parents would obviously be happy because they are getting a better deal (in the sense I am tall and better looking and she is not). So they are benefiting so they will obviously be happy. Link to comment
Snny Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 If your parents don't like her because yo two have been constantly fighting, I can see their worry. But it's because of her height? Wow, and I thought my parents going against me marrying outside of my race was crazy. Sure there isn't anything else more to this story? Something tells me there is, whether you know it or not. You are an adult and therefore, only you are capable of making your own decisions. If your parents try to bully her or talk smack around you and her, have a backbone and nip it in the bud. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 I think the bigger issue is that you two broke up a couple of times. I think you have general doubts about her and the parental comments add to it. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 I think the bigger issue is that you two broke up a couple of times. I think you have general doubts about her and the parental comments add to it. Our breaks up were due to different issues but now things are different - but do u think physical appearance is a big issue?? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 I don't think physical appearance is an issue at all as long as you are attracted to her. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 I don't think physical appearance is an issue at all as long as you are attracted to her. But isnt attraction to do with physical appearance? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 But isnt attraction to do with physical appearance? Only to a point. I find it very odd that you're thinking of marrying a person and are asking this question. I would think that by now you would know if you were attracted to her. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 I just want to know what does attraction mean - I am not sure bout the meaning Only to a point. I find it very odd that you're thinking of marrying a person and are asking this question. I would think that by now you would know if you were attracted to her. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 It means you are attracted towards that person but it could be anything that attracts you to them. It could be looks but it could also be personality or the fact that you just connect so well. You could be attracted initially by someone's looks but upon getting to know them you may not feel any connection at all. A person has an inner beauty that is as important as an outer beauty - if not more so. Who wants to be with someone who may look great but has the personality of a pair of wet smelly socks or is just plain nasty! Link to comment
Vanishing Girl Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 Hi harsh....let me ask you this...did you question your attraction to her BEFORE your parents said something, or has it been a point of confusion for you only AFTER their comments? Link to comment
Vanishing Girl Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 Also, when the two of you decided to get married (before the parents knew) was it because you both genuinely wanted it or was it because you/her felt like "time was running out" so you should just take the next step to marriage? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 Only to a point. I find it very odd that you're thinking of marrying a person and are asking this question. I would think that by now you would know if you were attracted to her. It is an odd post. I would advise this guy not marrying her if he doesn't know if he is attracted to her. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 I looked at some of your past threads about this woman. She was concerned about the fact that she had a better job than you. Have you sorted out your career prospects so that the two of you are on a level playing field career-wise? There were times when the two of you would break up and you would be messaging her and she would be ignoring you. Her height and average looks are not the really issue here....the real issue is if your personalities are compatible, are you both respectful to each other even during disagreements, have you worked through the issues that have caused problems, do the two of you consider each other as equals. This whole focus on her height and looks after 5 years together is a bit odd. Also, your parents are completely out of line trying to dictate when you can marry and whom you should or shouldn't marry. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Honestly, if after 5 years, and you're starting to question whether or not you should marry her - I think you have your answer right there. If you can't accept her the way she is, and things that she can't change, then it's highly unlikely you would be able to accept it after marriage. You should not let your parents decide who you should marry or not marry, because ultimately it's your life. Link to comment
Iggles Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Yes you are right but how long should I wait before I am sure as in do people who do love marriages are 100% sure about their partners? To answer that, here are some words of wisdom: "Being the One is just like being in love. No one can tell you you're in love, you just know it. Through and through. Balls to bones." That applies to deciding to get married. You KNOW when someone is the one for YOU. Someone you want to spend the next 60+ years with. To grow old with. To raise a family with. To build a LIFE with. If you can't one hundred percent feel that way about your girlfriend then don't marry her. END IT and let her find someone who does. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Share Posted April 19, 2013 I like her but I don't want to annoy my parents as well. Because my happiness depends on my parents' happiness as well. They feel that if I marry this girl then they will get embarrassed in front of their friends and relatives and their social image/status would get spoiled. Even some of my friends said that its not a right match and they have start ignoring me. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 I like her but I don't want to annoy my parents as well. Because my happiness depends on my parents' happiness as well. They feel that if I marry this girl then they will get embarrassed in front of their friends and relatives and their social image/status would get spoiled. Even some of my friends said that its not a right match and they have start ignoring me. You have absolutely no backbone. If you are happy, your parents will be happy for you. If you marry a girl who makes your parents happy, but you are unhappy with - you will sacrifice yourself for your parents?? And are your parents both stunning? Does the crowd gasp when your mom enters the room because she is so extremely beautiful. Do women proposition your father because he is so handsome? I have a feeling that your parents are probably average looking themselves and should be ashamed about commenting on her looks. And they are insulting you. If you are attracted to this girl and they say she is ugly - that is an insult to you isn't it? I agree that if you have doubts, you shouldn't marry her but it should not be based on your parents and friends. You can get new friends! Link to comment
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