Women approaching men.

[loveblindxo]

What do you think of women approaching men?

 

1. Women have you ever approached a man/would you?

2. Men, how would you feel if a woman approached you(if a random girl came up and said she thought you were attractive)

 

 

I am just totally wondering because today I sat at school and looked over at a cute boy and i had so much temptation to go up and tell him he's cute then run away. Lol of course though, I am too chicken and fear rejection. So, I just observed from far away. however, after, I felt like would if I missed a possible chance? Then, I came home and then research. A lot of mixed reviews on women approaching men. It shows women know what they want/strong and then Let a man be a man and be the hunter.

 

 

 

Opinions? thank you.

[Edmund Exley]

I've always found in flattering. In my early 20s I tended bar and was approached by women quite regularly. I guess it just depends on the person's personality

[allcity]

I like it. Pretty much every woman I've dated or messed around with has hit on me and it's rarely been anything other than very flattering and has made my dating life so much easier.

 

The only time it's been a turn-off has been when it's only been about sex and they've been aggressively sexual right from jump. I'm not that kind of guy, so that's always put me off.

 

And as for you having to face/fear rejection…welcome to how it feels to be a man, since a lot of women never make the first move!

[Ms Darcy]

It's flattering for men of course.

 

A lot of guys usually know pretty quickly if they are interested in you for friendship, a fling, or a relationship. You may just not find out until later

[Klokwurk]

If they are pretty (never happened to me), I would find it quite flattering. I frankly don't know what I would do if a woman did that (given I was single, of course.)

 

If they are not (has happened a few times), I am embarrassed and just try to say thank you and move away from her. If, however, they were really confident and had something funny/interesting to say, I would give them a chance to charm me.

[Batya33]

I think it's fine and should be done but what's optimal is being in as many situations as possible where it's not really "approaching" - where people are in the same place because of a common interest/work/cause(not a bar scene preferably) and conversation between everyone is a natural effect of that. So, in that situation if you were to go over to a guy and start a conversation it would feel more natural and there'd probably be something obvious to talk about because you're all there for similar reasons.

I don't think it's a great idea to "approach" someone you don't know or barely know with a strong come-on line. The person might be flattered, might be overwhelmed but it's not a good conversation starter and might give the impression that you're not looking to get to know the person as much as to be flirty for the sake of flirting.

 

I approached the guy who became my long term high school boyfriend first -I believe I asked him to dance at a party. I approached my husband first - I crossed a conference room on his first day of work because he knew nobody there (he was the only person who hadn't worked there the previous summer) and I felt sorry for him. Since we worked in different departments at a huge company there's a good chance we might not have met otherwise (he was very shy at the time). When I went over to him I started a conversation about where he'd gone to school/was from and we discovered we had a lot in common.

[Amber Love]

I hit on men all the time and they love it!...(well used to I am now in a relationship where he hit on me!! he was such a gentlemen). There is an art to it just as there is for men, women can be creepy too! Women also need to be good looking, fun, flirty, confident and not sleazy!

 

Here is the art:

 

Dress up cute, try to talk to him and get on his radar. I never outright hit on a guy until I can tell his into me first. And when I do, I do it in a cute or sexy and feminine way. With my Ex I snuck over to his place and threw little stones at his window. He couldn't believe his luck when he opened it to find a pretty girl who came over just to say 'hey '!

 

Having a hobby in common helps I'm a singer so I can alway use 'Jammin' as a way to get to know guys.

 

Maybe once his noticed you are cute and funny you can throw a paper plane at him in class with your number.

 

AmberLoveX

[HeatherB]

Not even guys go up to a girl and just say, "You're cute." And they certainly don't run away after. Can you imagine what you'd think if a guy did that to you? You'd think he had a fruit loop loose.

 

I've approached plenty of men in my day, but not in a frontal assault. (Or, in your case, a water balloon attack.) When I'm in a good mood, I'm friendly. If I find something to compliment someone on, I do. That applies to hot guys as much as anyone else. It's much easier to just talk to everyone and let them lead you down whatever road they're interested in.

 

If there's no plausible reason to talk to him, use a tactic. Fall on him. I've never done it, but it seems like a great idea. If he finds you attractive, he won't be annoyed.

[CatchersRye]

If they are pretty (never happened to me), I would find it quite flattering. I frankly don't know what I would do if a woman did that (given I was single, of course.)

 

If they are not (has happened a few times), I am embarrassed and just try to say thank you and move away from her. If, however, they were really confident and had something funny/interesting to say, I would give them a chance to charm me.

 

If I could take away reputation points, I would......

 

I think it's fine and should be done but what's optimal is being in as many situations as possible where it's not really "approaching" - where people are in the same place because of a common interest/work/cause(not a bar scene preferably) and conversation between everyone is a natural effect of that. So, in that situation if you were to go over to a guy and start a conversation it would feel more natural and there'd probably be something obvious to talk about because you're all there for similar reasons.

 

Thank you. If only there were more people that didn't based their responses on looks. *eyes Klokwurk*

 

On a serious note, Klokwurk may just intend to relay that if he felt attracted to the person he would be flattered, but if her wasn't attracted to her then he wouldn't be. As attraction is different from labeling someone as "pretty" since "pretty" is a subjective term despite society's push.

 

I think I have been approached twice. I know I was approached in high school at a dance between multiple schools, but I didn't know the person and just wasn't interested. The one event that I am thinking is a bit of a gray area is during college a girl, who I previously knew was in a open relationship, seemed to come on to me. But she just was not the kind of person I felt a commonality with.

 

Overall, I've been the pursuer and quite frankly wished more females felt empowered to ask a guy out then "wait and see". I think Batya is on the right track. Approaching someone is easier when you are in an environment that encourages interaction between everyone instead of bars where people are separated into groups.

[Ms Darcy]

By the way, there are guys (in my experience/observation) who get approached and/or pursued by women. But these are very good looking guys who are pursued by several/lots of women all the time.

 

So I think women do pursue/approach, but just a smaller section of men.

[quirky]

I have made the first step with guys and it never worked. I ended up making most steps. I went through a phase where I would not approach at all. Nowadays I might try to approach in a natural way if the setting allows it or if I'm in the right mood.

[Blue Spiral]

I'd love it if an appropriate woman hit on me in public. Unfortunately, the few times women have approached me, they've been completely inappropriate, instead. I'm talking married women, pregnant women, and probably-not-legal women. I've had to carefully escape each time.

 

Twice, when I was much younger, ideal women approached me in public. But I was even more shy back then, and I basically got flustered and ran off. I always told myself that I'd get more opportunities like that, but that never actually happened. Older people tend to tell younger people, "Don't freak out so much about what happens when you're young--your life is just beginning, you'll get more chances." Unfortunately, that isn't always true.

[jonny15]

By the way, there are guys (in my experience/observation) who get approached and/or pursued by women. But these are very good looking guys who are pursued by several/lots of women all the time.

 

So I think women do pursue/approach, but just a smaller section of men.

 

That is true.

 

Those guys get tons of attention because tons of women are going after a small pool of men, while leaving the rest of us out.

 

Ugly guys don't get approached unless they have alot of money.

 

I think more women should do approaching. It's just fine to do it.

[jonny15]

I'd love it if an appropriate woman hit on me in public. Unfortunately, the few times women have approached me, they've been completely inappropriate, instead. I'm talking married women, pregnant women, and probably-not-legal women. I've had to carefully escape each time.

 

Twice, when I was much younger, ideal women approached me in public. But I was even more shy back then, and I basically got flustered and ran off. I always told myself that I'd get more opportunities like that, but that never actually happened. Older people tend to tell younger people, "Don't freak out so much about what happens when you're young--your life is just beginning, you'll get more chances." Unfortunately, that isn't always true.

 

Atleast you've had women approach you/hit on you.

 

You should feel good about that.

 

It means your wanted.

[CatchersRye]

That is true.

 

Those guys get tons of attention because tons of women are going after a small pool of men, while leaving the rest of us out.

 

Ugly guys don't get approached unless they have alot of money.

 

I think more women should do approaching. It's just fine to do it.

 

How does a stranger know my the balance of my bank account?

 

If a guy is flaunting his money it usually is in a bar/club and therefore there's less likely a good selection of the kind of women I'm interested. And the women attracted to a man flaunting money, isn't the kind for me. So it just helps me know who to avoid.

 

A lot of guys do not get approached. It's the average and normal experience, jonny15. I hope you are not judging yourself on that. Not all women are looking for the same guy and not all men should be looking for the same woman. So focus on the personality you want and values you like (please not looks) and then lookout for people that exhibit those.

 

The best way to increase your chances of meeting people (see: You interacting with them) is by getting involved in groups or events that promote interaction and conversations.

[jonny15]

How does a stranger know my the balance of my bank account?

 

If a guy is flaunting his money it usually is in a bar/club and therefore there's less likely a good selection of the kind of women I'm interested. And the women attracted to a man flaunting money, isn't the kind for me. So it just helps me know who to avoid.

 

A really nice car can show that off.

 

A nice watch can too.

 

 

A lot of guys do not get approached. It's the average and normal experience, jonny15. I hope you are not judging yourself on that. Not all women are looking for the same guy and not all men should be looking for the same woman. So focus on the personality you want and values you like (please not looks) and then lookout for people that exhibit those.

 

I know alot of guys don't get appraoched. Tho just reading on this forum, it seems like a good amount have had it happened.

 

And I already have a personality.

[Deejmonster]

To answer the OP's question, I like it. It sometimes catches me off guard but its a nice change of pace. I wish that more women would do it to be honest.

[Blue Spiral]

A nice watch can too.

 

One of my old FWBs was constantly on me to get a watch, and an expensive one at that. "If you really want to get a girlfriend, you need a really good watch." She knew that I didn't want to get a girlfriend, but she kept insisting that watches were some telltale sign that women use.

 

On the rare occasions I've been approached, I've been wearing normal clothing and nowhere near my car. I'm writing them off as fluke incidents based on whatever vibes I was sending out at the moment.

[jonny15]

One of my old FWBs was constantly on me to get a watch, and an expensive one at that. "If you really want to get a girlfriend, you need a really good watch." She knew that I didn't want to get a girlfriend, but she kept insisting that watches were some telltale sign that women use.

 

Sadly, she's probably correct.

 

The only way I could get an expensive watch is if I steal it.

 

On the rare occasions I've been approached, I've been wearing normal clothing and nowhere near my car. I'm writing them off as fluke incidents based on whatever vibes I was sending out at the moment.

 

Those girls probably found you attractive.

[mhowe]

Many years ago, at a wedding reception, waiting to get a drink from the bar -- I saw a cute guy wearing a great leather jacket. I lightly put my head against his shoulder and said "do you mind if I just rest my head a minute".

 

We laughed, started talking -- and dated the rest of the summer.

[CatchersRye]

Many years ago, at a wedding reception, waiting to get a drink from the bar -- I saw a cute guy wearing a great leather jacket. I lightly put my head against his shoulder and said "do you mind if I just rest my head a minute".

 

We laughed, started talking -- and dated the rest of the summer.

 

What drove you to intiate it? What usually drives a woman to approach a guy? I think that's jonny's concern.

[HeatherB]

What drove you to intiate it? What usually drives a woman to approach a guy? I think that's jonny's concern.

 

Having had a few drinks probably helps. No, a watch doesn't do it. It's your overall vibe. Do you seem like you'd appreciate being approached? Is the risk of being rebuffed low and manageable? And even more important, do you seem to like women and approve of us in general? You guys have no idea how crucial that is. A chip on the shoulder about gender, resentment and hard feelings over dirty dealings from the past, stinks like skunk perfume. On both women and men.

[Blue Spiral]

Having had a few drinks probably helps. No, a watch doesn't do it. It's your overall vibe. Do you seem like you'd appreciate being approached? Is the risk of being rebuffed low and manageable? And even more important, do you seem to like women and approve of us in general? You guys have no idea how crucial that is. A chip on the shoulder about gender, resentment and hard feelings over dirty dealings from the past, stinks like skunk perfume. On both women and men.

 

Are you claiming that this can be discovered without actually talking to the person? i.e., a woman looks at me from accross the room and can magically tell how I feel about women in general? Because this thread is about women approaching men, not "women and men who have already been talking for a while".

[HeatherB]

Are you claiming that this can be discovered without actually talking to the person? i.e., a woman looks at me from accross the room and can magically tell how I feel about women in general? Because this thread is about women approaching men, not "women and men who have already been talking for a while".

 

Yes I am. It's a vibe. You can't hide it. It's in the way you stand, the way you talk to others, the way you look at people. You know how some women just seem hard or sharp edged? There's an equally repellant guy version of that.

[itsallgrand]

I had a big post but basically I think, women should learn how to approach. How to...for a lot of good reasons. Then once you learn, you decide when and if you want to be an approacher and in what situations/cases.

 

But at least learn. The advantages are great. You learn so much.

 

Don't get all stuck in glue on the gender issue. Use your head, use your senses, use what you have. Running up to a random guy you think is cute, saying "you are cute" and running away...well that's just bad game.

 

Yes, women have game too. And while I'm not claiming to have the best game (by far!)...at least I've been an active participant on the field. And that confidence of knowing that and claiming that? Gave me a great advantage, does, and opened up a world of possibility that would have been closed/off limits had I decided way back when "I'll just sit on the bench and wait to be called".

 

I think it's unfortunate how women falling flat on their faces sometimes for lack of 'game' has been labelled as "desperate"....it's just weird....when all they were trying to do is get in there and they took a risk. Men fall flat on their faces too, sometimes, and it's no big deal. And such as it is for women...it's really no big deal, except if we think it is.

 

You can listen to all the hints and tips you want, but you gotta do too...or you will never learn.