How would you feel if you got these 2 emails from an exgf?

[cuddlebug]

The breakup was a few months ago.

 

EMAIL 1

---------

Phew, what a relief to know.

And, dear god there is no way I'd be interested in anything in that case, not friendship,

either.

 

FWIW, you treated me with utter cruelty when you knew me. Utter, horrifying cruelty. I

have been in touch partly in a wishful thinking attempt that the world might right itself

and someone might undo the harm that occurred. I was friendly for the past few months

because I thought there might have been some mistake, though I was too stressed with

school to really process anything or figure it out. I didn't want to burn bridges while I

sorted out my thoughts and feelings. I was also kind of nice to you, saying things like,

"I hope you are happy!" because I just wanted to know what happened and it is easier to

have someone communicate with you if you act friendly with them.

 

I think of you in the same way as men all over the world who rape and abuse women, and

cause them suffering for selfish reasons in pursuit of sex and power. In South Africa,

1/3 of men have raped someone. Abandoned single moms are a cliche almost everywhere.

There isn't an equivalent amount of rape in the US, but you do the closest possible

equivalent without physically raping someone, and also the worst that can be done in our

culture by an everyday person. You are no hero to anyone. You are a monster who harms

others for your own benefit. I think of you as the worst kind of person. I just hadn't

wanted bad things to have happened to me, so I waited a while and stayed in contact to

see if maybe there was some mistake. However, bad things did happen to me. You treated me

with horrifying selfish disrespect and cruelty, and you did the same to many others

before me.

 

I don't wish you well... I wish that people like you didn't exist on the planet, and I

think the world would be better off without you (and anyone like you) on it. Whatever

happiness you have now is at the expense of everyone you hurt to get there, and that is a

lot of people. I deeply regret that I met you.

 

I hate you for the harm you caused to me and others, and I am sad for the harm you will

cause to others in the future without any remorse or probably even any discomfort. I

think of you as an absolute monster.

 

Like the many people besides me who you harmed, my greatest wish is just for a world

without people like you on it. I detest you in the deepest possible way. I detest that

you will continue taking pleasure and happiness for yourself, without ever experiencing

any consequences. I regret that nobody (not the least of which you) will ever undo the

harms that happened to me. Having had a relationship with you is the equivalent of having

been raped, and not being able to unrape myself. A person can stick around a very long

time, hoping that a person who caused them harm will uncause it somehow. Every single

contact I made with you for the past half year was that. I have been waiting for some

solid piece of information that you would really never undo it, and that you were as much

of a monster as it seemed. I have cried, sometimes so much that I didn't realize so many

tears could come out of one person's eyes, not just for the hurt you caused me, but for

the hurt you caused others, and for the fact that the world is a frightening, horrifying

and (physically and emotionally) unsafe place for many women, in many places, because of

people like you.

 

I really hate you as much as one person can possibly hate another. I don't have anything

much to say except that.

 

 

EMAIL 2, three weeks later

-------------------------

Hi [Name],

 

I'm so very sorry about that long email the other day. This is a silly explanation, but

I'd been watching a lot of documentaries about world history and women's issues, and my

feelings all came out at once in a gigantic mass of vitriol. Also, that was a loopy day

for me overall, due to a few substances here and there. I'm so so so sorry. I am lame.

It's taken me until now to come out of the rock I've been hiding under to apologize. Is

there any chance you can ignore everything I wrote that whole time like it never happened?

 

That being said, I maybe do have a few unresolved issues floating around if I sent such

emails, and I'd understand if you would rather not talk to me. Or, if you'd rather talk

it over. It was good to see you in [XYZ] Square the other night. I hope you had a

great time at the [XYZ] movies if you went! I saw the ones on Thursday and I definitely

liked them.

 

Hope all's well,

[Her name]

 

----

[annie24]

bipolar much....????

 

so i don't get it - in one email she's equating you to rapists, and in the next email, she'd like to hang out like old friends. weird. just weird.

 

PS - did you do something really awful to her????

[2little2late]

My god. Even if you did do something wrong to her, the fact that she could write you such a vicious email and then flip completely the other way with such a bizarre and almost joking email to just forget what she said and be casually chatty with her is indicative of severe mental instability on her part. I wouldn't respond or hang out with her anymore.

[bluewaters]

she sounds like one of my exes....LOL. absolutely crazy. i wouldn't entertain either of these emails or dignify them with a response - just let them go and move on. don't talk to her any more; she sounds like a nut case.

[wilderlove]

Run....just walk away.

That's not bipolar( iam bipolar we don't freak like that ) that's way worse and you need to just say I can't speak to ou anymore. End of story no other reply.

[annie24]

you're right - i should not have thrown out the bipolar term. It is very strange behavior though. best to run away.

[JJ2980]

We don't know what happened in their relationship and to me she sounds like someone who was deeply hurt by how he treated her. Who of us haven't been on the wrong side of a good dumping? Sometimes people say things out of hurt and anger that they don't really mean. I don't think she's crazy - just someone who got hurt.

[annie24]

i don't know - that email was SOOOOO angry, and the 2nd email so was SOOOO bizarre in conjunction, I just think it's a situation to stay away from. She basically said she was on drugs when she wrote that first email (ok, drugs + the history channel will I am sure, inspire some strange emails.). But i worry about him - I hope she doesn't flip on him again and accuse him of something ridiculous like stalking if he sends her a "hello" email!!

[RedDress]

No - this is crazy. And not the "well... everyone is a little bit crazy" type of crazy. Or "I was drunk and really upset" crazy. It's the bad kind of crazy.

 

It's true that she could have been upset. It's true that sometimes people overreact and get very passionate/over-state their feelings... but this is extreme. To basically go from "you emotionally raped me" to "let's be friends" is not normal. What could be normal would be from "you were abusive" to "ok - you weren't that bad but I still hate you" OR "you didn't treat me well" to "let's be friends". But these wild extremes? From devil to friendship material? Not normal.

 

I think you should stay as far away from this woman as possible. She is clearly mentally unstable (and potentially dangerous)

[itsallgrand]

It's hard to say how I'd feel without the context of knowing her as a person and also what happened between the two of you.

 

But it seems clear that talking is not on the agenda right now, that is for sure. She's working through something, and basically using the email as a sounding board for her own thoughts and feelings.

 

How do you feel about it? Does it make sense within what you know about her and what went down? Or is this very unusual behavior for her and 'out of the blue'?

[amipushy]

Wow that was shocking. Whatever you do, dont reply. It will start her off again.

[markie6]

lso, that was a loopy day

for me overall, due to a few substances here and there

obviously a lot more going on than we are privvy too , I guess the drugs are part of it also. Sounds very angry and slightly un-hinged. I'd be keeping a wide berth and making sure emails went straight to the trash folder.

[RachaelRosen]

OP, are you the one who wrote these emails?

[RachaelRosen]

During my last breakup, I wrote an angry email or two then retracted them, but honestly the swing wasn't this extreme, it was more like what RedDress' example. I remember feeling very angry and hurt by his actions post-breakup but at the same time still wanted to get back together, so I retracted in a way. Without the context, the swing from one extreme to the other in these emails seems scary. But we don't have context, just two emails. Whoever wrote those emails should just step away from their ex for a long, long time, if not for good.

[Asda]

It is normal process, she is going through stages of recovery. It will take time, few month after brake up is nothing, she is right in the middle of it. Just do not respond nothing, let her to calm down, she will. And after that you can write to her if you want a reunion. People judge, people say ohh what a b..tch, bla bla. But it is normal, she is fighting with her "ghosts" in her head at this time. It is good that she writes to you, you can see her state of mind in those e-mails. I think after when person got "boiled" this way with NC, and if no one was cheating or involved in other relationships and both want to reunite again together, the reunion "might" work.

[wolflovesmoon]

i rather say save the first email at least, if a woman is able to vent off in such malicious way, only god know what else she can do, in the e-mail there is no direct threat but save it.. its not like you going to hold it in a box or in your wallet.. and like anyone else said, don`t answer the e-mails, don`t hang out with her,,

[dreamstate83]

Any actions directly after a breakup I've always taken with a grain of salt. All people can become monsters given the right circumstances, especially when emotions run high. I believe it's best to let this one go without communication for the near future at the very least. It's clear she still has quite a lot of turmoil to work through.

 

Asda and I are in agreement on this.

[stercusaccidit]

Seems to me like she wants to re-establish contact with you, and maybe even get back together. She writes you an angry email in the hope that it will shock you and establish a dialogue, or that you'll realize the error of your ways and apologize. When this doesn't work, she worries she'd scared you even further away (as opposed to shocking you into realizing how grievously you've apparently injured her emotionally), freaks out, and retracts her email, attempting to adopt as casual a tone as she can to avoid scaring you off further. I've done similar, although definitely not to this extreme. If you want to stay broken up, don't respond.

[squirl]

OP, are you the one who wrote these emails?

 

It seems like OP wrote the emails.

 

I would be very hurt by the first one and very spooked by the second one.

 

I would write back to the second email and say that I never received the first email so no apology needed, but hope all is well.

 

Then, I would avoid any possibility of having to meet or talk to this person ever again. I would decline all future invitations.

[zep]

Definitley dont get back together or even engage in conversation with her. It sounds like you guys had a truly bad relationship, and the second email is just her missing you. She obviously feels you were bad for her and she deserves better from the first email, and the second just makes me think she was lonely. In any case its obviously a mess you should stay far far away from.