I'm jealous of my boyfriend's neice

[roughinit]

We haven't had an argument regarding my jealously with the niece specifically. I know he would be upset if I didn't go with him.

[Cheetarah]

Well then, you're not being shunned it seems. I could understand if you went there and absolutely no one would engage with you, and your boyfriend was off in his own world. But that's not the case.

 

I guess I wasn't raised in a family where we favored one child more than the other.

 

There are more children?

[Moontiger]

I think the problem here is you have put yourself in competition with this CHILD. Some how you take her getting attention as a slight to you. This is not a healthy attitude.

[roughinit]

Sorry, I wasn't raised in a family where my parent's favored one of their children (my siblings) more than another.

[roughinit]

Your right, moontiger, how should I act when we go to family gatherings and I have to be there? Smile and be happy?

[Edmund Exley]

I do interact her, give her a hug, etc. She likes me. She is very badly behaved, and I don't like supporting her bad behavior. She gets whatever she wants. She will be banging her fork on the table, and someone will say no very nicely, and she cries for 25 min, and they let her do it. I am not going to flaunt all over her, because I don't think it helps her.

 

How do you see it as supporting her behaviour? You have nothing to do with it. I think the issue is you would like to give her a good spanking which it sounds like she could use, but the other adults propogate her behaviour. I think thats more the issue than the actual child.

[Cheetarah]

Are you comparing yourself to her in terms of favoring, then?

[roughinit]

I don't want to flaunt all over her, and give her everything she wants. I'm nice to her, hug her, talk to her, etc. Her parent's and the rest of the family give her everything, and she doesn't appreciate anything. She asks for a soda at 9pm they say no, she cries, they give it to her. It amazes me.

[SapphireNoir10]

She is a child. She will misbehave at times.

 

My boyfriend has a 15 month old niece. I am just as close to her as he is. We both play with her etc. I LOVE seeing him give her all his attention and I never feel jealous. The same with our son. I love it when my partner is cuddling our son and giving him attention. I never get jealous. My niece and my son are innocent children that deserve love and affection.

 

I get loads of love and affection at other times. It's easy to sacrifice it for a few hours a few times a month. Being all lovey dovey with the kid there would just be a little bit odd anyway.

 

Why do you feel the need to have his constant affection?

[roughinit]

I guess I am, which is stupid, I know. I just don't know why I'm pushed aside from my bf for the whole night just because we are around her.

[SapphireNoir10]

Also he'll probably love and value you even more if you make the effort with his family to talk to them, get to know them and interact with the niece.

 

Also you are not pushed aside. He is giving attention to a child.

[roughinit]

I get along great with his parents, the niece's parents, etc, We all have no issues. He knows that his family loves me.

[SapphireNoir10]

Then thats good.

 

But he obviously sees and doesn't like the way you get jealous. Shes a child. He sees you all the time. He doesn't see her all the time. Of course he wants to make the most of his time with her.

[Moontiger]

So the real problem is you don't like the way she is being raised. Tough. Don't blame her blame her parents. It's sad you have chosen to focus this much resentment on a little girl. If your going to resent anyone it should be the adults.

[Slow Club]

I see two options here. Suck it up and try not to let it get to you.

 

Or...and this is what I'd do...fight her...

 

Kind of like those cliche movie scenes when an adult and a child fights for attention. Just don't take it too far because she's only six. But you never know, it could turn into a fun little game you play with her and it might make you feel more comfortable. It's a little far-fetched but it might work.

[SapphireNoir10]

Agreed. She is a young child. They all play up at times. If she's spoilt. That isn't her fault. I can't even imagine dislike a child so intensley. Where does it come from?

[Moontiger]

I have a two year old niece who I dote on. If my bf was jealous of that I would break up with him. If you can't handle not being the center of his world twice a month you may want to rethink the relationship.

[alcide]

awww thats not nice afterall its only a baby, his blood relative think you should try sweety to get over it ot at least do the same caus eitt may apear tha you do not like his family and it will cause problems for u and him

[Cheetarah]

These are learned responses from her caretakers. I cry, I get what I want. She's not 16, she's 6.

 

I don't think you have any business resenting anyone, even her parents. Their style of parenting, no matter how much you vehemently disagree, is none of your business(unless she is being abused or neglected).

[roughinit]

I don't feel the need to dote on her. That's just not how I show my affection. I don't need to be the center of his attention, I just wish he would treat me the same as he does any other day. And I'm not talking about make out sessions, I'm talking peck's on the cheek, etc.

[rosasnyder811]

Family is important. That's all I'm going to say.

[Batya33]

I don't want to flaunt all over her, and give her everything she wants. I'm nice to her, hug her, talk to her, etc. Her parent's and the rest of the family give her everything, and she doesn't appreciate anything. She asks for a soda at 9pm they say no, she cries, they give it to her. It amazes me.

 

Oh parents, we always take the heat no matter what we do ;-). It's none of your business or concern how they parent her -they're not abusing her, right? If she is rude or disrespectful to you then you can say to her nicely "please do not talk to me that way" or simply laugh it off and ignore it. I agree you're not being pushed aside - I think you need to go with the flow more because there will be times you need to be in the background in family or professional situations and accept it.

[SapphireNoir10]

Your saying you don't dote on people. yet you want your boyfriend to constantly dote on you.

 

Do you have a good relationship? If he treats you well and is affectionate 99% of the time. Is the 1% when the attention is on his niece really worth getting upset over?

[Moontiger]

I don't feel the need to dote on her. That's just not how I show my affection. I don't need to be the center of his attention, I just wish he would treat me the same as he does any other day. And I'm not talking about make out sessions, I'm talking peck's on the cheek, etc.

 

So she is spoild for expecting attention and cries. You expect attention and pout... I think your projecting a bit.

[roughinit]

I don't know where you are getting me needing my boyfriend to dote on me. All I said is that any other time we are affectionate, kiss on the cheek, holding hands for a moment, quick hug. That's not doting. I'm not talking about making out, or sitting on his lap or anything.