bittersweet871 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I'm sure you all can imagine where this is going...I've considered deleting my ex from my Facebook. Something always holds me back though. Maybe it's the hope that he will see the progress I make, maybe it's because my angry side wants him to realize that I am a good girlfriend and he is missing out. Idk. I can't bring myself to do it....yet...or at all, I'm still on the wall. The downside is that I can see what he is up too and that can be a bit painful. He was adamant that he was not dating for a while and to be honest, he is wrapped up in school. Idk. At least I'm not talking to him..... Link to comment
Scott Joyner Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Delete it. Your holding on to have some contact into his life. to see what he is doing. I promise you it will make it harder to move on. Deleting him on facebook does not necessarily mean from your life for good. There is always a chance for the future. Delete it and do your best to move on and better yourself. Link to comment
canyoukeepasecret Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I know you can block people from your newsfeed so that the only time you see anything is via clicking on them intentionally. Whiles it's best to delete him, sometimes it's a hard step to take. It's hard to know what they are thinking. It's also torture for you to see their progress. Link to comment
Lambo Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I would constantly check my ex's facebook page when we were friends. It's like I was intentionally trying to torture myself. I realized that taking someone off facebook doesn't mean that they are out of your life for good. I unfriended her AND blocked her. Ever since, I have felt improvement within myself and I am moving on. I highly recommend that you do it... Now is the time to focus on you, not your ex. Link to comment
biddo Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 facebook is a waste off time, get off facebook asap, I did and I feel so free, dont have to worry about what people think about your status up date or what photos to upload or check up on people you really dont care about, just because it popped up. Link to comment
bittersweet871 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 facebook is a waste off time, get off facebook asap, I did and I feel so free, dont have to worry about what people think about your status up date or what photos to upload or check up on people you really dont care about, just because it popped up. I used to never get on FB. He used to make comments on how boring mine was. Now I can't stop checking it, constantly. I hate this. Link to comment
Guitarguy_82 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I've ran into this several times with ex's and friends.....Facebook is at the end of the day just a tool to communicate. It is just a website. How you use it depends on what you want from it. 99% of the time it is mostly for people to project the type of persona they want people to see....and usually with ex's that can lead to some unnecessary feelings. I'd advise you delete, just to get yourself moving forward. Nothing says you can't reconnect later when you feel it warrants it. Best of luck. Link to comment
matti Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I felt the same way as many of you do/did. I tried keeping my ex as a friend for about a week or two after the breakup. When it became apparent to me that she wasn't contacting/talking to me, I realized that there's no point in trying to remain in a "friendship" with someone who isn't even making an attempt to put any effort into maintaining this "friendship". As most relationships come to an end, the dumper usually tries to make it sound as if being "friends" is a huge priority on their to-do list. After all, They are not just losing you as a romantic partner, but they're also losing their "best friend" Many never really take into account that checking in with someone here and there doesn't make you a genuine friend. You've been demoted to an acquaintance, if that even. My ex sure tried to push the "friends" thing and perhaps the first week it maybe seemed as if it was possible. Actually, I did try, considering I thought that it might help me when it came to getting back together in the long run, rather than go NC right off the bat. We would text throughout the day and talk on FB and so on. However, When the weekend came around I didn't hear from her for about four days, from Thursday until maybe Monday and when I confronted her about the fact that the "friendship" wasn't really working out, she wasn't really acting as a good friend, nor was she showing that she really gave much of a sh*t in the least, she tried telling me that she barely ever talks to her friends and that she might say "Hi" every once in a while. However, it all seemed rather odd, since she's out at the bar and/or out and about with another one of her friends every other day. The logic had so many holes, it was truly amazing. Regardless, it was definitely a lesson to be learned. Just as many of our exes were in love with the idea of being in love itself rather than being in love with you, she was in love with the idea of being "friends" rather than being your actual "friend". I've been NC since and I'm feeling much better than I was at that specific point in time. In my eyes, it's usually just best to sever ties for a while immediately afterward to heal, than to lie to yourselves. Anyways, sorry for the ramble there. Back to the topic at hand... Facebook. During that week, I decided to just hide her news-feed, so that they wouldn't just pop up when I signed in. I would have to consciously decide to go to her page and look for myself. That worked until I kept signing in and seeing that her picture would be on my "friends" just about every time I signed in. That got sickening after a while. Especially because just seeing her photo would prompt me to want to look at her page. When she changed her picture, that would also tempt me. So, I decided that it was best to just un-friend her altogether, delete any tags, comments, pictures, messages and so on, that might tempt me and move forward. I probably should have blocked her, but I've just decided to take a break from FB altogether. If someone needs/wants to get a hold of me, they can text or call me on my mobile phone. I'll eventually go back to using FB, since I use it a lot for promotions and so on. But, I'm definitely steering clear of her for a long while. I don't even want to hear from her right now at all. Every time I get a text my heart skips, thinking that it might be her and to be honest, it's better for my healing if she disappears, at least for a month or two. Eventually however, we all have to face our worst fears as well as our demons. In the end it all builds character and ultimately, makes you stronger. We'll all look back at this moment in our lives and laugh at how much we had yet to learn. To be honest, I've had my heart broken more times than I can count in my life and it seems to get a little easier each time I go through it all. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 FB and Adele are the devil during breakups! lol. I deactivated my account over a year ago and don't miss it one bit. Link to comment
sportsguy9981 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 You'll feel a lot better if you just delete him, I did right away, the day she left me, 4 1/2 months ago.. talk to people on there who you can actually communicate with about your breakup, those who will support you, not the person who brought you so much pain and heartache. Link to comment
bittersweet871 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 FB and Adele are the devil during breakups! lol. I deactivated my account over a year ago and don't miss it one bit. Your comment made me laugh. I love Adele, but I'll be honest I hate listening to music right now because of this. I turn on rap because it's the least likely to make me start thinking about him. "I want you back" or "We are never ever ever getting back together" seriously? What is that? That's torture to a dumpee. Link to comment
bittersweet871 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 We broke up four months ago, went NC, HE blocked my on FB for 3 weeks, I made contact and we've tried to be friends ever since. We're not taking now. I can't bring myself to block him, I can barely bring myself to delete him. I like to think I can be stronger than that, IDK. One day at a time. Link to comment
ultimateguy8 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I have been on the fence several times about deleting my ex and all of her friends. When the break up happened 4 months ago, I immediately made it so that none of them could see when I was online and also removed them from my newsfeed. Honestly, if you're not ready to take the step to delete them, this is the next best thing. I'm progressing towards the day where I can look at her page, see her having an orgy with 5 guys, and not have a care in the world --not really exactly that but you get the point. In the meantime, I would recommend just staying off facebook. I used to go on whenever I went on a computer and now I log in once every 2-3 weeks. Makes your life seem a little more mysterious when you're not commenting on everything 24/7. Link to comment
bittersweet871 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 I have been on the fence several times about deleting my ex and all of her friends. When the break up happened 4 months ago, I immediately made it so that none of them could see when I was online and also removed them from my newsfeed. Honestly, if you're not ready to take the step to delete them, this is the next best thing. I'm progressing towards the day where I can look at her page, see her having an orgy with 5 guys, and not have a care in the world --not really exactly that but you get the point. In the meantime, I would recommend just staying off facebook. I used to go on whenever I went on a computer and now I log in once every 2-3 weeks. Makes your life seem a little more mysterious when you're not commenting on everything 24/7. I'm trying this. I never really was a FB user before I met him. He's the one that is addicted to it and of course, I got on with it too. Without him, I find very little reason to log on to it anymore. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Without him, I find very little reason to log on to it anymore. Don't you want to play farmville or know where your friends are doing their laundry? lmao Link to comment
bittersweet871 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 Don't you want to play farmville or know where your friends are doing their laundry? lmao lol. It is kind of mundane. I only had it orginally for family to keep up with me and see pictures. I have caught up with friends recently through it, but they all have my number...so what's the point.... Link to comment
bittersweet871 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 I just made the mistake of looking at FB. FML Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I just made the mistake of looking at FB. FML After enough pain and self torture you will stop. but until then I would get a script of Xanax. Link to comment
bittersweet871 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 After enough pain and self torture you will stop. but until then I would get a script of Xanax. Lol. Yeah. I should buy stock in that stuff. Link to comment
kz91 Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Best thing to do is just deactivate. Link to comment
Papillonsocial Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 You need to delete him for yourself. Not for anyone else. It's hard but it'll get better. Link to comment
hellomolly123 Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I feel the same, can't bring myself to defriend my ex, at least not yet. It feels so... mean. And I'm sure there is a part of me that wants him to see what's going on in my life so he can feel regret for ending it. Plus the whole reconciliation thing... blah blah blah. However, I did find that looking at his page made me utterly miserable, like one glance and I was depressed for days, so instead of defriending or blocking him, I unsubscribed to him (and most his friends so I couldn't see him commenting or liking things) and have been strong and have not looked at his page. It's been about a week since I last looked, even though I could, and to be honest, knowing that I am developing the willpower to steer clear of it is empowering. I just remind myself of how utterly sh*tastic I felt after I looked as his page last and that usually helps me press "backspace" and get away from going anywhere near his page. So, maybe try that - if you truly can't delete him (which I totally get), see if you can not look for a few days. Tell yourself if you get to say, day 3, you will allow yourself a peek. And you may find you don't actually want to look after all. Link to comment
allison2777 Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Yeah I also deleted my ex off FB the day of the break-up. We had broken for a few months a year prior and we stayed friends on FB. It honestly made me feel like hell. All her posts and picutres looked and sounded like she was just so happy. Like she was spending no time grieving. Like she was trying to impress everyone on FB, rather than work on us or just plain be sad even a little. I dont know though, I feel facebook does destort reality mostly. Its a little sad because after I deleted a bunch of people and satyed off of it for a month I vitually had like 2 people actually stay in contact with my by text/phone. I guess that was my biggest fear all long. Its sad that its just so difficult to make/keep real friends. So in the end my ex got to keep all our mutual frends, I didnt find them that great anyways. Link to comment
bittersweet871 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 That right there is my main motivation for keeping him around. My angry side really wants him to see what he threw away. If he doesn't need me, then I don't need him. I've made it through the day so far so good. I got on today just to look at a post of someone my friend dislikes very much (she told me to go look) I noticed he was active and felt my heart drop a little, but I got off and have been trucking along since. I've explained to a lot of my friends that I will not be on as often. They understand and respect it so, you know...it is what it is. Link to comment
camus154 Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Oh, Facebook. How you bring out the high school in all of us Link to comment
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