FWB is to men as "just friends" is to women?

[Blue Spiral]

You just don't care to do anything about it. lol. That's up to you.

 

You're absolutely right. I can't even maintain my interest in talking about the issue, let alone doing something about it: last night, instead of posting in this thread, I got bored and played video games instead.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I don't think there is anything ambiguous about it as long as you are honest about your intentions and communicate.

 

In many cases the "honesty" and "communication" becomes lax and ambiguous as mixed messages end up leading to confusion. Many FWBs, like rebounds, start off with "I was honest and told her/him that I didn't want anything serious and was just looking for something casual and not serious". Then over time it is the gooey eyed looks, extra tenderness in bed, doing date-like activities and being very attentive....then suddenly the other person is thinking, wow, I am really falling for this person it may be that he/she feels the same judging from their actions...then the other person says "oh no, it was always just casual and for fun". So the words show the honest intentions...the actions show communication which seem to indicate the opposite of the words (as perceived by the other person) and this is how many FWBs end up.

[goodfoot]

But that's exactly what I'm talking about. If your feelings change, you should communicate it. If the other person feels the same, great. If not, you should probably end things.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

But that's exactly what I'm talking about. If your feelings change, you should communicate it. If the other person feels the same, great. If not, you should probably end things.

 

Yes...of course...but that doesn't change the fact that the outcome ends up messy and not what either party had bargained for when they first went into the arrangement thinking it would be a laugh and a half.

[Klokwurk]

Blue spiral, I think you might hate women.

[goodfoot]

Yes...of course...but that doesn't change the fact that the outcome ends up messy and not what either party had bargained for when they first went into the arrangement thinking it would be a laugh and a half.

 

I don't think it's any worse than a break-up. In fact, it's probably easier. Like I said before, I've seen plenty of FWBs end mutually. Sometimes they both want more and start a relationship.

[Reflective82]

Blue Spiral= your attitude fascinates me as I've never come accross it before. Having read this thread, I have a suggestion that I hope you won't find offensive. If no nonsense, no strings attached sex is all you want, why not hire escorts? You're literally paying for there to be no strings. If you don't require any real emotional attachment with them surely this would be an easy way of doing it? Sure you have to pay money, but if you aren't dating you're saving all that money on dinners, drinks, presents etc...,..

[Blue Spiral]

Blue spiral, I think you might hate women.

 

Why's that, friend?

[Blue Spiral]

Blue Spiral= your attitude fascinates me as I've never come accross it before. Having read this thread, I have a suggestion that I hope you won't find offensive. If no nonsense, no strings attached sex is all you want, why not hire escorts? You're literally paying for there to be no strings. If you don't require any real emotional attachment with them surely this would be an easy way of doing it? Sure you have to pay money, but if you aren't dating you're saving all that money on dinners, drinks, presents etc...,..

 

As I said earlier in this thread, that's illegal. And squicky. And--worst of all--expensive.

[BritterSweet]

Try a blow-up doll? It's legal, less expensive in the long run, no need to worry about emotions getting in the way, they won't have any wants or needs of their own, and there's no need to fear STDs.

 

But then again they are pretty creepy-looking now that I've done a Google image search. But that seems to be the only draw. You still get to avoid drama.

[Blue Spiral]

Try a blow-up doll? It's legal, less expensive in the long run, no need to worry about emotions getting in the way, they won't have any wants or needs of their own, and there's no need to fear STDs.

 

But then again they are pretty creepy-looking now that I've done a Google image search. But that seems to be the only draw. You still get to avoid drama.

 

Unfortunately, I was born too soon for the sexbots that could one day make dating/marriage a thing of the past. If you thought porn was popular...! That should settle the "how many men want women just for sex, and how many want them for relationships" debate once and for all. I hope I live to see it, just so I can see the looks on women's faces as they get abandoned en masse.

 

With my luck, they'll come out with the basic, super-expensive versions by the time I'm in my 90s, and I won't be able to afford it. They'll probably have them affordable and more advanced fifty years after I'm gone.

[zep]

As I said earlier in this thread, that's illegal. And squicky. And--worst of all--expensive.

 

It's not illegal everywhere, just in prudish puritan countries. Why don't you go on a trip? And they are not all expensive, probably cheaper than a night out a club. I had a friend who had a girl come over every wens and give him a blow job. But i live in europe, its not a big deal over here.

[Blue Spiral]

It's not illegal everywhere, just in prudish puritan countries. Why don't you go on a trip? And they are not all expensive, probably cheaper than a night out a club. I had a friend who had a girl come over every wens and give him a blow job. But i live in europe, its not a big deal over here.

 

I don't like traveling...or spending money...or squickiness.

[BritterSweet]

I think you just supported what Klokwurk said about your hating women.

 

Well, looks like you're out of luck if you refuse all the options you've been given. Nothing more we can do here.

[Klokwurk]

"I hope I live to see it, just so I can see the looks on women's faces as they get abandoned en masse."

 

When you say things like this, what do you think that says about your opinion of women? Do you see how this can appear angry/resentful to people?

 

This is why I think you might hate women, when you say things like this.

[Blue Spiral]

"I hope I live to see it, just so I can see the looks on women's faces as they get abandoned en masse."

 

When you say things like this, what do you think that says about your opinion of women? Do you see how this can appear angry/resentful to people?

 

Anger and resentment are a far cry from hatred. But, if anything, my ridiculous hypothetical sexbot scenario makes men look worse than women. Women are the victims, while many of the men are revealed to be driven by nothing but sex. And I maintain that, if you took the sexual impetus away from men (i.e., if there were a source of readily-available, legal, non-squicky sex outside of relationships), many women would find themselves abandoned/not pursued. I think both sides would be better off, as the motivations involved would be brought to the surface. Relationship-seeking women wouldn't have to worry about being "played," and guys like me would never have to interact with another monogamy-seeking woman in our lives.

[zep]

Hey Blue spiral, I've read your posts, and I have to say it is a HUGE myth that women aren't interesting in purely sexual relationships. Almost every woman at one point desires a purely sexual relationship. There are other reasons behind it than pure sex drive, but women are no different than men in that they want somebody who looks really good.

 

The thing is though, that lots and lots of men are looking for casual sex so women looking for this have their pick. When a women goes for a purely sexual relationship, she can afford to go with extremely attractive men. Much hotter than the men she would match up with relationship wise. And she will approach him, no doubt about it. When women are just going for the hookup they are not worried about being rejected or playing hard to get. They go for the kill. (Attractive women anyway... we know we can point to any guy and say YOU and we're going home with him).

 

Instead of being bitter about it, or trying to trick women into thinking you are open to relationships, why don't you just work on becoming super hot? Go to the gym, buy better clothes (this is a surprisingly big and effective thing), maybe get your teeth fixed etc. I really think that is your most effective option.

[zep]

I don't like traveling...or spending money...or squickiness.

 

Well, not liking travel or spending money really cuts down on your options in all areas in life... but hey, if you are determined to be unsatisfied disliking those things is defintiely one way to go!

 

I'm not sure what you mean by "squickiness" but the great part about legalized prostitution is that it is regulated. The ****** have to go to the doctor everyweek to be checked for sores and blood tests for STDs. Obviously condoms are always required. It's a remarkably secure system, at least in my country! Much safer or less "squicky" than hooking up with a normal person. Realistically, the average woman gets STDs once a year *at best* and there is no way to know if they really use condoms with their past partners.

[Reflective82]

Why is it squicky? You can use protection. And picking up women who are happy to have no strings attached sex isn't squicky? They are just as likely to have STD's- maybe more so as escorts get tested. I do think it's the best chance at getting what it is you want but fair enough if it's not for you

[lavenderdove]

>>many women would find themselves abandoned/not pursued. I think both sides would be better off, as the motivations involved would be brought to the surface.

 

Really? Human beings (and men) can and do bond for lots of reasons other than just sex, and in addition to sex. Normal people want partners where there is a multi-dimensional connection and an emotional bond.

 

What you are describing is a sociopathic bond, where other people are nothing more than 'objects' for gratification because sociopaths form no bonds or real attachments to anyone else. Everyone to them is at most a 'possession' like a favorite pair of shoes and there is no deeper connection than that. Forming attachments and emotional bonds is one of the core pleasures of human experience, unless you are a sociopath who is wired differently and can't form bonds, in fact never experience them nor can even grasp the concept of what it means/feels like. So what you are arguing for is a world full of sociopaths. But don't judge normal men as feeling the same way, or that they feel the only 'function' of women is to be their personal sex-bot. Normal men can and do form meaningful and deep connections to their women and famillies.

[goodfoot]

I don't agree with everything Blue Spiral said but he isn't completely wrong. Obviously men for deep connections with their eventual wives and families but not to every woman he meets along the way. There are plenty of men (and women) who are fine with a sex-only relationship at certain parts of their lives, but not necessarily forever. That doesn't make them sociopaths. While I thought he made some sense, I don't think sexbots will change anything any more than legalizing prostitution would do now. The social stigma would still be there. Secondly, even if a robot was made that was indistinguishable from a human, the conquest is a big part of the ideal--the fact that they are desirable to another person. You can't get that from a robot (or an escort.)

[LikeWater]

I like this Blue Spiral guy. He has his views that he knows are radically different than most others, yet he sticks to them, backs up his reasoning, and isn't afraid to put it all out there knowing he's going to get some backlash from the huge majority that are going to disagree.

 

You gotta respect that kind of thing. Whether you all can see it or not, this forum needs people like this.

 

That's all I wanted to say, other than thanks for the very interesting topic.

[Not a rookie]

I like this Blue Spiral guy. He has his views that he knows are radically different than most others, yet he sticks to them, backs up his reasoning, and isn't afraid to put it all out there knowing he's going to get some backlash from the huge majority that are going to disagree.

 

You gotta respect that kind of thing. Whether you all can see it or not, this forum needs people like this.

 

That's all I wanted to say, other than thanks for the very interesting topic.

 

I don't find his opinions to be unique. He is one of those guys who is going to wake up one morning, regretting everything and realizing that he wasted half of his life on superficial relationship. We all choose our own destiny.

[zep]

Yea I don't think it's unique at all either! Isn't this the theme of every maxim magazine and the entire plot of two and a half men? Blue spiral just seems pissed bc it's difficult for him, I'm assuming bc he's not that attractive.

[Reflective82]

! That should settle the "how many men want women just for sex, and how many want them for relationships" debate once and for all. I hope I live to see it, just so I can see the looks on women's faces as they get abandoned en masse.

 

I think this is kind of mean. Why would you want lots of women to be abandoned by their partners? As you know from this board, it is a horrible thing to experience. Also, no one is denying men just want sex from a lot of women, but are you saying that there are actually men in relationships where they don't want to be, purely because of the sex? That is so strange to me to fake an entire relationship, but I guess it must happen....