Showing up at my house.....and I wasnt happy about it and he got pissed

[HDC80]

They said that they didnt have time to stop (Im 20 minutes from their house)----and it was rude for me to have asked them to stop when they would be a guest in my house.

I said okay, no problem, I have plenty of other selections on the bar, we just wouldnt have wine.

Their response was, well then no problem, we just wont be by.

I didnt even know what to say in response-----I said I was sad they wouldnt be over, and was unsure why the wine was that big of an issue.....I then asked if instead they would like to meet somewhere after I ate dinner to not let the whole night go to waste....they said no thanks.

 

To my parents...they dont have anyone to call on when they go through hard times. They lean on one another, and even rarely for that.

My mom has had some medical scares...and she will go on her own to her appointments. Same with my Dad.

They just have a steadfast belief that things that happen arae yours and yours alone to deal with...and you pick yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on.

 

When my ex who Ive mentioned cheated on me...and was set to marry exactly a year later....I was over the relationship but it still HURT that he was getting married so soon after. I went to my parents house for some solace....and they told me it was my own fault that it was hurting me, and my making something of it to hurt myself....they said I brought it on myself...and should deal with it, but they were not going to listen or support my behavior.

All I wanted to do was sit by their pool and get some sun and NOT thinking about how he was getting married that day.....they made me feel like CRAP for feeling badly about the situation.

 

I learned very quickly that day....to not share this stuff with them as they wouldnt give a hug, or an ear...or any understanding...they would pin it back on me and tell me that I was weak and foolish for feeling as I did about it.

 

I think my parents raised me to believe and act as though it would just be ME for my entire life. That they would never consider that I would ever be with anyone.....and given I had no friends growing up they never had to adapt to accept or understand that someone else could be or would be important to me.

That also goes for relationships. They always found ways to make it VERY difficult to be present in a relationship because of their ways.....when the relationship would end, they would say see! You shouldnt have put in all that effort, time, care into another person like that.....its not worth it.

 

So I believe they view my life as one that will be spent alone, either due to their inability to accept someone else into the family for me.....or that they dont think I should have that for myself (recall they never wanted me)

[EssexMan]

They said that they didnt have time to stop (Im 20 minutes from their house)----and it was rude for me to have asked them to stop when they would be a guest in my house.

I said okay, no problem, I have plenty of other selections on the bar, we just wouldnt have wine.

Their response was, well then no problem, we just wont be by.

 

This is not remotely normal, let alone polite or reasonable.

 

So, are you picking unreasonable friends?

 

Or are you somehow causing them to behave in such an extreme fashion? I don't know.

[HDC80]

They dont act like this with anyone else they seem to be friends with.

So they appear to be reasonable.

 

As for cause..... again I dont ask for much of anyone...so unsure how this could be something Im causing.

[penelope13]

Either you have the weirdest (rudest) people as friends - or there is something really off in your selection process as well as early on when you establish the type of interaction and expectations you have from and for friends. I've never heard that people who were already on the way to dinner just cancelled last minute because the host asks for them to bring something while even willing to pay for it.

[Batya33]

My sense is that either these are unusually rude people or there is more to the story- more back story/more history that would explain the behavior a bit better.

[Heather Dawn]

My sense is that either these are unusually rude people or there is more to the story- more back story/more history that would explain the behavior a bit better.

 

What Batya said. Or the OP is not being honest about how it went down.

[HDC80]

There seriously is nothing else to the story. There was no tension in the friendship....nothing had happened prior....hence...maybe you see my confusion because it was such a simple thing to ask...and yet, this was the outcome.

[HDC80]

You all wanted specific examples of how my friends are......I have a DOOZEY.

Background:

Friend was MIA for nearly 2 months....came out of woodwork and we had dinner. Over that dinner I told her how I was planning a trip in April with my BF....she said she wanted to get away and do something.....we both agreed March would work.

The following night, was at her house, and continued to speak about my April vacation plans and confirmed again that we would plan to take a trip in March.

 

Ive been looking at vacations every day for her and I, in addition to looking for my BF and I.

 

She Emailed me on 2/1 to tell me the dates she was available:

So, I was just looking at my March calendar, and it seems that I can do the first weekend in March 2-3, 15-16, or30-31. I am skiing on the 8th and the 10th, and the 23rd Easter with my BF's family. April is pretty much wide open.

 

 

I booked my trip with my BF April 9 - April 14. I posted this on FB last night.....(its been booked for a week but finally posted it)

She then immediately calls me....and txts ;( (I was getting a manicure so couldnt answer the phone when she called)

 

I texted her back:

I looked for the open weekends you had given me and couldnt find anything reasonable that didnt have almost 8hrs of travel and under $700. think its due to being too close to March sping break etc. but there could be last second deals. BF and I had planned to go away to celebrate a year since our first date...which is why you and I were looking for March. Ive been keeping an eye and looking daily and will continue

 

her response:

I just wish you could have said something. I was actually thinking the same thing, that march wasnt awesome because of spring break, but thought thats when you wanted to go. Im super flexible and have a large chunk of money set aside for a vacation. I only said $700 because that is what you mentioned. You wont want to do 2 vacations in April. I had approval for the time off and have been telling people how excited I was to go and spend time with you. Im just really disappointed because I was completely serious about wanting to spend time with you. Again, just wish you would have told me, maybe I sohuld have known because you stopped talking about it

 

my response:

I stopped talking about it because there wasnt anything to tell you to attempt to make plans for. Its why I do keep looking daily so should something come up I can let you know! I had always had plans to be away for 4/12. All I can do is keep looking and see if something looks good. I havent bailed on the idea and just like oyu am excited to traavel and have time iwth you. Dont give up yet!

 

my response this morning:

I can't do the first weekend in March...will be in NYC. weekend of March 31 is Easter.....

 

So that leaves March 16/17 or around those dates. Ill keep looking and see if any deals pop up.

 

her response back:

As I said before, I only said March because that is what you had mentioned. I was trying to be amicable. March is more expensive because of Spring Break, so it’s probably not the best idea. It’s not a big deal, I’ll figure out what I am going to do.

 

I wrote back: Right....and March worked as I already had plans to take a trip mid-April with BF. Was talking about it with K (her friend) at your house when discussing how we had been looking at Cancun and she suggested Playa del Carmen as a better spot.

 

I'm sorry the timing isn't coming together easily, but we also only started looking at the end of January, giving less time to find a deal.

Do you want me to keep looking?

 

This is what Im talking about-----I communicated clearly and kindly...Im doing ALL of the leg work....and yet Im still being pointed at as though this is my fault.

Please tell me what Im doing wrong here.

[Batya33]

I don't think you communicated clearly because you chose e-mail over phone even when things got complicated. Once there was the miscommunication about March you should have suggested a phone call rather than continued to e-mail. I agree she was kind of flaky but I think choosing e-mail made it worse.