jenna-is-here Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Rocknrolla - what do you need to do to get your "act together" ? I dont mean to pry but is this something that will be obvious to her when you see her? Link to comment
rocknrolla Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 Just get back to who I was before the break up, get working pursue my career, get emotionally strong again, basically get back to being me again. Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 You need to stop building up this meeting like it's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Right now you can't call her because you are a mess. Just f--king relax and act like its Game 1 of the first round. When do you see this woman? Link to comment
rocknrolla Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 Feb 23rd. I just miss her is all I'm saying. Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Feb 23rd. I just miss her is all I'm saying. You'll see her in two weeks then. Settle down. Link to comment
rocknrolla Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 I've resisted every urge so far so I think im doing well in that respect. Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 I've resisted every urge so far so I think im doing well in that respect. Agreed. You know you'll get your shot. Link to comment
1 point 21 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Based on what you wrote, Rocknrolla, I do believe you love this woman and truly want her back in your life...but there's something missing in what you're disclosing...something besides being unemployed and more about being "a mess". Assuming that she's told her sister and your friend how much she still thinks and cares about you...I'm guessing your full accountability about whatever caused her to let you go in the first place might be your best bet of winning her back. Otherwise, you may be dressed in a tux but you'll still smell like booze. You have to love yourself before you can give love to someone else. Accomplish this...and it'll be her that's trying to win YOU back. Good Luck! Link to comment
rocknrolla Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 A song that rings true to a) how feel abouther,and B) what I wish she knew is Michael Buble's version of Elvis' "always on my mind". Link to comment
rocknrolla Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 Sorry that just brought up some stuff for me..... July of 2011 we were at a wedding and I remember it was the only time during our relationship I had the balls to tell her I loved her. I requested Elvis' "can't help falling in love with you", we slow danced and I sang the entire song to her, it was the only way I knew how to tell her I loved her.... How much of a loser am I that I couldn't say the one thing to her I wanted to say most.... Link to comment
bittersweet871 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 You're situation sounds sorta like mine. My ex and I still talk and see each other not as often as I would like, but I savior the time I get with him. After the initial "mad at me stage" he told me basically the same thing. We needed to finish school, I need to get my act together, get my independence back, etc. I'm working on it. I've changed a lot of my behavior, but I know a reconciliation is still far off. You seem to be doing good. A lot better at not contacting her than I ever was with my ex. It is very painful, I know, to have the person you love not around. Keep strong, be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best. i know it's hard to think about, but even if this doesn't work out for you at least you've picked yourself back up. Link to comment
rocknrolla Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 i Used to love sundays, they were the days the ex and i would order in, watch movies and cuddle. Now it's just me alone doing nothing week in week out.... Link to comment
Nattersmatter Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I'm been wondering something, if maybe I should msg or call her before the party and see if she would like to go out one night and shoot some pool as a way to kinda break the ice? The idea is a goer but...Does she like pool, particularly, or is that you? xoxo Link to comment
Nattersmatter Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Her sister was the one who initiated the conversation about my ex and I, but yes I agree after some thought that from here on out to just be myself and present myself in a positive light when i run into her sister again. Bugging her for info or answers to things every time I see her will do more harm then good. Thats part of what pushed my ex away the first time, I learned from that and wont risk it again, it's far too important to risk. Don't be so overreactive all the time (and eat yer bleedin' cabbage, LOL). Just because BUGGING her would be a bad idea, that doesn't mean you have to do the extreme opposite of NOTHING. The method of letting her 'bug' YOU as equally as you do her, has been WORKING! If it ain't broke, don't fix it until it shows it's broke. It hasn't. So it's not broke. (Duh?) Consider the messages you're sending from HER point of view (your ex-not-ex): Her sister starts to feed her information, her sister returns to you with return information - CLEARLY you are both talking, just over the sisterphone. That information is about how you're endeavouring to smarten up your entire act. Clearly, a part of that act - which she, though sister, HAS been responding to - includes being more DECISIVE, CONVICTED AND *COMMUNICATIVE* ABOUT IT. What the eck is she going to think if all of this getting into gear appears to have dried up???? Think, Rockie, THINK! Be *consistent* which means continue as you *were*. It's quite simple to gauge whether a gentle interrogation would be welcomed or not via the very easy but leading question, 'So how is [ex's name] doing?'. If you get, 'Oh, ya know... this and that', that means, 'No questions, thanks' - which could mean she's not in the mood or knows her sister isn't receptive any more or at that moment, but if you get, 'Well....yadder-yadder-yadder-yadder', the invitation is clear, oui? Noddle. Use it. xoxo PS: I decided not to ask her to do anything before the party. Just really hard not being with her for 7 months, I dont want to miss out on one more day with her, you know? No, I *don't* know but I know of someone who does. (It begins with E and ends in X) Link to comment
Nattersmatter Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Learning to settle my emotions is not only what I'm trying hard to do right not but exactly what she said she needs from me right now. If there is any tips or info out there that anyone knows of on how to not let emotions get the better of you that would be appreciated! Imagine her on the loo, picking her nose and eating it as she does a massive, straining poo. Thadoughdadoid. LOL (Ask and thou shalt get, LOL LOL LOL) xoxo Link to comment
Nattersmatter Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I'm guessing your full accountability about whatever caused her to let you go in the first place might be your best bet of winning her back. Otherwise, you may be dressed in a tux but you'll still smell like booze. Clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap.....!!!!! I'd only add to that, this: Wait until she hints that it's time to talk on a more 'real' level rather than dive straight in. Start off warm, fun, interested, smiley, laughing (and listening a lot), flirty...think third date. You have to love yourself before you can give love to someone else. Accomplish this...and it'll be her that's trying to win YOU back. Can't argue with that one, not neiver, if meant in terms of feelings rather than her acting on them and asking him out. He chucked her back, he has to be the one to hook her on his fishing rod again instead of expecting her to leap out of the water at him. xoxo Link to comment
Nattersmatter Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Sorry that just brought up some stuff for me..... July of 2011 we were at a wedding and I remember it was the only time during our relationship I had the balls to tell her I loved her. I requested Elvis' "can't help falling in love with you", we slow danced and I sang the entire song to her, it was the only way I knew how to tell her I loved her.... How much of a loser am I that I couldn't say the one thing to her I wanted to say most.... Not that it being sung in your ear isn't lovely but it's always nicer to hear the man's own formulation, so - WHY couldn't you? xoxo Link to comment
Nattersmatter Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Can I now just clear something up to everyone and no-one in particular? It's not a competition called, Who can ignore whom the longest. You're not supposed to be pretending that you're Alright, Jack because all that does, the longer it's kept up, is either convince the ex that you never truly felt that much for them (because level of missing and angst is directly proportionate to level of thwarted desire) or backfire on you because they're confident you DID care hence now ignoring them doesn't gel thus reveals it has to all be an act... which comes accross as very petty, petulant, immature, powerless and egotistical. Neither do you bug them constantly, obviously, but if you're ready to try to reconcile then what's to be achieved by acting like you AREN'T, considering reconciliation never happened without TALKING (er, duh?). The fact is, it's painful for YOU and so you dupe yourselves in to believing that not talking to them for whacking great periods is giving them what THEY want. (I'm not talking about the type of NC where you've received the message it's over loud and clear and staying right away is your only hope of self-controlling, here, obviously. I'm talking precisely THIS kind of situation.) Again - don't ever give mixed messages (replay the tape and switch roles with them to see how how you're coming accross looks and feels), and don't ever act like you care more about looking chilled, unruffled and unhurtable, i.e. protecting your ego, more than you care about THEM. That was probably the very nonsense that got you INTO this mess, Stanleys. And FYI, if you communicate behaviourally to them an implausible, downright inhuman impression (- I, Robot, get over a loved-on in mere weeks) as well as one that feels insulting both of itself AND the fact you're suggesting they're idiot enough to believe it, you do nothing but tempt them to force you into showing it up for what it really is....and the whole ego battle begins all over again. xoxo Link to comment
rocknrolla Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 The idea is a goer but...Does she like pool, particularly, or is that you? xoxo She loves pool, we used to play all the time, she used to run the pool hall in town. Link to comment
rocknrolla Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 is Not that it being sung in your ear isn't lovely but it's always nicer to hear the man's own formulation, so - WHY couldn't you? xoxo I couldn't because when I was younger I told a girl I was with I loved her and shortly after she left me, it broke my heart and put a wall up around it. I never let anyone in till this girl. I was afraid if I said it again she too would leave me. Stupid I know, but it took 13 years to find the girl that would bring down this wall and I didn't want to loose her. I had big plans for Canada day weekend to take her ons picnic and tell her, unfortunately we went on a break just before. Link to comment
rocknrolla Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 I watched the movie Silver Lining Playbook, a quote reminded me of something my sister told me. " you have to do everything you can, you have to work your hardest, and if you stay positive, you have a shot at a silver lining". Link to comment
camus154 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I watched the movie Silver Lining Playbook, a quote reminded me of something my sister told me. " you have to do everything you can, you have to work your hardest, and if you stay positive, you have a shot at a silver lining". But notice how the silver lining doesn't have a name? Link to comment
rocknrolla Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 My silver lining has a name, which I won't mention here. Link to comment
camus154 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 My silver lining has a name, which I won't mention here. That's not how silver linings work, man. You don't get to pick which silver lining is likely to happen for you, and they're almost always not what you'd expect. Link to comment
rocknrolla Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 I understand the concept of what a silver lining is, I liked the quote and am using it simply as inspiration that if I do all these things it serves as my best chance of being with her again. No offence, I realize this is an open forum and do appreciate people's advice, but I do feel that you keep trying to crap in my rice crispies every time I mention something positive. Criticism is good but only when it's constructive and isn't aimed at putting an individual down. I don't know if her and I will be together again but with the recent circumstances that have come up I have a shot, and I'll be damned if I'll let anything or anyone get in the way of that. Link to comment
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