Trying to not get too excited....

[camus154]

Horrible idea. You don't send V Day greetings to exes.

 

You need to let go, dude. The sooner, the better. You're still in exactly the same spot you've been in for months now because you haven't resolved to move on.

[pippy longstocking]

, but a part of me thinks she just might appreciate a simple thoughtful msg like that on what can be a very lonely day for most.

 

before you make your decision ask yourself this ... will she offer you the same sentiment , is she bothered about it been a lonely day for you , will you get a message that is simple and thoughtful ?

[rocknrolla]

My friend was talking with her and as usual she asked about me, he asked her if she was ever going to call me or see me again, she said she wants to and plans on it but is hesitant at the moment because she doesn't want any of the emotional drama, she just wants to hang out and be normal with eachothers. He told me basically to approach it as if it were a new relationship, be calm and just get to know eachothers again, that's what she wants.

[Shane Falco]

This may be going against my better judgement but Valentine's Day is around the corner, I wasn't thinking bout getting her anything but just a simple msg like "Happy Valentine's Day" or "Thinking of you" or a combo of both. My better judgement says dont do a thing, but a part of me thinks she just might appreciate a simple thoughtful msg like that on what can be a very lonely day for most.

 

If I run into her sister I may run it by her see what she thinks.

 

But till then any thoughts?

 

Horrible idea. The odds of that resulting in anything good on your end are small. She'll either a) send a canned response like "thanks" b) ignore it completely or c) think you are overly attached and kind of creepy. Do not do this. Bad, bad idea.

[rocknrolla]

Horrible idea. The odds of that resulting in anything good on your end are small. She'll either a) send a canned response like "thanks" b) ignore it completely or c) think you are overly attached and kind of creepy. Do not do this. Bad, bad idea.

 

I'm guessing by the time that this was posted u didn't get to read what I had just posted lol.

[Shane Falco]

I'm guessing by the time that this was posted u didn't get to read what I had just posted lol.

 

Who knows. Still needed to be reiterated though for when you have second thoughts and think that sending that Valentine's greeting is a "sweet" idea.

[Nattersmatter]

Sorry, mush, I didn't realise you'd started a new thread, been busy with your counterpart (Nookbridge) and telling him, basically, to take a leaf out of your book and just make a decision and stick to it.

 

I only read the first page. I'll catch up in a min. But regards what was said - here:

 

1. Your ex's informants weren't vague and hinty. They were most categoric: get your act together and she'll have you back. Berbom. That's NOT feeding you false hope. That's confidence in what they're saying (and that you won't have any cause to 'punch them both in the face' later for having told lies).

 

2. The thought of the illogical aka over-fearful: I want to win this race but I don't think I will. So I'm not going to run as fast and hard as I know I'm capable of ...What would be the point when I'm only going to lose (again!)?

 

How stupid is that? By NOT giving it their all, they don't win. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuh. Because it's a fact that when we KNOW we can't win even if we do our very best, we tend not to even try. The fact you want to try, says you WILL win if you give it your all. Berbom.

 

I'm very impressed with you - the minute you MADE your decision is was Abracadabra! in terms of what you then amazing quickly started to achieve. So if *I'm* impressed with you when I am not already attached to you *and* am very hard to impress, what will SHE be?

 

So that's that bit. Now to ketchup...

 

xoxo

[Nattersmatter]

And now I've just read your post at the bottom of page one about you not getting your hopes up. Please see my most recent "talking to" on Nookbridge's thread and stop that nonsense and KEEP it stopped!

 

xoxo

[Nattersmatter]

Tip: you don't even have to HAVE all the changes done. You just have to genuinely come accross as knowing what's on your To Do list and being confident you'll stand a chance at achieving them... to know where you're GOING. What put her off was your helplessness noises and stench of paralysis. I mean - who wants to go anywhere with someone who doesn't know where they're going? If you make it clear you know where you're going, she'll hop back on board and go with you. She has to because she loves and fancies you and there's no longer any reason NOT to. Geddit?

 

That simple. *It's* that simple and *humans* are that simple.

 

xoxo

[Nattersmatter]

Here's how it goes, Rockie:

 

If the woman loves you: If you make changes in your life just to get her back, she'll be mightily flattered and relieved, not to mention feel very special and very important to you.

If the woman doesn't love you: If you make changes in your life just to get her back, she'll paint that negative (just because she needs an excuse not to get back with you) and it won't be capable of working.

 

Berbom.

 

Now back to the evidence: she has already issued a directive: Make changes and you can have me back. If that doesn't say, Change for ME, prove *I* am your massive incentive to self-improving, I will find that flattering and relieving, then, I don't know what blummin' does!

 

xoxo

[Nattersmatter]

Tell it to the matchmaker-messengers...the carrier pigeons. They've clearly firmly elected themselves as such (undoubtedly to shut the pair of you up wailing and whinging and boring them to tears a minute longer! LOL). So use them or lose them.

 

(Aren't you lucky, the pair of you, to have such caring, capable people in your lives. You make sure you give them both a huge hug after this, ya hear?)

 

...Wait - what am I saying (duh). THEY ALREADY *HAVE* PASSED ON YOUR SENTIMENTS. Doh, LOL.

 

The situation is ALREADY not screwed up/unscrew-up-able. Shuuuu-DUP!

 

xoxo

[Nattersmatter]

This may be going against my better judgement but Valentine's Day is around the corner, I wasn't thinking bout getting her anything but just a simple msg like "Happy Valentine's Day" or "Thinking of you" or a combo of both. My better judgement says dont do a thing, but a part of me thinks she just might appreciate a simple thoughtful msg like that on what can be a very lonely day for most.

 

If I run into her sister I may run it by her see what she thinks.

 

But till then any thoughts?

 

Definitely ask her sister. That way, even if you don't in the end have the nerve to send one, ex knows you wanted to. Win/win.

 

xoxo

[Nattersmatter]

My friend was talking with her and as usual she asked about me, he asked her if she was ever going to call me or see me again, she said she wants to and plans on it but is hesitant at the moment because she doesn't want any of the emotional drama, she just wants to hang out and be normal with eachothers. He told me basically to approach it as if it were a new relationship, be calm and just get to know eachothers again, that's what she wants.

 

Yes. She wants to start again but with greater protection as insurance Just In Case. But that's because what happened knocked her confidence over whether you were her teammate or adversary. You just need to allow her the time and reassurance to re-grow her confidence.

 

xoxo

[rocknrolla]

I'm off to me Wednesday counselling sessions at the hospital and see my psychiatrist today. Should be interesting.g.

[rocknrolla]

Well tonight is open Mic night, not sure if I'll perform but I'm going anyways, this is where I've ran in my ex's sister, if I see her ill ask what she thinks about the Valentines day msg.

 

I know this whole thing is going to take time, but wow it's been 7 months since our B/U, it's hard being patient when it's already been so long. I want to spend time with her now lol.

[rocknrolla]

well i saw her sister at the pub tonight, but didn't approach her or ask her about the valentines msg simply because i dont want to come accross as needy or overbearing by talking bout stuff every time we meet, so I just left it alone. There is still time if I see her again to ask and if not I'll have to follow my gut. But I did run into a friend of her sisters who also is friends with my ex and stayed positive, when asked how I was doing I said good and that I come and perform every Wed here etc... just put out good vibes. My sister told me to just stay positive and positive things will happen, so thats the attitude I'm trying to have or at least on days I dont feel positive portray myself in a positive manner, cause lets face it sometimes you have to fake it to make it! lol

[Nattersmatter]

 

 

Nothing to comment with other than that; no need to. And if I knew how to knit, I'd be getting it out right now. (...gnaaaarf!)

 

xoxo

[rocknrolla]

I'm been wondering something, if maybe I should msg or call her before the party and see if she would like to go out one night and shoot some pool as a way to kinda break the ice?

[rocknrolla]

Hello? Anyone? Lol

[Shane Falco]

Well tonight is open Mic night, not sure if I'll perform but I'm going anyways, this is where I've ran in my ex's sister, if I see her ill ask what she thinks about the Valentines day msg.

 

I know this whole thing is going to take time, but wow it's been 7 months since our B/U, it's hard being patient when it's already been so long. I want to spend time with her now lol.

 

As someone who is friend's with my ex's sister, I think it's a bad idea to talk to her about anything having to do with your relationship with your ex. I haven't said a word to my ex's sister about my ex at all and don't plan on it unless she specifically asks me (which she won't because a) she's loyal to her sister and b) feels awkward about the situation). But yeah, talking to your ex's sister about your ex will make your ex think you are trying to do some recon work and find out info. I would avoid all of that. If anything, just be fun around the sister and be you. That will be much more effective than you trying to have any sort of conversation about it, especially one you've initiated.

 

I'm been wondering something, if maybe I should msg or call her before the party and see if she would like to go out one night and shoot some pool as a way to kinda break the ice?

 

And no, I wouldn't do this.

[rocknrolla]

Her sister was the one who initiated the conversation about my ex and I, but yes I agree after some thought that from here on out to just be myself and present myself in a positive light when i run into her sister again. Bugging her for info or answers to things every time I see her will do more harm then good. Thats part of what pushed my ex away the first time, I learned from that and wont risk it again, it's far too important to risk.

 

I decided not to ask her to do anything before the party. Just really hard not being with her for 7 months, I dont want to miss out on one more day with her, you know?

[Shane Falco]

Her sister was the one who initiated the conversation about my ex and I, but yes I agree after some thought that from here on out to just be myself and present myself in a positive light when i run into her sister again. Bugging her for info or answers to things every time I see her will do more harm then good. Thats part of what pushed my ex away the first time, I learned from that and wont risk it again, it's far too important to risk.

 

Good call.

 

I decided not to ask her to do anything before the party. Just really hard not being with her for 7 months, I dont want to miss out on one more day with her, you know?

 

And this is a bad mentality to have. It's clingy, desperate and impatient. Get that out of your head right now. You know you are going to see her, so you need to relax and get yourself in the right frame of mind. You aren't in a race. While it's good that you decided not to ask her to hang out, you need to settle your emotions a bit.

[rocknrolla]

Learning to settle my emotions is not only what I'm trying hard to do right not but exactly what she said she needs from me right now.

If there is any tips or info out there that anyone knows of on how to not let emotions get the better of you that would be appreciated!

[appies]

Learning to settle my emotions is not only what I'm trying hard to do right not but exactly what she said she needs from me right now.

If there is any tips or info out there that anyone knows of on how to not let emotions get the better of you that would be appreciated!

 

I guess you need to appear composed practice slow deep breathing before contact, if you're talking to her on the phone smile and it will show happiness in your voice, if you see her in person discretely put your hand around your other wrist so that you can feel your pulse and keep it at a steady base line.

 

Having said that, you need to take the time to change your mentality to ultimately be successful. Remind yourself that you don't have complete control over these situations, and whatever happens will ultimately lead you to become a happier person.

[rocknrolla]

My god, it's so difficult not calling her, I wanna see her sooo bad.