gained weight since we last met.. guys is that a problem?

[TalkThatTalk9]

Next saturday, I am meeting up with a friend of mine, who I dated 7 years ago.

It has been 7 years since we have seen each other, and over those 7 years I have gained weight.

When I had met him, I was coming out of a phase of bulimia and anorexia as well as excessive exercising, all unhealthy, skinniest I have ever been (145). at the time he told me he liked me because I had meat on my bones, he liked girls like that (in a very gentlemanly way lol)

 

this is a just friends meeting but there has been flirting between us.

I have been worrying alot about what he will think when he sees me. we are facebook friends, so he has seen pics of me. but I always tend to hide "fat pics" and only keep up good ones (I have huge issues with body image)

I started walking to work this week, cut out junk food, picking up my brothers bike this weekend so I can start biking to work.

 

I am so scared he is going to think I Am a huge whale.

 

and the thing is... he is a big guy. like, not skinny big... so I am sure he understands this stuff... but I am still very nervous.

 

I am getting a cute new outfit, my hair touched up, etc to feel and look goos still worries.

my friend says if he doesn't like me for me, then he is not important. but still, the worry is there.

 

wondering what guys opinions are on this...

 

would weight stop you from liking someone you have a connection with?

just wondering.

 

I do not feel comfortable revealing my weight, but I Can assure I am under 190 and I am a little over average.

thanks, in advance.

[Coily]

If there is a real connection this won't be a problem, and if you aren't hippopotamus size then it won't really have an effect. And from the sounds of it YOU ARE NOT that big. Also considering you are doing healthy things to help yourself, I think if this guy is shallower than he seems only then would it be a problem.

[happyfrank]

It could be problem if he has certain preference on the women he dates. If I'm not attracted to somebody. I won't waste her time.

[abitbroken]

I am sure that you "gaining weight" means you are now at a healthy weight - or an average weight - not too skinny and not too heavy but you probably think you are obese. It won't be a factor if you guys like eachother. If you want, you can tell him that you continued to get healthy and gained a couple pounds to prep him, but I might not do so, unless you gained 150 lbs or something and he wouldn't recognize you.

[TalkThatTalk9]

thank you guys very much... no, I sure have not gained that much.I know alot of it is in my head... I have always been this way.

it makes me feel better to hear your responses,

I realize its been 7 years, I am 28 now, not the young 20 I was! people change, its just been making me anxious so I wanted outsiders perspective.

[oldenoughtoknow]

If you had an eating disorder back then and he likes a girl with meat on her bones, right now you should align up with him perfectly.

[camus154]

"Under 190" to me means you're 185. And I'll be honest with you--that would be on the big side for me unless you're close to 6' tall.

 

But regardless of this guy, don't hide the body pictures. It's dishonest and you're only setting people up for disappointment when you hide stuff from them. Now, I can't speak whatsoever to whether you're average or overweight or healthy or any of that because you're not providing any real numbers, but I will tell you that a plus-sized girl with a great attitude beats the waif with body image issues hands-down.

[Angler]

This is a just friends meeting?

[TalkThatTalk9]

just friends, yes, with potential for more.

and camus, I am 170. I will just say it.

I have always had a huge chest, curvier body, I was really starving myself back in the day.

I want to keep my curves, I like em, but I do need to lose weight I will be first to admit.

I eat my feelings, and am 9 months into a breakup.

this guy, not that it matters, is a BIG Guy (teddy bear type)... which makes me feel he would be more open minded about this.

I Know men consider 170 fat, so its ok if anyone needs to say it. just wanted helpful advice, figure I will have to reveal #'s to get that.

[blueidealist24]

How tall are you? You must be quite tall, if you were starving yourself to be 145.

 

I agree that he might be more opened minded since he's a bigger guy himself. He may have dealt with his own weight issues even though he probably wouldn't say anything about them.

[camus154]

I don't think it's fat per se--it's all in how you're proportioned and carry it. Curves are good, and huge chests are even better

 

If you want to lose weight for health reasons or because it's a goal for you, great. Just be careful about the eating disorder stuff.

 

As far as your friend, I doubt he will care from how you describe him.

[TalkThatTalk9]

I am unfortanantly 5'5. before I starved myself, I was up to 190 and got down to 145 in 4 months. went off to college, came home on christmas and my family were shocked & happy for me, but I wasnt I was excercising 4 hours a night, then binging, then throwing it up... starving myself duri?g the days. a mess. Id rather be 600 pounds then ever be like that again

[ExcitedtoSleep]

190 does not seem to be a healthy weight to me. If you feel that 145 was way too low, then start a healthy program and get down to 160 or lower. I think it was the way you were approaching your weight, not the weight itself, that was unhealthy. You could easily weigh 145 and feel great about yourself. I'm not telling you to lose weight because that is your decision to make, but there is a way that you could weigh what most consider to be an attractive weight. I think your biggest issue is about how you are going to get to that weight that seems so out of reach. If you can find the motivation, join a fitness club and get a routine going. Alter your diet a bit but do not binge or starve yourself. And finally, only you can do this, so I may as well not say anymore. If you choose to cut some pounds off and look a lot more appealing, then do so. Otherwise, keep being happy the way you are.

[blueidealist24]

If you had to do that excessive amount of exercising and throw up your food to be 145 lbs I'm thinking you might have some kind of disorder that makes you put weight on or not be able to take it off, like hypothyroidism.

[TalkThatTalk9]

not 190 now that was before...

thanks for tips guys... I will work on being healthy but also at the same time, it is not cool to change myself for someone. I will change for myself, and if he does not like me, there are others out there.

was just lookinv for guys thoughts so thank you

[Batya33]

In my experience even if a man is overweight it doesn't make him more lenient/flexible about the woman's weight -again just my experience. I would definitely notice a significant weight gain and I could see where it could affect attraction. Since it is a "friends" meeting your weight is irrelevant and it's fine that you didn't tell him.

[TalkThatTalk9]

thanks... I never even considered telling him. was worried what he would think but I am going to stop worrying I have been doing too much of it over this guy... steppin back and relaxing. its all in my head

[superfan]

I was 190lbs over six years ago. I am 5'3". I was fat. I carried it well, so usually nobody realized I was quite THAT big (though it was obvious I was overweight) but I WAS fat. I lost weight in a similarily unhealthy way. I starved myself - down to about 300 calories a day at my most extreme. I lost a lot of weight in a very short span. My lowest was 120lbs. That's when I really started to mess up my stomach (diet pills really did a number). I never threw up what i ate, but I definitely was not healthy.

 

The picture there on the side is my new Years picture from last year. I have gained SOME Of it back since. I am now about 130-140 or so. Any more weight and I will be overweight again so I do my best to maintain it. I understand where you are coming from. However, my husband met me when I was still over weight and he was interested then and after I lost it.

 

If this guy is truly into you, then it shouldn't matter. Good luck.

[nyxy]

145lbs is a far shot from anorexic for a 5'5 woman. I'm 5'6, 130lbs and I could still stand to lose some... :subdued:

 

If he's interested in YOU, your weight shouldn't be an issue. If he's purely superficial, it may well be. However, please don't claim to be anorexic when you're not. Yes, you lost weight in an unhealthy way. It does NOT make you anorexic.

[quirky]

For all you know he may be bigger himself.

 

Don't worry about it because there's nothing you can do from now till you meet him. It was 8 years ago you last saw him most people do change in 8 years. I do understand your concerns though. After my BU I gained about 10lbs and I feel self conscious, I avoid seeing people from the past, my clothes don't fit well etc

I really like curves especially if it's proportioned. Hope you guys have fun !

[BritterSweet]

145lbs is a far shot from anorexic for a 5'5 woman. I'm 5'6, 130lbs and I could still stand to lose some... :subdued:

 

If he's interested in YOU, your weight shouldn't be an issue. If he's purely superficial, it may well be. However, please don't claim to be anorexic when you're not. Yes, you lost weight in an unhealthy way. It does NOT make you anorexic.

 

Anorexia is not a weight, it's a habit. It simply means you don't eat, not that you're already skinny. You can be overweight and anorexic. When the OP said she was bulimic and anorexic, it could have meant she had periods of binging/purging and starving.

[pl3asehelp]

For a friend it would be totally irrelevant unless I thought they were unhealthy.

[nyxy]

Anorexia is not a weight, it's a habit. It simply means you don't eat, not that you're already skinny. You can be overweight and anorexic. When the OP said she was bulimic and anorexic, it could have meant she had periods of binging/purging and starving.

 

"Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by immoderate food restriction and irrational fear of gaining weight, as well as a distorted body self-perception. It typically involves excessive weight loss and is usually found more in females than in males. Due to the fear of gaining weight, people with this disorder restrict the amount of food they consume. This restriction of food intake causes metabolic and hormonal disorders. Anorexia nervosa has many complicated implications and may be thought of as a lifelong illness that may never be truly cured[citation needed], but only managed over time."

 

Anorexia is neither a weight, nor a habit. It's an illness.

 

Excessive weight loss, metabolic and hormonal issues, lifelong illness. When your skinniest is 10.5st (which at that height, is still considered overweight according to BMI), you do NOT have the characteristics of the illness, and you are NOT anorexic.

 

I've had people claim I'm anorexic in the past. I'm not. At MY thinnest, I was 115lbs at 5'6. I don't have a lifelong illness where I'm starving myself, I just dropped weight due to stress and lack of appetite.

[BritterSweet]

I did mess up in calling anorexia a habit rather than an illness.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Oh dear, OP you sound just like me. Even the figures. I was never anorexic but i was bulimic for very many years. First thing i'd like to say is CONGRATS for making it through. I think you are pretty amazing to have come so far!

 

I understand that feeling. Thats how i feel constantly at the moment. I don't want to go out. I don't want to be seen by anyone who knew me. I just feel like i've let myself and everyone else down. So trust me - i understand. My boyfriend has stuck by me through my weight gain - and tells me all the time it doesn't matter and that he think i'm beautiful no matter what - i still feel like a let down but i believe that he means what he says.

 

The peraon who is right for you will NOT judge you on your weight okay. I had one guy judge me because of my weight and it broke my heart and in the end so did he. But honestly - the right person will love your curves. And be happy as long as you are healthy!

 

Lastly a little story to hopefully make you realise not everyone sees weight like we do. A friend of mine, we'll call her A was dating another friend of mine , lets call him B. They broke up and didn't see each other for a long time. A had severe anorexia and by the time B saw her she had gained about 15 kilos (30ish pounds). B actually spoke to me about it and told me he was so happy that she had finally started eating. There was NO negativity in his words at all. He was just glad she wasn't suffering anymore. Thats what any good man will think okay. And if those feelings are still there then it won't matter what you look likr. He'll just appreciate hoe far you have come as a person. Good luck!