txt my ex bf of one week to yell at him for being on a dating website already?

[Lostndazed]

I broke it off with my boyfriend last week and he is online now, POF status "looking for a relationship." I am so hurt because I did everything possible to make things work out between us and in the end, I couldnt deal with his inconsideration any more. Yes he was patient with me when I get antsy and worried but when we were together, he was just inconsiderate of my feelings of wanting to do things differently- to spice up the relationship. I asked him if it had to do with money but he said no. I even asked him if it had to do with him not being attracted to me, he says no. I say 'fine, insteaD of movie or going out to eat, lets just do a walk?' He always said no. I dont ask for much and we were together for 9 months and I feel like its my fault that i started asking for a bit more. I am still kind of beating myself up for it but then I keep telling myself I wouldnt want to marry a guy who was so selfish too... I mean I dont want my kids to have a father like that.

 

So I was checking POF today just to check it out, not interested in dating or talking to any one at the time-being. Lo & behold, he is on. I called him but he didnt pick up. I wasnt going to call a 2nd time. So Im thinking about giving him a piece of my mind but then again maybe I shouldnt.... because I hate being obviously upset about someone when I chose to break off our relationship. However I hate what he has on his profile. Nothing that refers to me... Just that he is a bleeping Cowboys fan- ***? For 9 months you never talked about football to me or even watched football on sundays- how do all of a sudden you are a hardcore Cowboys fan? I know the team sucks so ok, maybe you just didnt wanna talk about it- but never mentioned it in passing (we talked every day). Then he mentions that he is looking for a gal with a sense of humor. May me rolled my eyes and hurl! For the past 6 months, this guy had no sense of humor due to his depression. I dont understand how you can want something and not even have a funny bone in you. And believe me, I had some good jokes- i take that back, I had a lot of great punch lines. Third he says he is looking for someone sweet, beautiful and someone who doesnt party. You know this sounds like the stuff he kept saying to me and to countless of his friends and fam y he likes me (confirmed when I have met them).... Now I'm getting more upset. Then he says that he wants to do dates doing roadtrips and go hiking because he is 'outdoorsy' and 'adventurous'- well **** me! Arent these things I have been beggin him to do- and desperately settling for a walk around the park? Fifth, his pictures are just awful. He is not going to get a lot of chicks biting due to bad pictures. As much as I'm upset at him for having a profile, I still want to see him do well in all his endeavors.

 

However I feel like its a slap in the face to me because even tho I had my outbursts due to anxiety every now and then, I was very low maintenance. Never asked for much, worked 2 jobs and still made time and effort for us (i cooked, did his laundry sometimes), met his family when he never cared to meet mine (totally avoided it). He also was prone to making every statement i said like i made a big accusation against him and so i ended up always calming him down. Then \he talked to me endlessly about moving in together, even asked me about kids and how he wanted them early when we get married, and asked if we can live in the town and not in the city. He was eager to see me but always eager to leave too to do his own thing- which was prob. hanging out with his brother and playing video games or sleeping. He hardly works because the station dont need him that much (he quit his full time job 4 months ago) and yet complained about being tired all the time.

 

I was thinking about texting him that he is a fraud, inconsiderate & selfish. I feel like I am entitle to it because of all the effort I put in to the relationship compared to his lifeless efforts in our relationship.

[RedDress]

Don't do it. Take the high road. You'll regret saying angry things... you won't regret taking the high road.

 

For the profile - listen - you know him better than that. A lot of people put stuff on their profile that isn't completely accurate. But... what is he supposed to say? That he likes sitting around playing video games and sleeping? Of course not. He's going to stretch. The next girl will realize that he's not a big football fan, that he never wants to go anywhere (despite thinking he wants to) and that he has no (or maybe different than yours?) sense of humor. You don't need to tell him all that... and really... c'mon... you aren't trying to help him get dates. You're just mad.

 

He has every right to be on a dating site. You broke up with him. I know it hurts, but it is what it is...

 

I think you need to grab your best girl friend and have a margarita or two. Or a pint of ice cream. Unload on her instead. You'll feel much better about it.

 

Unfortunately not all relationships worked out. Be happy that you are now free to find the right one for you.

[capilot]

I think it's a very common reaction to sign up to a dating site right after you've been dumped. People want to feel that they have options.

 

Besides, what were you doing on POF?

[pippy longstocking]

Besides, what were you doing on POF?

 

exactly my thoughts ...you can say you where just looking etc etc but you are still there .

 

don't text him ...why would you give him that much power , why would you let him know you have seen him and that your bothered ....keep your self respect darling ....say and do nothing .

[Lostndazed]

You r right. I am mad that he can easily move on. But how could he be so quick about it?

 

The week before I broke it off with him, he started talking with me for hours every day- bout life in the future together. It was nice and fun. We do have the same sense of humor its just that most of the time, im initiating the teasing but most times he is not playing along (bc he is tired.) then we meet up and he is totally lifeless- except have sex. Try to talk to him whats bothering him- said nothing. Then we part, avoid my call. Next day still avoiding- text him we have to talk. Waited 3 whole days and i am done. Text him goodbye letter. No response. 3 days later hes on Pof. I wanna just ask him why?

[Lostndazed]

exactly my thoughts ...you can say you where just looking etc etc but you are still there.

 

Thats exactly what he will say back to me - he was always the jealous type. But i think its totally ok to go on and look when u r single- but go on and make a profile and actively search? Well those r two diff things.

[Lostndazed]

I think it's a very common reaction to sign up to a dating site right after you've been dumped. People want to feel that they have options.

 

Yea maybe thats what it is ... He always said to me that I have options because he personally knew of two guys that like me. I always thought maybe this is y he kept me around because he didnt want the other guys to have me.... It sucks.

[metrogirl]

Maybe you just weren't quite the right girl for him, don't beat yourself up. Now you are in a position to find a man that wants to talk football with you, that wants to go hiking and hang out with you.

[DN]

Thats exactly what he will say back to me - he was always the jealous type. But i think its totally ok to go on and look when u r single- but go on and make a profile and actively search? Well those r two diff things.

Sorry but it isn't different.

 

In any event - you dumped him. The instant you did that he is free to do whatever he wants, there isn't some sort of mandatory mourning period that he is required to go through before he moves on to someone else.

[browneyedgirl36]

Sorry but it isn't different.

 

In any event - you dumped him. The instant you did that he is free to do whatever he wants, there isn't some sort of mandatory mourning period that he is required to go through before he moves on to someone else.

 

I agree with DN -- it isn't different. Looking is looking, whether you've created a profile or not, and if you confront him with this you'll be admitting that you too were looking on a dating site.

 

He is free to do what he wants. Yes, it seems soon, but some people jump right back into dating -- sometimes the day after a break-up. I wouldn't do that, but that's me. Everyone's different. He's probably upset and thinks this is a way to move on.

 

Regardless, let it go. You broke up with him -- and probably rightfully so, if he wasn't treating you well -- and both of you should move on.

[capilot]

Thats exactly what he will say back to me - he was always the jealous type

 

And you're not? Go re-read your first post.

 

But i think its totally ok to go on and look when u r single- but go on and make a profile and actively search? Well those r two diff things.

 

Barely. In fact, I'm rather curious as to what you think the difference is.

[Lostndazed]

We both are the jealous & insecure types. We werent a good match. I had a hard time sleeping last night thinking about if there was a difference between looking casually w/o a profile and having a profile and looking. I guess not much just that I would stop myself from making a profile because Im not ready to date- i put lots of effort and it drained me. Of course he could just move on because he didnt put half an effort.

Thanks RedDress for your advice. I spent the whole day with my sister and talking to her (yea called in sick) driving in to town and then spent the evening with my family laughing and hanging out with my little nieces and nephews- cherishing everything I have especially in the wake of the school shooting. It cleared my head and I'm not upset any more. I have so much going for me, why am I moping about something trivial? I guess I just needed to let out the steam...