If relationships really take work, why does it seem like they just happen?

[Batya33]

Crap. Let me rephrase. No, I don't think of things I'm thankful for. I don't pray. I'm not religious.

 

My focus wasn't on the prayer part -sorry if it came accross that way. No need to pray or have any religion to focus every day on what you're thankful and grateful for.

[cadmiumblue]

I'm thankful I didn't take a butcher knife to my wrists within the year my friend left me and I was feeling completely empty inside.

[PetiteGirl]

I think it all comes down to having your heart broken and you're still healing from it. Feeling angry and depressed is part of the process. Do you think you could start a blog and write about how you feel?

 

Have you tried link removed? There may be some meetup groups near your areas you might wanna try.

[cadmiumblue]

I've written a lot about how I feel over the past nearly seven years...it doesn't seem to help. : (

 

Maybe I'll think about a support group. I'm just not sure how many people are in this not that common and very crappy situation.

[cadmiumblue]

Meaning if they're in unrequited love, they haven't been abandoned. If they've been abandoned, there was a reciprocal relationship prior to the abandonment. So the non return of feelings abandonment combo isn't that common...I don't know anyone else this has happened to personally.

[mhowe]

Well, it may have happened to others, but they don't make it part of their identity.

[PetiteGirl]

I've written a lot about how I feel over the past nearly seven years...it doesn't seem to help. : (

 

Maybe I'll think about a support group. I'm just not sure how many people are in this not that common and very crappy situation.

 

It's called a heartbreak. Everyone deals with it differently. Feeling abandoned is part of it too. If your friend just simply stopped replying to your message, I suppose it left you without a sense of closure. However, closure is never guaranteed when it comes to matter of the heart. Yes, do try a support group or a hobby to keep yourself busy. Your energy is better spent taking care of yourself.

[cadmiumblue]

I guess I mean the loved a friend/told/they went away situation. It's more common for platonic friends to continue being friends or for the people abandoned to be previously romantically entangled.

[cadmiumblue]

*platonic friends in an unrequited love situation

[Ms Darcy]

I am not sure how anyone can be helpful to you. Can you clarify what kind of advice you would like after seeing everyone's responses?

[cadmiumblue]

I just want a path toward normalcy. I just want what others have.

[cadmiumblue]

I also want advice that will really work, not some vague, "Oh, go out, put yourself out there." I have severe social anxiety...I go out often and nothing happens.

[Seraphim]

Ok, my husband had/has severe anxiety. He was too the point he would pass out. He was a real disaster. This is what he did. He went and got himself into therapy individual with a psychiatrist and psychologist. He also got himself on a medication. Then he went and got into a career he REALLY enjoys. He is now 100% better than he was. He has no problems now in social settings or anywhere else. All of those things he went out and did built his confidence like mad. Was it easy? NO. He still did it.

 

I myself have a panic/anxiety disorder. Is it easy? Hell, no. I was in the hospital a few times in the last 3 months. What am I doing? I am going to therapy and I am temporarily on a medication for the panic. In therapy I have learned coping skills to deal with it as well. Is it easy, once again hell no, but I'll be damned if I am going to let ANYTHING defeat me. I also do daily exercise because it relieves anxiety. Everyday I go for a 4 KM walk.

 

If you have anxiety the worst thing in the world you can do is sit there and do nothing. It makes it worse.

 

I also don't want to hear therapy does not work because that is bullshyte.

[penelope13]

I just want a path toward normalcy. I just want what others have.

 

The path towards your goals will require patience, acceptance, hard work - and never giving up (a.o.).

 

"I want what others have" is as unspecific as "go out, put yourself out there", thus the more precise you are with formulating your goal, the easier it will be to give you advice.

 

As to overcoming social anxiety: given the severity of your anxiety combined with your depression, therapy would be so beneficial if you could open yourself up to it.

 

Otherwise, you should increase situations where you are forced to talk to more people. At the beginning it shouldn't be at all about finding a partner or a new best friend - but simply about making conversation. Thus you don't have to stress about if that person finds you attractive, or anything else.

 

You could even start exercising your communication skills here on this (or any other similar) board by starting to have proper conversations with people, by starting to listen to their stories, by trying to help them with their problems, while slowly talking about your own life without the 'anger filter'.

 

Change has to take place gradually, step by step to be truly lasting.

[cadmiumblue]

I don't really see myself as having an anger filter. When happy things happen I'll talk about them happily. When sad things happen I talk about them and I'm sad, angry. Like everyone else...

 

I honestly don't think I can help anyone right now. "My friend with benefits and I had to go to a FOUR star restaurant instead of a FIVE star one! HELP! POOR ME!" Yeah, you're right, I need to give advice.

[cadmiumblue]

"Help! My husband and I ONLY get to go to Paris this year, instead of the usual Paris AND Rome! WAH!"

 

-_-

[Seraphim]

I think there is more here than a forum can help you with. Really.

[cadmiumblue]

What does that even mean?

[Seraphim]

It means that we are not psychiatrists and you have stonewalled every suggestion made to you and mocked the help you have been given. It is my guess this is what you did with therapy and THAT is why it did not help you. In fact I can guarantee this is what you did. You want pity pure and simple. You also love the pity parade you give yourself. Until you stop it, you won't get better. No one here can help you if you continue on this path.

[Moontiger]

Honestly, I think your happy being miserable because then you can blame everyone else for your problems. You have been given pages and pages of advice and continue to be snippy with all the ppl trying to help you.

 

Until you accept that YOU are in control of your happiness, not your ex friend, not customers you have to deal with, not any one else trying to struggle through this life, you will not make profess towards what you claim to want.

[cadmiumblue]

I did not do this in therapy. Therapy, for whatever reason, just didn't work.

 

Okay, fine. I'm exaggerating a BIT. But it's hard to read about people wondering what present they should get their f buddy when you can't even get one not that great, halfhearted kiss.

[penelope13]

You would be the last person at the moment I imagine wanting to kiss - not with that attitude!

 

If you just want a kiss - that is really not that difficult: go out tonight to a bar - there is bound to be someone who wants to share a kiss. If not, check craigslist (or post yourself) there are many women/guys looking for a quick fling.

 

Just don't be surprised afterwards that it's not that epic event and afterwards everything will be different in life.

 

Unless in fair tales, where you simply have to kiss one frog, in real life you need to work to find your happy ever after

[Moontiger]

There are ppl on here who have been through physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. Ppl who have had loved ones day, been fired, hit by cars, been injuries by guns, knives etc.

 

Ppl who marry and find the other is a monster and have to live in constant fear, had their children taken from them, had friend betray them, it goes on and on. Yet you seem to think all if us have these perfect lives. Open your eyes and grow up.

[DN]

This thread has run its course.