Does unrequited love/heartbreak/abandonment leave a person heartless?

[cadmiumblue]

The point is that if some people (who don't know me) perceive me as sweet, shy and quiet, it's impossible that I seem like an angry person, even if I am. Thus, I don't project anger.

[cadmiumblue]

An online friend whose wife was a therapist told me he thinks I have borderline personality disorder, and no therapist will treat it. I'm basically screwed.

[Seraphim]

Really? You think so?( meaning you don't think you are angry)I do. You can think all you want that you don't. It will come home to roost eventually.

[Seraphim]

An online friend whose wife was a therapist told me he thinks I have borderline personality disorder, and no therapist will treat it. I'm basically screwed.

 

All kinds of therapists treat it so your friend is full of it.

[cadmiumblue]

I must say, if I have to have BPD, which apparently I do, I wish I had the kind my sister has, where you **** lots of people. Apparently mine is the kind where you're 28 and never kissed anyone. Yay.

[mhowe]

So, you are basing all of this on an on-line friend (who has never met you)'s wife (who has never met you). Great basis for a diagnosis.

 

You are angry, plain and simple.

If you don't ever speak, people who don't know you will think you are quiet, not sweet.

 

You are completely in denial, and want to play the victim card. Have at it --- I'm okay with that too!

[Fudgie]

I think for those who are good at typing d writing, online sites are often where they reveal themselves.

 

I think I have good parts and bad parts to me, and I've revealed both on here. I have people who like me and others who don't. But me on here, it's the true me. I've changed since being here too. Maybe mellowed out a little. Keyword being little.

 

You project a lot of anger, prejudice, etc. But I sense fear too. Sorry to sound like star wars, lol. But people are usually angry and defensive out of an inner fear. I have done that too. The key is to recognize it.

[mhowe]

I would assume the fear comes from the title "unrequited love/heartbreak/abandonment".

 

If you can identify the source, you can heal.

[cadmiumblue]

I've gotten sweet, believe it or not. Yes, these are people who really, really don't know me.

 

Probably because I used to wear coke bottle glasses and baggy clothes that made me look five years younger than I am, like some innocent nerdy...well...virgin, to be perfectly frank.

 

I can be sweet, but not to many people. My ex friend was REALLY special for me to love her, because I hate most people.

[cadmiumblue]

Obviously I have things I'm afraid of. Everyone does.

[mhowe]

Obviously I have things I'm afraid of. Everyone does.

 

Yes, some people are afraid of spiders.

 

Most people are not afraid of heartbreak/abandonment to the point of being cruel.

 

And many people are visit the state of DENIAL on occasion, but you have built a house. And taken up residency.

[cadmiumblue]

There's no point in me being afraid of something that's already happened. If anything, I wish I could undo what happened to me. I'm not afraid of heartbreak specifically, though it's correct that I don't want that to happen again because it's hard to live through.

[mhowe]

Are you really not understanding what I am saying, or are you being coy?

 

You were hurt by things in your past. You are afraid they may happen again.

You are angry that your love was unrequited, and that she never spoke to you again. You have held onto this for more than 6 yrs -- and have not moved past it.

You harbor an unusual level of anger and cruel thoughts.

 

And, you deny you have a problem.

[cadmiumblue]

No, I definitely have a problem.

[Blue Spiral]

Answering the OP's question: yes, heartbreak either left me heartless or revealed how heartless I was all along. Like you, I'm shy and quiet, but I'm pretty much devoid of all empathy, now. I have to actively work to be considerate towards other people.

[mhowe]

Answering the OP's question: yes, heartbreak either left me heartless or revealed how heartless I was all along. Like you, I'm shy and quiet, but I'm pretty much devoid of all empathy, now. I have to actively work to be considerate towards other people.

 

No offense dude, but haven't you mentioned in other posts that you may be on the Asperger's spectrum? If not, I apologize...but if yes, lack of empathy is part of it. And since you know that...you work at being considerate. Commendable.

[penelope13]

because I hate most people.

 

This statement in itself shows your anger. Most people don't really hate other people.

 

Maybe your past experience triggered these intense feelings, maybe not. But whatever the cause, don't you think it may be beneficial to you to learn better ways to deal with those feelings?

[cadmiumblue]

Answering the OP's question: yes, heartbreak either left me heartless or revealed how heartless I was all along. Like you, I'm shy and quiet, but I'm pretty much devoid of all empathy, now. I have to actively work to be considerate towards other people.

 

I have some empathy. I have a lot more empathy for some than others. For healthy, attractive women my age with both their parents, friends, a lover and a relatively nice lifestyle, my empathy is well below zero. In fact, I have essentially just described the human beings I hate most. lol.

[cadmiumblue]

This statement in itself shows your anger. Most people don't really hate other people.

 

Maybe your past experience triggered these intense feelings, maybe not. But whatever the cause, don't you think it may be beneficial to you to learn better ways to deal with those feelings?

 

I think we want to THINK most people don't hate people, because we've bought into this idea of normal. But it's really not true. There are a lot of misanthropes out there. They just fake it really well.

 

When it comes down to it, there's only a few people you can be THAT close to in this world anyway. Most people you think you like are really just acquaintances, or people you wave to politely.

 

My ex friend was someone I trusted every part of myself with. That kind of connection is rare, which is part of why losing her was so devastating. I wonder if I'll ever find something like that with someone again.

[Seraphim]

Not with your present attitude you won't.

[mhowe]

Most people you think you like are really just acquaintances, or people you wave to politely.

 

Yes, I refer to people who I am polite (not cruel) to as acquaintences.

My friends know the real me -- love and support the real me. And while I don't have a ton of them, I bet I have 10!

 

Life is to be shared and enjoyed. You clearly are not happy --- why don't you want to change?

[cadmiumblue]

Where did I imply that I didn't want to change? All I said is that most people are not these loving, wonderful beings that just treat others so well.

 

If that were the case there wouldn't be so many broken people here.

[mhowe]

So, you want to change?

 

How do you plan to do so? What is your strategy for letting go of the anger/hurt/betrayal of your past?

 

And as to the broken people here -- it is a forum for heartbreak. Kind of expect that, shouldn't you. This isn't a microcism of the world --- it is a place where broken souls come to learn, heal -- or just vent.

[Seraphim]

I have some empathy. I have a lot more empathy for some than others. For healthy, attractive women my age with both their parents, friends, a lover and a relatively nice lifestyle, my empathy is well below zero. In fact, I have essentially just described the human beings I hate most. lol.

 

Do you feel these people have no problems? I am what you have described right there. I have a husband. I have both parents although divorced. I have a son and a nice lifestyle. Want to know MY problems? I was sexually assaulted at 6 years old. In fact I was sexually assaulted by 5 people so many times I can not count. My father physically, emotionally and mentally abused me. He even did not feed me. I had 4 miscarriages on in which I held my dead baby in my hands because he was born in the hospital bathroom. My living child has severe learning disabilities. I have PTSD and a panic disorder. So never let the cover of someone be your guide, ok. EVERYONE has problems.

[mhowe]

Do you feel these people have no problems? I am what you have described right there. I have a husband. I have both parents although divorced. I have a son and a nice lifestyle. Want to know MY problems? I was sexually assaulted at 6 years old. In fact I was sexually assaulted by 5 people so many times I can not count. My father physically, emotionally and mentally abused me. He even did not feed me. I had 4 miscarriages on in which I held my dead baby in my hands because he was born in the hospital bathroom. My living child has severe learning disabilities. I have PTSD and a panic disorder. So never let the cover of someone be your guide, ok. EVERYONE has problems.

 

And with that all being put on the table V66 is one of the kindest, most empathetic and truly passionate people on this site. How she gets up everyday is a testament to her faith in herself, mankind and God.