Fudgie Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 It's time to move on with your life though. Forget her. She's not coming back. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 I know she's not coming back. Forgetting her is not as simple as you think. Six years. Don't you think if I could, I would have by now? Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 You don't forget, you just move on. I've mentioned my story in this thread to you. Do you think I can just forget? I can't. I still see about j from time to time and how he emotionally tortured me. But I've moved on. I am in a relationship and we live together. I'm finishing school and I work full time. Life is good. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 Well, I'm glad you're enjoying your life. That's nice. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 I sure am. I love being independent. Happiness is a choice and you're choosing not to make it. Your failures are your own doings, time to own it. Stop blaming other people for your own misgivings. Everyone can get screwed over but if you're constantly going through life angry at others and never owning up to how YOU can change so you can actually be liked, then it's your fault that you're failing, not others. You can change. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 I am trying to move on. I'm not sure what exactly constitutes moving on. I live my life, she's not in it. What more do you want? Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 If you're constantly dwelling on it and being bitter about love as a result, you haven't moved on. For God sakes, look at the thread title. You're not moved on. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 I don't constantly dwell on it. I think about it more than I'd like, but I mostly live my life as though she never existed, just as she lives her life as though I never did. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 So if you're moved on, then why are you so bitter about it and about love as a result? Honestly I think a good therapist could really help you. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 Once again, I was in therapy and it didn't work. Link to comment
grainsofrice Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 It takes special kind of mind set to feel empathic toward other who is struggling, happy, or whatever their situation are. It isn't automatic for me and I have to remind myself. I used to think " I had a crappy life, and now your life is crappy....deal with it bytch haha" and I didn't give a crap about their struggles. As I look closer, I at least try to understand others' situation and try to understand. Yep, I am happy that this Rich Dude never worked a day in his life or that Son of Bytch's got all the tools and resoruces to success in life. I can proudly say "Good for you" and actually feel happy for them. The names are just for illustration purpose. But, having lived under strict house rules....I do expect people to hold higher standards and strict rules such as cleaning up after oneself and obeying the obvious rules. I wish you all the best cadmiumblue. I'm about your age as well. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 I've had 4 therapists. The first 2 sucked, the second to last was okay, and my current one is best. You need to find someone else. All therapists are different. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 Yeah, I find that people who have sex regularly rarely give one thought to the possibility that the sex they enjoy on a weekly basis is something others don't get to have. Oh, I forgot, sexless people are supposed to just smile. Thanks, 28 year old, unkissed virginity. You're really a gift from the powers that be. Link to comment
grainsofrice Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 I'm not trolling ya. Are you equating sexless as being unhappy? Happiness much greater than sex. How would a Pope, Nun, and Monk feel about your comment? Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 I had a near sexless relationship for a long time before I got with my current boyfriend. My ex was not physically well and couldn't do that kind of stuff for a long time. Some people don't have sex for a variety of reasons. Doesn't give them a reason to treat others like crap. One of my favorite posters here is OptomisticGirl and she had a LDR and subsequent marriage with a UK guy. He just came here to the US but she had to spend literally years away from him, including her first year of marriage. No sex for her and she is so nice. She got through it. So no, I don't buy the whole "woe is me I'm sad and angry because I don't get sex" I have sex once a day now and yes, it's awesome. But it doesn't mean that I don't have problems or that my problems are somehow diminished. Sex is great but you still have to work. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 Imagine all your problems and then no sex. Wouldn't that be great. I hope that sometimes you think about people who get none. grainsofrice, people in religious orders CHOSE to live celibate. They're happy because they're following a way of life that they CHOSE. CHOSE. CHOSE. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 I'm not just sad and angry from no sex. I'm more unhappy from no love. I don't get that either. but yeah, the no sex thing blows. It would be one thing if this was a choice, but it's NOT. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 My problems are independent from sex. Actually I've been dealing with the same problems as I did when I did have sex at all, even when I was a virgin. Sex has not changed these problems or made them better. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 If you're unhappy about not having sex, then what are you doing right now to change things? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 My problems are independent from sex. Actually I've been dealing with the same problems as I did when I did have sex at all, even when I was a virgin. Sex has not changed these problems or made them better. I agree. Having sex has never changed the fact I was raped or that my son died. Nothing changes that. Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Imagine all your problems and then no sex. Wouldn't that be great. I hope that sometimes you think about people who get none. grainsofrice, people in religious orders CHOSE to live celibate. They're happy because they're following a way of life that they CHOSE. CHOSE. CHOSE. Sex will not solve your problems, or miraculously make you happy. Happiness comes from within. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 Sex, love--is a part of life. I don't want to life just part of a life. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 *don't want to live Link to comment
grainsofrice Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Sex will not solve your problems, or miraculously make you happy. Happiness comes from within. Squeezing the happiness out of self (within) is the most challenging part. I believe this can be done with positive affirmation and love for oneself. Cadmiumblue, you can learn to be more empathetic toward others by changing your body language, word choices, and tone. But for a few folks that you really can't feel for, you can simply just ignore or say nothing There is no need to have animosity toward others. You are already at lost for having such feeling to start with. Finding love is tough, but once you shows others that you do care and feel happy about yourself then, others will be more attracted to you. I notice that no one want to be friends with someone who is grouchy all the time. Love is something that grow on people. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 Beyond knowing that I could never do to someone what my ex friend did (just walking away because a friend fell in love with me), I don't think I'm a better person. Link to comment
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