We are in NC but I am so curious about something that I want to ask him about?

[aphrodite12]

Ok, a lot of people here might know my story. To summarise it, my ex-boyfriend left me a month ago after a 6-month relationship because I had temper issues and initiated a lot of arguments with him over nothing. It was quite a messy breakup because I was sobbing over his shoulder while he was nonchalant and telling me to calm down ( So it was a very bad ugly ending. We have been in No Contact since the day he ended it between us; he hasn't contacted me once and nor I him, for one month now. My plan was to not contact him until 2 months after the breakup. I am not writing this thread to get advice on how to get him back or to ask him anything personal. What I'm about to ask is rather unique, lol.

 

The Olympics are going on in London at the moment and my ex works for the BBC who are broadcasting them. Me and him are both Londoners. My ex has quite a prominent role in the BBC Olympic team; he and a team of 9 other people are the ones behind making the BBC video player online that is showing the Olympics online. Everywhere I go, I see people watching the Olympics on their laptops/computers and I'm doing the same, I LOVE the Olympics, and these 2 weeks are the most prominent for my ex's team since they are monitoring this video player and seeing if everything is going smoothly with it.. This is just so exciting to me and I am DYING to ask him HOW IT'S GOING! This happens once in a lifetime and he has such an important role in something that is so exciting for me that I am so, so, so curious to know!!!

The problem is, my ex and I don't have mutual friends so I can't ask anyone else to ask him. I did ask one of my friends who does know him a bit to ask him though and she said she felt uncomfortable to ask him because they were never really friends lol plus she thought he would decipher that I was behind it So I think I need to ask him myself....but I wanted to keep up NC! But I know I will regret it if I don't. I don't want to wait till months later when the Olympics has become a thing of the past, I want to ask him in the heat of the moment while the work is going on!!

 

My barrier here is 2 things:

 

1) I don't want to be hurt when I receive a platonic reply from the man who once loved me (but he still loves me)

 

2) I don't want to break NC. After the amount of begging and crying that I did when he was breaking up with me he might think that this is just my excuse to talk to him again which it ISN'T!!!!!!! I want to tell my GRANDKIDS how it was going during the Olympics, that I knew someone who was behind the main broadcasting team!!

 

This is the layout of the text that I want to send to him:

 

"Hey, I know that this text is completely out of the blue, but I really wanted to ask before it finishes, how is work going during Olympics time? It's all that everyone's talking about atm and the curiosity was killing me....What's going well with the video player and what isn't? What achievements/technical issues have you guys had?"

 

Does this text sound OK?

[ToF]

You may be genuinely curious, but you are still fishing for reasons to talk to him.

 

Go for it if you want, but I don't see this making you feel any better.

[aphrodite12]

You may be genuinely curious, but you are still fishing for reasons to talk to him.

 

Go for it if you want, but I don't see this making you feel any better.

 

That is just what I expected people who know about my situation to say but this is not true, if the Olympics was happening in your town and your ex was behind it you would be curious too! I will never get this chance again because it will never come to London again! I don't want to talk to him, I even asked my friend to ask him how the work is going so I wouldn't have to! Doesn't that say something?

 

I am not doing this to make me feel better about anything and I know it'll suck some life outta me with his platonic reply but I keep telling myself that atleast my curiosity will be quenched!!

[ToF]

Yes -- it says you really want to hear from him. That's fine and normal, especially with the Olympics going on in your hometown.

 

Look, say something if you want. No matter what your intentions are, unless he's a moron he will figure that you're using this as an excuse to strike up a conversation with him. That's just how he'll see it.

 

So. Do it if you really want to, which it sounds like you do. But know that it will likely make you feel worse in the long run, as he'll either a) give you an unsatisfactory (or no) response, or b) leave you wanting more contact and wishing you were together.

 

Good luck to you.

[Pleasedonot5]

You could simply watch the Olympics on TV and tell your grandkids that you know someone on the BBC team. Then, you'd be fully updated and wouldn't be lying, without contacting him. You're just looking for excuses to talk to him, believe it or not. My advice is to leave it alone and maintain NC. It sucks, but it's the way to go.

 

You could contact him if it'll bring you more happiness in the long run, but I think ToF answered it pretty well. Do it if you want, but it probably won't go your way.

[sadlilchicky]

It's not likely that he will forget an experience like working at the Olympics. Why don't you wait until you're feeling less emotionally unstable about the break up..give NC some time..and then ask him about it a few months down the line?

[aphrodite12]

You guys don't understand. You know from my other posts that I am honest about my feelings, I really don't want him to think that I'm doing it to get back together because I am just genuinely curious! ew like eeryone else are seeing it from the BBC website but I know someone who's working behind the scens and I really don't want to let this pass... hell I would even say in the text something like "Hey, I just want you to know that I think the breakup was a good idea, I don't see a future with us and I think we should be apart. But HOW ARE THE OLYMPICS" if that's what it takes for me to know! lol

[ToF]

Do whatever you want, aphrodite. You cannot control his feelings. If he interprets it as you wanting to talk to him, then there's nothing you can do about that. I would advise, however, that you do not mention the breakup in any capacity.

[aphrodite12]

It's not likely that he will forget an experience like working at the Olympics. Why don't you wait until you're feeling less emotionally unstable about the break up..give NC some time..and then ask him about it a few months down the line?

 

Sorry I just saw your post. I would but the thing is I'm someone who likes to make the most of a moment; while the hype of the Olympics is in the air I am dying to know what's going on behind the scenes. I've been in a similar situation before when the choir from my college which I'm a singer in was asked to perform on the UK X-Factor last Christmas. It is something that I will never forget, but telling someone how it was one month after is different to telling them in the heat of the moment- during the rehearsal just before the show! That's why I really want to ask him

[sadlilchicky]

Clearly you're going to text him no matter what anyone says to you..so what was the point of this thread?

 

It's still a really, really bad idea. It's going to mess with your head, and no matter what his response is, you're going to be hurt all over again..and honestly, what's he going to say? "Oh, it's going really well, thanks". Really? That's something you need to tell your grandkids? No. You're looking for excuses to contact him.

[aphrodite12]

Clearly you're going to text him no matter what anyone says to you..so what was the point of this thread?

 

It's still a really, really bad idea. It's going to mess with your head, and no matter what his response is, you're going to be hurt all over again..and honestly, what's he going to say? "Oh, it's going really well, thanks". Really? That's something you need to tell your grandkids? No. You're looking for excuses to contact him.

 

I'm glad that I started this thread because in contrast to what I thought about this all being normal, it seems that he will think it to have an ulterior motive. Which I really don't want. So I will plead with this friend of mine to text him about it!

 

I know that if I were to do it, I would cry when I would receive his reply. Where there used to be love and care in his words, there will be nonchalance and indifference. No "xx" at the end.

[DN]

You said you were going to wait two months before contacting him. What is so special about two months?

[sadlilchicky]

I work in entertainment and I can promise you that it's definitely no picnic working at big events like the Olympics. He's probably exhausted.

[aphrodite12]

You said you were going to wait two months before contacting him. What is so special about two months?

 

A couple of reason why:

 

1) 2 months will give me more time to heal and not feel sad at his platonic replies if I were to text

 

2) 2 months would be more time for him to miss me and miss the good times

 

 

But for these olympics being right now I am going to plead with my friend to ask him about it!!!!!! How I wish I could...guys, is there no way on earth that I could ask him? Cos if my friends ask she won't ask the details that I want to know..like technical issues and all that! I knew a lot about his work when we were together and at the most exciting time for BBC I want to know morrrrreeeeeeeeee!

[ToF]

I know that if I were to do it, I would cry when I would receive his reply. Where there used to be love and care in his words, there will be nonchalance and indifference. No "xx" at the end.

 

Doesn't that tell you that you DO have an ulterior motive? This is evidence that you really just want to hear from him, among the other reasons.

[DN]

Well, if you are going to contact him anyway I don't think another month will make that much difference. But since he is busy he may not be open to much communication

[aphrodite12]

Doesn't that tell you that you DO have an ulterior motive? This is evidence that you really just want to hear from him, among the other reasons.

 

I know it seems like that. But think about it this way. If that were to be my aim, why would I be looking for someone else to do the deed for me? It shows that it's not the connection between us that I am after; it is the answer to my question how is the BBC going at this exciting time.

 

And I think you underestimate me. I have been able to keep up NC all this time and I can easily do it for another month. But with so much Olympics hype in the air wherever I go, a part of me feels like I really want to contact the person I know who is behind it all! Just too bad that it happens to be my ex.

[sadlilchicky]

I know it seems like that. But think about it this way. If that were to be my aim, why would I be looking for someone else to do the deed for me? It shows that it's not the connection between us that I am after; it is the answer to my question how is the BBC going at this exciting time.

 

No, it looks even more desperate and childish to have someone do it for you. That's middle school behavior.

 

Also, NC isn't for him, it's for you. If you tell yourself that you will contact him in 2 months, you're just going to be counting down the days until 2 months have passed. You're not going to be making any positive changes in your life. If you're going to do that, you might as well just do it all now and get it out of the way so you're not torturing yourself for another 2 months and wasting precious time.

[stuka80]

what exactly are you expecting him to say aside from "it's going really well so far thanks for asking" and that's if he responds to you at all. He's probably working overtime, is exhausted after each day and the last thing he would do is write an ex gf whom he hasnt talked to in a while a 10 page description of what's going on behind the scenes of an online broadcast.

 

"oh the fiber cables are holding up well, and the antennas havent colapsed yet, as long as planes dont fly overhead the wi-fi signals should keep up..." really?

[ToF]

I know it seems like that. But think about it this way. If that were to be my aim, why would I be looking for someone else to do the deed for me? It shows that it's not the connection between us that I am after; it is the answer to my question how is the BBC going at this exciting time.

 

And I think you underestimate me. I have been able to keep up NC all this time and I can easily do it for another month. But with so much Olympics hype in the air wherever I go, a part of me feels like I really want to contact the person I know who is behind it all! Just too bad that it happens to be my ex.

 

But if you'd cry as soon as he responded? That has to tell you something, aphrodite. Having your friend contact him is immature, but if you're dying for that information then go for it. I agree with the poster who asked you what exactly you expect to hear other than, "It's going well, thanks" or something along those lines. Would that REALLY be worth all this trouble?

 

You are doing very, very well with NC. I do think another month, two months, or whatever is completely arbitrary.

[aphrodite12]

what exactly are you expecting him to say aside from "it's going really well so far thanks for asking." He's probably working overtime, is exhausted after each day and the last thing he would do is write an ex gf whom he hasnt talked to in a while a 10 page description of what's going on behind the scenes of an online broadcast.

 

"oh the fiber cables are holding up well, and the antennas havent colapsed yet, as long as planes dont fly overhead the wi-fi signals should keep up..." really?

 

I was always the one he would tell first about an achievement, a promotion, a decision or anything else. Because we were friends, not just bf and gf. So I really don't think he would find it that much of a task to put his latest in a text and say what's been happening. I'm someone who really likes getting behind all the hype of something, and since my ex is the one behind it I am ubbbber curious!!

 

Is there any way I can word the text to not make him suspicious?? Please help me out, because all these replies are scaring me and making me think that my genuine curiosity is going to get misinterpreted!

 

Shall I say "I agree with the breakup and one month has made me think and realise that we are not meant to be together" ?

 

ToF I know you are advising against that, but if everything else I say will point him in the wrong direction, do I have a choice?

[ToF]

Shall I say "I agree with the breakup and one month has made me think and realise that we are not meant to be together" ?

 

But that clearly isn't true.

 

If everything you say to him would have to be this carefully calculated and thought-out, I think that's a sign you should not be talking to him.

[aphrodite12]

But that clearly isn't true.

 

I know that but I don't want to push him further away And I wasn't going to put in so much effort into this text; I just came on here to have reassurance that it won't get misinterpreted by him. Which I am glad that I asked!

[ToF]

Don't lie to him. He will know it's a lie, and that will make you look rather pitiful. Save your dignity (like you've been doing so far by not contacting him), and just let this one go.

[calichick007]

Of course he will interpret it as fishing for contact, because that's what you're doing. You keep trying to convince yourself that you just neeeeeed to do all of these things RIGHT THIS MOMENT - inviting him to a play, sending him a dramatic card, texting about the Olympics. All of them are just excuses to be in some sort of contact with him, if you're honest with yourself. I get the impression that you think NC is going to make him forget about you and that you need to strike while he might still have lingering feelings, by any means necessary. All bad ideas.