We are in NC but I am so curious about something that I want to ask him about?

[aphrodite12]

just let this one go.

 

But this comes only once in a life time and I am willing to be a bit upset if it means I'll know something that will never come my way again.

[ToF]

*sigh*

 

Do what you want, aphrodite. Arguing with you is not helping anyone.

[sadlilchicky]

What do you think he's going to tell you that's going to be so exciting that you HAVE to contact him right this second? I'm not being sarcastic..I really want to know.

[ToF]

What do you think he's going to tell you that's going to be so exciting that you HAVE to contact him right this second? I'm not being sarcastic..I really want to know.

 

Ditto to this.

[gluestick]

No matter what you do or say to him, it's going to come accross as being desperate...especially since all the text msgs you were thinking of sending him has to do with the relationship and not the Olympics (which you had yourself convinced was about). Even if you wait 2 more months to contact him, it's going to send the same message. As long as you're still hung up over him, you're going to give off the vibe that you're desperate for him to take you back. Just move on for your own sake instead of pining over someone who doesn't want you.

[aphrodite12]

I just want to be behind the know; everyone is watching the Olympics but I'm lucky to know someone who is controlling what they are watching- him and a small team of 10. This doesn't come round all the time.

 

And my friends I agree with all the comments that you have posted. ToF I can imagine it would be pretty exhausting to keep trying to convince someone as stubborn as me, lol. But I always find your responses to be the best and most helpful in all my threads, thanks a lot for them.

 

Guys despite everything, one truth that remains the truth is that my ex loves me. My last ex didn't love me even during our relationship (he told me that himself) and I made many foolish errors after he broke up with me in trying to "keep a friendship". The lessons I learned from that are many. But this guy loves me. And where there's love, there should be no fear.Contacting him to ask how his big project is going at its most important time shoudn't be such a crime and shouldn't be so diminishing to my ego. I was once very important to him, and not so long ago at that. I'm not just some desperate girl who is trying to contact a guy who never gave a toss about her.

[calichick007]

Just do it and be done with it. I'm sorry, but you do this in every single thread. You ask for advice, dozens of people offer you sound advice, and you just get defensive and make a speech about how much he loves you and how that entitles you to do [whatever it is you want to do]. If you think it's a great idea, just do it.

[TriColors]

It's obvious that you are going to text him no matter what anyone here says. So go do it, then let us know the results.

[TriColors]

Just do it and be done with it. I'm sorry, but you do this in every single thread. You ask for advice, dozens of people offer you sound advice, and you just get defensive and make a speech about how much he loves you and how that entitles you to do [whatever it is you want to do]. If you think it's a great idea, just do it.

 

Yeah, loves her so much that he broke up with her.

[ToF]

I think you're projecting your feelings on to him. He broke up with you, and he's not done anything since then to indicate that he regrets that decision. Saying he loves you may bring you comfort, and it may be true ... But that doesn't make contacting him a better decision.

 

It's wonderful that you loved one another whilst you were together. You can and will find that again, if you let yourself. But right now, you are "some desperate girl" who is trying to contact a guy who broke up with her. Everything you've written has made that fact quite plain.

 

You are contacting him 1. because you want to hear from him, 2. because you want some "inside info" about the Olympics. He will only see #1, I guarantee it.

[ToF]

Just do it and be done with it. I'm sorry, but you do this in every single thread. You ask for advice, dozens of people offer you sound advice, and you just get defensive and make a speech about how much he loves you and how that entitles you to do [whatever it is you want to do]. If you think it's a great idea, just do it.

 

Well said. Read this very carefully, aphrodite.

[sadlilchicky]

Maybe I'm just jaded, but honestly, unless he is an athlete or a coach at the Olympics, his job is not that big a deal. Being around important people doesn't make you important (believe me, I know). I'm sure it's very exciting for him and that's fantastic, but knowing someone who did something that had something to do with the mobile broadcasting of the Olympics is just not that impressive. He's not going to be able to give you any amazing information that you couldn't get over the internet. What are you going to do? Save the phone that has that text until you have grandkids and then break it out at family reunions? It's not worth breaking NC over. You've done such a great job so far and now you're going to ruin it and it's going to hurt.

 

Whether or not he loves you is not the question..maybe he does, maybe he doesn't, I don't know. But he's not making any attempts to be in a relationship with you, and that right there should tell you that whatever love he may or may not feel for you is not enough for him to want you. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. He's not.

 

But as a few previous posters have said, you're clearly not going to listen to what anyone here says, so just do it already.

[charity]

i know that if i was in your situation.. the only reason i would be doing this (subconsciously) is so that he sees that we still have things in common and may think of me fondly because of this.

look you are doing NC for a reason. you are hurt and fresh from a break up. give yourself a break.

you now my last ex and i shared a love for yoga. after we broke up ( i dumped him) he text me saying he was starting a yoga class and could i offer him some advice? i said no. i felt he was clutching at any chance of contact. maybe i was right, maybe i was wrong... but thats what i felt when i got the message.

[PaintWithLight]

You only had 6 months together. He has a tech job with the Olympics. You are looking for reasons to fight letting this go. You even admit that you planned to reestablishing contact in another month.

 

"Hey, I know that this text is completely out of the blue, but I really wanted to ask before it finishes, how is work going during Olympics time? It's all that everyone's talking about atm and the curiosity was killing me....What's going well with the video player and what isn't? What achievements/technical issues have you guys had?"

 

Stooping to ask about technical issues was cringeworthy. Just leave this guy alone. Rebuild your solo life.

[diamond78]

This is the layout of the text that I want to send to him:

 

"Hey, I know that this text is completely out of the blue, but I really wanted to ask before it finishes, how is work going during Olympics time? It's all that everyone's talking about atm and the curiosity was killing me....What's going well with the video player and what isn't? What achievements/technical issues have you guys had?"

 

Does this text sound OK?

 

 

If you are going to text him, only send something like,

 

"Hey, I know that this text is completely out of the blue, but I really wanted to ask before it finishes, how is work going during Olympics time? I'm sure it's probably been a challenging, yet exciting experience. Hope all is well!"

 

All the other stuff about achievements/technical issues and what's working or not is over the top and comes accross as forced.

 

From what you described here, it sounds like he broke up with you by default. Meaning he fet he had/should since you were causing drama and unpleasantness in the relationship.

 

If that is how things really went down, then I don't see an issue with you being the one to initiate some contact. The current situation is a good excuse to do that...as long as you are honest with yourself that it is definitely an excuse to make contact with him.

 

You should also be prepared for if he doesn't respond to you, his response is delayed, or he is less than enthusiastic in his response. If you can handle any of those scenarios, then by all means....However, if you know you will become an emotional wreck, then you seriously need to refrain from contacting him.

 

I also think you should pay attention to the fact that he has remained silent since the breakup. That tells me he most likely was very confident about the decision he made and plans on sticking to it. Just something you should be mindful of....

[aphrodite12]

Just do it and be done with it. I'm sorry, but you do this in every single thread. You ask for advice, dozens of people offer you sound advice, and you just get defensive and make a speech about how much he loves you and how that entitles you to do [whatever it is you want to do]. If you think it's a great idea, just do it.

 

No my friend. From all the threads that I have started on eNotAlone since I joined one month ago, including this one, I have ended up changing my perspective on things and therefore my plans. Because of all the replies to this question I won't send the text. Because of everyone telling me that the card is a bad idea I'm doubling the time lapse before sending it. The replies to my threads help me a lot. They let me see sense, and the opinions are given objectively by people who can see the situation from the outside. The reason I make these "end speeches" at the end of threads saying how much my ex loves me is to make sure people know more of the full story and to see if they still keep their opinions on the matter.

 

 

I think you're projecting your feelings on to him. He broke up with you, and he's not done anything since then to indicate that he regrets that decision. Saying he loves you may bring you comfort, and it may be true ... But that doesn't make contacting him a better decision.

 

It's wonderful that you loved one another whilst you were together. You can and will find that again, if you let yourself. But right now, you are "some desperate girl" who is trying to contact a guy who broke up with her. Everything you've written has made that fact quite plain.

 

You are contacting him 1. because you want to hear from him, 2. because you want some "inside info" about the Olympics. He will only see #1, I guarantee it.

 

I know the opinion would be that if he loved me so much, why did he leave me and not contact me since that day a month ago. I am losing hope, I admit. So many people get a "I miss you so much" text from their ex, or a "how you doing?" but I didn't get a peep from him all this time. And now he will probably get used to life without me and forget me. But one thing he did say as we was leaving me. He said "I don't want to try again, atleast not now. Not in the immediate future." This is one of my hopes.

 

The hard thing is that this man didn't mess up. He was so good to me and always wanted me to be happy. It was because I messed up. When a breakup happens, it is easy for your friends to say "Aw you'll find someone better" whereas in fact, he was as good as they can be. He wasn't my first so I can really compare.

 

Sad

[ToF]

The hard thing is that this man didn't mess up. He was so good to me and always wanted me to be happy. It was because I messed up. When a breakup happens, it is easy for your friends to say "Aw you'll find someone better" whereas in fact, he was as good as they can be. He wasn't my first so I can really compare.

 

Correction: He is the best you've had so far. You have no way of knowing that he's as good as it gets. In fact, the odds are overwhelming that you are wrong about that.

[saroec]

I think like that, I'm convinced my ex was the best person I have ever been with, but I know now that I need to move on.. Unfortunately we have to say to ourselves sometimes that we had someone who we considered to be 'the best,' but who's to say the next one won't be better than the last in a different way?

[gluestick]

Has it ever occurred to you that the people who get the "I miss you so much" and "how you doing?" texts are usually the ones who get sucked in by false promises of reconciliation only to be heartbroken all over again. Everyday on ENA I see at least one of these threads and these people get strung along (either voluntarily or by delusion) for a very long time. Now THAT'S sad.

 

He might not be your first boyfriend, but from how you're taking the breakup it does sound like he's one of the few you truly care about. As such, you should know that if a guy says he doesn't want to try again, he means it. I'd take him at face value and move the hell on.

[seoulmate]

And now he will probably get used to life without me and forget me. But one thing he did say as we was leaving me. He said "I don't want to try again, atleast not now. Not in the immediate future." This is one of my hopes.

 

This happens so much and I read it a lot on the forum.

 

Either the person ending the relationship ends and walks out and the other person is left there asking themselves "why didn't they even want to talk about thing?" or, "How could they leave and not say anything?"... or,

 

The person ending the relationship (in passing) says something as a sort of "softening blow" to the person being broke-up with, such as your ex said.

 

I'm going to be honest with you. Your ex probably doesn't even remember saying those words and yet you are here saying "this is one of my hopes". Translation for what he really meant is "I'm sorry I'm breaking up with you. I know it hurts. I don't want to be with you anymore. I'm sorry it didn't work out. I hope you have a good life, don't wait around for me."

 

You've already said you are not going to contact him now about his job and how it is really cool that he's working in the Olympic coverage. I'm glad you are doing that. When my ex contact me now and then, I sometimes ignore it, or sometimes reply in kindness. I don't really want to hear from her because she obviously still has feelings for me. I know that when she contacts me that whatever she writes is quite meaningless. She's just trying to "hang around" so that's why I don't always reply. I've told her several times that she should just go focus on herself and find happiness.

 

Your thread started off with the "it's so cool" he's working on the Olympic coverage to now saying that you just don't him to forget about you and you are holding onto hope from one sentence he said.

 

Actions. Actions. Actions.

 

During the most important part of (maybe his career up until now) the guy WHO KNOWS you love the Olympics hasn't reached out to you (as even a friend) to tell you how "cool" it is. That speaks volumes! So, while you are telling people "my ex is..." (and being proud of him) he's not telling you a word of how exciting it is for him. This is a man who you think still loves you and you are holding onto some hope. He has already moved on, and while he hasn't forgotten you, he is not thinking of you. And he surely doesn't want to give you any false hope.

[sadlilchicky]

during the most important part of (maybe his career up until now) the guy who knows you love the olympics hasn't reached out to you (as even a friend) to tell you how "cool" it is. That speaks volumes! so, while you are telling people "my ex is..." (and being proud of him) he's not telling you a word of how exciting it is for him. This is a man who you think still loves you and you are holding onto some hope. He has already moved on, and while he hasn't forgotten you, he is not thinking of you. And he surely doesn't want to give you any false hope.

 

this^^^^^^

[diamond78]

He said "I don't want to try again, atleast not now. Not in the immediate future." This is one of my hopes.

 

The hard thing is that this man didn't mess up. He was so good to me and always wanted me to be happy. It was because I messed up. When a breakup happens, it is easy for your friends to say "Aw you'll find someone better" whereas in fact, he was as good as they can be. He wasn't my first so I can really compare.

 

Sad

 

If he said that to you at the breakup, then I take back some of my willingness to initiating contact. It seems as though he had put quite a bit of thought into his decision and I think you should respect that.

 

 

Now for the most important question here....Why did you sabotage your relationship with such a great guy as you've described here??