euphoria24 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 It has been a week, he has not responded. I guess I ****** it up once in for all. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Well, that was a LOT to say to someone with whom you've been in no contact for quite some time. You had a very short e-mail exchange (based on your previous post where you "proposed" to him and a few short e-mails after that), and then...you wrote him this very lengthy, emotional message. My feeling is that he's probably 1) Trying to process this whole thing and figure out how to respond; or 2) Totally scared off and just not responding because he doesn't want to encourage you. He asked what your "problems" were that you needed to work on, and your response was to talk at length about your obsession with him, your mental health issues as a result of your relationship with him, basically how you've been hung up on him all these years and how it has affected you emotionally. That's a lot to dump on someone you haven't talked to in a long time, and...it was pretty much all about you, your feelings, your emotions, your needs. I don't see much about problems that you need to fix, or much about him and concern for his feelings, needs, etc. I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but...I think you ARE obsessed with him, and I'm not sure this is really "love." The bulk of this e-mail was related to emotional issues you've had over the years (mostly in connection to him), and I'm wondering if maybe this obsession with him stems from issues that you have that need to be addressed, rather than from him and your relationship with him. It just seems, from your posts, that you have an unhealthy attachment to him, particularly as you haven't seen him in a really long time; for you to still be so focused on him after so many years of NOT being with him or seeing him suggests to me that maybe you have things within you that you're not dealing with. To ever attach that much emotional energy to another person, to where you are unable to let go even after years of not being in each others' lives, isn't healthy. I think it would be worth it to do some therapy (I know you've already done this, but maybe a different therapist and a different type of therapy would be helpful) to get at the root of why your feelings are so intense, still after so much time. I'm not sure whether he'll respond or not, but you have to be prepared for him NOT to -- or for him to respond in a different way than you're hoping. If he doesn't respond, or if his response isn't what you're hoping for, you're going to have to let this go, and you're going to need to be able to cope with that. Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 I know it was a lot to say but honestly I just did not want to head down the same path as we did before. Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 I am not obsessed with him, I love him with all my heart and being. Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 He asked me what our problems were, do we have any ? LOL! Link to comment
abitbroken Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 I think you might be a bit delusional. You mention he responded with "care and affection." I think more likely he responded with shock and bewilderment. You stated that you wanted to fix your problems and he in saying you haven't any but is seriously wondering what you are getting at or hinting at. I think that having not been in touch, he might not be thinking about you every day intensely as you are him. I think that laying this on him after not seeing him or conversing with him shows you don't care who he is today or didn't want to risk getting to know him again for perhaps fear your fantasy of him and who he WAS would break. I think starting with "hi, how are you? You were on my mind the other day. As for me, I am busy at work doing XXXX. I hope all is well. Drop me a line sometime, i'd love to catch up" is more of an open ended starting point then "i want you to make babies with me." But seriously, I think you should look into counseling especially because you have never been able to move on in all these years. Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 There is no cure for this, I went into therapy and councelling for 3 years and it didn't work only made me feel worse and took me away from my reality . Link to comment
calichick007 Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 I'm sorry, but I don't think he responded with care and affection. He responded with total confusion, from what I can tell. The long emails you draft these men are waaaaaaay too much. I think you think they sound romantic, but they actually make you sound emotionally unstable and out of touch with reality. You've got to get to the root of what makes you fall in love with these guys so quickly and obsess over them so much. This seems like an ongoing pattern with you. Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 calichick007! browneyedgirl36 ! x you gals are awesome ! x Link to comment
abitbroken Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 There is no cure for this, I went into therapy and councelling for 3 years and it didn't work only made me feel worse and took me away from my reality . That is the problem - you don't want to get better. To get better, sometimes it hurts to be separated from your fantasies and things you have made up to make yourself feel better. If you really want to get better, you have to want to. To get better, sometimes you have to feel raw and vulnerable. Therapy is not meant to make you feel sunshines and unicorns - it is to help you get to the other side as a better, more whole person. Trust me, if you are willing to let him and your fantasy go a far richer life is waiting for you, even if it takes a few months or years to get to. Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 I think I already went over this. I went into therapy/medication from 2008-2011 after a drug overdose that I had. It sent me into oblivion with everything. I did not realize how much of a mess my life had been until then. This medication is the devil, it was the worse thing that has ever happened to me. THERAPY made it worse. It fueled my imagination into the depths of hell. YOU dont want to know what I have been through. Im happy and healthy and I have come out of the other side. My sleep patterns are finally going back to normal after 3 years and after communication with this ex of mine. I am the happiest I have been in a long time and just the fact that I was able to communicate something has made the difference in my life. I am never going back. Link to comment
Tearsbegone Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Am I crazy to think that a TON of things can change in a year? Who knows what he thinks now. Is he interested in being friends? Maybe just starting slow and doing anything in terms of pushing a relationship and developing a friendship could change how he feels. Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 I thought I could wait another 13 years for a reply, but getting impatient. THIS is so hard. I completely made myself vunrelable and now I feel like I am waiting for no answer basically. He was willing to start a conversation and I love him so much and want to be with him so badly. I want to be with him, I want us to be with each other again, almost like for the first time a new start. Don't know where i went wrong but I basically have caused catastrophic failure with this here I presume. How can I make this right once in for all? What can I do, it is out of my hands, I dont know what to do to see what he thinks. I love him so much and want him so badly in my life. I want him here with me. everyday. Link to comment
calichick007 Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 No, nothing you can do. Saying anything more will only make it worse. If he wants to be with you, he'll contact you and tell you so. As long as he's not contacting you, assume he doesn't. You can't make someone feel something they don't. Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Share Posted July 4, 2012 I dont want to make him feel something he doesn't. I want him to be happy. I would just like to know what he thinks. So far by the tone of his posts on Facebook, I get the feeling that I FAILED at communicating with him. It just breaks me. I cant handle this any longer...why wouldn't he just write and say he is not interested and make things clear for me ? Link to comment
seoulmate Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 When he replied he was being condescending...in other words, "you haven't changed" and he doesn't want to be with you. You are waiting for a reply for him to tell you "he isn't interested"?? I'm not so sure if that would be good enough for you. Last year you wrote him and he said to leave him alone. So, do you think this time if he says the same thing you'll actually respect his wishes once and for all? Doesn't seem that way! What would be to stop you from contacting him next year, or the year after. How many times will he need to say "leave me alone"? I can tell you why he isn't bothering to be "clear" with you...because you don't seem to respond and recognize clarity. He obviously doesn't want to be with you again. His replies to your recent contact are very clear...hes doesn't want you. But I don't think if he said those exact words that you'd "get it". You haven't "failed" at communicating with him. Your email (marriage, etc..) was emotionally immature and delusional. To be honest, I'm surprised he's answering any of your communication. You won't give up...it's quite evident. You woulnd't give up if he said to leave him alone forever. You haven't thus far... Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Share Posted July 4, 2012 He has not really ever said leave me alone... I just believed it because I felt like he wants nothing to do with me, but with this last bit of communication, I thought maybe things might be different. Link to comment
euphoria24 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Share Posted July 4, 2012 When he replied he was being condescending...in other words, "you haven't changed" and he doesn't want to be with you. .. seoulmate, he said it is *good* to hear that you have not changed LOL! what does that mean ?????? x HELP! Link to comment
calichick007 Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 He was being sarcastic when he said that, Euphoria. You're changing your story now. You definitely said he told you to leave him alone a year ago, and you had to seek professional help prior to that because you were becoming too obsessed with him. I totally agree with seoulmate. He probably isn't responding to say he isn't interested because it won't make any difference. If he knows you well, he KNOWS you'll read into anything he says and keep pushing, pushing, pushing. Heck, I don't even know you in real life and I know that. Link to comment
seoulmate Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 seoulmate, he said it is *good* to hear that you have not changed LOL! what does that mean ?????? x HELP! He means that in a negative way....like if my brother is always an idiot and then sends me an email acting like an idiot I would reply "Good to hear that you have not changed..."... If you HAVEN'T changed then you are still acting the same. And he doesn't want to be with the old you are the new "same" you. Link to comment
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