PrettyGood Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 I am dating really fantastic and caring guy, who is in his 30's. In 2 weeks we have had about 7 amazing dates and every time he surprises me with new places, new activity and pays for everything. He is very attentive, caring and intelligent man living a healthy lifestyle and having a lot of interesting hobbies. We have noticed each other before 5 months, but we were very shy to start talking. Now when we finally started dating, we both feel like in heaven - so sincerely happy. We haven't kissed or hold hands until the 7th date when he slowly started mentioned than he likes me so much and can't restrain himself anymore. Those words kinda made me smile. Today he took me to a restaurant in a very romantic place. It was a little bit cold and I was shivering, so he finally dared to take my hand and in the evening we kissed. Then all the way home we were walking by holding each other's hands. QUESTION The thing is that I had my birthday not so long ago and he couldn't take part in it. So today he told me that he has a birthday present ('surprise') - romantic holiday lasting 2 days. Now I feel that there's a huge possibility that we will have sex then because as I assume there will probably be one double bed. My question is - if we haven't talked about relationship yet, but everything goes so smoothly and romantically -will sex not destroy all of what we created till today? Is it a safe time to have sex in order to decide if we want to continue our relationship with each other or not? Link to comment
MizzGee Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 I would personally want to have a talk about exclusivity... Just to make sure you're both on the same page and after the same thing (I'm guessing a long-term relationship?) Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 Too fast. Slow down. What's the rush? 7 dates in two weeks? Mini holiday? Sex? I think you should talk about what you both want for the future and hold off on sex until you get to know him/get into a relationship. Link to comment
professorplum Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 7 dates in two weeks? How could anyone keep up that kind of pace. Slow down otherwise there is a danger this will implode. I would try and put the holiday off for a little while so that you don't even feel the need to ask this question about sex- it's just something that might happen as part of being together. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 Omg I don't even have more than 5 dates in two weeks sometimes when I'm in a relationship! Just cos seeing them too much is a little suffocating. You are moving WAY too fast!!! 7 dates in 2 months would be ideal and sex would be fine but 2 weeks?? Link to comment
OneSadPuppy Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 Have sex when if feels right, not because some situation makes in uncomfortable not to. Road trip is too soon. 7 dates in two weeks, fun, but can you maintain such a pace? When does he have time for his interesting hobbies? No rush, you've a good base, if it's real then its fine to ease into things more ... naturally. OSP Link to comment
MikNomis Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 There's a common situation where after having sex, the guy seems to lose interest. I think you should wait on the sex, so you can see and make sure he's not one of those types. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted May 28, 2012 Author Share Posted May 28, 2012 Well maybe the pace is really fast, but we are both comfortable with it. I mean we just can't stand a moment without each other. We can't wait to finish our daily routine works and see each other. We think of each other every minute when we are not together. Not so long ago we started holding hands and kissing. Still going to romantic places. It's not suffocating at all when you like each other mutually so much. It's like dating your dream person who you've been waiting for sooooo long. We are so crazy about each other. He is just so caring, romantic and nice... He reminds me the good guys who I was rejecting all the time in my teenage years. I just always wanted to have a bad boy in my life. And then after years of heartaches I just decided that I really need a caring, honest person who cares about me as a personality. I adore every minute I spend with him. He is such an intelligent man having a lot of precious values. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Good for you. I have seen the "it's not suffocating when it's mutual" attitude work out in the end. Did I mention that "work out" usually means "break up" in this case? Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted May 28, 2012 Author Share Posted May 28, 2012 I don't see so negatively into this We meet when we want, we don't correspond day and night only when we both start to miss talking. There's no pressure on any of us Link to comment
poetryandlyrics Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 There's a kind of romance that if it moves too fast, regardless if they both felt the same, are all too consumed in the fire that they soon crash and burn. Try to slow it down a bit to lengthen your romance. Link to comment
amipushy Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 The fact that you know that there is a likelihood that you will both have sex while away means he knows the same thing, and he booked it anyway. That concerns me. Having a weekend away should have been a joint decision or a decision made when you are in an exclusive relationship. I think you should be very careful you dont get used. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 It would be far too soon for me. It's not about the 7 dates -it's about getting to know someone over a period of time -IMO that should be months, not weeks, before you have sex. I think it's totally fine if you have sex now, I just disagree that you're basing it on knowing him very well -if you have sex now you're having sex with someone you don't know well at all but you're smitten with. Nothing wrong with that, I would just shift my mindset from "since we don't want to be apart from each other after two weeks this must be serious". You know most of your pairs of socks better than you know him. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted May 28, 2012 Author Share Posted May 28, 2012 The fact that you know that there is a likelihood that you will both have sex while away means he knows the same thing, and he booked it anyway. That concerns me. Having a weekend away should have been a joint decision or a decision made when you are in an exclusive relationship. I think you should be very careful you dont get used. He haven't booked anything yet. It was just his idea for my birthday present, to travel together a little bit Link to comment
professorplum Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I might be missing something here but wasn't the whole point of the post: Is is safe time to have sex. Everyone has given their opinion (and I have the impression that many think it may be too soon given how long you have known him). However, you seem now to have become defensive about the relationship, preferring to celebrate how strongly you feel about each other etc. That is fine so not sure why you needed to pose the question in the first place. If it feels that good, go ahead - not reason to be procrastinating about the right time. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 But you only like the idea of him, not the real person bc you've only been dating 2 weeks so you don't know him Take things slower, I've learnt alot from experiences, and one of them is things that move too fast at the start end fast too. Link to comment
Donovan79 Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Definitely slow it down, but do not have the exclusivity talk. You need to keep it light and fun and just see where it goes. "Where is this all going?" is way too much right now. If you can be independent and maintain your own life, fewer dates a week, and sometimes you're busy because you have things to do, he likely *will* ask about it on his own, which is what you want. Good luck. Link to comment
Fantanos Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Definitely slow it down, but do not have the exclusivity talk. You need to keep it light and fun and just see where it goes. "Where is this all going?" is way too much right now. If you can be independent and maintain your own life, fewer dates a week, and sometimes you're busy because you have things to do, he likely *will* ask about it on his own, which is what you want. Good luck. Yes I agree with this. I feel it is too soon for the "talk" as well. You need to just take your time and see where it goes. I know the feeling of wanting to see each other everyday, but you need to fight it a little and go at least a day with out seeing each other I feel. I did 5 dates in two weeks just the past two weeks and it was great, I learned every girl is different from this girl because most girls I wouldn't try to see this much in fear of messing it up, but she wanted to do it. I am nervous we are going too fast and I am trying to slow it down, because you do it get worried you are over doing it. It showed me you need to treat every possible relationship different though. With that being said just slow it down a tad, I wouldn't have sex and IF he is a decent man he shouldn't be thinking about that either! He should really not allow anything more than some cuddling and kissing... that is what I would do! Link to comment
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