4 months of NC and he's asked for another chance

[Belle]

I don't know the answer to most of those questions either. Although I guess if I wanted one of those to be true, I'd rather he be sorry that he lost me than sorry he hurt me. One's validating, hte other is pity.

 

Good for you for taking the steps to work on your issues. I hope that goes well. I'm impressed when someone really understands that they need to work on themselves. I wish more people would. There would be a lot more healthy relationships out there. I know that if my ex told me he had been working in therapy and I could see some visible improvements I would reconsider. I just don't think he's the type that would go. But then again I never thought he'd have the guts to contact me and admit he made a mistake like that. He's not a risk taker.

 

Who knows. I haven't responded yet, as I'm letting things settle in my head and when I'm ready I'll let him know what I decide. I feel like I know what I need to do, I'm strong and I won't put up with any more nonsense. Life is good

[IAmPerfection]

In the end, it's your decision. Do what makes you happy. I think it says something that the guy is doing things you never thought he would do, to have another shot with you. 4 months is a good amount of time, he could have moved on. Instead, he gave you the time you needed, and is taking a risk in trying to work things out.

 

I'm going to therapy because I need it to have any healthy relationship at all. Being paranoid of people for no reason is the main reason I lost the person I love. I hope that I can have another chance with her in the future, but I know that I need the therapy for myself. I don't know if this guy went to therapy or would be willing to, but sometimes it takes losing what you care about to realize your own flaws and the significance they have on other people.

[Belle]

It's been a week since he's asked to reconnect, and after back and forth over discussion of things, I'm exhausted. I can't handle anymore. I'm going to ask him to please stop talking about it for now. It's confusing, overwhelming and I feel like he's pressuring me to get back in his life in whatever capacity I'll accept.

 

How did this aloof guy who left me with impunity, thought he could do better, end up worried that he can't have me? He's acting a little desperate and that concerns me. I can't trust someone who's acting out of desperation as opposed to consciously making the decision to make ammends and get his act together.

 

I definitely feel the tables have turned. I went full nc. I never tried to change his mind. I used nc to heal and to move on. I was in my happy place. 2 days before he emailed me, I told a friend "oh my god. I feel like I'm almost exactly at the state of happiness before I met him." Now, I look tired and like a wreck. It's like a chess game to figure out what he really wants and if his motives are pure. Is he lying?

 

So.. I need to get him to stop pressuring. There's no fire. I'm dating others. I need to look good for them! lol. I think the huge difference here, is that I have no investment in getting back together. I'm not trying to hurt him to prove a point that he screwed up for leaving. I'm not playing headgames. I just really don't want him back right now. Maybe later, but not now. It's too much of an emotional roller coaster dealing with him and I want my well deserved happiness back.