Coconut Twin Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 I wouldn't take SarahRose's opinion as gospel. That's just her experience. I know men and women can be friends. I know they can because I'm good friends with several women. Don't want to "shag" any of them. WHAT OF IT? This is good to know! Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 This is going to sound kind of self centered but i consider myself an Alpha. When you are an Alpha people react to you. I take no offense if someone tries to upstage me cause they are doing it because of me. I put up boundaries so people i don't want to communicate don't waste my time. And if sometimes people are aggressive torwards me i put them in their place. Its like being a lion tamer you have to know when to use a whip or reward, know when to allow them to be center, know when its time to take charge. God you're so on to it with the "lion tamer" analogy. I must admit I was nearly tempted to put her in her place. But I find if you react to passive aggressiveness, maybe you could end up coming accross as the one with the issue possibly? Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 God you're so on to it with the "lion tamer" analogy. I must admit I was nearly tempted to put her in her place. But I find if you react to passive aggressiveness, maybe you could end up coming accross as the one with the issue possibly? ' yea but I.think people make too much effort to look good don't you.think? Normally they're.insecure...' - How this could be any more direct? If she thought this applied only to you, she might have said that, but she thinks is applies to all people who are interested in their looks, hence using the indirect terms like 'people' and 'they're'. It doesn't really make sense for her to have that opinion but only apply it to one person, so I think this is the best/only way she could have expressed how she feels about this in the conversation. You took offense to her opinion since you are interested in fashion, which probably helped you form your opinion that she's insecure. I really don't see any jealously, insecurity or passive aggressiveness here, just two people that are completely different in terms of interests and values. How could you put her in her place? Try to change her opinion about fashion and those interested in it? Or just let her know she offended you? Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 I get what you mean. That wasn't the exact way she said it btw.. It was just too obvious though, guess you just needed to be there to see the eye rolling and constant twitching, she.seemed really uncomfortable. Even her bf was asking if something was the matter...Maybe this reflects.on me, maybe not, but as I said before I have no hidden agendas, I give people the benefit of the doubt. There are other instances where she has said snide comments before and I've just let it go. Sometimes I'm not even the one who notcies until other friends cotton on. I wouldn't call myself a fashionista, I just like to feel and look good. Just to put everyone straight lol - more geared towards music and the arts. I'd never expect someone to know what I know. Anyway, no more air time for this issue...its not bothering me so much anymore. I think it could be partly her and me possibly? I dont know. I just felt happy that day and I felt a negative aura/vibe coming from her and I wasn't the only.one. Maybe it was PMT lol Link to comment
Minx2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 This bit i can relate to. And yes you are right, it seems it's definitely more to do with how one projects themselves, i.e. their character. Funnily enough, even though I think 'I'm alright looking' , I don't think I'm a 'stunner' like one of the other posters mentioned. Far from it. It may just be the fact that I am come accross as interesting and well I take pride in my outward appearance... There is nothing wrong in taking pride of your looks. I find that more people let themselves go and it's as bad as vanity ( on the opposite end of the spectrum ). As a 33 year old woman, I have come to understand that physical beauty comes from how you take care of your HEALTH AND WELL-BEING. It has nothing to do with putting on the right brand of make up or wearing a stylish piece of clothing. All these things ( make up and clothes ) are SIMPLE things or adornments that should accentuate the natural beauty that one has. To put it simply, when you exercise regularly, eat a very healthy diet, ENJOY life, aim for emotional / mental or spiritual betterment....then believe it or not, the physical beauty shines through. I only have this beauty secret to offer : Exercise regularly, eat healthily and enjoy life heartily. People have started to call me " Benjamin Button " and are often surprised by how much younger and better I look in my 30s, than I did in my 20s ( which is conventionally known as a woman's "prime" ). Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 Amazingly, I've never had this problem. Link to comment
Amorterra Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 I'm one of those women who will hate on a certain type of good-looking woman. I wouldn't ever say anything, as that's not my way, but I'd ignore and not make any effort to be friends or engage in conversation if I was in a social situation. It's me judging them by my past experiences, though. Growing up I was teased by your stereotypical popular girls in school. To this day anyone who fits that bill, I will immediately take a dislike to, simply because to associate with such people would make me just like them. In my mind, anyway. That, and I have little respect for women who are into excessive vanity, their hair and makeup and fake tanning and all that nonsense, simply because it means they're allowing themselves to be influenced by the standards which media and society hold women to. Link to comment
SarahRose Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 That is all good but there are people who do that and get cancer, have thyroid problems, and other health issues. I looked and felt great too for a long time. Things happen you have no control over. I've gone deaf, my thyroid is out of whack, weight gain and a lousy menopause experience where my once beautiful mane of hair is falling out. These things may never happen to you but they do to some people and it isn't because they didn't lead a healthy lifestyle. Link to comment
SarahRose Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 I'm one of those women who will hate on a certain type of good-looking woman. I wouldn't ever say anything, as that's not my way, but I'd ignore and not make any effort to be friends or engage in conversation if I was in a social situation. It's me judging them by my past experiences, though. Growing up I was teased by your stereotypical popular girls in school. To this day anyone who fits that bill, I will immediately take a dislike to, simply because to associate with such people would make me just like them. In my mind, anyway. That, and I have little respect for women who are into excessive vanity, their hair and makeup and fake tanning and all that nonsense, simply because it means they're allowing themselves to be influenced by the standards which media and society hold women to. why hate on anyone? What good does it do? Link to comment
SarahRose Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 I wouldn't take SarahRose's opinion as gospel. That's just her experience. I know men and women can be friends. I know they can because I'm good friends with several women. Don't want to "shag" any of them. WHAT OF IT? Really? I suspect you are in your 20s so you are telling me that instead of calling up your mates to go to a session, you call one of these women? When you go to the footy or on a mates trip to the bush, you invite one of these females? I can pretty much guarantee that once you or she marries or has a defacto, the friendship will be no more. I have one male friend. He is gay. Link to comment
ApocalypseDreams Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 Yes. Really. Actually I go to the cricket every summer with one of my female friends. She likes cricket and we'd go. Sometimes other people would come. I also used to go camping with a group that included female friends. I don't really understand your point anyhow? I do different things with different friends according to similiar interests, not gender. Just because I don't invite female friends to something in particular, it doesn't mean anything other than mutual interest isn't shared. I go to gigs only with one of my female friends (who is a lesbian), as we both shared a taste in music, that wasn't shared by anyone else I know. It could be just me but I obviously haven't have the gender segregated life that you have. I have female friends from all different parts of my life. That's a shame that you haven't found any decent, straight male friends. I think my life is richer and better for being friends with these females. You'd probably learn a thing or two by having some good male friends. Maybe things will change once we get married and so forth. I suspect there will be friends who drop off the map when they get married. Guess what? I've got male friends who I never see anymore due to their relationships. It happens when people get older, marry and have kids. I will say though, it will probably be down to the wishes and jealousy of their partners than anything else. True, alot of guys think that friendships are a great way of getting the girl but I don't become friends with any females that I'm attracted to. Infact, I was interested in a girl I went to uni with who knocked me back and wanted to be friends. I turned it down, not because I am bitter or hate her, but rather because I know my intention is romantic and I'd never be satisfied with just friendship. Really? I suspect you are in your 20s so you are telling me that instead of calling up your mates to go to a session, you call one of these women? When you go to the footy or on a mates trip to the bush, you invite one of these females? I can pretty much guarantee that once you or she marries or has a defacto, the friendship will be no more. I have one male friend. He is gay. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted March 31, 2012 Author Share Posted March 31, 2012 To Amorterra, Specifically the last para - Do you not get to know a person before judging them on how they dress or adorn themselves? Quite sad really. I agree that there are airhead fashion slaves out there..and I'll tell you something darling, I'm not one of them. There are people out there who like to attack people that appreciate clothes and actually, wait a minute this isn't all about clothes and looks,.its also about the fact that I was conversing about the arts.on a whole. People should just get to know people instead of forming preconceived opinions from afar. And just to put the record straight for those who have already jumped to conclusions. I rarely wear lots of make up, I'm.definitely not a blind folower of fashion. Yes I take pride in how I look but not excessively but that does not make me a vain person nor arrogant. I am.simply confident in who I am and why should that be a bad thing huh? Again its threatening to some, and those people should just hang up their hang ups. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted March 31, 2012 Author Share Posted March 31, 2012 Haha 'Benjamin Button' I've been called that. You must be my sister from another mister haha. I look very young for my age, it runs in the family as.my.mother doesn't look a.day old. Seriously, I still can't buy drinks.at bars a lot of the time without being asked for ID. I take my vitamin supplements, eat. organic, cycle all the time around London and I definitely don't wear too much make up. For me fashion and dressing up is definitely not the be all and end all. The.importance of inner feeling over 'looking good' is paramount. However, I like to dress up and to me its like a hobbie or an art. Throwing things together. I guess being a creative makes me want to experiment. Nothing wrong with enjoying clothes amongst other interests. Excuse errors, typing from the mobile.. Link to comment
Minx2012 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 I'm one of those women who will hate on a certain type of good-looking woman. I wouldn't ever say anything, as that's not my way, but I'd ignore and not make any effort to be friends or engage in conversation if I was in a social situation. It's me judging them by my past experiences, though. Growing up I was teased by your stereotypical popular girls in school. To this day anyone who fits that bill, I will immediately take a dislike to, simply because to associate with such people would make me just like them. In my mind, anyway. That, and I have little respect for women who are into excessive vanity, their hair and makeup and fake tanning and all that nonsense, simply because it means they're allowing themselves to be influenced by the standards which media and society hold women to. I'm a good looking woman who was BULLIED by popular, good looking women. So if I was to come up to you and be nice, then I suppose, I would get the cold shoulder. What I'm trying to point at in here is that you can't judge a book by its cover. I also never understood as to why complete strangers would waste their time and energy in hating people. Everytime I see a jealous woman around me, I want to say to them, " Cheer up. Instead of focusing your attention on me, getting all worked up and bothered, direct that attention to your own attributes and talents. Turn all that energy into something positive and focus on you. You'll find that I won't be as bothersome ". Link to comment
Alezia Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 Nope. It has never been a problem for me. Probably not good looking enough! Link to comment
memento Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 I never heard anyone say, "That dude right there, I hate him. He's too good-looking." But maybe... Link to comment
dasilver Posted April 6, 2012 Share Posted April 6, 2012 When i was in my 20's i was considered pretty beautiful. Ladies would immediately stiffen as soon as i walked into an event at a party. I would literally see their shoulders square in anticipation of a fight.... I would break out a huge grin....stretch out my hand and introduce myself. The surprise on their faces were usually priceless...but it broke the ice. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted April 6, 2012 Author Share Posted April 6, 2012 I would break out a huge grin....stretch out my hand and introduce myself. The surprise on their faces were usually priceless...but it broke the ice. I think people who are considered to be 'good looking' and vice versa are easily judged. One of the jobs I worked at, most of the guys on our floor, apparently 'fancied me' it spread like wild fire all over the department store, to other floors. A later went out with one of those guys...which I regretted big time (was a little too young and immature). Next thing I know I have staff from fashion, beauty, home furniture and so on craning their necks wondering who I am. What made me laugh when I heard these rumours, was that I didn't even think I was that amazing in the looks department. It got to the point where I used to avoid going to dining areas at lunch breaks just to avoid being chatted up. I don't do well with too much attention, I act weird. Me being me, treated those girls who seemed to have a problem with me, like anyone i didn't know, with interest and openness. They as you mentioned, seemed really surprised by this. Just the look on their faces was a picture...very telling. And yes it DOES break the ice, breaks all preconceived notions they had flying around in their head. Link to comment
solidbunker Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 have you been talking to some of my colleagues? Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 I was at work and my friend kept talking about how beautiful the secretary at this job-site was. We met, then a few minutes later she kept asking him about me. He just sat there answering all her questions, then he got up and told me to take his bag in front of her with a stupid smirk on his face, since he was the lead mechanic i had to do what he says, tho before this he never asked me to carry his bag- which made everything awkward, because i knew it was him being jealous. I was so angry i wanted to really say something stupid. I know a few people who bring me down when i ask about their friends, apparently the girl always like what i dont have--- why isnt that a coincidence each friggin time. When i ended up attracting them, they would have the "i farted" face the whole night. It really annoys me. I tend to cheer people on when they succeed in their advances, not become bitter. If you cant attract physically, bitter and sad behavior will just add to the lack of attraction. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 why hate on anyone? What good does it do? post this in the break-up forum...i dare ya!! not that i don't agree with you. but for most people, it's not an on/off sort of deal. my opinion here is that we live in a world where we're actually encouraged to value things at a very superficial level. forget what you were taught to believe growing up. the people that loved you were trying their best to prepare you, but there is often no comparison between that and the raw force that is social influence. it just happens that some people are more presentable in this kind of world (whether it be by good fortune, or by their own hard work). if you don't align with the ideal, i think it's difficult to ignore the fact you don't measure up to the standard when just about everything around you is pushing you in that direction. if you do fit the mold, of course people will react to you. many of them WANT what you have. it may not be a conscious wanting. but there is something subliminal that is saying, ''why don't I have that?" that leaves us feeling insecure and more than a bit vulnerable. some people can resist this constant bombardment. others, don't fare so well. i don't think it makes people catty, or petty. it's just a reflection of the degree to which they've been brainwashed. i don't think it's worth taking personally. it's unfortunate though. i definitely agree with that. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted April 7, 2012 Author Share Posted April 7, 2012 Very good post! Do you think it is confined to just that? conditioning? I feel that like you said subliminally we are being conditioned but I feel it can be helped because one can make the choice to not be exposed to it. I personally, do not allow myself to be indoctrinated by whats 'socially acceptable' and I know many people who have an open mind and can see through all the bias out there. I really and truly feel that it starts with the person and what they choose to filter in and filter out. At the end of the day, nobody is forcing us to turn on the tv. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 i think the funny thing about brainwashing (indoctrination), is that we often don't realize the kind of grip it has on us. i think most of us are living a dream that is not our own. but we were so thoroughly conditioned in our younger years that we don't need anyone to tell us anymore. we do it on our own. auto-domestication. shame has its roots in this. toxic shame. but that's a whole 'nother rant! i'll use myself as an example. i don't feel any sort of pressure to look a certain way physically. but in the past, i've felt a tremendous amount of pressure to conform to a certain lifestyle. namely...career, family, home, savings, etc. it was a substantial weight in my life for a long, long time, and was the motivating factor for just about every choice i made in my life. and looking back, i don't feel there was ever a choice to do something different. the roots of my conditioning ran deep. essentially, i didn't know any other way. it's easy to say in retrospect that i had a choice. i did have a choice. but getting to a place where i was willing to accept that i did in fact have a choice was a path filled with a lot of internal resistance. i don't think it's always a social thing. that's a big one. but the 'book of law' that dictates how we live has many different authors. parents, teachers, family, friends, etc. even things that feel like choices to us are nothing more than conditioned responses to a certain set of stimuli. you're right, no one is forcing us to turn on the tv...but would you ever think to change the channel if you've never known another way to live? Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted April 7, 2012 Author Share Posted April 7, 2012 This is interesting - feel like doing a spin off and starting a new thread. Don't want to start going down the quantum physics route and whether we really do have freewill, but yes you do have a point. Are we really in control? are we actually making are own choices or do we think we are? I think about this question of choice and freewill a lot and a part of me does believe that we are not in total control. How do we break this? I'm not so sure it's possible because we're essentially governed by physical law? I guess ultimately all one can do is try and understand how to be individual.. Link to comment
marconi68 Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Apparently, for most people we have about 10% control of our lives, even those who believe they are free, unless they live outside society or very rich. Going back to the original post, my ex was a very good looking woman. The thing is she would tell you this, and she proudly said that she was 'selfish, a cow and a b*tch'. Also, again said with pride, that she brought up her 2 boys to be selfish, and that they take after her. As i got to know her and the more she told me - saying she was high-maintence, only wore designer labels blah blah - i started to look at her differently and think 'that's some ugly woman'. She really had an ugliness no matter how beautiful she was. I actually thought she kidding when she said those things. But no. Another example - she told her 2 boys if they cut their knee playing in the street never to cry, run home first and cry indoors. Now give me an ugly woman with a beautiful personally any time lol Link to comment
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