why do men on online dating sites do this?

[PaintWithLight]

They do this because you let them. Why worry about such bad behavior??

[Kendahke]

2) The first message that hits me the wrong way gets them blocked and the message deleted. I don't give them chances to keep on with the fail.

 

3) you have to put that at the very top of your profile with a lot of asterisks around it and a lot of space between the paragraphs.

 

4) chances are, they are catfish sitting in Nigeria waiting on someone to lure into their trap.

 

 

About 70% of people online are catfish. It's an epidemic right now.

[Synerjist]

You know why? Because they don't care ! They don't read your stuff, they don't want to waste their time on writing you nice replies, they do not give a damn! And they want one thing only from you-back to my post. Sorry but it's true. Men use online sites as a quick hookup - nothing more. And the more negative replies my post will get just proves that I am right.

^

This is a bunch of crap. I recently read a couple of studies that pointed to 75% - 80% of all men online looking for love above all.

 

What you're probably experiencing is almost certainly the static of the other ~20% of men who ARE looking for a lay (also probably a good chunk of which are the married/involved who are cheating) and spamming 100 - 200 profiles at a time.

 

Since women generally don't browse, message, or respond, it's pretty easy to imagine how your collective perceptions' could be askew. Try seeking out some decent-seeming guys and chatting them up.

[Sedrick]

And the more negative replies my post will get just proves that I am right.

 

No, it just proves that you knew most people would disagree with you.

[floridasfinest]

Women, Ill give you some advice on why men act the way they do.

 

There is this new-age phenomenon called PUA. Pick-up-artist. It teaches men that if they want a girl, they need to act mean, weird, separate themselves, and become the alpha male by not giving a **** about anything. Some men try too hard to do it. Even though they might not have even heard of PUA, it is a well-known fact among men that women will only respond to men who are s.

 

Many men confuse confidence with ness. They think "gee...I need to look confident in the eyes of a woman, so I will just act as if I do not care about anything. Coming off as needy would be the worst thing in the world". Believe it or not, women fall for it...ALOT. I have found this to be the case with narcissistic women, or women who are "easy". Men my age like easy women (im 23).

 

However, with the women who are "worth it"...aka the good women, the ness really does not work. These women do not "need" a man in their lives, so if a guy is an , she simply forgets about him. However, the confidence factor still counts. I hate to say it...but these good women do not go online to date. They simply have faith that the right man will come by at some point in their life, and wait it out. A man is not a huge necessity in their eyes.

 

Men who go online honestly, just cant find a woman in real life. Either due to not being around them at all during a typical day, or insecurity/confidence issues. Some of these men are ok dudes. They just need a little help with actually meeting the women.

 

Just my theory.

[ThatGuy2112]

Wow! It’s interesting to me to hear all the weird things that many guys do on dating websites. It makes me feel better because I don’t use any of those weird approaches.

[enterthepain]

For the record, I am that hard working, gentleman and I state that in my profile always. That's who and what I am. Why is it that I try to converse with women and I do what they say and not just say hey, I tell a little about myself ask a question about them, which is never sex related, I'm really not like that, and I don't ever receive anything in return? That's why I came to this forum. I am truly alone and I feel that no women hear me. I'm sick of the jerk-off masculine tough guys that prey on weak women, they ruin it for true guys like myself. I'm such a down to earth, all around nice person and wish I could just get given the chance to show how true I really am. If there are any women that want a break from macho garbage and a different kind of conversation, feel free to talk to me. I hope everyone had a nice holiday!

[val88dawn]

Trust me she's out there. My hubby is like you he's always been the good guy but had a hard time finding a mature sexy women. He had his fill of dating the hot college tarts that were more beauty than brains, he finally realized when he met me that he just needed someone a bit older. He graduated from a T A&M with a degree in engineering and I was in a relationship with the only guy I'd ever been with , married actually to one of those your talking about the macho types, he was a cheating jerk. My friends all thought he was insane cause they considered me the perfect women, I use to be a topless dancer in my younger years , I became a mom and it changed my life, family became everything. No one could understand why he cheated since they saw me as one if the most open- minded people they knew. Me and my ex had an open - relationship , I am bi- sexual. He was so immature though 36 when I left him and he acted 16. I am so thankful to have met my hubby know he was 24 when we met I was 35 but he was as mature as a 50 yr old. He's a bit of a need when it comes to games and electronics, I love it. He's my rock , when there's a problem he fixes it immediately. I'm so glad to be with someone now who's a great problem solver, great with finances , funny, sweet, kind - all around good guy. So to sum it up girls have to mature too before they can really realize what's best for them. Unfortunately girls are attracted to the bad boy types but in reality they want a good guy. You will find her I promise, don't give up.

[Someday_Soon]

There are something like 50 million people in the U.S. on internet dating sites. Surely not all of them are immature and/or crazy. Just by a few basic laws of probability it shouldn't take too long to find someone who is half way decent looking, sane and good with money.

[rrt123]

I have recently ventured into the world of online dating and so far it has not been good! I posted a profile on one site and put up a few pictures with it. I did not get one message and probably sent 10 or 15 messages and did not get one response. Nothing sexual or hey sexy, I actually read their profiles and asked questions about things they talked about and still no response. So I joined another site and did not put up any pictures but basically said the same things in my profile and got a few messages. We emailed back and forth for a few days and had great conversations and clicked with many common interests, likes, and wants. Then they started asking for pictures. Once I sent pictures the conversations stopped.... completely.....EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM! Apparently I am good enough to talk to unless you have to look at me.

I know I'm not the best looking guy, but I'm also not terrible looking either. I am comfortable with my appearance and carry myself with confidence not arrogance!

So, I am just about done with the online dating. I'm not sure how much more my self esteem and self image can take

[Lonewing]

You have a 1-10 scale. Girls have a 0-1 scale.

[faraday]

I've been online dating for the last 5 years. I went on hundreds of first meets and have had several relationships come from that.

 

There are no men "ruining it" for the other guys. Yes, I accidentally met a few guys into PUA....they got past my filtering system...but it's pretty easy to pick them out and avoid them generally. Most women aren't interested in men that feel sorry for themselves and lack confidence, and that's what your "I'm a gentleman" line conveys. I never met with those guys because I would trample them. With that said, I'm dating a "nice guy". He didn't get his first date until he was in his mid 20s...had his first relationship at 27...he's a dork. And one of the coolest people I've ever met. He doesn't come accross as needy or bitter...like your first post screams.

 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Work on raising your self esteem and stop blaming other people for your lack of game.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[zebragirl]

even 13 years ago I ran into the same thing on dating sites or other online sites. I clicked with my husband because he wasn't one of those guys. He actually made conversation and we had lots of emails back and forth. Just ignore the ones you don't like. Eventually you'll find one with quality that's serious about meeting someone serious as well. It happens but I am thinking it's rarer than I used to think.

[Sportster2005]

I know you will all say "just ignore them, they are immature". But I really want to know *why* and get deeper into it, like if anyone here has done this and can explain why. Maybe I should just give up on this online dating, nothing but freaks and jerks on these sites.

 

The short answer is there is a psychological positive pay off for their behaviour. We (humans) behave to meet needs and wants. Sometimes at the expense of others. Sometimes that expense is part of, or all of the need/want. It's going to be different for every person. You're questions boil down to "Why do humans think and behave the way they do?" You're only asking the question in a narrow context. It's good to have a curious mind, but realize there are no simple explanations or answers to human behaviour.

 

You have to realize also, you are seeing this behaviour through the filters of your education, culture and experience. Two people viewing the same incident of behaviour may draw a completely different conclusion. I'm going to go out on a limb, people that respond to this thread are going to come to different conclusions. I won't be surprised if people start to flame/argue over different interpretations and conclusions.

 

I think it's more important to let it go. If you understood why each individual acted the way they do, it wouldn't matter. It's not going to change anything, and you are wasting valuable cycles of your life on this subject. At the end of the day this thread is a waste of your time. You may get some immediate satisfaction. Long term, it's just noise. Don't take that personal. I just believe we should all try to ignore the idiots of the world and stay positive.

[Sportster2005]

Men who aren't successful in meeting woman in real life flock to dating sites. Also since it's the internet most are a lot bolder.

 

I doubt success in dating is a major reason men behave, or don't behave like this. On the contrary. You could make the argument that successful men know they have nothing to lose by their awful behaviour because they can turn the charm on and off as required. Online is a reflection of society. We just didn't see it so obviously before the Interet.

[mikebernsten]

I agree with Thorshammer and the response. Those are approaches taught in some dating circles. Negging, and teasing and all that. He is right it can't work very well if there is no eye contact.

Another thing men are taught sometimes is to not take you to heart at first when a woman says she is only here for a serious relationship or marriage. Why, because many women say that to appear socially correct when in truth they will meet men for something besides marriage. This is especially true when it involves women from a stricter culture than you may encounter in the U.S. or Europe.

Some people online are creeps and losers. Many are not really that way but come off wrong because you are not i person like Thorshammer said.

Many men are just horrible at meeting women. Maybe they have a decent heart and may even be attractive but it is just hard for them to know what to say to a woman. When this happens, even a good catch can make the wrong move. Men don't have it easy in the dating game and it can cause retarded seeming actions.

You can block a person from contacting you, please remember that option.

Happier dating for you I wish!

[AllwnGoodNMyLf]

I find they don't even read my profile, especially on the Tinder app. I only do Match for online dating. I've had more quality matches there. Yet, there's always the socially awkward, rude, or oblivious guy who would never say these things in person but get bold just because they're online. I've had requests for 3somes, hook ups, etc. more often than I want to admit.

 

I don't know about you, but I cannot stand when they only have one photo, and have the audacity to ask me for more photos than the 7 I have posted. Also, I hate when they ask for my photo on their cell. I always say you can see my photos online, thank you very much.

 

I cannot really explain to you why they do these things, and unfortunately you may never know. However, focusing on the clueless and social rejects that you encounter takes your focus off real potential matches. If you think about it, those same creepy guys are at your local restaurant, bar, casino, etc. Online just helps them say things they would never say in person.

 

Also, I try to balance online dating with meeting people in person. I go to speed dating events, singles dances, high end restaurants for happy hour and out for dinner with friends. I do about 40% online and 60% in person.

 

I also ask reputable people in my life if they know a nice guy. Even today at my car garage, the helpful mechanic who worked on my car told me he got off work at 5 PM and wanted to hang out. He was already involved, but I even asked him if he knew a nice single guy. You never know, but keep going and forget about those idiots. I'm always glad they distinguish themselves early on so I can keep it moving.

 

Good luck! We're all in this together.

[cdtsilva]

I find the same with the ladies, send a large message describing curiosity on points of their profile only to not have a reply or more commonly have a yes no type of answer which really upsets me. Why bother?

 

Back in the day (12 years ago) I used to send simple messages to see whenever that person was real and then I would start tailoring. Online dating used to be pretty simple then. Nowadays even with the paid services and tailored messages from start it gets hard to find a decent match.

 

I start to think most on online dating are either:

 

a) only concerned about looks

b) have some kind of issues, normally personality

c) bots created by the website - I always get more profile views before subscribing.

d) hook ups or affairs.

 

Each to his own conclusions now, Ill keep digging for gold

[limichelle]

I do admit I like Eharmony for that reason. I know there are a lot of complaints about that site but you get more serious people on there actually looking to converse and want a relationship.

 

OP don't give up, like one of my friends tells me "Just keep pushing through" You will have to keep blocking until someone real shows up.

 

 

Good luck,

Lisa

[PeterCap]

I tried match and eharmony for that purpose but it didn't impress me at all. There were very low conversion rate and I hadn't got much success on those sites. I must say that it's very easy to lose interest in the dating game when you keep sending messages and didn't get any responses. Anyway, I'm now in the middle of testing new dating site that I was advised to try and after some time with it, I'm gonna share my experience with you. Stay tuned!

[Roadrunner3]

Wow, online dating, I've had a few 'interesting' messages....

 

Including job offers in porn and escorting, cash offers for threesomes (2 men/two women/male and female)/watching or listening to me with another guy/money and shopping spree for 1 hr hotel sex/paid to walk over them in high heels and/or sit on their back and ride them around like a pony/be a sex slave and be paid to be choked during sex etc. It's truly crazy, I think for guys to be more normal than this you are doing pretty ok!!!!

 

Take everything with a pinch of salt, there are good guys out there on dating apps, don't get disheartened and good luck.