why do men on online dating sites do this?

[Batya33]

Oh I understand that what you type is not who you are. Please do keep your eyes on the prize. I am typing this with my toddler on my lap who is dying to add his ABCs to this post - so, yes, it is worth it (and not just because of the mom part, the whole thing). I'm sorry you've been through a lot and I hope that part is over.

[ut804]

Oh I understand that what you type is not who you are. Please do keep your eyes on the prize. I am typing this with my toddler on my lap who is dying to add his ABCs to this post - so, yes, it is worth it (and not just because of the mom part, the whole thing). I'm sorry you've been through a lot and I hope that part is over.

 

I'm so happy for you that you found love and have a wonderful child.

 

I havn't gone in a date in 3 months because I am being more picky in who I meet, and I need to *really* like the profile, not just think it's ok. I'd rather go a long time in between dates than date one jerk after another. I am taking my time and not rushing to meet men.

I actally have a date for this Saturday. I have spoken to this guy plenty, so it is not rushed and he seems like a nice guy. Fingers crossed...

[Batya33]

As I wrote in my own profile "i date people not profiles" - I looked at the profile to screen out - and I did the two emails/one phone call with those that made the "cut" and that is where I did my more intensive screening. I never found that typing or talking longer before meeting made any difference in whether we clicked enough during the first meet to go on an actual date. As far as photos, as long as they were appropriate photos (not "sexual" and not with other women who weren't related to him, etc) my categories were acceptable or repulsive. I often found that even if the photos were accurate there was little connection between whether I liked what he looked like in a photo and whether we clicked in person. I also used the photos to screen out physical features that didn't appeal to me -long hair/ not well-groomed/tattoos, etc.

 

Have fun on the date!

 

My point in sharing that I am now married was simply to give you perspective -I was 42 when I first married and dated far far longer than you did as far as having to endure the dating "scene".

[ut804]

update..

 

So the date was fun but we were looking for two different things. He was quite inexperienced for his age and had just gotten out of his first relationship. He had lost a lot of weight and I guess he didn't want to settle down and just wanted to "date around" since he never got to do that while overweight. Soo it didn't work out. I guess that's partially my fault; I should have found that out before we met. But at least it was fun anyway and it wasn't a horrible experience.

 

Also, I discovered plenty of fish has a dating forum! A forum filled of people just like me with the SAME experiences. So many people who complained about being stood up, men cancelling last minute, guys lying about things, the one-worded responses, the one-worded first messages, the negative "hate mail" first messages, etc. It was unbelievable. I didn't know so many people have the same problem as me! It was very interesting to read these experiences and I got some insight.

[Lonewing]

Seems then, like it will be a very short time before I find a wonderful girl online...

 

Although my personality may be a little too reclusive/boring for most. meh. I'm not a toy poodle, I don't do tricks for other's amusement!!

[The_Seeker]

Here we go with another rant of my online dating experiences, was hoping to get some answers or perspectives.

 

I'll give you my input based on my experience.

 

1. Why do people respond to messages with one sentence? I will write a paragraph and they respond with one sentence (usually something about themselves and don't even ask me any questions). I mean why bother at all to respond? Has anyone done this and can explain it to me? And most of the time they are the ones to message me first, not like I'm chasing after them. I mean if they are no longer interested then why respond back with anything??

 

Laziness/Not interested/Wants to get the email conversation over with in order to meet in person ASAP/Tired of putting in so much effort/Bored out of their mind/Just trying to get a date instead of wanting to know the person.

 

That's all I could come up with based on my online dating experience.

 

 

2. Why all the hate? One guy said I was hot but could gain 10 lbs. Another incident was when I have my age limit stated on my profile. One guy was above my age limit and sent me a message saying "I know I am above your age limit, I am just sending you this to annoy you." Another first message: "You're pretty but you are wearing ballet flats in your photo. That's not sexy. Can you send me a picture of you barefoot?"

Then, if I ignore a message sometimes they don't give up. And sometimes they get really nasty. I do nothing to deserve this, why do they send me messages with all this hate and attacking me? Is it just a joke to some?

 

LOL It's not that hate hun.

 

It's to get a RISE out of you. Why? Because guys who read the "THE GAME" book/whatever self-help book believes that you either need to be a jerk so you end up being a challenge to a girl or vice versa.

 

Also to see if you are a real person or are you a fake profile set up by the company.

 

But to sum it up, to get a response from a woman so they can apology and have an email marathon.

 

3. Why do they ignore my dealbreakers? I will say several times I am looking for a serious relationship. Time after time I get men who say on their profiles they are only looking for a hook-up. I even say in my profile "Please only message me if you are looking for a serious relationship, not a hook-up". That doesn't work either. How much clearer could I be?

 

Because they didn't read. Just look at the pictures. Some don't give what your deal breakers are.

 

Easy. By ignoring them. That's very clear. Also blocking them. Gotta love that button!

 

It's almost like if I state what I want, guys who do not meet my criteria will message me just to annoy me!

 

Ha ha reverse psychology?

 

4. Why do men have such well-written profiles that sound so mature and serious, saying how they are looking for a meaningful relationship and they are hard-working, gentleman, etc. and then go and message me with something so stupid like "hey sexii!!! heres my number....." ??

 

Uh ever heard of con-artist?

 

They paint a beautiful picture of themselves so they can get you hook on them by messaging them first or attract people who are very attractive but very vulnerable.

 

If you're a strong woman, chances are, they ain't getting anything from you. So be happy that you're strong.

 

I know you will all say "just ignore them, they are immature". But I really want to know *why* and get deeper into it, like if anyone here has done this and can explain why. Maybe I should just give up on this online dating, nothing but freaks and jerks on these sites.

 

People choose to do what they want to do. They're not going to care. Some people think online dating is a joke while other people think it's an opportunity.

 

It depends what dating web site you used.

 

I used OKCupid and POF before I used link removed. I hated OKCupid and POF [based on my city] the guys were like the ones that you described.

 

So I took a more serious approach and went with link removed. It was well worth it. Met my current boyfriend on there but he didn't act like the guys that you described and the ones that I experienced.

 

My advice, use the block button if they bothered you or get a major rise out of you. But keep dating online. It took me like 10 months to find mine. LOL

 

Good luck!

[ut804]

Thank you, thank you!

 

I have so much more insight and understanding now.

 

Like with the hate mail, I also heard about that book and the whole idea behind it. Basically, "nice" messages don't work, so some men are so desperate for a response they write something outrageous/ rude to get the girl's attention. But that's so silly!!! I don't know of women who will actually respond positively to that, or give them a chance at all!! Must be an unhealthy woman to respond to that and give the guy a chance! I would only respond to a nice and NORMAL message. Of course women ignore nice messages at times, but to say something rude as a first message is just so.... wrong? I mean I get the whole psychology of it but I just don't agree with it.

 

As for the men not putting in any effort to the messages.... well I get how it's a tiring process. I must have talked to hundreds of men and it's getting so routine and boring. But I still make the effort! I am tired of all the typing but it's something that should be done to get to know they person. By not responding much I assume the guy isn't very interested therefore I end contact. Therefore it's all just a waste and so no message is better than a very short one. If I responded to a man with one sentence I would not expect him to respond back! People shouldn't be lazy! I want the guy who is passionate for me who is excited to talk to me. So by responding with one sentence he will never meet me, therefore it's not any help.

 

I have tried link removed, no difference! I was able to meet lots of men on POF and OKCupid, only 1 man I met on link removed in the 3 months I had the subscription and he didn't look like his photos. And my coworker joined match and she cancelled it after a few days. And the guy who sent me the rude comment about my age limit was from link removed.

 

But thanks for all your comments, I have a lot better understanding now.

[ut804]

Seems then, like it will be a very short time before I find a wonderful girl online...

 

Although my personality may be a little too reclusive/boring for most. meh. I'm not a toy poodle, I don't do tricks for other's amusement!!

 

heyyy how have you been?

 

lol I am excited for the day when I delete my accounts. then I can finally stop making threads in this forum lol. Until then I am still on that darn OKC and POF.

[Batya33]

I used to respond with one sentence and the second sentence said "please send me your number -I prefer talking to typing to see if it makes sense for us to meet". 99% of the men responded with a phone number.

[The_Seeker]

I used to respond with one sentence and the second sentence said "please send me your number -I prefer talking to typing to see if it makes sense for us to meet". 99% of the men responded with a phone number.

 

Of course. Who wouldn't? Those men are above 30.

 

I'm talking men below 30. They act differently. Some are mature, some aren't.

 

I'm glad I stuck with the email first, before giving them my number. I know for a fact I would have my inbox blown with full of text messages, and phone calls.

 

Men on the site find me as "hot" so they want to set up a date sooner and want nothing to know about me. They are looking something to do on their weekends instead of getting to know the person. Such a waste of time.

 

But then again, everyone is different.

[Lonewing]

heyyy how have you been?

 

lol I am excited for the day when I delete my accounts. then I can finally stop making threads in this forum lol. Until then I am still on that darn OKC and POF.

 

Yeah, me too...the date from last night has not messaged back a thank you yet today in reply to mine sent this afternoon...meh, it doesn't matter. She was a nice girl, too...but meh, I don't have time for such games. Granted, the week is still young and she's got her studies, so maybe I'll be hearing back eventually. It's a question, though, of should I put myself on hold for her? I mean, yes, I don't have many other options, but I'm not about to let that dictate that I should go with her anyways.

[Lonewing]

Of course. Who wouldn't? Those men are above 30.

 

I'm talking men below 30. They act differently. Some are mature, some aren't.

 

I'm glad I stuck with the email first, before giving them my number. I know for a fact I would have my inbox blown with full of text messages, and phone calls.

 

Men on the site find me as "hot" so they want to set up a date sooner and want nothing to know about me. They are looking something to do on their weekends instead of getting to know the person. Such a waste of time.

 

But then again, everyone is different.

 

Yes I want to set up the date sooner. No matter what you type, I'm really tired of spending a week or even three days behind messages, then going on the date and her flaking out after that. So if I get to message two or three, Date is the next question and it's usually a matter of seeing each other That night or the very next day.

 

I can't get to know you if you don't respond after the first date... in the same hand, if I find out you're not what I want in my life, It's probably better that I let you go as soon as I can after that date, so I don't waste your time!

[The_Seeker]

I joined Match and did the 6 month subscription. It was well worth it.

 

POF and OKCupid was really a joke for me. LOL All I ever get were interview questions. I'm like this is lame.

 

I received lots of negative comments on how I looked, or whatever from guys on link removed. Such as "Oh hey baby, I wanna f you right now." What did I do? I blocked him. Or "I would cut off my arm to have a beautiful girl like you."

 

Seriously? So I responded to the one that said he would cut off his arm. I said "Please don't cut off your arm. That's the stupidest thing you could do yourself. Treat your arm with respect, please. Sorry, I am not a property." Sent that as an email and blocked him.

 

I probably did 200 blocks on link removed.

 

Some of them wrote short messages. Which to some I responded. LOL Like my boyfriend. One thing he did differently from the rest was he congratulated me from graduating from college. He did say he liked my profile. But I questioned what he liked about my profile so the messages got longer and longer.

 

He did give me his number but I told him i'm not looking for a texting or phone buddy. LOL Later in the relationship we were having a convo about how we met, I told them I sounded quite demanding didn't I in my profile. He said my profile was funny and that when I told them i didn't want to give my number right away to him that showed him I was looking for someone serious and not giving everyone my number and saying hi blah blah blah.

 

So you see, you need to respond to short messages as well. If you think the guy is cute, respond. If not, tell them you're not interested. Simple as that. Give each guy a chance unless he's very perverted/creepy/you don't find him attractive in his profile/picture such as that he smokes and you don't or he's a vegetarian you're not etc.

 

Good luck.

[The_Seeker]

Yes I want to set up the date sooner. No matter what you type, I'm really tired of spending a week or even three days behind messages, then going on the date and her flaking out after that.

 

Lonewing, I'm sorry your dating experience online didn't work out. I don't know if it's because the girls you were giving your attention to IS NOT STRAIGHT-FORWARD PERSON.

 

That's why I decided first date online, I pay my own. Later on actually dates, we'll decide what to do.

 

So if I get to message two or three, Date is the next question and it's usually a matter of seeing each other That night or the very next day.

 

Two or three messages. DEPENDS WHAT THE MESSAGES WERE. If you're asking her "What is your favorite color? What is your favorite food? What is your favorite hobby?" Yeah I can see why you are getting disappointed. You're asking her irrelevant questions. Hence why you felt it was a waste of time. If you were asking her "Have you always lived [city]?" or ask her how her day was as if she was a friend, then maybe it would have been different. BUT THEN AGAIN, I don't know what type of girl you felt attractive to.

 

I can't get to know you if you don't respond after the first date... in the same hand, if I find out you're not what I want in my life, It's probably better that I let you go as soon as I can after that date, so I don't waste your time!

 

You lost me right here. What do you mean respond after the first date? Like text you or call you saying I had a great time?

 

Sorry, I am not that type who will go on a first date and decide whether or not I want to date you after. I tell you FLAT OUT on the first date if I do not want to see you again and why. Or I set up a second date by calling or texting you whatever you prefer.

 

The good old days when i dated a calvin klein model I told him I wasn't interest in seeing him again because he sounded like a 5 letter word begins with a w. I asked the waiter for my check, paid for my share, and left. Throughout the conversation, I listened as he talked about himself sleeping with other women and how he is romantic blah blah blah. Funny thing was he called and wanted to make it up to me and said he knew he was not being good on a date. I declined and wish him luck.

 

Lonewing, if you met me in person, you would know why I would avoid setting up a date sooner.

 

Like I said in the previous post, I'm a very attractive person. So that's the first things guys see. I prefer weeding out the rest who are impatient which is about 20 guys I did. They expected a PHONE NUMBER by the first email, or second email. Some of them made a very stupid excuse to get my number saying "Some girls I talked to on match gave their number right away. Why can't you?" Uh because I don't know you hence the email messages. Second of all, you dated other girls on match who gave you their numbers right away? I don't represent girls on match. I represent myself.

 

I told my boyfriend straight out after he sent me the second email. I told him I am not looking for a texting buddy or phone buddy. So if he feel he doesn't want to talk to me anymore because of that, I totally understand. He still emailed me after that saying he didn't mean to be forward and it's that he so used to giving out his number.

 

Lonewing, you just seem to attract to girls who are very indirect, don't you? LOL

[Batya33]

Yeah, me too...the date from last night has not messaged back a thank you yet today in reply to mine sent this afternoon...meh, it doesn't matter. She was a nice girl, too...but meh, I don't have time for such games. Granted, the week is still young and she's got her studies, so maybe I'll be hearing back eventually. It's a question, though, of should I put myself on hold for her? I mean, yes, I don't have many other options, but I'm not about to let that dictate that I should go with her anyways.

 

Why not call her rather than message her? At least then you can have an actual conversation and figure out her tone/vibe.

[Lonewing]

I'm quite OK with how things have worked out thus far. I have patience, for the person who I will ultimately be with; she'll be worth it. If I dont; ifnd her, I have plenty of things to keep my life interesting and fulfilling without her.

 

You say these girls aren't straightfoward, and I do believe you have the same issue dealing with guys, although perhaps they're TOO straight forward and what they want is NOT what you want!! HA! But anyhow...

 

My third message is usually along the lines of "You sound interesting enough that I'd like to take you out. Here's my number if you're interested." It turns it into a date as quickly as possible, which then leads to either a second date or "eh, we're not that interested in each other." I've had things end in both courts, there's been girls who were interested but I'm just not interested, and there's been girls I am more interested in but they're not.

 

I've had things happen where I talk to a girl for a week, concerning very relevant issues, and then, well, after the first date we're just not interested in each other. Hence, the shorter the amount of time is that I actually talk to her before, the better off I am. Otherwise it's wasted time. "Curse of the single's table" has a great lesson on how the person you talk to Online or over the phone may be someone who physically is simply not at all appealing to you - and if this person is not physically appealing to you, in addition to what is already a suitable match, it's just not going to work out.

 

So as soon as I can peg down a date, we go. And yes, a date, because in my world, it's always lunch or dinner time by the time I want to go out, so we usually get dinner or lunch. You may cry for more time to get to know me beforehand, but I say it's all a matter of relativity, and if you're still not interested after dinner, we've both saved a lot of time hanging upon each other.

 

If I met you in person, no matter how pretty you are, it really would not matter how quickly we set up the date or not. Who you are in a picture and who you are in person are similar but one is quite a bit more detailed. Your profile will only be what you want others to see. An hour of dinner is far more revealing - of both you and myself. You'll know within roughly 2 minutes of sitting down if you want to see me again - the next 58 minutes will be rebuttals to this initial hypothesis - and there is little you or I can do to change this initial moment.

 

You might think I'd hang around trying to get with you based solely on your body. Guess what: if you don't want to get with my body, it doesn't matter what I think, there won't be another date in the first place! I'm not going to force anything to happen - I go in for a hug and never a kiss. If you have the luck of having every guy come to you for a date, then you need to get off your duff and go pick out those you message - you rule the roost! Even so, just because you're cute doesn't mean we're going to click. No click, no future.

 

I have never asked a girl for her number - what would I do with it, anyways? I'm already messaging her, so I already have the means to communicate, right?? I offer mine up in the same instance that I ask her on a date, as a means of brokering a date. If she's so talented enough that we can broker the date through messages and messages alone, without her giving it up, it's all the same to me, anyways. My goal is plain and simple: get on base.

 

Mind you, I'm very particular, and I've done a lot of whittling before I ever even send a message. I do actually do searches on these sites first for those things I'm NOT looking for [like drugs, or single parents, or vegetarians] and I very systematically remove them all from what I can see. I then weed through, messaging those I find interesting, and deleting out what which do not reply or exhibit sings of things I really don't want to deal with. Heavy tattoos and peircings? Heavyset? Snakes? Hippie Communes? Does she have a Drink in her hand IN EVERY SINGLE PICTURE???? Delete, delete, Delete, Delete... Yes, there's a lot of things I don't want to deal with! I dare say the combination of Twilight and Radiohead are also easy to attract my attention to the Hide button!! Ruthless...

 

I further react to those who don't send a reply to an initial message much the same way I react to those with questionable material in their profiles: they go right to the delete bin. I'm not wasting my time on people who aren't interested back. You may be pretty, but you're not anyone special - to me - yet!

 

One thing that's a bit frustrating right now is that since Girl 1 from last night has not replied back yet, I've been unable to reply to Girl 2. I really try to stick to One Girl at a time, but it seems like every time it rains, it pours - which is to say, I could send out messages for weeks without so much as a nibble, and then get three repliers all at once. It's most annoying. If more girls replied more often, maybe I'd slow down the initaition rate, or at least knwo to wait a little longer, but seeing as how so many never reply, I dont wait anymore.

 

My girl is out there and she's worth this hunt. Maybe I've already passed her over, or she passed me over, but I'm not going to give up right yet.

 

The key is to not get frustrated or impatient.

[Lonewing]

Why not call her rather than message her? At least then you can have an actual conversation and figure out her tone/vibe.

 

Text is very effective. I'm quite ok with texting nowadays - it works. A lack of response is just about as telling as a lukewarm vocal response. If she was super interested, I'd presume she/we would have texted/called each other much sooner. No response thus far, she's either super busy and held up by other things, or she's really seriously thinking about it. These are not diliberations that should be rushed by a synchronious phonecall!!

[The_Seeker]

I'm quite OK with how things have worked out thus far. I have patience, for the person who I will ultimately be with; she'll be worth it. If I dont; ifnd her, I have plenty of things to keep my life interesting and fulfilling without her.

 

LOL Ok

 

You say these girls aren't straightfoward, and I do believe you have the same issue dealing with guys, although perhaps they're TOO straight forward and what they want is NOT what you want!! HA! But anyhow...

 

Yea, I don't want to have sex on the first date. Or get rape.

 

Is that bad to not want that, Lonewing? That's what most guys asked me in the email. LOL

 

My third message is usually along the lines of "You sound interesting enough that I'd like to take you out. Here's my number if you're interested." It turns it into a date as quickly as possible, which then leads to either a second date or "eh, we're not that interested in each other." I've had things end in both courts, there's been girls who were interested but I'm just not interested, and there's been girls I am more interested in but they're not.

 

See that to me, I would say. I prefer getting to know you through the email first then we both decide whether or not we are interested so we don't waste each other's weekend.

 

I've had things happen where I talk to a girl for a week, concerning very relevant issues, and then, well, after the first date we're just not interested in each other. Hence, the shorter the amount of time is that I actually talk to her before, the better off I am. Otherwise it's wasted time. "Curse of the single's table" has a great lesson on how the person you talk to Online or over the phone may be someone who physically is simply not at all appealing to you - and if this person is not physically appealing to you, in addition to what is already a suitable match, it's just not going to work out.

 

LOL Ok. Maybe i'm old fashioned then. I prefer cutting the root of the problem by going email first before pursuing as a real date.

 

I don't know must be the guys I'm dating were wrong. I did what you did to guys. It turned out they were forceful on me, or pulled the "I can get any girl I want" actions on me. So I decided I would get to know them personally on email. Also probably because they were more giving me an interview instead of letting the conversation flow.

 

So as soon as I can peg down a date, we go. And yes, a date, because in my world, it's always lunch or dinner time by the time I want to go out, so we usually get dinner or lunch. You may cry for more time to get to know me beforehand, but I say it's all a matter of relativity, and if you're still not interested after dinner, we've both saved a lot of time hanging upon each other.

 

See, singling out just based on one date is NOT enough. LOL

 

If I met you in person, no matter how pretty you are,

 

Now now, Mr.Lonewing, be careful what you say. ;]

 

 

it really would not matter how quickly we set up the date or not. Who you are in a picture and who you are in person are similar but one is quite a bit more detailed. Your profile will only be what you want others to see.

 

Nah, I'm truthful what I say on the profile. I am who I am as on profile. I don't act anything different unless you are forceful then I will self-defend.

 

An hour of dinner is far more revealing - of both you and myself. You'll know within roughly 2 minutes of sitting down if you want to see me again - the next 58 minutes will be rebuttals to this initial hypothesis - and there is little you or I can do to change this initial moment.

 

An hour date? Sorry first impression is not enough. LOL People play all nice in the beginning.

 

Maybe I'm just a slow dater.

 

You might think I'd hang around trying to get with you based solely on your body.

 

Nope. Unless you told me you wanted to f me in the email on the first date then I will be like "Sorry. I don't do that." The end.

 

Guess what: if you don't want to get with my body, it doesn't matter what I think, there won't be another date in the first place! I'm not going to force anything to happen - I go in for a hug and never a kiss. If you have the luck of having every guy come to you for a date, then you need to get off your duff and go pick out those you message - you rule the roost! Even so, just because you're cute doesn't mean we're going to click. No click, no future.

 

Dude you lost me right here. Simple english please.

 

Nah, Lonewing, I do ask guys out. It's not always one way street IF that's what you think of me.

 

Oh we're clicking now aren't we, Lonewing? LOL ;]

 

 

I have never asked a girl for her number - what would I do with it, anyways?

 

I don't know...do math with it?

 

I'm already messaging her, so I already have the means to communicate, right??

 

Maybe, maybe not.

 

I offer mine up in the same instance that I ask her on a date, as a means of brokering a date. If she's so talented enough that we can broker the date through messages and messages alone, without her giving it up, it's all the same to me, anyways. My goal is plain and simple: get on base.

 

DUDE YOU LOST ME WITH THESE GUY TERMS.

 

How many messages are we talking about?! If it was two weeks of messages, the yea I give a guy my number. IF YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT 1 YEAR OF EMAILING each other then I get what you are saying.

 

Mind you, I'm very particular, and I've done a lot of whittling before I ever even send a message. I do actually do searches on these sites first for those things I'm NOT looking for [like drugs, or single parents, or vegetarians] and I very systematically remove them all from what I can see. I then weed through, messaging those I find interesting, and deleting out what which do not reply or exhibit sings of things I really don't want to deal with. Heavy tattoos and peircings? Heavyset? Snakes? Hippie Communes? Does she have a Drink in her hand IN EVERY SINGLE PICTURE???? Delete, delete, Delete, Delete... Yes, there's a lot of things I don't want to deal with! I dare say the combination of Twilight and Radiohead are also easy to attract my attention to the Hide button!! Ruthless...

 

You must live in California or NYC. Where are you from exactly? LOL

 

I further react to those who don't send a reply to an initial message much the same way I react to those with questionable material in their profiles: they go right to the delete bin. I'm not wasting my time on people who aren't interested back. You may be pretty, but you're not anyone special - to me - yet!

 

Was that last line was directed to me, Mr.Lonewing? ;]

 

One thing that's a bit frustrating right now is that since Girl 1 from last night has not replied back yet, I've been unable to reply to Girl 2. I really try to stick to One Girl at a time, but it seems like every time it rains, it pours - which is to say, I could send out messages for weeks without so much as a nibble, and then get three repliers all at once. It's most annoying. If more girls replied more often, maybe I'd slow down the initaition rate, or at least knwo to wait a little longer, but seeing as how so many never reply, I dont wait anymore.

 

Give her two weeks to reply to you then move on. That's what I did when guys pull that 3 days rule or 2 weeks rule or whatever rule that is. They act like they didn't heard from me either I text/left them a voicemail. LOL Mind you I don't care how people forget their phone but they do recharge it at night and check them. So I moved onto the next. I get all these messages back saying how they miss me and to set up a date. I told them I'm not interested and I prefer a guy return my call/text instead of pulling the stupid rule act. LOL

 

 

My girl is out there and she's worth this hunt. Maybe I've already passed her over, or she passed me over, but I'm not going to give up right yet.

 

The key is to not get frustrated or impatient.

 

LOL Just don't' grill her with questions once you hunted her.

 

;] Darn it i just got rick rolled.

 

Amen about the key!

[Batya33]

Text is very effective. I'm quite ok with texting nowadays - it works. A lack of response is just about as telling as a lukewarm vocal response. If she was super interested, I'd presume she/we would have texted/called each other much sooner. No response thus far, she's either super busy and held up by other things, or she's really seriously thinking about it. These are not diliberations that should be rushed by a synchronious phonecall!!

 

She could be one of those "old fashioned" gals who takes notice only when a man actually picks up the phone and calls her. I still remember the two phone calls my now husband made to me to ask me out on what masqueraded as platonic evenings (they were but we were both hoping for more) - we also e-mailed but it meant a lot to me that he picked up the phone and called. And during the long distance part of our relationship we did e-mail but also spoke by phone every day -and that also was memorable and appreciated by both of us. Especially when you're trying to make a good first impression texting can come accross as way too casual/passive.

[Lonewing]

I think any guy who utters anything along the lines of "hi, how are you, let's have sex" should earn a sudden death to be banished to the Hidden Folder. Of course, you ladies would do us all huge favors if you just stop sleeping with guys within the first date - I don't care how cute he is. I presume these guys asking for sex have been somewhat successful with it, or they would have given up a long time ago. If not, wow, they're still trying???

 

Email messages simply constitute a couple more pages of Profile which really are still meaningless until that first meeting. So you'd prefer to waste my week with these messages, than waste an evening at a dinner you're not obligated to pay for, with someone who has a profile interesting enough for you to reply back to in the first place? It doesn't even have to be a weekend, it's one date. I'd be willing to go down as far as just coffee, but thus far the girls have been more than happy with dinner, so dinner it is!!

 

That's the point of the matter: I've had too many long exchanges to continue "investing" in them. You cannot get to know someone personally on email. It is only in person where you will know who they truly are, which means they will also know who you are.

 

Eitherway, this is an interview, but it's one that ends with someone who we'll be sleeping with. We've already removed the romance of how we meet each other, we'd be best just removing it altogether from the initial stages. I don't want you to be in-love with the person I've conjured up for you to think about via email - I want you to be interested in the person that I am - and that's what you get at dinner.

 

I have very VERY rarely made a decision Aye or Nay before I've gone on a second date. By third date, it's crunch time, and that's when I really think long and hard about staying with this person long term. two dates has been more than enough time for me to know how I feel on the matter. Most girls are more than happy to make that determination after the first, and I'm more than fine with that. So be it - no skin off my back!!

 

Yes, that "you may be pretty BUT" statement is directed at those who consider their appeareance to be among their assets. I've known a lot of pretty pretty girls who are, in otherwords, as nicely as I can put it, Ice Queens. Even if they are good at hiding it, it usually comes out within an hour of conversation. Even this girl last night, I heard the warning bells a couple times; she's cue, but she's also a bit of a combatant - very dominant, very Alpha. Hence why I'm not so concerned...First impression is huge. In short, you can be pretty all you want, but if there's no substance behind it, I'm walking.

 

That's how it was with my ex - we were interested in each other within fifteen minutes of seeing each other. An hour or two of conversation, and we were seeing each other for a couple dates. Now of course, once I knew more about her, I simply told her I couldn't be with her - and then made that mistake of backtracking three months later and took her up on her offer the next time she seized upon me. She taught me a vaulable lesson, though, about these things I've always considered Red Flags: they ARE dealbreakers!!

 

There's only one rule I live by with the whole stupid afterdate message thing; I be completely honest and at the very next opportunity after I've had the chance to at the very least sleep on it. Hence, I sent last night's date a message this early noonish, a couple hours after I got up. TWO WEEKS for her to reply??? Two weeks from now we won't even have a vague memory of each other!! If she's interested, she'll be replying right quick. If she's not interested,she'd be even quicker!

 

Speaking of which, Girl One did get back to me while I was out just now; it is as I feared. She didn't feel she clicks with me, so we're not going to be seeing much of each other. I presume it took her a whole to reply back because she had to figure out how to say it - it can be difficult to send such a reply, as I have been there myself. It happens - NEXT!

 

I live in the Southwest. There are lots and lots of girls I want nothing to do with out here...nooooo THANKS!

 

"Get on Base" is the point of the movie Moneyball; The math nerd figures out that the baseball players and teams who win world series aren't huge hitters or base stealers, but rather quite simply have high "get on base" percentages. So that's all I'm doing, at this point, is getting a first date and getting on base. If I can nail down a first date, that's something concrete that has the potential to move forward, since both parties are seeing a complete composite of the other person.

 

SO from here, Onwards!!

 

She's going to grill me with about as many questions as I grill her, so I really wouldn't be too worried about that... My ex and I, afterall, spent quite near a week messaging each other around the first set of dates; it was quite delightful. So I do know what it feels like when you've found someone who's expressing a genuine interest, and that interest is mutual. Anywho...

[The_Seeker]

My dear Mr.Lonewing, could you shorten your message into like one paragraph? MY POOR eyes, Mr.Lonewing.

 

I'll read this later. Your message is too scientifically long.

[Lonewing]

She could be one of those "old fashioned" gals who takes notice only when a man actually picks up the phone and calls her. I still remember the two phone calls my now husband made to me to ask me out on what masqueraded as platonic evenings (they were but we were both hoping for more) - we also e-mailed but it meant a lot to me that he picked up the phone and called. And during the long distance part of our relationship we did e-mail but also spoke by phone every day -and that also was memorable and appreciated by both of us. Especially when you're trying to make a good first impression texting can come accross as way too casual/passive.

 

Nope, it's her speed, she's good with text; I figured that out by how we set up the date. And my hunch was right on the mark.

 

My experience, thus far, is that those who are interested message back either before I have the opportunity to message them, or pretty soon after I message them - and it's "let's do it again - soon!" If there's a lull, as in this one, it's usually because they're not interested, but mulling over how to word it. Or, they message me back REALLY soon expressing long term disinterest.

 

I live in a pretty progressive town, despite being in a rather old-fashioned state...

[Lonewing]

My dear Mr.Lonewing, could you shorten your message into like one paragraph? MY POOR eyes, Mr.Lonewing.

 

I'll read this later. Your message is too scientifically long.

 

Soorrry Hence you have now discovered reason #375 why I move it to a date as soon as possible!!! I could be dragging two anchors and STILL write too much. So I snip it in the bud with a short "so, when's a good time to go to dinner?" and BAM, there's no further issues!! Otherwise, I think we've fully understood each other!! NIGHT!

[im_the_undead]

Oh man.......

that sounds terrible !

How unfortunate 2 very intelligent women in my life, sister and aunt, both married the men they met online and have been together happily, ever since.

I figured it was like that for most !

[Batya33]

Nope, it's her speed, she's good with text; I figured that out by how we set up the date. And my hunch was right on the mark.

 

My experience, thus far, is that those who are interested message back either before I have the opportunity to message them, or pretty soon after I message them - and it's "let's do it again - soon!" If there's a lull, as in this one, it's usually because they're not interested, but mulling over how to word it. Or, they message me back REALLY soon expressing long term disinterest.

 

I live in a pretty progressive town, despite being in a rather old-fashioned state...

 

My experience is that when people recall fondly or with joy the early part of their romance it's about the face to face meetings or at least the phone conversations - it's not about typing. And in early dating it's what separates the "wow he/she makes me feel special" from the "yeah well he's texting me all the time from wherever he is so I assume he can't be dating other people" (which may or may not be true). An email after a lovely date or phone convo can be very nice and flattering but if you want to stand out make your presence known in ways other than by just typing.