Should I divorce my husband?

[sweetestdesire]

I could be totally wrong, sweetest, but I detected a whiff of sarcasm in Maeva's post.

 

Your assumption is correct blue apple.

 

But she's tried "everything" to make it work correct?

[Seraphim]

I could be totally wrong, sweetest, but I detected a whiff of sarcasm in Maeva's post.

 

That is what I thought too. I would rather live in the street in a box than live with my in-laws. That is usually the biggest disaster to ever befall a marriage.

[sweetestdesire]

Same in my church, however you CAN get an annulment because he is NOT performing his vows and not investing in your marriage IS one of the reasons they allow an annulment. I was married in a religion.

 

I'm sure you can, & an annulment may be a better way to go but people don't do annulments, they do divorces.

Could be due to lack of knowledge?

[Seraphim]

She said she already talked to the priest about an annulment and said she could.

[Tanzi]

Obviously him being a momma's boy does matter because that's the reason why she would divorce him!!

 

We all expect things to "work" but then you need to be realistic with yourself also & know what you're getting yourself into.

 

It matters NOW but what I'm saying is they could still have had a perfectly normal marriage, which is what I'm sure the OP expected. Do you really think she got married just to get divorced almost immediately?

 

We are going round in circles here. Obviously you think the OP made her bed and she should lie in it .. alone or otherwise!

[sweetestdesire]

That is what I thought too. I would rather live in the street in a box than live with my in-laws. That is usually the biggest disaster to ever befall a marriage.

 

Maybe if you actually got along with them it wouldn't.

 

They can help you with your children, etc.

I plan on moving my mother in when she's older & can't take care of herself.

[abitbroken]

You know - adultery and abandonment are both acceptable reasons for divorce in most faiths, sweetest. If one spouse abandons the other one, the spouse that is left behind to deal with the wreckage is not culpable or blamed. The person can be married again in the church if the pastor/priest of the individual church understands the reason and allows them to. In the olden days, this marriage would be treated as an unconsummated marriage more or less, in the symbolic sense. Some may classify it as abandonment on his part.

 

I don't think that worries her as much as having a lonely marriage. It is really the fact that the marriage is a sham at this point if he continues to live with mom and dad and go over at night for a booty call.

 

Its a shame that his parents don't invite them BOTH over for dinner.

 

Its not a matter of trying to get along with the parents - who says she doesn't. Some people just have unhealthy boundaries with their folks and won't leave them for a spouse.

 

I would hope that the OP would come back to the thread and give us an update.

[Tanzi]

Your assumption is correct blue apple.

 

But she's tried "everything" to make it work correct?

 

That would NOT make the marriage work though .... and I rather suspect that her husband wouldn't want that as he evidently likes to spend the time with his parental alone.

 

Phew I'm done!

[sweetestdesire]

It matters NOW but what I'm saying is they could still have had a perfectly normal marriage, which is what I'm sure the OP expected. Do you really think she got married just to get divorced almost immediately?

 

We are going round in circles here. Obviously you think the OP made her bed and she should lie in it .. alone or otherwise!

 

I don't think you've been reading the posts, shes been dealing with this her WHOLE lifetime!! do you not get it??

Of course everybody wants a perfectly normal marriage but that doesn't mean im going to marry someone in hope of it!

[Maeva]

I dont think moving the mother in will actually work sweet, but its something more to try before giving up. It may be that mother thinks wife is going to her parents or refusing to cook meals, or it may be she might believe in the marriage and have some healthy advice. It also may be that he isnt going to his mothers at all... He lies alot do that could be a lie too.

 

When my parents first married they went on a long honeymoon then literally lived with my paternal grandparents for six months and my grandma and mother formed a huge bond and my dads parents became kind of hers too. It allowed everyone to transition I guess, hes always been a extemely responsible reliable and caring adult in the time I have known him but grandfather said he was a bit immature before. Hard to know as the old man had huge high standards, but for sure his parents wouldnt have allowed them to stay too long.

 

But honestly if his parents havent already extended the invitation to her, and with his total immaturity in his responses, its not looking great. I would so tell on him to his mother every time I cooked a meal he didnt eat. Id ring her during the day before cooking each one to ask what he likes and askfor advice on being a good wife.. Its not really anice thing to do, but it sounds like the only realistic alternative is a religious anullment and possibly a civil divorce, and perhaps a miracle might happen.

[Seraphim]

Maybe if you actually got along with them it wouldn't.

 

They can help you with your children, etc.

I plan on moving my mother in when she's older & can't take care of herself.

 

My in-laws are nuts and I don't need their help with raising my son. They did a good enough job tormenting my husband.

[sweetestdesire]

That would NOT make the marriage work though .... and I rather suspect that her husband wouldn't want that as he evidently likes to spend the time with his parental alone.

 

Phew I'm done!

 

You don't know that. That's what i mean by we dont know the WHOLE story

[Tanzi]

I don't think you've been reading the posts, shes been dealing with this her WHOLE lifetime!! do you not get it??

Of course everybody wants a perfectly normal marriage but that doesn't mean im going to marry someone in hope of it!

 

Yes. I get it, sweetest, you are talking to someone who has been married and divorced and is now dating a mummy's boy. I really, really do get it.

 

We don't actually know to what extent she has been dealing with it do we? Bottom line: she obviously didn't think it was going to be a major problem .. but it is and that's he main point here.

 

Arrgh why am I still biting?

[sweetestdesire]

My in-laws are nuts and I don't need their help with raising my son. They did a good enough job tormenting my husband.

 

Then you wouldn't have to worry about him being a momma's boy.

 

Kudos

[Seraphim]

No, they have their 41 year old daughter for that. She has never even had a bf because her parents did not think it would be a good idea.

[Tanzi]

Maybe if you actually got along with them it wouldn't.

 

They can help you with your children, etc.

I plan on moving my mother in when she's older & can't take care of herself.

 

Are you married, sweetest?

[sweetestdesire]

Yes. I get it, sweetest, you are talking to someone who had been married and divorced and is now dating a mummy's boy. I really, really do get it.

 

We don't actually know to what extent she has been dealing with it do we? Bottom line: she obviously didn't think it was going to be a major problem.

 

Arrgh why am I still biting?

 

How not though if she seen what it was like from the beginning??

As i said, i WOULD not date a mommas boy specifically for this reason.

You have to be strong enough & say this is not the type of person i want to be with & let it go, unless your willing to deal with it & risk ending up in a divorce because you couldn't handle it

 

Maybe because your referring to yourself & attempting to defend the situation your in.

[sweetestdesire]

No, they have their 41 year old daughter for that. She has never even had a bf because her parents did not think it would be a good idea.

 

Oh man, I feel sorry for her. She's never going to be able to live LIFE.

[sweetestdesire]

Are you married, sweetest?

 

No blue apple, are u?

[Seraphim]

Oh man, I feel sorry for her. She's never going to be able to live LIFE.

 

And that is what his parents wanted for both their kids. My husband escaped that fate but only with my tugging. I had to pry him loose from them. They even told me to get away from their family as it should be the 4 of them for the rest of time. Total freaks. My husband decided he wanted to be with me instead. I have a feeling this man's parents are the same and that is how he got this way.

[sweetestdesire]

She said she already talked to the priest about an annulment and said she could.

 

Good for her.

[sweetestdesire]

And that is what his parents wanted for both their kids. My husband escaped that fate but only with my tugging. I had to pry him loose from them. They even told me to get away from their family as it should be the 4 of them for the rest of time. Total freaks. My husband decided he wanted to be with me instead. I have a feeling this man's parents are the same and that is how he got this way.

 

Good Job on choosing a good one.

 

Could very much be so. If only we knew the whole story lol so we can get to the bottom of it.

[Tanzi]

How not though if she seen what it was like from the beginning??.

 

Seen what what was like though? So, he's a momma's boy, but she may not have seen it as a problem during their relationship. She may have thought it cute or endearing. I doubt, and I keep saying this, she had any idea that it would have become such a problem. If she did I doubt she would have married him only to divorce him.

[Tanzi]

No blue apple, are u?

 

As I've already said .... I've been married (13 years), now divorced. Currently dating a momma's boy (2 years next month).

 

I asked cos you said you would move your mother-in-law in with you. I wondered how you could predict such a thing when you don't even have one! You might not get along. Anyhow it really doesn't matter.

[married2011]

Wow 13 pages! I'm glad I wrote, I am glad to get advice and hear people's views.

 

I don't know where to begin with any additional info... other than I still don't know what to do. He came home to me today (after being at his parent's of course).

 

I can't just be happy. I am moving a few things I got out of my parent's attic to our house and instead of being happy I feel terrible. My husband is not home, I know where he is and it's not here. I can't come home to this house and enjoy it and enjoy my life when I know what's going on.

 

I don't know what more I can do. I don't really want to leave, deep down.

 

I wonder a lot about his upbringing. He has told me if it weren't for his mother, he and his sister would have ended up "messed up". His dad comes from a rough family, drugs, jail, stabbing people. I haven't heard anything of what the dad has done though.

I find his dad probably the easiest to get along with, funny enough. He is in the picture, they're married, on the outside everything looks fine except they don't seem loving towards eachother at all, his dad seems happy just existing though. But my husband also told me his mother didn't let his dad raise them. I have read some of a book called "When he's married to Mom" this is a common reason why guys are like this with their mothers, when the dad is in the picture as a married husband but not raising the child.

 

His sister is much worse, but thankfully for her she found a husband that sees nothing wrong with it. She even sleeps over the parent's house when her husband works late, she is over there almost every day too. She is also more married to the mother and makes decisions with the mother as well.

 

We were married not long after and I honestly never thought much about it, I didn't think he would do what he's doing even knowing what his sister does.

 

I have always know he is a "mama's boy" but I never would have thought he'd be doing this. I didn't think anyone would do this, even now looking back I don't know why I wasn't nervous when I heard about what the sister does.

 

Would like to talk to his parents but I think they're just going to go ahead and side with my husband. I mean, he's saying he won't move in because I bother him about him not moving in. I don't know if that's what he's saying to them though. I will give it a try when I see them in person though.

 

I just hate that he is trying to blur the line of what is going on. What came first is him not moving in, not bringing the vehicle, not coming here from work, hardly ever eating dinner with me. I complained and honestly not more than a day or two goes by without me asking him about things. I know that can be a bit much to hear from someone but I have legitimate complaints and it's hard for me to go on day to day knowing this is going on. I worry about not saying anything because I think he'll just take that as me giving up.

 

Something else the counselor told me to do is try not acting like a wife. That is all she really said, just try not acting like a wife. See if it stirs any emotion in him.

 

I don't know what to do because when it comes down to it I can't bring myself to end it. I am hating this feeling of limbo- my life IS standing still. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself. I'm worried about 1 month going by, then 2 months of the same same if I stop saying anything. But apparently me saying anything is doing NOTHING. I wonder if I should start really inviting people over and let whatever anyone says come out when they see all my things here and none of his. I wouldn't be surprised if his defense is that I "took over the whole house". Please...

 

Thank you for any further advice and words of wisdom