lalalollipops Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 This is an integrity and selfishness thing. I don't think he'll ever have the ability to be honest and loyal to any woman. Link to comment
delicous Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Now before everyone thinks Im an inconsiderate pig hear me out cause i need some good advice. Neither of them know about each other and Losing either one of them would kill me, but I know this cant go on forever and Im just hurting myself You said "neith of them know about eacg other and Losing either of them would kill ME" Just think about that ONE sentence you types. It speaks a thousand words. I shows that you are not being selfless, you are being selfish. Hurting these girls is in your furture, no matter what direction you spin it. You can not have either of them in a healthy relationship after you come clean and tell them that you have been cheating on them for 3+ years. You know that saying "I made my bed, now I have to lay in it..." That pretty much described this situation. I can relate to your situation because my current boyfriend cheated on me in the beginning + we started our relationship in a bad way, he was still having his gf at the time living with him. He said "it was coming to an end" whenever we started hooking up and dating... So much drama!, but we got through it. The only thing is I was the "other women" and KNEW she was living with him still and still CHOSE to stay with him. LUckily, he told her and also told her she needs to move out and they are done. Things are a lot less chaotic and somewhat more normal we both adore eachother, so its easy to be happy and in love with him NOW, but prior to that, it took a whole year to get a normal flow...So much anxiety!... If you don't want to cause these girls heartache, unfortunetly there is no way to not cause it. You will have to sit both of these girls down and let them know you have no been 100% faithful, u have been seeing another girl. Leave it at that, they may not even ask for how long, but if they do, you may need to be honest. You realize if you choose one, then the other HAS TO GO!. The other HAS TO STAY OUT OF YOUR LIFE, if you want to keep the other girl... IN all honestly, its best to just let both go and move on to a new fresh and healthy relationship with someone else....It sucks but you did this to yourself... Link to comment
macadamia Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Let's not forget all those 'player friends' I'm sure they're a wonderful influence. You can tell a lot about someone by the company they keep. Link to comment
NightLily Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 It may be possible for him to change.. from the sounds of it he is only 16 or so. What you need to understand randomguy is that what you do from this point forward needs to be out of concern for others and not yourself. If you love them, prove it. Give them the choice to date who they would want to and not be deceived into loving or trusting you. Let them walk away from this now before wasting another month on a guy who is in no place to love them right now. Take care of yourself and figure out your life so you can have a normal healthy relationship at some point. That point is not now. Link to comment
thatguyrandom Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 It may be possible for him to change.. from the sounds of it he is only 16 or so. What you need to understand randomguy is that what you do from this point forward needs to be out of concern for others and not yourself. If you love them, prove it. Give them the choice to date who they would want to and not be deceived into loving or trusting you. Let them walk away from this now before wasting another month on a guy who is in no place to love them right now. Take care of yourself and figure out your life so you can have a normal healthy relationship at some point. That point is not now. Im 21 and about to be 22. I know what I need to do its about how to get the courage to tell them Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 ^ sb that is capable of leaving a double life for 3 years without being found out is not somebody who can change. Even if he's 16, what he's doing is alittle different from a drunkin kiss all even a one night stand. He's being consciously deceiving both for 3 whole years. You can basically see what kind of person this is imo. Link to comment
thatguyrandom Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Let's not forget all those 'player friends' I'm sure they're a wonderful influence. You can tell a lot about someone by the company they keep. Well, their all still good people they mess around with multiple women them selves but are not in relationships. I met them all at the gym and Honestly we all the an ego the size of a 2 story building. Link to comment
thatguyrandom Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 ^ sb that is capable of leaving a double life for 3 years without being found out is not somebody who can change. Even if he's 16, what he's doing is alittle different from a drunkin kiss all even a one night stand. He's being consciously deceiving both for 3 whole years. You can basically see what kind of person this is imo. Im not a bad person though. I made 1 mistake in my life that is going to drasticly effect me and its this. Link to comment
NightLily Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 ^I think the fact that he is looking for advice at all is a sign that there may be hope that he will develop a greater sense of empathy for other people. Many people are still very immature at 22. So who knows. Our actions define us and he can decide to turn around what he does right now and do the best thing he can. Would I date a guy who did such a thing? No way. But can one change? Depends. Link to comment
macadamia Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Honestly we all the an ego the size of a 2 story building. I'm sure you're very proud Link to comment
stilllooking31 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 No, you most certainly have lied. You are seeing 2 girls that don't know about each other. They shouldn't have to bluntly ask you "Are you seeing someone else?" and you say "No" for it to qualify as lying. You are lying to both of them. Also, you don't love either of them. Link to comment
thatguyrandom Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 For your own well being I think it would be good to move on from them both and take time out to recouperate, and to learn from this, go to therapy and when your ready enter a new, healthy relationship built on honesty and love, and monogamy. See this was honestly 1 of my first thoughts. I know I need to straighten myslef out. But its the what ifs that bother me. What if both of them are willing to stay with me what if one of them will stay with me what if either will stay with me what if they are so hurt that this ruins any type of relationship for them in the future. Link to comment
delicous Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 You are still going and saying "MEMEMEMEMEM" its got to be about more than that.... You aren't asking the right questions... See this was honestly 1 of my first thoughts. I know I need to straighten myslef out. But its the what ifs that bother me. What if both of them are willing to stay with me what if one of them will stay with me what if either will stay with me what if they are so hurt that this ruins any type of relationship for them in the future Its not good to stay with either of them at this point, unless you want to be in an unhealthy, constant fighting and not trusting eachother "type of relationship" Take my advise for what it is and it looks like there is a whole train of people who agree. You need to end this and there is no easy way to do it. The only thing I can say is learn from this mistake and DON'T associate yourself with people you don't want to be like, especially JUICE HEADS! Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Since youre being hammered quite a bit already...I dont need to add to it...altho I have a lot I could say. Anyway! Its not going to be easy for you. It shouldnt be. The only thing I think you need to do, it to start caring about these two girls more then you do yourself. You need to let them both go. They deserve much better then you, and I think you realize it. Tell them both youre going through some personal problems of your own, and need to break it off. Let them find a man who's going to cherish them the way they deserve. Link to comment
thatguyrandom Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 I'm sure you're very proud its hard not to have an ego when you were a all state athlete and workout 24/7 Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Knocking your foot on the door is a mistake. Getting your keys locked in the car is a mistake. Hell, even dropping your newly bought cell phone into the ocean can be a mistake. What you did was make a decision to deceive two people who expected trust from you. It's alittle more than just a 'mistake.' And Nightlily, I knew about the difference btwn right and wrong when I was like 10. He's nearly 22. His character has been set imo. But anyway at the end of the day, it doesn't affect me personally. I just feel really sorry for the girls. =/ Link to comment
thatguyrandom Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 You are still going and saying "MEMEMEMEMEM" its got to be about more than that.... Take my advise for what it is and it looks like there is a whole train of people who agree. You need to end this and there is no easy way to do it. The only thing I can say is learn from this mistake and DON'T associate yourself with people you don't want to be like, especially JUICE HEADS! But I am a Juice head =/ And i understand what ur saying but theirs no easy way out to this. Link to comment
stilllooking31 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 its hard not to have an ego when you were a all state athlete and workout 24/7 Congratulations! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 They will get over it eventually. It's better than them living a lie, what happens when they want to get married and have kids? you can't be a bigamist. Its better to end it now. Link to comment
NightLily Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 its hard not to have an ego when you were a all state athlete and workout 24/7 Oh really? I was a sponsored athlete swimming for the top ranked school in the US. Funny how I didn't develop a huge ego Link to comment
thatguyrandom Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Knocking your foot on the door is a mistake. Getting your keys locked in the car is a mistake. Hell, even dropping your newly bought cell phone into the ocean can be a mistake. What you did was make a decision to deceive two people who expected trust from you. It's alittle more than just a 'mistake.' And Nightlily, I knew about the difference btwn right and wrong when I was like 10. He's nearly 22. His character has been set imo. But anyway at the end of the day, it doesn't affect me personally. I just feel really sorry for the girls. =/ You know nothing of me just of what i tell you. You think I don't feel sorry for them either?? im the one who has to deal with this everyday its just getting worse and worse. Link to comment
thatguyrandom Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Oh really? I was a sponsored athlete swimming for the top ranked school in the US. Funny how I didn't develop a huge ego Your Also not a guy. Link to comment
thatguyrandom Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 They will get over it eventually. It's better than them living a lie, what happens when they want to get married and have kids? you can't be a bigamist. Its better to end it now. they both are ready to start a family and I keep telling them no I can't they ask why and all i can say is I can't makes me feel like the biggest piece of trash. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 ^ There you are again with you 'mememe' attitude. If you feel sorry for them. Give them what they deserve- the truth. The WHOLE truth. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 omg, you are so screwed. how the hell did you manage to give your all of time and attention to TWO people for soo long ? Link to comment
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