shl025 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Hi! I am currently seeing/talking to a police officer. He treats me well, has good values and good family, and has lots of qualities that I look for in a man. I do not judge him by his occupation although I have read things online, because I believe he is just a normal guy before being a police officer. I actually respect him very much for that. The only thing I would complain about is his unexpected overtime shifts, but we are not in a relationship so I keep the complaints to myself and let him do his thang. But we do text everyday and see each other a couple times a week, including me dropping by at his work time to time. So I was just wondering if any of you guys have dated police officers and if so, how it was/is! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chitown9 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 I do know that there is an opportunity for cheating on spouses when there is a built-in exuse for not coming home, and unexpected overtime shifts is one of those built-in exuses. However, anyone can cheat for that matter. Where there is a will, there is a way.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Chi is right - LEO's have a reputation of being huge philanderers - they have motive and opportunity all day long. Plus, they have the built-in excuse of not being able to answer their phones... But, I wouldn't sell him out quite yet, as not all officers are cheaters. One thing I would say I have seen as a common thread in these guys, is that because they see people at their worst all day long, they tend to have very cynical and paranoid views of people and life. Also, they can isolate and be more prone to depression. If you just started dating, and you already are complaining about his shifts, I'd say get out now, because it won't get any better. Expect him to not be around for holidays, birthdays, special occasions...if you're looking for someone more 9-5, a cop ain't it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Cops are never 9-5. If that's what you want, don't date a cop. Just because someone has a job that has "unexpected overtime" does not mean that they are more likely to cheat. Total hogwash. If a GUY wants to cheat, he'll do it regardless of his job or lifestyle. Just a fact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shl025 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 Chi is right - LEO's have a reputation of being huge philanderers - they have motive and opportunity all day long. Plus, they have the built-in excuse of not being able to answer their phones... But, I wouldn't sell him out quite yet, as not all officers are cheaters. One thing I would say I have seen as a common thread in these guys, is that because they see people at their worst all day long, they tend to have very cynical and paranoid views of people and life. Also, they can isolate and be more prone to depression. If you just started dating, and you already are complaining about his shifts, I'd say get out now, because it won't get any better. Expect him to not be around for holidays, birthdays, special occasions...if you're looking for someone more 9-5, a cop ain't it... Yep, I've read plenty of bad stories online! So far I haven't found a red flag, and believe me I have been attentive. I am still wary, but I do believe he is a man of integrity and commitment, and we are not exclusive so I'm giving it time and space. I'm a student right now so I'm not available 9-5 either and won't be for an extra year or two because I'm planning to get a certificate. I'm just taking it day by day, appreciating the fact that this great guy is in my life at the moment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LDRohnos Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 One thing I would say I have seen as a common thread in these guys, is that because they see people at their worst all day long, they tend to have very cynical and paranoid views of people and life. Also, they can isolate and be more prone to depression. Truth. My father wass a police officer and while he's definitely a man of integrity (parents have been married for 51 years) and I know he never cheated on her the fact is that he IS very cynical and paranoid (and I dare say jaded) towards most aspects of life. He has no desire for friends and ever since he retired he was very prone to depression, which definitely rubbed off on me....but hey that's a whole different story! One thing though, he was one of the most dedicated husbands/fathers I've ever met.. Objectively speaking, even though I'm his son! Also, my mother has expressed some regret over the years for being a police officer's wife. Both for the negative reasons above and due to the time away from the house plus not knowing if he was going to come home in one piece every day...he worked in a very bad area of NYC. It's a lifestyle choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stay_home Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Police officers are people just like everybody else. Have you dated a police officer? Firefighters? Doctors? Teachers? Photographers? I guess I take this more personally because I work in the field, but I'm actually a pretty squared away guy. And it just kills me to hear people put police officers in a separate bubble away from any other profession out there. If a person is going to be a douche, they were a douche before they became the police or any other profession. Long shifts? I think just about any job can be problematic when it comes to shifts and hours. Cynical & jaded, perhaps. But isn't that the majority of population? Bitter? Again, it's not just police officers, some people in general are just like that because that's just who they are. I know bitter women who work the 9-5 shifts too but that doesn't get as much airtime. But suddenly if you throw her into uniform more gets made out of her being jaded than say if she stayed on the clock 9-5. Everybody is a person still, remember and people (regardless of their work) should be judged according to their character and not stereotyped just because of their occupation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 State tropers in the state I live in is boy club gang.. if that make sense.. they live in there bubble of laws.. Having a friend from here.. most of them have wifes or ling term gf, but have gf on the side.. I'm sure not all are like this.. but a combination of girls really curios about a troper and the power they carry.. most of them have these experiences and live it out.. I've seen many pull over attractive women I'm sure this is an oppurtunuty.. I would treat it like any other man or date.. but be aware.. And from all the gf I've seen them hang out with were 21-25.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrangeMoon Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 I have been approached by police officers ALOT online...all cheaters.. For me they are a no go..The more sincere ones, are the quiet ones. The more 'boring' and serious ones. The ones with alot of attitude and talk..i dont trust those.. Because every single time they were the bad ones. Its like they have an idea that they can do whatever they want. Filled with cockyness. .. And the fact that you have been to his work..doesnt say a thing. Their don't tell policy is very high.. You might be the 10th girl thats been over there and they are laughing their behinds off high fiving him behind your back.. Just enjoy it as long as you feel you want too. But keep your eyes open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dubb Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Lol this is crazy. LEO's don't cheat anymore than any other occupation. It happens everywhere. Actually more cheating went on at my office job years ago than my new job as LEO.. I'm not going to lie.. It's there if you want it. Some girls just love guys in uniform. In my case a BDU uniform.. ;-) It doesn't change the morals a person has inside. I work with plenty of guys who love thier SO's and would never cheat. SOme people are just cheaters..Some jobs may make it easier or attract more women but in the end, it's still something inside of them that leads them to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stay_home Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 It's all in a person's make up. And chances are if they were to cheat on you as Senior Corporal or Sergeant, then they would've cheated on you as an office clerk or data techinican. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 A friend of mine is married to a cop, they have a really great relationship and I doubt he cheats but who knows? My daughter briefly dated a cop until she found out that he was married. He approached her while on duty in his squad car while she was at a bus stop. I didn't like him from the moment I met him. He was so full of himself but I realize that not every officer is like that, that was just his personality. I went on one date years ago with a cop, he actually was one of the responding officers to my stalking call (I had a stalker) and we went out. I didn't like him much after going out with him. He wasn't married, just full of himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winrock Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 Whoa, whoa, folks. Where's all this cheating-talk coming from? Yeah, they have the opportunity to do so surreptitiously, but so does a humble cashier like me. Whether somebody's a cheater or not depends on character, not line of work, and if anything being a police officer implies a deep respect for rules and moral boundaries. Original Poster, I have not dated a police officer, because they're mostly men. I do, however, know quite a few folks in the force, and they're generally a good class of guys. I wish you the best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hp654321 Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 I dated a state trooper before. I do believe for the most part he was a good guy with genuine motives, and I don't see him as being someone who would ever cheat. However, his view of the world was extremely cynical. For example, he'd see a guy with long hair and automatically assume that the guy was bad news. He was just so judgmental of others and definitely seemed to think he was better than most people. We only dated for about 2 months and he absolutely treated me like gold at the time, but long term I can't see myself ever being with someone with an attitude like his. Not to mention, I think it's one of those jobs that is hard not to take home with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shl025 Posted November 26, 2011 Author Share Posted November 26, 2011 Thank you guys for replies! I definitely don't put police officers in a separate bubble under judging eyes; I was just curious about how and if the nature of the job (being on call, working overtime, him seeing the lows of people everyday, etc) could affect his relationships because we've only been seeing each other for 2 months so far. Well I do feel even more lucky to have him now, because he is sensitive and caring and logs off from work when he's done. He is not full of himself, he's humble and hard working... he's just a normal guy! In fact, he was in other profession for years before going into LE, and we met at a coffee shop where I was studying a subject related to his previous profession -- that's how we started talking and I later realized he was a police officer. If anything, it made me respect and like him more. Of course, if someone wants to cheat, he will do so regardless of his job. Whether he's a police officer, detective, movie star, accountant, cashier, CFO, journalist, etc. You can't really stop him once he has the mindset. I think, at the end of the day, what it comes down to is how much you put yourself out there for someone you love and risk getting hurt. Putting yourself out there is a scary task that involves making you wonder 'could he be seeing somebody else?', but what can ya do? If you want him, you've got to put effort to keep him, because I believe you receive love as much as you give it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stay_home Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 I'm not much different when I'm working then when I'm off-duty; real chill. I don't bother nobody and I don't want nobody to bother me. When I'm off-duty, I could care less about what goes on unless there's absolutely a serious threat. I could care less about the knuckleheads smoking a joint, the expired stickers on the tag in front of me at the traffic light or the guy taking a leak on the side of the building in broad daylight. I don't care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juha Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Good luck dating or being married to a cop.... have had friends who have and am friends with a few. Let's see first is the control issues, anger issues, stress issues of the job, cheating, drinking, worrying if they are coming home from work safe, etc.... You may think you know him but do you really??? have seen it before they are great until your with them and the real person comes out and it usually is not good... Good luck with what you decide... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
givinggirl Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I disagree. I dated 2 cops (one right now) and I don't believe any of the above pertains to the job. It is all about the person. I think there are 2 types of people who want to be cops. The one's who are truly interested in making this place a better and safer world and those who are power hungry. This is my own personal observation from being around a lot of cops. I worked with them and my Mom is also one. The first cop I dated was power hungry, played the game, had people in his back pocket, would do favors and knew he could get away with anything. He wasn't about upkeeping the laws. He was also the guy who wanted to control me, emotionally and mentally abuse me and tried to bust down my door after I broke up with him. It was his personality. The 2nd cop, I'm dating right now is a good man. He has his own issues like being hurt in the past and a bit guarded. However, he is happy-go-lucky, not cynical, he tells me stories from work and he always needs to be facing the door at a restaurant, but otherwise, he doesn't bring his career home with him. My cousins husband is a cop and he's a good man too. It's all about the person. You need to learn about him and don't judge a book by the cover. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 The ones I know are alcoholics and that itself can lead to infidelity and all sort of other problems that impaired judgement can bring on. They also enjoy violence and fighting and seem to me to be just like the criminals they pursue, only they get paid to do it. Of course THEY AREN'T ALL LIKE THIS, but the ones that I know are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shl025 Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 I agree that it's all about the person. Actually, a random lady started talking to me at a coffee shop a couple of days ago about her interesting life involved with celebrities and high-up professionals. Turns out that she has been with numerous firefighters and cops because she supported what they do and found them attractive, and they started hitting on her too, on-duty and off-duty. I mentioned that I was talking to a police officer, and the first thing she said was "be careful." She said they are not all twisted, but the ones she's been with were either cheaters or abusers. She repeated to be careful, for 4-5 more times. Then I txted and told him about her, and he told me some cops are like that but majority doesn't do such thing, adding that there are some very good people in his department. What the lady said did bother me a bit, but I still strongly believe it's what's inside the person, not his job as a cop. I didn't like how she almost generalized police officers like that! ... Just wanted to share this interesting encounter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorshammer Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I dont like many police officers, a lot of them have this superiority complex. I have seen cops become bullies and thugs in the streets, most of the time for no reason. I grew up avoiding cops as much as gang-members. I used to kickbox and i had to take it easy on one guy because he was a cop but he gets too "emotional" if you beat him too bad. I was actually going through the police process, I am halfway done, but i decided not to finish. I do notice that cops who grew up wanting to be cops, as opposed to the ones who have a degree that is worthless and have no choice but to chase a government job, are better people over-all. I usually bring up my experience about police officers to cop friends and they never fight me over it, they usually agree that there are bad apples that need to be purged. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veneratio Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I've been around cops all of my life, ever since I can remember. And now I work with them on a daily basis. It's hit or miss. And it's with that way with most public safety jobs i.e. firefighting, ems, cops. I know plenty of firefighters who have side girlfriends. I know plenty of EMS guys who cheat with whoever. I know plenty of nurses, ER nurses especially, who aren't faithful to their guys and I know a lot of cops who do the same and who shouldn't have the job that they have. Same goes for all of the other professions I mentioned. It depends on the individual. As far as the abuse of power and anger issues that were mentioned..s lot of people just can't handle their jobs and become jaded. And sometimes these professions just attract a certain type of person. I hate to generalize, but there are a lot of cops out there who have power issues, anger issues. It's one thing to not show weakness, because you can't in that profession, but it's another thing to exert too much power and force just cause you can. But there are a few good..great..cops out there. Who truly love and have a passion for what they do and the communities that they serve. I don't know how serious you two are, but the overtime issue is something you're going to have to be ok with. It can happen quite often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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