emily2424 Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 So after my break up on oct. 8th. me and my ex only spoke about once a week.. after a month we ended up seeing each other and everything seemed normal and it was great! we started texting more and it just got all complicated. sometimes he was texting cute and sometimes he was just so plain. So i let him know i was basically his doormat. I am always there no matter what, i even said we could hookup and it not be a big deal! So right now he thinks he can come back whenever he wants...and he knows at the drop of a hat he'll come back. so then this weekend he said he would hangout but then blew me off and ignored me. I don't want him to think i'm a doormat anymore or think I'm available! So i haven't texted or contacted him since Saturday. I'm going home today for thanksgiving break and my birthday! But i was/am really close with his mom and sister and they told me they made me cards and got me gifts. If they invite me over i'm going to say i wouldn't feel comfortable because he'll be there. So what i'm asking is do you think it's too late, and he already thinks i'm a doormat and it won't change? How will he react when he realizes i'm moving on and not going to him anymore? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eocsor Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Come on girl. You already know the answers to all these questions. Stop obsessing over it, it's doing you no good. It's over, let it be. Go NC and move on and heal. Who the heck cares what he thinks anymore. You shouldn't, thats for sure. He's bad news. Time to let go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I don't think you are a doormat - I just think you are trying to figure out what you are supposed to do. Why were things complicated if he texted cute sometimes and "plain" others. Sometimes people just have information to share that they can't "cute up." I think that texting is hard because you can't see their face or hear their tone of voice. I think that its fine that you haven't contacted him and you shouldn't sit by the phone.In fact, don't contact him at al. I would tell the mom and sister that you and your ex have broken up and you don't really feel comfortable or know what's right to do. The only way you stop being on the leash is to stop texting him and hanging out with friends and keeping busy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnoliatree Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I think that you are being too hard on yourself. Just focus on today going forward. Next time he gets in touch just say that you think it's best that you aren't friends and then go NC. If he doesn't reach out, stay NC. I've made mistakes in the past too (years ago) and I'm telling you, once you go NC and stick to it, really stick to it. They notice. Stop beating yourself up. Just be still and try to quiet your mind a bit if you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northpickle Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Hi Emily Firstly, it's never too late! I honestly think the best thing you can do is disappear completely from his life. Please don't feel any sense of responsibility to his family either. It's hard I know, I've been there very recently, wondering what he thinks all the time and what consequences any of my actions will be on him - be it the LC I went through or the current NC I'm in (now 25 days). HE doesn't matter - YOU DO! It's still very early days for your healing and any contact will just set you back, honestly. Vanish completely! And enjoy Thanksgiving Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emily2424 Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 any other pointers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnoliatree Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Just take it one day at a time. Hang out with your friends and family, write here, just keep busy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emily2424 Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 he texted me last night at 1am and said "happy thanksgiving/birthday!" i responded... "thanks" and that was that. his sister wrote on my Facebook, Tweeted me, and texted me AT 12. and his mom texted me saying happy birthday and she has a gift for me and wants to see me at some point. ahhh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emily2424 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 i texted him. i said hey. i want to vent to him because today is my birthday and it went terribly. my mom is an alcoholic and started drinking and ruined my whole day. it was the first holiday without him too. i just want to vent about my family too him. he may not even answer. i don't want to crack, but i feel like he's going to understand better than anyone. crapp... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 You want him....understandable. He doesn't want you -- for whatever reason. Venting to him is not going to make you feel better. In fact, it will make you feel worse -- because he no longer cares to understand what you are going through. Hard as it is to hear -- he is not there for you anymore. Start looking to the future, not backwards. You will find happiness again --- after you let go of the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emily2424 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 you were right. he wasn't there for me, he was mad that i had a party and wasn't invited... i said to him, look..if you're going to hold little errors against me to fight your feelings for me off then so be it. he'll make the tinest mistake i do, into the biggest problem ever and truly make me feel like crap. He messes up, i bring it up to him, he doesn't even answer..he changes the subject. he's really turned into a dirtbag..so upsetting. so today i'm seeing him..not sure why and not really sure what to say. I'm basically going to tell him that if he can't understand that i did this because he used "football" as an excuse to be mean to me...and that i was hurting..then he needs to just stay out of o my life. all i want is for him to realize that and stop being stubborn...but i know that he knows..but he's too stubborn and hurt to say anything so then this is goodbye for good.. such a shame 3 i don't know if i can handle it but it is for the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Don't say anything. It will make you feel better for an instant, and lousy for the next few months. Get your stuff, if that is why you are seeing him, smile and say good bye. You are not going to make him realize anything, you are not going to change his mind. Leave w/ dignity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 I think it's a bad idea to see him in person since you are not at a point where you feel confident enough to walk away without drama - you're not going to get him to realize anything - he will hear what he chooses to hear, especially if he sees how much you still want him and are attached to him. No point in lecturing anyone but especially not in this situation. It's fine to tell him, the next time he contacts you, not to contact you anymore (write or say this in a nice but firm way) and then block him from contacting you if he does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emily2424 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 he can only see me for 30 minutes. around 11.. i have a really bad feeling about it.. but i feel like i need to say everything i can so i can peacefully move on. it just sucks that he's doing everything he can to convince himself I'm a horrible person..which isn't even true! all i've done is understand and listen to him. ..i guess i don't want to be with someone like that anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Don't go. You are going to come away feeling worse than you do now. If he has convinced himself you are this horrible person, you are going to reinforce this by going ballistic on him. Let it go. Call and cancel --- tell him, "you know what -- I changed my mind. Bye." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 he can only see me for 30 minutes. around 11.. i have a really bad feeling about it.. but i feel like i need to say everything i can so i can peacefully move on. it just sucks that he's doing everything he can to convince himself I'm a horrible person..which isn't even true! all i've done is understand and listen to him. ..i guess i don't want to be with someone like that anyway Get closure from yourself and from talking to other people. He only wants to give you a half hour of his time - he doesn't want to have a long conversation. Take your stuff, say thank you in a polite way, wish him well and walk away head held high. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emily2424 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 ughhhh i can't just marinate in all the unspoken words. i can't..it drives me crazy! if i know that i've said everything to him then that's that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Well then --- go and do something that will make you feel worse. Have fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emily2424 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 crappppppppppp!!!!! UGHHFDSLKFKALS ughhh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emily2424 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 well... any pointers on how to make him feel like an idiot for doing this? he put me under a time limit because he knows i can probably get to him.. smart on his part i guess. i look pretty? but i guess that only gets you so far.. i'm going to try and stay calm and strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 There is not a prayer you will be calm. You are walking in thinking you can make him feel like and idiot -- you cannot make any one feel something they don't want to feel. But I guarantee someone will be feeling like an idiot in 30 minutes....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eocsor Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 well... any pointers on how to make him feel like an idiot for doing this? he put me under a time limit because he knows i can probably get to him.. smart on his part i guess. i look pretty? but i guess that only gets you so far.. i'm going to try and stay calm and strong. This has disaster written in large letters all over it. It's only in really bad romantic comedies that the plucky heroine goes into a meeting with the ex, destroys him with her wit and charm and comes out smelling like a rose. In real life you just come accross as petty, vindictive and pitiful. DON"T DO IT. You will regret it. It will set you way back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emily2424 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 actually it went well. we went to a park and we sat. i told him everything and i told him i just needed to know that he understands. we both cried. he said he was sorry and so did i. but now we just have to move on and see where life takes us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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