The pros and cons of meetup groups.

[friendsoulmate]

There arn't any good meetup groups where I live, near my hometown (population is approximately 140,000), but there is a good meetup group about 40 miles away from where I live, so I joined it. About 60 miles away from my hometown, there is a city(similar population size of my hometown) which has an abundance of good meetup groups, with potentially affordable housing. It is not in a major metropollitan area, but near a major metropolitan area. I am considering finding a new job there first, and then moving there, because of the abundance of better meetup groups, as compared to my hometown. The pros of living in a city with better meetup groups, is how easy it would be to make friends and find soulmates, if that is what two people are seriously there to do, at a meetup. I have been to some of the meetups in the city I am considering moving to. My experience from talking to both men and women and their information included in their meetup profile, is they explain that they just moved here for a new job opportunity, far away from their hometown where they were living (such as accross the country, thousands of miles away), and it is uncertain where they plan to settle down. My situation is different, in that I have lived near my hometown most of my life, and if I happen to meet a new date/soulmate, then it would be easy for me to introduce her to my family(only 60 miles away), without long distance traveling. On the other hand, if she wanted to introduce me to her family, then I would need to go with her on a long distance flight elsewhere, in order to meet her family. Would getting involved in a relationship like this be worth it? To me, it seems so unfair that people are forced to move around, because it is difficult finding the right city which fits a person's wants and needs, such as the right job opportunity, affordable housing, affordable housing which is close to where they work, and an abundance of needed social meetup groups for singles. There are good and bad meetup groups. The city I am considering moving to has better groups, which are large groups, which attract what I would consider a more attractive and desirable crowd of clean-cut people, who take care of themselves. This describes me and I need to be with others, who are like myself. Some are professionals, some are not.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I never really connected with people at Meetup groups. I found the whole thing very superficial. You have fun doing the specific activity together but then you all go home to your separate lives unti you meet again at the next event. Perhaps I just didn't give it enough time.

[Kaytie]

I joined a meet up group when my relationship ended and it was a very good thing for me. It allowed me to just get out of the house and I did meet new friends there. I also met my current partner there

[OrangeMoon]

I dont know..you remind me of a young Woody Allen came in my head when i saw your post. You give it too much thought. Just be open and see where life takes you. Meetups should be to connect with new people and just chat about stuff you have in common or plan other activities.

 

Once you get to know a certain crowd of people you are comfortable with you could plan events..(via facebook..see a movie, go out to eat or whatever) and let it roll from there. At first its always awkward, but it also depends on what you bring to the mix yourself. If you are going to be like a wallflower ..then it wont amount to much other than having been out for a few drinks and stared or listened to a few people..

[Capricorn3]

I think you over-think everything way too much and tend to "jump the gun", so to speak and get ahead of yourself. Your focus should be in the now (when you meet someone) and see how things go, rather than what may happen a few years later. Simply put, cross each bridge as you get to it. Things tend to sort themselves out. For all you know, the woman you meet could be a local and not live 5000 miles away.

[Leftright]

This sounds like a very difficult life choice. In my experience, i've never had much luck with meetup groups and the like, probably because most of the groups in my area cater more to women than men. I was part of a book group for a while, but it was mostly older people. I'm at a dead end in my life at tge moment, and i've decided to just stick to myself, and do stuff alone. Theres not much i can do about it other than accept it. I'm 34 now, and most of the women I've met around my age are married...it just sucks. What can a guy do?

[abitbroken]

I would get involved in one of the larger meetup groups and see if there are people that live closer to you. maybe a second branch of the group could be started 10 miles away form you versus 30. I was a part of a group that was HUGE and we met anywhere from 15 to 30 miles away from me. It worked out well when a second group branched off to include people who were living on the outskirts of that group who already were a part of it, plus new people who were farther in the opposite direction, but closer to the new group. Also, don't underestimate that there are groups in your area that are just merely not on meetup.

 

I think that people successfully meet potential gf/bf in meetups is when the group is about a passionate interest and not "the let's go to dinner once a week group" and you don't go LOOKING for someone. "singles" groups don't always work for meeting someone because the only thing you have in common is being single. That's really not a lot to have in common.

 

I thought everyone my age was married, and then i started looking in other places and I found plenty of guys to date if I wanted to date them.

[journeynow]

I'm curious about meetup groups, but there are none active near me, and there are non-meetup groups I'm involved in. I'm not clear about the OP's question, but I wouldn't move based on meetup groups, but would weigh all of the factors (which I gather you are). I think of meetup groups as a way to meet people who share your interests, and not necessariy to find a mate/partner.

i've never had much luck with meetup groups and the like, probably because most of the groups in my area cater more to women than men. I was part of a book group for a while, but it was mostly older people. I'm at a dead end in my life at tge moment, and i've decided to just stick to myself, and do stuff alone. Theres not much i can do about it other than accept it. I'm 34 now, and most of the women I've met around my age are married...it just sucks. What can a guy do?

Leftright, I know what you're saying, but you don't need "most women" do you? Just one who's a great match. When I was trying to sell my house years ago friends would say it's a tough market, what would I do, and I'd tell them I only need one buyer, one who would pay a workable price, and it ended up working just fine. My point is, keep your focus on what is positive and possible. One person is not impossible, there are a lot of people in this world. What else can you do? Join those meetup groups even if they cater more to women than men, or have older people IF they share your interest. You'll meet people. People know other people, one might lead to another. It's priming the pump, so to speak. Meeting people can lead to meeting more people. Much more so than sticking to yourself and doing stuff alone. It's fine to do things alone, but if you don't only want to be alone go do things that share experiences with other people. It will add to who you are and build your relationship knowledge. IMO.

[Leftright]

I know, i should try to go, but in the past, ive found that none of these groups were really worth my time. It's not for everybody, and thats the feeling i get when i go to them. The women's groups in question focused more on young motherhood, pregnancy, yoga for women, single parents, floral arrangments and crafts, none of which really relate to me. I'd consider the craft ones, but im not really into that. What i'd like to see is maybe a music/theatre related group or something, or a weekly movie meetup or something along those lines. Thats more my thing.

[journeynow]

The women's groups in question focused more on young motherhood, pregnancy, yoga for women, single parents, floral arrangments and crafts, none of which really relate to me. I'd consider the craft ones, but im not really into that. What i'd like to see is maybe a music/theatre related group or something, or a weekly movie meetup or something along those lines. Thats more my thing.

Oh, yes, just go to ones that are interesting to you. What about starting a meetup group based on your strongest interest?

[Ariel85]

I think I need a nap after reading that. lol

 

OP - you are WAY overthinking things. Personally, I would not relocate my life to a new city based on the number of meetup groups, and how accessible my hypothetical partner and his family would be to me.

[Leftright]

I might have to start a group. Id rather just join one, because, i'm not really good at the co-ordinating and organizing of events, but i will have to, since somebody has to get the ball rolling here. I might just try the movie night thing for starters. That should be fairly simple. A time, a movie, a place.

[Batya33]

I made sure when I was single and wanted to find a partner that I lived in a major city and within that city in a neighborhood known for singles in my age group and beyond. It was about 10 miles from where I grew up and was a high rent area but my priority was to be right where the action was especially since I often worked nights and weekends and didn't want to waste time commuting. I also didn't want to meet people who lived far from me and might be reluctant to get involved because of the distance. I met my future husband 2 months after I moved to that city, on his first day of work (I had worked there for about a month). We didn't end up marrying until many years later but the people I dated over that next 11 years were mostly people who lived right near me and who also worked crazy hours (so not having to travel to see each other made a huge difference). I also was able to participate in many activities in that area for single people. Definitely an excellent investment.

[RelaxByWater84]

I went to a meetup group for about 2-3 months and I did meet one guy there and kind of dated him for about a month. It was good until the last month. People weren't there for the dancing, they were there for the alcohol and some of the group members I'm pretty sure were on something. It just began to be a place where I didn't want to hang out, especially if there were drugs on some and with my job I couldn't be involved in that even if I wanted to.

 

I am currently looking for a new one. It is hard to meet new people these days.

[journeynow]

I might have to start a group. Id rather just join one, because, i'm not really good at the co-ordinating and organizing of events, but i will have to, since somebody has to get the ball rolling here. I might just try the movie night thing for starters. That should be fairly simple. A time, a movie, a place.

Good. I hope it goes well if you do, and I hope you'll let us know.