vel2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 I have a question which I'm hoping people can shed some light on... Most people on these forums very wisely advocate the following after a break-up: - Go NC - If they contact you then it's fine to reply but keep it brief and don't get your hopes up / start pestering them every day assuming they want you back - Use NC to heal, move on, get yourself back and become a better person - the person you were when your ex was first attracted to you - If you are ever going to reconcile, it will be when you have had a significant period of time apart with no or very limited contact, have healed and you find you are both attracted to each other - essentially like a NEW relationship. - Don't live your life waiting for them to come back - move on as if it is over for good Some people may have read my story, but the one thing that is bugging me is 'what if my ex misses me / is contemplating another go at things but fears rejection and thinks I've moved on so won't make a move'. In a nutshell, we were together 2.5 yrs. She ended things 3 months ago - no arguments or big reasons, just said she loves me but can't say for sure I am the 'one'. For me a classic example of a 25 yo girl not wanting to commit forever at a young age and thinking there may be something better out there once the honeymoon satge had ended. I have followed the above list re NC etc to the letter. In 3 months she has initiated contact about every 3 weeks, I know she is single, and we've met a few times at her request. I am however of the mindset that it is over for good and am moving on (or trying to) with the belief that it will never be again (although losing all hope is difficult). Some of her contact makes me wonder what she feels however... - Calling after a month saying she loves me, misses me, only remembers fun but thinks it's the right decision - Wanting to meet for lunch and hear my news a month later - Emailing me asking if I was seeing a girl in fb photos because she was curious and it looked like there was chemistry there (pretty sure she still thinks I'm seeing this girl - I've never even kissed her!) - Phoning me yesterday as by complete chance I walked past a restaurant she was in with a friend and she spotted me - says 'I'm over here' - gives me warm hug, says 'good to see you' and follows up with text yesterday saying she will be in my area on wednesday - maybe she can drop in for a catch up. Now - I know this is 99% likely to be all breadcrumbs and she just wants me there as a friend. I haven't intiated contact once, but do respond in a slightly nonchalant and care free manner when she gets in touch. My question is this - everyone says it's a bad idea to contact her and give that closure speech of 'I know why you lost attraction - I've changed alot of things - I think you just gave up and it would work if you gave it another go....' But how do you know if your ex has completely moved on and has no thoughts of you in their future, or whether they themselves think you would no longer take them back. I guess the question is: IS IT A FACT THAT IF A DUMPER WANTS YOU BACK, THEY WILL ALWAYS CONTACT YOU AND SAY THAT DIRECTLY, AND UNLESS YOU HEAR THAT THEN THE BEST THING IS TO CONTINUE TO NOT CONTACT AND JUST MOVE ON? Link to comment
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