How do you know NC isn't making your ex assume you've moved on for good?

[hausser]

Agreed with jeepman.

[Tanzi]

See I dunno. I see where you're coming from but some dumpers will be potentially receptive to a recon, but be too proud/wary to chance asking, which is kind of what vel was alluding to.

 

Oh, I'm sure than can happen in some circumstances but the way I see it is if someone has ended a relationship and then walked away without looking back or making any contact then they will have an awareness that their ex is unlikely to contact them for fear of being rejected all over again. I mean the last thing they would have said to their ex is that the relationship was over so the dumpee is just doing what dumpees have to do. Obviously if they are hearing snippets of information that their ex is dating again then they might refrain from making contact but then what does anyone do in that situation. If they have started to move on is it fair to drag them back anyway? If there is light contact between the two parties then the opportunity is there anyway for things to progress further.

 

With my ex I had NIC. He initiated all the contact and I would respond, therefore keeping all lines of communication open, but I never initiated any contact. Although I would have liked for us to get back together I knew I couldn't hang on to that hope and had to make my own efforts in moving on but the door was ajar should he have wanted to come back. If total NC is being implement then it has been done so for a reason and any party who wants to break it would have good reason to want to. If someone can put their pride before their emotions then it kinda makes you wonder how much they were really bothered anyway.

[vel2011]

My friend even stopped seeing someone he was interested in because his ex said she missed him. When he told her he missed her too and wanted to try again, she said she didn't miss him, never wanted to be with him again and disappeared. This went on for 5 years! They have been back together for 2 and are having a baby. Best of luck to them, but it makes you think twice if you were in that situation how much you'd really want that person back, especially after they've shown they play games.

 

She sounds like a nightmare!! That's definitely not the situation with my ex - I think she genuinely just feels guilty, wants to know I'm ok, and hasn;t fully let go so can't reisist 'popping in' to see what I'm up to.

 

From alot of reflection the last few months, her reasons for breaking up seem to me to be that I stopped seeing my friends so much, went through a patch where she was the focal point of my life and became a bit soft (the whole losing the masculine edge of the relationship etc...) She wanted less control, not more. I recall her saying 'I love you but it's too easy... too safe'. Makes it hard not to beat yourself up for letting things slip that way.

[eastonweston]

Hey vel, any update here? Did you make changes? Did she care? What happened....

 

Easton

[Sukiyaki]

Think about it. A woman dumper, convinced that she's better off single, is going to walk down the high street say on a post BU shopping trip and get hit on almost immediately within the first few hours of the BU. Fact.

 

 

3 random guys started to hit on me when I changed my Facebook status, lol. But I scared them away and told them I wasn't interested very indirectly. You have a point sir. I don't know about that whole part about men being more open to reconciliation when they're the dumpers though. The most I've seen any guy say on here is when they're done, they're done and they don't look back =/ ..