eastonweston

Great job, Ghost!

I think that's spot on. When they break up with you, they've made the decision to get away from you, and they probably made that decision many months prior to actually breaking up. So chasing them is going to do absolutely no good. I've realized that the biggest mistake we all make is in trying to "fix" the current relationship. You can't. The only way to get them back is to let them and the relationship go, and hope to start over 12 mos. + down the road. Time has a way of washing away negative feelings, resentment, etc. How many times have you been in a big fight with someone, and then after some time you've forgotten what the fight was about. There just really aren't any 'tricks' to getting an ex back. There just aren't. You accept their decision, let them know calmly that you wish it wasn't so, and then try to piece together your life again. Expect that in 18 months they will contact you randomly one day, and at that point you'll have so many positive changes in your life that they'll be curious about and impressed by. You then take it from there, of course with luck on your side that you're both single. That's it. That's the only hope any of us have.

I've been so completely wrapped up in the situation with my current ex, that I've forgotten the story of my first ex. Her and I dated for 2 years at a young age. I broke up with her, but after a week of thinking on it, realized that was not what I wanted. I went to get her back. She wasn't having any of it. So for the next 3 months or so, I begged, pleaded, showed up at work, etc. to get her back. Then I slowly backed off. Then we went to separate universities. About 1.5 years after the initial break (and probably 6 months since going NC [mind you, I didn't know what NC was, I just had to give up and start enjoying my college years]), she started 'poking' me on Facebook (this was back in 2005). That led to Facebook messages, then AIM chats, and eventually us hanging out when we went back to our hometown for Holidays. The point is, I could have gotten her back if I wanted to. I still loved her. Hell, I think I *still* love her. But it just wasn't the same. The clarity that I had at that point, made me realize that this girl left me, ignored me for 6 months, and that I don't think I could really trust her anymore. Plus, I had realized that there REALLY is a ton of fish in the sea, and I finally saw her through non-rose tinted glasses. Summary: she came back 1.5 years after breakup, 6 mos. NC. E.

In an ironic twist, I have a success story of breaking up and then being married, which comes from my current ex's parents. It's a short story really, but NC was definitely involved. Her mom and dad broke up twice when they were dating in a 5 year span. They didn't talk for about 9 months the first time. Then they got back together (I don't know the details). Then they broke up again (I don't know the details) and didn't speak for another 8 months to a year. Then they started back as just friends hanging out with a crowd of people, mutual friends. Then they got back together and then finally were married. Been married for 30 years now. So this is an example of: NC --> LC. E.