radishearrings Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 So my boyfriend and I have been dating about 10 months now and everything is going great. We are two years apart, me being 19 and him being 21, and we both dorm at the same college. He is the best man I have ever met and treats me very well. He is a gentleman, very affectionate, understanding, and we share common interests. We can talk to each other about everything like best friends do. He respects me by giving me space, letting me have time outside of our relationship to do other things, and he does not get jealous when I am with girls or guys. And I do the exact same things for him--so far there are no problems in our relationship whatsoever. The only obstacle I'm facing now are my parents. They COMPLETELY disapprove of him for a number of reasons: 1) They think he is unattractive an ugly, and they don't even want to look at him. In my eyes, he is handsome, and I know plenty of my friends that even liked him before we started dating. 2) He is studying photography and aspires to become a fashion photographer, and I am studying to become a medical doctor. The first problem that arises from this difference is that they believe that he won't be good enough for me because: -They don't think his salary will support me -He chooses photography because he is lazy, especially after failing engineering school. My parents think that any career in the arts is for people that don't work hard and aren't smart. He only completed one year of engineering school, but he discovered that his passion wasn't in engineering but photography, which was something that he always loved but didn't consider a career in before. When you see him, you will know how much he loves doing what he does, and I KNOW that he is only doing it because he loves it. If he really were a lazy and dumb person, he would never get accepted into engineering school or even bother pursuing something after failing it (I understand how hard science and math are--I'm struggling too). -My parents believe that since he wants to go into fashion photography, he will be looking at beautiful women all day and not see me as the same anymore. They believe that he will cheat on me and have affairs while I'm working hard at the hospital as a doctor (they also assume he's dating me because I would be providing him financial security). As for the third reason, I've already considered it, and based on what I know about his personality and what he does, I don't believe he will cheat on me. Before he started dating me, he's already taken pictures of friends as models, nudes, and he even watches porn sometimes. I am totally fine with it. I know he's doing it for his career, and as for the porn thing, we both share the idea that it is not necessarily bad and that it's not "cheating." We can even both openly talk about if we find someone cute or attractive, but we trust each other to not do anything. I don't feel jealous or insecure about those things, because he treats me the same regardless, and that's why I have faith in him. What makes the problem serious though is that my parents are threatening to stop paying for my college tuition. They even told me that if I don't listen to them they won't care about anything I do anymore, and they may cut me out of their life. I've heard of students that are able to support themselves, and I do have a job, but being someone that's always relied on their parents for everything, this is quite scary. And it's not just this that's upsetting, but I also feel horrible for disappointing my parents. They are very hurt that I am disobeying them and they are afraid for my future. It hurts me that I hurt them, but I also believe that if I break up with him I will be extremely unhappy. When I give advice to people, I always tell them that they are in control of their lives and they should stay with the one they love. Now, I'm not so sure anymore. I just want them to accept him, more than anything. PS-My boyfriend doesn't know anything about this yet--he thinks that my mom likes him. I'm so afraid to tell him these things and the possibility of him telling me to break up because he doesn't want me to be hurt. It just sucks that this perfect relationship has to have something go against it for no good reasons. Should I choose my parents, or my boyfriend? And what should I tell my boyfriend? (Apologies for the length and thanks for your patience and opinions) Link to comment
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