Men fall in love at the drop of a hat - Is this true?

[Deciduous]

So I was reading this article which stated;

 

"Blokes fall in love more often that women - and most reckon they know whether it is the "real thing" after only one date, researchers claimed yesterday.

 

A quarter even believe in love at first sight, while the average male has three great loves in a lifetime.

 

Women wait until at least the sixth date before making up their minds on love - and they say they fall big time just once."

 

Is this true gentlemen? If we haven't captured your heart by the 1st or 2nd date, should we realise that it isn't going to happen and move on?

[thejigsup]

This is just my experience, so take it for what it's worth. I have found that women fall in love faster and more often, but men fall in love much more deeply.

[Day_Walker]

I dont tend to act that rash, after 2 dates you hardly know a person, I'm still trying to get through the nicities and figure out the real person they are.

[RitaTrue]

I have found that women fall in love faster and more often, but men fall in love much more deeply.

 

Explain the latter part

[DylanNotorious]

No I don't believe that.

 

You only have to read these daily threads to know men don't fall in love at the drop of a hat lol

[Mephisto13]

I've heard it said that men will know they will marry the woman right from the first date. While women will know if they will (ever) sleep with the man from the first date. So, women, I've heard/read, go on like 5 or 6 dates before they know they can love the man - don't quote me on this though!

 

I will admit, even for a rational mind like mine...the first date does kind of answer my "Can I spend the rest of my life with her?" question/feeling.

 

While other times, it's simply an infatuation.

[FathomFear]

Considering that you can barely know someone after one or two dates, presumably the judgement would be made almost entirely on the basis of physical attraction.

[Eocsor]

Researchers are idiots.

[Iakasot]

So I was reading this article which stated;

 

"Blokes fall in love more often that women - and most reckon they know whether it is the "real thing" after only one date, researchers claimed yesterday.

 

A quarter even believe in love at first sight, while the average male has three great loves in a lifetime.

 

Women wait until at least the sixth date before making up their minds on love - and they say they fall big time just once."

 

Is this true gentlemen? If we haven't captured your heart by the 1st or 2nd date, should we realise that it isn't going to happen and move on?

I've read a few similar articles. That seems true, I usually fall in love pretty fast (not 1st or 2nd date fast), but my brain subconsciously adjusts it so that it's slightly slower than the girl, for sake of self preservation (most guys don't do that). There were girls that took a while for me to fall in love with though, so I wouldn't give up after the 2nd date if I were in your shoes.

[Oneironaut]

I'd love to see this research, because I don't buy it at all.

 

Male or female, some people tend to become emotionally attached quickly, and some don't.

 

Falling in love quickly has zero to do with gender and everything to do with personality.

[Glowguy]

Researchers are idiots.

 

Haha, in this case I totally agree. You can't measure the degree to which someone falls in love. This is ridiculous and way off the mark for me and most of my friends. I think you can definitely know if you are interested in seeing someone again really quickly, but anything beyond that is a stretch at best.

[italiannmf24]

Nope, not for me anyway. If you're saying that I'll fall in love with a women within a week or so? Get real.

 

I seriously doubt this is what it's like for most men. If anything, I feel as though women fall in love quicker than men do.

[Deciduous]

I'd love to see this research, because I don't buy it at all.

 

I kid you not, Oneironaut. It was all over the British papers today (and Gawd knows they are never wrong )

 

link removed

 

In my own experience, men that were mega keen were serious from day 1. No bringing them round, no convincing them. I don’t recall growing on any-one at all. Not to a significant degree. I'm beginning to think I should heed my own experience. If they are flaky or tepid at the beginning, don't expect it to change. It won't.

 

Mephisto13 - I've heard it said that men will know they will marry the woman right from the first date. While women will know if they will (ever) sleep with the man from the first date.

 

This is also my experience. I've spent far too long logically trying to work out whether I fancy a man or not. By the end of the date, I probably know right? Just don't want to admit that it's a NO, because they are such a nice person. Pah! Why do we waste other people's time?

[TakingtheBlame]

In my own experience, men that were mega keen were serious from day 1. No bringing them round, no convincing them. I don’t recall growing on any-one at all. Not to a significant degree. I'm beginning to think I should heed my own experience. If they are flaky or tepid at the beginning, don't expect it to change. It won't.

 

I've had the same experience as far as guys who are flaky or tepid at the beginning never really changing...but I've also seen (and heard about) guys who came on really strong from the start and ended up disappearing or losing interest. So I think it really all depends on the people involved and not on gender or who is more into whom at first.

[Blue Spiral]

I don't know about "falling in love," but I develop attachments to women extremely quickly and easily.

[donpeel83]

I'd love to see this research, because I don't buy it at all.

 

Male or female, some people tend to become emotionally attached quickly, and some don't.

 

Falling in love quickly has zero to do with gender and everything to do with personality.

 

 

Couldnt agree more. Its too easy to pin on gender. Truth be told its far deeper than that and gender has nothing to do with it. Every one is wired differently and then you have to factor such things as upbringing etc into the equation to.

[FathomFear]

In my own experience, men that were mega keen were serious from day 1. No bringing them round, no convincing them.

 

That might happens sometimes, but if these forums are any indication most people have the opposite problem. Ever notice the high number of posts of "It's been 1yr and my boyfriend hasn't said 'I love you' yet" or "It's been 5 years and no marriage proposal--how do I know he is committed?"

 

This is also my experience. I've spent far too long logically trying to work out whether I fancy a man or not. By the end of the date, I probably know right?

 

At the end of one date I'm sure you can evaluate whether you're physically attracted to someone. I don't think you could possibly determine if you're emotionally/intellectually compatible with someone after that time, however. You barely know the "real them" at that point. Their ambitions, viewpoints, hopes, aspirations, etc. If you deem those things irrelevant then maybe you could "know", but if you do I don't see how you could.

[BONO]

Im 36 and fallen in love 3 times. The third im still in love with but we have broken up. I need to make a men's !

[90_hour_sleep]

 

At the end of one date I'm sure you can evaluate whether you're physically attracted to someone. I don't think you could possibly determine if you're emotionally/intellectually compatible with someone after that time, however. You barely know the "real them" at that point. Their ambitions, viewpoints, hopes, aspirations, etc. If you deem those things irrelevant then maybe you could "know", but if you do I don't see how you could.

 

one could argue that you really never know these things...that you really never truly know who another person is. ''the real you'' may be no more real and/or apparent in 6 months or 6 years than it is in 6 minutes. if you can trust that something is ''the real deal'' at some future point in time...then why can't you have faith in that very same trust right now? might go against the grain in terms of 'conventional wisdom'...but that doesn't really discredit its plausibility as far as i'm concerned.

 

deciduous...i tend to resonate a bit with your own experience. there may not be a sense of overwhelming 'love' in those earliest of moments...but maybe something more like an awareness of potential. could be a general sense of excitement...or on the flip side, a general sense of disinterest.

 

might not be love at first sight...but maybe there's a strong sense of where things are going.

[Forget Myself]

Hi Deci,

 

I can say from my experience that yes from the first date I can know how close I will be with this girl. I even know this when we first meet, ie at a party, through mutual friends, things like that. I don't know how to describe it, but all my girlfriends I've just known that we would date for a while and maybe something would click, and that would be it, nothing long term, just learning experience, and that was what they all were. I've only met three girls I ever felt that deep connection and thought I could marry them, and I felt that way the instant we met. Well only one it was really strong with, like take my breath away kind of thing. The other two I thought I was just infatuated, so I held back, and it grew into something more real that the first one. That one girl was almost like a fantasy it was just way too good, I was always worried it couldn't last. It ended, but we were both young, and maybe it will come back full circle someday. who knows. Anyway, the third girl, who actually came first, we never dated, I was so worried to ruin the relationship, I was young and going through a lot of learning, she came on to me very strong, but I resisted. We are still great friends, and when we go out we often find ourselves alone, in a bathroom, in her car, outside the bar, and people naturally assume we are together, we just are close like that and we respect and care for each other and it shows. Every partner we've brought around each other has been jealous. But we never disrespect the other's relationship.

 

The third one was the most real, my most recent ex. We started off as friends and I thought we were both rebounding with each other so nothing serious, just kept it light. It started as a friends with benefits thing. We became really close and really trusted each other, going through lots of things and keeping it happy and light was a real bonding experience. but I knew the first time we hung out that this would develop into something great. Things started to get really serious and that's when it fell apart. It helped me find myself again, I'm much more stable now than I ever have been. But I think she is still searching for that, she feels lost still. So as I started to work towards that future we talked of and it became more real, I think she got cold feet.

 

And I think anyone of those relationships could of been great. More so the last one, we are more similar. But I think life just started to take it's toll on the relationships, it seems a lot of love stories go through hard times and separation when they are young. I still have hope for the third one, everything I've learned tells me that she will be back someday. That when you have that close of a connection, you can't just shove it out, it will find it's way back to you. I just want to be as smart, as successful and as confident as possible, so next time it does come around I will be more than ready to help it grow.

[Imthatguy]

I really hate generalizations like this. Things need to be looked at on an idividual basis. Although for me personally I fall quick and hard, and sometimes that sucks.

[Lonewing]

In my case it's true. I know within the first ten minutes if you're someone I want to spend my time with. Perhaps even the first minute. From that point it's a matter of reconciling those discrepancies which come up. She's cool, but she does drugs? Nipped in the bud.

 

I realize the folly of this, which is why I really don't make these decisions until after a second or a third date, but thus far, I have found this to be true.

 

It doesn't happen very often either.

[Deciduous]

Hurrah!

 

So far the YESes have it! Seems they do know more quickly. Perhaps this explains why traditionally men do the chasing.

 

I think what's confusing the issue here, is the 1st date thing. I don't think the researchers meant first meeting. They mean when you've chased to the point of securing the first date.

 

At that point, they reckon Men know whether its gonna be a one night deal - or - for a lifetime, if they have their way.

 

Am I right? Have I discovered the secret to men's hearts? Should I be submitting a thesis to the Nobel Prize of Male pyschology, just yet???

 

Deci

[Lonewing]

In my case it is first meeting - date or no date. I know within about three seconds where I want you in my life. The next couple minutes either affirm or reaffirm that decision. After that it's pretty black or white.

[Deciduous]

In my case it is first meeting - date or no date. I know within about three seconds where I want you in my life. The next couple minutes either affirm or reaffirm that decision. After that it's pretty black or white.

 

Lonewing,

 

Bloomin' 'heck. That fast. You'd have your own chapter in my hypothetical thesis.

 

May I ask, how can this be? What is it? What triggers? What factors are at play How are you able to absorb so much information, visual sensual, emotional that fast. I understand thast you follow it up with hard facts, but how are you aware that there is something to follow up, so quickly. What? What? What? Tell? Tell? Tell?

 

Me? I can walk past a guy for many months without a smidgeon of interest. Then as time goes by, something unconsciously triggers to a point where I become consciously aware of it. It's a slow brew.

 

With my last relationship, he pestered me for 5 weeks, without me showing an once of interest. Really not my type. Completely different lifestyles. Finally he wore me down to a date. I fell in love within about 15 minutes of the date starting. Totally gone. Head over hells. And that was the quickest for me. Only in that one scenario was I like the Men in the survey.

 

But you sir? You are in your own catogory. So how is that possible, Lonewing.

 

Promise to give you a signed copy of my findings

 

Deci