SapphireNoir10 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 A few people seem quite angry at me for admitting im a human being who is becoming insecure because I've not done dating before, I dont get it. I dont have great self esteem, but I dont need 'therapy' because basically im just scared of getting hurt again. This is all this is, trusting somene enough I'd never voice any of this to him, thats why im venting here, cos sometimes i need to hear im being irrational and stupid. Which obviously I have been. I guess I just am on here too much hearing stories of guys who just disappear. Im not clingy with guys eve, infact my last two relationships guys have moaned im TOO independent and not clingy enough. I dont bombard him with texts. Im just scared to let myself like someone again. And I do like him. I've done single for two months and I dont see the harm in venturing into dating where im technically STILL singe. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 Also most people get anxious at points when dating someone, im only human, doesnt mean i need help! Just that i can admit to myself im afraid of getting hurt. I guess I was just being stupid about the text thing. But now I've realised that, its not a problem. Link to comment
anya1607307555 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Sapphire, I think everyone is trying to make the point that if you remain single for a length of time, focus on yourself and observe others, your perception will change. You will get a different perspective on relationships and the things you ponder now will cease to be important. I think you would really benefit if you gave it a real chance, for yourself...no-one else. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 My plan is to remain single. I am well aware im obviously not ready and have stated this several times. Link to comment
Firiel Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 I hope my post didn't come accross as angry because I totally didn't mean it to be! I guess what I'm trying to say is that technically single but still quite emotionally attached to a guy won't help you focus on yourself and on getting your feet back under you after a string of bad relationships. There's nothing wrong with worrying or being anxious. It doesn't make you screwed up or bad, but I think it does indicate you are not quite ready to enter the dating pool again. I think once you can date casually and respond to a missed text with "Meh, if he keeps responding to me, cool. If he doesn't, there are other nice guys!" (and respond that way in your heart as well as with your visible actions), then you will be ready to date around. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 Thats the thing up until yesterday if he didnt text me I hardly noticed. I dunno, I guess I was just feeling tired and cranky, having problems at home with my parents being angry at eachother etc. I think I just let it affect me more than i should Theres plenty of guys I COULD date but I dont want too. Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 I totally understand. If something happens and my boyfriend and I break up for good, I'm just going to be single for a while. I have no interest in the dating "game". And being afraid of being hurt doesn't mean you need therapy or are incredibly insecure...NO ONE likes being hurt by someone they care about and/or love, and after a BU, it's hard to want to put yourself out on that limb again. All I can recommend is that you kick back for now and try to enjoy life, because the day WILL come when you'll meet someone great and there will be no games involved. I hope that day comes for you quickly. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 What happened to your lighthearted approach about this guy -that you two would go on dates when he happened to be in town and not busy with work? Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 That is what I want I just momentarily reverted back to the old insecure me. I feel good again now. I do. I havent been naggy with him AT ALL over anything, he still is calling me etc and seems really interested in persuing dating Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 This is why I am glad I don't date girls You don't return a text one day and you get a four page thread complaining. OP, at some point you have to let go of these insecurities. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 That is what I want I just momentarily reverted back to the old insecure me. I feel good again now. I do. I havent been naggy with him AT ALL over anything, he still is calling me etc and seems really interested in persuing dating Just remember what he said -his work comes first, and he will see you when he has time given his busy work schedule. He's been honest so getting annoyed when he does just what he said he was going to do - not make dating you a priority - doesn't make a lot of sense. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 Im not like that, i dont want to be his priority I had an irrational fear he'd just dissapeared....but I can admit i was being stupid I really used to like ENA but some of the responses here are quite harsh considering im a human being and everyone worries sometimes Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 and im pretty sure the thread isnt four pages of me complaining but me admitting i was being irrational in my orignal pot Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 and im pretty sure the thread isnt four pages of me complaining but me admitting i was being irrational in my orignal pot That's true, and congrats for that. Lots of people read OP's and respond straight from the gut uncontaminated by the opinions of others. Make room for that idea because some of the best material I've ever seen comes from that place in people. By 'best' material, I don't mean the sweetest or most comforting--that's usually reserved for grievers. Those who are driving themselves into a hole aren't best encouraged to keep doing that. The behavior is a clunker, so the responses will likely point that out in no uncertain terms. Cheers to you for being brave enough to put yourself out there for that. Chances are, the next person who responds to the OP won't exactly be 'encouraging,' either, but you're capable of taking what you can use. Given that I've not read your earlier posts, I have a question for you. Why have so many regular posters here highlighted your statement about avoiding men for a while? Do you think there's anything to the idea that your initial reaction to this guy's delayed contact might be your own gut signal to yourself that you're not yet ready to start dating again? Head high, we're in your corner. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 and im pretty sure the thread isnt four pages of me complaining but me admitting i was being irrational in my orignal pot I'm sorry if I was harsh. Here is the deal. My concern for you is much bigger than the frustration of not getting one text one day from one guy. This is a pattern of yours for years -- jumping from one relationship to another. Getting attached to some dude who was clearly hot and cold and ridiculous after four months. Even you admit you get into relationships with the wrong guys to avoid being single. That stems from something. Therapy isn't a bad word by the way. I think everyone could use it. But therapy notwithstanding, your are soo young. You have such a great opportunity to grow today. Stay single. Really. In the long run it will help heal you. Link to comment
Yaz Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 My vote is with Ms Darcy. I'm years ahead of you Sapph, and look at the mess I'm in! You have a good chance now to ensure you don't turn out like me! Take advantage of it!!!! HAHAHAHAHA Link to comment
Stay_home Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 The dating game SUCKS. Im staying single. No more dating I really quite liked this guy too Edit: He literally text me as a i posted this O_O saying his phones playing up AGAIN...yea right I know what you mean, it's kind of like playing 'Sorry.' Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 Well I went on a second date with him and had fun He has no time to give me anything serious at the moment, he doesnt really know where work will take him etc, but I do think he likes me, he texts me a lot etc. Im quite happy to just see him every now and then, im technically still single, its not stoping me from living my life Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I think people are single until they're engaged or at least in an exclusive relationship. No technicalities if you're just dating someone -you're single and so is he. p.s. I love the word malarky! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 I love words in general hence my training to be an English teacher lol, malarky is a very good one Yeah, I see no harm in dating, no ones getting hurt and im having fun Link to comment
Yaz Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 You spell gooda to. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 My typing on here isnt the best cos my stupid laptop keyboard is breaking. So if i sound stupid im not lol!! Link to comment
Yaz Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 My typing on here isnt the best cos my stupid laptop keyboard is breaking. So if i sound stupid im not lol!! Yah same, like, I totes went to skool. It gets you more intelligent n junk. hehehe I love bad English as much as I love good English sometimes! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 I keep saying words like totes, deffo and blates lately. Im terrifying myself O_O Link to comment
Allyo Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Sorry, I didn't read all the posts in between... but I don't know what sucks more - dating or texting!!! Don't let texting or frequency of texting become a measure of a good relationship I can't speak for all men, but I think they view texting/phone calling very differently then us women. I avoid texting and find it annoying/impersonal. But then again I don't have a phone with one of those cool keypads where you can type fast. Link to comment
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