illusionoflove Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I am about 6 months post break up and I am doing pretty well emotionally. Ex and have been able to be friendly and help each other out. He asks if I can feed his dogs for two days while he goes out of town for family reunion. I'm okay with that but a little trepidatious about going back to his house for the first time. I have had the feeling there was someone else, but what I wasn't prepared for was that "she" has moved in with him already. I got there and his vehicle was there so I knew they must have taken her vehicle. I tried very hard to hold it together and take care of the animals but it was REALLY painful to see her belongings everywhere. It just seemed cruel to have me walk into that. He has never been a cruel person...is he just not thinking? I'll finish taking care of the animals but I'm done. I can't put myself through that. That trip set me back dramatically. If you are NC, please stay NC. Link to comment
damagedatbest Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I can imagine that was very, very painful. How insensitive of him. Maybe he assumed you were over it as he clearly is? You most definitely need to go no contact. Does his new girlfriend not find it strange that his ex girlfriend is taking care of his house while they are away? Link to comment
illusionoflove Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 That is all I can figure. He must think I'm completely healed and I wish I were but that was just too much, too soon. You would think that the girlfriend would think that was odd but who knows what he is telling her. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 OUCH! Well honestly if he has never been one to be cruel and if you have been able to be friendly before he asked such a favor then I think its a simple fact of not thinking it through. He has clearly moved on and has projected his state onto you. By staying in contact and on good terms he has just unfortunately assumed that you have also moved on. But, alas, you haven't quite reached his state yet. This is why NC is helpful... no accidentally imposing on someone to dog sit who isn't quite ready to see the truth. Friendship and Ex's can sometimes work and work very well. I'm on very good terms with one of my ex's but it didn't happen over night... it developed over a two year period. I think most people who are on good terms with ex's that it took a long time after the end of the relationship for that to happen. I would certainly not go out of my way for this guy but don't be rude either... he had no way of really knowing your reaction to the dog sitting unless you two had properly talked it out beforehand. Definitely no more dog sitting. Keep to casual hello/goodbye/funny seeing you here greetings and just keep moving on. It does get better! Hugs Link to comment
MarmiteCrumpet Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Wow! Incredibly insensitive of him Link to comment
illusionoflove Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Thank you guys. When he gets back I am going to have to talk to him about this because I can't go through something like that again. We have been friendly in that we have kept in touch to make sure each other was doing okay but I haven't seen him face to face since January and we certainly haven't talked about other people. (I haven't been dating at all). It was so hard walking into what was once basically "our" place and seeing it different and to happen so quickly. It was also so hurtful because here was the one person I had trusted again in my life and believed him when he talked about loyalty and after 5 years this is what I get. I've been on the verge of tears all day but I don't want to give it to him and I still have to go back one more time and take care of the dogs. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I'm confused. You break up after 5 years, agree to be friends. He thinks you're over it, and now he's insensitive because he got his "pal" to do him a favor while him and the gf were going away? I'm sorry, but like you said, this is why you go NC. So you don't see these things, and you don't subject yourself to anymore hurt. I'm not sure what some people were expecting, his gf to clean up all her stuff and tuck it away? Come on guys, I know this is sensitive and the OP is hurt..but let's be logical here. Go NC now, tell him you don't think it's a good idea to be friends, and start your healing properly. Sorry you had to go through this. Link to comment
illusionoflove Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Well, I do think he is insensitive because he didn't at least give me the heads up that there was a girlfriend. A friend would have let you know. All I was asking for was some consideration. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Ohhh you didn't know about the girlfriend, sorry, misread. Well I know it hurts but now you know. Time to heal right? Link to comment
illusionoflove Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Absolutely! Nothing to do now but focus on me and move on....I hope it works out for them. I've always wanted him to be happy but it was a "rude" awakening. Link to comment
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