illusionoflove

The silence is deafening in my life. I'm getting better, but I do miss you. I've almost come to terms with the fact that we won't be talking in the evenings like we did every day for five years. Sometimes I go to bed and don't cry anymore. I've actually gone for several hours at a time without thinking of you. I am healing. How strange, this sensation of not having you in my life when you were there for so long. How can someone just abandon someone else like that? I have tried hard not to worry about you and what you are doing. I hope you are happy and moving on, because I have always wanted the best for you. I now think back to Thanksgiving and realize why you were hesitant to make a commitment to spend Christmas with me. I guess we just pushed you into it. But, I didn't know you were done with us. I thought we were on our second chance. Those Christmas memories have just been turned into a painful sham. When I think of those things, it just hurts me tremendously. You should have let me go long ago. You shouldn't have dragged it out. You should have talked to me. I should have demanded it. I should have paid more attention. We really screwed this up.

I miss you. I don't know why. I guess I miss you as my friend. I'm emotionally drained and I've been sleeping almost 11 hours every night. I still wake up with bags under my eyes. I know that I will get over it eventually but things are so hard for me right now. I miss your hugs. I don't know what is going on with you right now and that bothers me, but you are no longer my responsibility. Do you miss me? I hope we can heal enough from this over time to be friends again. I miss my friend.

I am weak and emailed you. No response. Do you just never want to talk to me again? Are you cutting me out of your life completely? Do you know that as much as I try to hate you, I can't. I want the best for you and I miss you. Why couldn't you just be truthful with me? Are you alone? Are you with someone? I worry and I can't stop. I sleep 12 hours a day to escape the pain. Are you suffering? Have you moved on?