NightLily Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Would really appreciate some people to talk to right now. I literally just broke it off with my boyfriend after he punched me in the ribs. We weren't having an argument.. I was just being playful and when he turned the corner I said "boo" without even jumping out at him, but then he punched me, cussed at me, and then stormed off. After about an hour he was "apologizing"' but in an angry tone and blaming it all on me.. he seemed actually sorry in the end but. kind too late. He had raised his fist up at me at other times out of "reflex" also not in arguments and recently hurt my arm when he hit it out of "reflex" when I slapped him in the bum while walking (playfully). It seems so stupid and I don't know if I am doing the right thing. I just feel really sad. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 You are very wise and strong dear. Breaking up was the best thing to do. Trust me, it would have only continued and gotten worse. Do your best to have NO CONTACT with him and get yourself into a counseling session. This cat is crazy. Link to comment
superfox Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 He hit you. He DOESN'T love you. End of. Hard but fact, despite any begging and promises, he has crossed that line. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 He sounds like he has an anger problem. I think it is good you broke up. It may hurt now but in the long run you will be happier. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Yes, you are doing the right thing. This is absolutely unacceptable behaviour that will only escalate, in other words if it happens once, it will happen again. Please don't second guess yourself on this one... Link to comment
NightLily Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 I was looking forward to dating him for longer I'm angry at him for doing this.. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 sounds like an anger problem to me. if you want to be with him. get him to anger management Link to comment
NightLily Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 I don't know.. I have been in very abusive relationships in the past. I just refuse to go down that road again. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 well its best to let him go.been in a abusive elationship is never fun Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Don't ever look back! Seriously! My ex started with small things and it got worse. He would hurt me even when I told it was hurting me. You saved yourself a lot of pain and heartache. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 I don't know.. I have been in very abusive relationships in the past. I just refuse to go down that road again. Good for you! One thing you will be showing him if you had stayed with him is that he can get away with behaving this way. He has to know his behaviour is TOTALLY unacceptable. It certainly does sound as though he has an anger problem and in light of this most recent incident I highly doubt that the other times were reflex actions. He was lashing out then too but somehow managed to stop himself. He didn't this time and you can be sure that this will likely happen again. You have done the right thing. Sorry just isn't good enough ... especially when it was said so grudgingly. Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Thank god you broke up with him, that kind of behavior is not tolerable no matter how much his so called "reflexes" are involved. Definitely a good idea to leave him. If you didn't now, what else could he have done to you somewhere down the line? Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 i agree with every one. i got mad at my ex plenty of times. but never once layed a finger on her. no matter how mad he gets he should of nver ever done that Link to comment
NightLily Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 Good for you! One thing you will be showing him if you had stayed with him is that he can get away with behaving this way. He has to know his behaviour is TOTALLY unacceptable. It certainly does sound as though he has an anger problem and in light of this most recent incident I highly doubt that the other times were reflex actions. He was lashing out then too but somehow managed to stop himself. He didn't this time and you can be sure that this will likely happen again. You have done the right thing. Sorry just isn't good enough ... especially when it was said so grudgingly. Because the last response last time I checked was also ferna I thought nobody else was responding! Sorry for the delay.. I have just been reading/sobbing/pacing/reading.. you get the idea. I don't even know if it is anger or what. He said when he was younger he was a bit of a bully because he didn't want people to think he was weak but didn't seem to show signs of that anymore since I met him (which was last September.. dating since late October). He was definitely angry after though and it makes no sense to me at all. ETA: as an example, when he was first saying "sorry" he threw something down on the ground while he said it. It seems like when he starts to calm down a little bit he wants to control himself but has trouble or something. Link to comment
NightLily Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 i agree with every one. i got mad at my ex plenty of times. but never once layed a finger on her. no matter how mad he gets he should of nver ever done that The weird thing is we didn't argue very much and I can probably count that number of times he has been even somewhat mad at me on two hands alone. I had noticed he was starting to make fists only fairly recently. It seems like he has been escalating kind of quickly. Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 I really can't imagine a guy punching a girl she is dating for whatever reason...just doesn't sound right/normal. I think you are doing the right thing by dumping him. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 I don't even know if it is anger or what. He said when he was younger he was a bit of a bully because he didn't want people to think he was weak but didn't seem to show signs of that anymore since I met him (which was last September.. dating since late October). He was definitely angry after though and it makes no sense to me at all. ETA: as an example, when he was first saying "sorry" he threw something down on the ground while he said it. It seems like when he starts to calm down a little bit he wants to control himself but has trouble or something. He still sounds like that bully ... and rather like a petulant chid who knows they have done wrong but doesn't want to admit it. Link to comment
NightLily Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 ^I hope I am doing the right thing. But obviously I am also thinking about all of the fun things we would be doing together this summer... I'm going to be really lonely without him. Link to comment
xiRoCb294 Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 I think you did the right thing by standing up for yourself! No man should ever lay his hands on you and hit you. It'll be hard to let go of him at first, but you'll find somebody better who treats you with the respect you deserve. Link to comment
corgidude Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 If it's one thing I can't stand, it's when a guy hits a woman. I don't care how angry you are, there's no excuse, even more so if it's someone you're in a relationship with. It sounds like he's on a dangerous path... he's struck you twice now on a spur of the moment reaction? Even playfully, I've never punched anyone I was involved with. -Even when my previous ex was in one of her alcoholic rampages and was trying to punch me while I was trying to leave her house, I never struck her. That's too dangerous of a path... one day, he could just do it out of anger, because he's already begun to establish it as a behavior pattern. Regardless of his reason, it's a lack of respect for you and your well being. You're clearly better off without someone who's that potentially volatile. You've made the right choice, no matter how hard it was to make. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 ^I hope I am doing the right thing. But obviously I am also thinking about all of the fun things we would be doing together this summer... I'm going to be really lonely without him. I understand that but that is no reason to put up with this guys behaviour. It would likely get worse you know. The more you put up with, the more he will treat you badly. Its already gone from "reflex actions" to actual physical punching. He reluctantly said sorry, showing that he wasn't really sorry, not at the time when it mattered. Next time he probably won't be sorry as sorry. After all (in his mind) you would have annoyed him again so he will feel justified. He will once again make you feel like it was your fault and soon he will have you believing it is your fault. So all this fun you think you may have ... well, you are romanticising, as it sounds as if would get angry at the drop of a hat! Link to comment
NightLily Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 I understand that but that is no reason to put up with this guys behaviour. It would likely get worse you know. The more you put up with, the more he will treat you badly. Its already gone from "reflex actions" to actual physical punching. He reluctantly said sorry, showing that he wasn't really sorry, not at the time when it mattered. Next time he probably won't be sorry as sorry. After all (in his mind) you would have annoyed him again so he will feel justified. He will once again make you feel like it was your fault and soon he will have you believing it is your fault. So all this fun you think you may have ... well, you are romanticising, as it sounds as if would get angry at the drop of a hat! Yes you are probably right. I know it wasn't my fault. I did absolutely nothing to deserve it which is why I can do the "right" thing.. I'm kind of freaking out right now though because he left me a voice mail where he seems to be losing it. I'm actually worried he might hurt himself.. Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Blaming you for punching you is a huge red flag. You're doing the right thing. Link to comment
TheJerseyKid Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Did he punch you out of sheer reflex from you startling him? Or did he have time to realize that it was indeed you, then punch because he was mad you scared him? If it was instinct/reaction that's one thing, if it was pre-meditated then its completely unacceptable. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Did he punch you out of sheer reflex from you startling him? Or did he have time to realize that it was indeed you, then punch because he was mad you scared him? If it was instinct/reaction that's one thing, if it was pre-meditated then its completely unacceptable. I understand the point you are making but I don't think playfully saying "boo" to someone warrants a punch in the stomach, even as an instinctive reaction! She didn't even jump out on him so it wouldn't even warrant an instinctive reaction. Most people would just jump midly if the really didn't see it coming. It was nothing more than childs play and if he can't take that then this guy has some serious problems. Link to comment
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