What do i do? Does she want me back? Am i being strung along?

[token09]

I think it's good when you realise in yourself that things aren't all bad.

 

It is a good opportunity. Just hope now it works out and I get passed the first stage of interviews etc.

[token09]

Morning of day 5. Is it harmful just to send an x to her? Been up all night again just thinking thinking thinking.

[dramallama]

If you are in NC and you know it's for the best, but you want to get your feelings out - instead grab a pen and paper and write a letter to your ex - but do NOT send it. It does work.

[token09]

Hi dramallama

Others have also recommended that approach to me, and I tried it, but it frustrated me a lot. I've woken today thinking that moving down to London is a good way to further myself,step out of my comfort zone and to push myself to the extreme. It's not something I would have done if we hadn't broken up because it was a comfort zone I was in. But I feel like she deserves the chance at least to be part of this revolution if she wants to be, because she did wait so long for me not to step out of my comfort zone. That's why my head is hollow today.

[stevef20]

I'm in the UK my friend and currently in living hell, see my thread.

 

Pm me I'd yiu just fancy a chat and ill call you and we can let it all out.

[Real Deal]

Hi dramallama

Others have also recommended that approach to me, and I tried it, but it frustrated me a lot. I've woken today thinking that moving down to London is a good way to further myself,step out of my comfort zone and to push myself to the extreme. It's not something I would have done if we hadn't broken up because it was a comfort zone I was in. But I feel like she deserves the chance at least to be part of this revolution if she wants to be, because she did wait so long for me not to step out of my comfort zone. That's why my head is hollow today.

 

Part of the revolution? WTH does that even mean. Sorry brother but she bailed. I say this not to be mean but if she wanted changes but still wanted you she would have discussed this stuff with you vice the BU. YOU need to do what is best for YOU. Not sure if you ever answered my question about the passion thing a few days back. Focus on this and the BU will become of little importance to you - I promise. Oh, and you will attract a ton of quality women too, although that should not be the reason why you pursue your pupose/passions in life.

[token09]

Hi real deal

 

I'm definitely trying to find the passion in life again, and I think this opportunity is it. I've thought about it the last 24hours and it genuinely excites me. A new start and new people. Like I said, really excited about this and I'm putting everything into making myself the perfect candidate for the job. On top of everything else, there is a team in London I have always wanted to play for in my sport, so I would get to do that too....but I need to get the job first.

 

That's the good news.... Here's the bad. I broke NC and text her about this. I told her I was doing it for me, and I was going to go through with it with or without her, but I would obviously be chuffed if she was on board as well. Didnt expect anything back, so settled to watch TV. Got a missed call from her so took a breath and called her back. She said she had been looking at jobs there too, but couldn't afford it. She also questioned why I hadnt thought like this before. I said it was the right time now and we left it at that. I'm glad I've said it to her and I amnt expecting anything to come of it. At least I have something to look forward to now, and if she's involved in it then great.

 

I'm going back NC now, and I know it's going to be difficult again. I'm sorry I broke NC but it was nice to speak with her anger free.

[token09]

I'm in the UK my friend and currently in living hell, see my thread.

 

Pm me I'd yiu just fancy a chat and ill call you and we can let it all out.

 

Hi Steve. I read your posts and I hope your feeling a bit better about things now. I would just say, don't ever let yourself get that down, it really isn't worth it, especially when you have kids.

 

I'm happy to chat, just PM me and I'll ping you my email addy. It's always good to get things off your chest.

[token09]

NC DAY 1......AGAIN!!!

 

So, feeling a bit more at ease today, but also very confused. I am glad i spoke to her about moving away, but her response has confused me and i'm pretty sure she is in a state of confusion too, and just not happy with life in general. I'd love to say i don't care, but obviously i do, and i still love the girl like nothing else. The only problem i am having now is that i don't know if i could ever forgive her IF she ever decided to come back because she has hurt me so much. But i suppose thats a bridge that still needs to be built first, never mind dealt with as it might not ever be there. Right now, i just want to see her so badly and want to give her a hug. But since we are 90miles apart its not even possible to just drop in. I'm even considering going to see her again, but i don't want to put the pressure on again and turn the screw. I don't actually have a clue what i'm meant to do. It's like, she wont speak to me unless i get in touch with her, even if she wants to speak to me. So that sucks. I just said that i would speak to her later, and she sent me a text when we'd hung up saying that she is trying to look at the glass as not being half empty, but i dont even know what that means, if its about me and her, or about her work which i know shes not having a good time at, or with this other guy???

 

I also went and bought some sleeping tablets today. I can't go on being up all night and so tired all the time. So looking forward to a good nights sleep.

[askltk]

Great advice.

[token09]

I agree....I need to man up. I really do.

[CMS]

Its never too late to do that

[token09]

I don't think its too late, it's just blooming hard to do, especially since it seems like her head is a mess as well.

[CMS]

Thats not something you can control. You are responsible for yourself only now, man up for yourself, you owe it to yourself to heal and regroup.

[askltk]

I don't think its too late, it's just blooming hard to do, especially since it seems like her head is a mess as well.

 

I'm in the same boat pal, and I've been in this yo/yo for almost 7 months - and still haven't severed properly.

[token09]

askltk. I really don't want to be here in another weeks time, never mind at the 7 month mark. I broke NC again today because i woke up feeling so very low. She has not replied, maybe that's what it will take, her not to reply to me, whereas so far whenevr i have got in touch, she has text back or called. I really need a chance to get away from it all, i need a break from life right now.

 

Do you still feel the same as you did in the weeks immediately after BU askltk? Is your ex seeing someone esle?

 

I feel like such a moron and let keep letting myself down, but i am also getting in touch with her for myself.

[askltk]

Don't beat yourself up too much - everyone on here makes mistakes, and everyone reacts differently and heals at a different pace.

 

I don't feel the same as i did post BU, as then I was acting no differently to how we were when we split. I'd be kidding myself if I said I was fully healed, I'm getting there - but I'm my own worst enemy, and contact definitely doesn't help this.

 

The difference i seem to have comparing to most is that I was NIC, with the thinking that she wouldn't get in touch. The opposite happened in that she has contacted me, uninitiated, everyday for the past 7 months. I had all the intentions to leaving contact open to allow her to see I was improving myself - instead I did this whilst feeding her the emotional support she wanted. NIC was, and still seems to be, my way of hiding my shear lack of progress.

 

The Ex isnt "seeing" anyone that I am aware of. I know she's been on at least one date in the past 6 months which apparently went badly. Sure there's been others tho, but we don't talk about that side of things - mainly to avoid awkwardness and protect each others feelings. I've met up with a new girl too, but that died off pretty quickly as it would have been LDR and neither of us could to commit.

 

Although you text her - your still waiting for a reply. Use this opportunity to ake the initative and start getting yourself back - even if she does reply.

[token09]

I'm just back from my counseling session. I have come to the realisation that i need stimulation to be happy in life, and it is kind of what went wrong in our relationship. In my last job, i was stimulated and excited day to day as i was getting to travel, meet different people and enjoy what i was doing. I loved her, but i didnt want to commit to her because i felt i was too young and had too much i wanted to do. the last couple of years,i wanted to move forward with her, some initial doubts, but i wasn't stimulated by my work, and that affected our relationship. I realise now that even if she had moved in with me, neither of us would have been happy, we would have just got into a boring rut, where none of us enjoyed our work and were going nowhere. but making something happen, getting a stimulating job and having fun again, we would work. I want to explain this to her, but i don't even know where i would begin.

[CMS]

Dude first of all it does get better but you have to be strong and keep NC to heal, I have been NC for more than 6 weeks and believe me I still do feel down sometimes in the morning when I wake up and want to contact her, then I go to gym to work out the frustration and whatever anger you had built up over your sleep and the days are pretty good after.

 

You have to be strong, keep breaking NC like you do is only preventing you from healing. Trust me, it really do get a lot better in time.

[token09]

I get angry all day not texting, go to the gym after work and lift some weights (i've gone from benching 60Kg to 80Kg in 3 weeks!) and still being frustrated when i get home! I am actually pushing myself so hard to get every ounce out of me at the moment, but it still doesnt seem like enough.

 

6 weeks is very impressive. I don't know what i would do if i get that far into NC and still feel like this. Have you met/been with any other girls since? I've kissed girls but nothing more than that, and even that was rubbish at the time (although it did make me feel 18 again!)

[CMS]

I had a one night stand last weekend and felt terrible in the morning so prob not going to do that again until I am ready. Right now I have just been talking to girls, I am not ruling out possibilities of dating them but only for the right girls.

 

Keep your mind busy, I have been working out like a mad man since the break up (gym 6 days a week) and almost back to my physical prime that was senior year at college (benching 255 lbs right now, goal is 285 lbs). When I start to miss her I go and do something else, like hang out with my buddies and play some video games, you have to do whatever you have to do to keep yourself busy. Good luck

[token09]

255lbs.....thats damn impressive man!

 

honestly, i'm keeping myself as busy as possible! i even resorted to student night on wednesday last week with a bunch of pals! Other than that, i am either gyming, playing or training everyday/night of the week, and when i am at home, i've been catching up on films/programmes that i've had recorded for ages but hadn't had a chance to watch. I'm not even sure what else i could try!

[CMS]

how about something new? I took a cooking class last sunday and it was fun, met some new people there too. Try to get out of your comfort zone and go explore, that works for me.

[token09]

Sorry, i thought i had replied earlier, but it obviously didn't send. I really want to start cycling a bit more, and hill walking. The only problem is, my friend who i have been cycling with a few times has moved accross to the states, and none of my other friends are really into that kind of thing. guess who the only other person who was into it all was!?

[askltk]

cmswifty is spot on - find different tasks / activities that you've wanted to try, as it tends to take up alot more time.

 

Since BU, i've done gym, cooking, photography, got back in football (soccer) and swimming. Problem after BU is your mind does wonder, think about them and the draw to contact them is huge. take it from me, if you've got yourself into NC now - that's half the battle.