What do i do? Does she want me back? Am i being strung along?

[token09]

Ii think thats it Real Deal. Head 100% agrees with you. Then there is this other bit that seems to kick in.

 

If she was here, i could go cold turkey now and let her do the chasing. And i reckon it would work at this point in time, because emotionally she is open again. She is making the contact. She is suggesting the ideas. But this 3 weeks gives her a chance to get back to where she was, back to her comfort zone away from us, and ultimately back to square 1. I'm not going to be able to change that in anyway from here and i know that. The only thing that will help us get back together now is her committing to the idea, leaving him behind and giving us the time to see why things have changed.

 

I suppose i need to keep reminding myself of what she has already done and that *should* be reason enough to not want to be with her. But then there are the feelings that cloud everything. She has managed to control them and try to move on. She lost control of them over the weekend, being at a wedding and seeing me in my element. She will be able to get them back under control again, and if i let my guard down, i will end up back grovelling, which i don't want.

 

I need to take the stance that its not going to happen. And if it does now, be pleasantly surprised about it.

 

It's such a bad feeling to be up at that euphoric level again one night, hugging, kissing, and just chatting, then have to step off that horse, again, knowing that it was a one off chance right now.

[token09]

I'm finding it hard again and just so low.

 

She called me from abroad on friday night, and was happy and smiley on the phone. We haven't spoken since. I had a really bad weekend, and this week hasn't started great either. And that just makes me miss her more.

 

The lack of contact, after the first couple of days of emailing me when she was away, as i thought, suggests that she is back in her comfort zone away from me, with her guard up and will be difficult for anything to happen now.

 

I have a severe lack of confidence again, not just because of her, but because of what else is going on in life. How long can you just battle through the bad times? Last weekend was the best weekend of the year so far, where i felt like myself again and at the end of it i was with her for a night too. It's reminded me of what i want to be and who i want to be with, and that's put me lower.

 

I've got really bad acne just now, and have been offered some meds by the doc. But they have said that these can cause depression, but will work on my skin. But i don't know if i can take being any lower.

 

I am trying to be strong, but then your mind plays tricks on you, you fall asleep and dream, and wake up thinking you are somewhere else. then it hits home. Its a scary place to be after so long.

[ToF]

I'm sorry you're having such an awful time. It sucks BAD for a while ... And the kicker is that no one can tell you how long it's going to last. You aren't the only one who has had everything else in his life go to s&%# after a breakup. It happens to so, so many people that it seems like it's life's way of kicking us when we are down. But my take on it is, it's a result of the negativity we put into our everyday lives after such a heartbreak. You may not see yourself as being negative at the moment, but I'll tell you, just from reading your posts it's pretty obvious you are not looking at the "sunny" side of things.

 

It's tough. It feels like nothing is going right, thus there is nothing to be positive about. But a little goes a long way. The way I got through it was to simply accept that, at the beginning of the day, I had no idea how that day was going to turn out. Sure, experience had been teaching me that this day was just going to be worse than the previous ... But you know what? That stopped happening after a while. When you let go of any expectation you have, things tend to work out so much better. Just something to consider.

 

Now, about your ex. Why did you talk to her on the phone? And I'm guessing you answered her emails as well? I thought we were done doing that ...

 

You will not get over her until you give yourself a fighting chance to do so.

[token09]

ToF

 

I keep getting contrasting words of advice. My councillor has said that i have to show her that I have changed, and not just say it. And my old boss said told me last night that i have to do that as well, and not show any negativity towards the relationship for her to trust me too. He knows me well and he knows what i was like with her in the past.

 

I didn't answer her emails in the first instance. But then she emailed again asking if i was ok and what was up. I replied to that just, well, ignoring that question and being normal with her. Then she video called that night when she didnt really need to, and i wasn't really expecting her to.

 

My head is all over the place with what to do with all the contradictory advice i'm getting. And i seem to agree with all of it.

 

My cousin told me at the weekend that he, and his now wife, broke up for nearly 2 years, with him changing his number and everything. They saw each other on the off chance when out shopping and all the emotion came back and hit him like a 'ton of bricks'. They sat, spoke and worked through it. A year later they got engaged.

 

That ton of bricks. That's what happens whenever we see each other. We can't control those emotions. yet we are so confused and simply don't want hurt again. I keep saying it, its not a one way street. But she has an out game where she can be with Mr Reliable. My out game is to move away and start a new life. seems extreme.

 

My head is all over the place and i just feel sick. I make up my mind that walking away is the best thing to do. But then someone tells me why i should fight for it. And i remember why i want to fight for it.

[ToF]

Token, at this point you just need to decide if you want to move on. Because nothing you are doing is helping you toward that goal.

 

I know you're having a really hard time, but there are things you could be doing that would make this so much easier, both short-term and long-term. It's advice that myself and others have given you consistently (stop talking to her!). You maintain contact with her, yet complain that you aren't able to move on. Not to be harsh, but ... Duh. Of course it hits you like a ton of bricks when you see her; she's been in the forefront of your mind for ages! You've yet to give yourself a fighting chance to live without her, at least for the time being.

 

When people tell you that you need to show her how strong you are, how much you've changed, etc., how do you think is the best way to do that?? By NOT taking her bait every time she calls!! She has you wrapped around her finger, and in her mind, you are SO not better off without her.

 

So the ball is in your court. Keep being strung along by a girl who's seeing other people, or finally break that connection.

[token09]

I've had a few days thinking, and i think i'm scared of walking away.

 

The reasoning as to why we aren't together, the fact that she pretty much says she's just scared of us again.

 

Other girls, other people, and i know walking away would probably work. But with her, i also know she is too stubborn, and if i walk away, that is the final nail in the coffin because i know how she works.

 

I can't be her emotional sponge just now though. It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

[ToF]

Well, whatever you think is best, Token. I really don't know what to tell you at this point.