When he says he won't give 100 pecent, what do you do?

[Kjv1611ad]

Together almost 3 years. To sum it up, he says he wont give me 100 percent because he feels in the past I did not give it to him. He says he knows that is what I am doing now (giving 100 percent) but he doesnt feel like he has to. He says, "the shoe is now on the other foot".

I told him in the beginning I dont give 100 percent, that is earned though time in the relationship. He says he feels 100 percent should be given in the beginning, and that is what he does, and because I didnt, he wont give it to me now.

 

We have been fighting alot because I feel he isnt giving me all of him, and he has basically just admitted this is true, AND that he has no plans to do so.

 

He says he is fine with me not giving him 100 percent because thats where he is at right now.

 

What am I supposed to do? How can you be in a relationship like this??

[annie24]

he kind of sounds like a jerk... to be honest. i think it makes more sense to give less in the beginning as you are getting to know each other and increase over time. his statement sounds kind of manipulative.

[Hollyj]

Dump this fool! If someone is not willing to put both feet in, the relationship does not have a chance. He sounds like he is emotionally immature.

[pl3asehelp]

He's a child. Dump him and move on.

[Stay_home]

He says he is fine with me not giving him 100 percent because thats where he is at right now.

 

What am I supposed to do? How can you be in a relationship like this??

 

I wouldn't try to be in a relationship with someone if they weren't going to give it all they have from the beginning. That's what committment is.

[Oneironaut]

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

-Gandhi

[HeartGoesOn]

I would tell him that you're 100% sure that this relationship is over.

[InkkedBree]

That's selfish. There is no keeping scores in a relationship. A relationship should be selfless, giving all you have, trying for the best. If one doesn't do that, then what's the point? Where is it going to lead to? A dead end.

[lavenderdove]

Oh heavens, a 'love miser'... they never make good relationships because he is basically saying he has love to give and is chosing to NOT give it just because he doesn't feel like it. In other words, he doesn't really love you enough to see past his own ego and needs and share himself with you... i think this is doomed... i'd move on.

[geekgirl4]

WOW, what a petty guy! That's one of the lamest excuses I've ever heard. Agree, he has an ego that he can't see past. Don't put up with this.

[Kjv1611ad]

I am so mad right now. I told him that this I was not going to put up with this and he just said, I know. I told him this was unacceptable, and he said he has reasons (basically this is my fault) and then when I started to get upset, he told me "this is ridiculous". I hung up on him.

 

I am not kidding guys, I am completely shocked he is saying this crap to me. I dont know what to do. I should dump him, seriously. Maybe I should just not speak to him for a few days.

[Tanzi]

You can't give 100% at the beginning because it takes time to build a relationship, a bond and an understanding. I really am not sure I trust his logic on this. Either he is using this as an excuse because he wants out or he has been holding a grudge for an awfully long time.

 

I would tell him that his logic doesn't make sense because whereas you have been moving forwards in the relationship he is obviously moving backwards and if he isn't as committed now as he once was you can only assume he is slowly checking out of the relationship and therefore you are going to have to do the same.

 

Where does he think things are going to go in the future? Is he suddenly going to commit 100% again when he feels you have been adequately paid back for your lack of commitment in the beginning of the relationship and what is he going to do differently as a result of not now being 100% committed?

 

And why is this happening now, 3 years down the line? If he had an issue with this shouldn't it have been dealt with at the time.

 

This is quite baz.aar, to say the least.

[Mercurial Girl]

Seems like he's trying to get you to dump him. Give him what he wishes and get the heck out of there!

[geekgirl4]

Wow, he basically told you he doesn't give a crap and he's going to do whatever the hell he wants to do, and damn the consequences on the relationship. Yes, you should dump him. Who needs a guy like that? Take initiative and do the dumping. He sounds like he wants to REAL bad.

[catfeeder]

I'd give him a big, fat zero percent, and I'd leave him to see how he likes that.

 

You deserve better than this, and there are millions of other guys in the world.

[annie24]

I am so mad right now. I told him that this I was not going to put up with this and he just said, I know. I told him this was unacceptable, and he said he has reasons (basically this is my fault) and then when I started to get upset, he told me "this is ridiculous". I hung up on him.

 

I am not kidding guys, I am completely shocked he is saying this crap to me. I dont know what to do. I should dump him, seriously. Maybe I should just not speak to him for a few days.

 

maybe you should speak to him never again?

[Miss Firecracker]

This is a different way to break up with a girl. At least it is different, so give him credit for originality.

 

But move on.

[Kjv1611ad]

I talked to him last night. I am gong to give him a big fat zero and see how he likes it. He is saying " I dont know what I am going to get from you, its not that I dont WANT to, its that I CANT. WHATEVER I said ok, fine.

[geekgirl4]

Wait, are you planning on playing games with him or going to break up with him?

[Kjv1611ad]

I dont know. I should break up with him.

[geekgirl4]

I agree you should break up with him. Playing games drags things out and more hurt words are thrown back and forth at each other. Is a little revenge really worth the inevitable consequences of more hurt being passed around? Do you really want to continue hearing how he doesn't care and doesn't think its worth putting in effort? Do the right thing. In time, you'll look back and thank yourself for being the mature person that your bf never was.

[InkkedBree]

Do not play games. To me, games is just being superficial and selfish and not being real. And honestly, if you play games, then you're on the same level with that guy who's playing games of "I can't give you all of me because of {insert lame reason}". It's the same idea. A person should always take the higher road, stick to who they are. It shows character, strength, and the power of "I'm not caring enough to do the same petty thing to you because that's just petty."

 

I agree, you should break up. Just simply say, "Well, you're not giving me your 100%, then I can't give you my 100% because a relationship is supposed to be 100% from each person. I'm willing to do this, I realized my mistakes, but apparently, you want to stick to my mistakes and go backwards to that. That's just a dead end right there and I can't do anything with a dead end person so good-bye. I can't do anything if you're doing this." Simple and to the point. And it's not insulting, it's honest. If he feels insulted, well he has issues with not giving a 100% to be justified being insulted anyway.

[Kjv1611ad]

Thats what I did. Almost exactly what you said. Maybe you were right thats hat he wanted.

He said that basically its my fault he feels this way. But thats all he can do. Then told me he didnt know what I wanted (not sure what that has to do with anything), and let me go because a friend came over. Really?!?!? He asked if he could call me back, I told him I am not sure what else there is to say. He said he was going to call me anyway. Thinking about not answering.

[InkkedBree]

Not answering is playing the game, IMO. Either break up or accept his deal, I don't see a compromise in this. So what do you want to do? Break up or accept what he's going to give you?

[Kjv1611ad]

I dont want to break up. I dont want to compromise either. So I have to break up. He is making me feel like this is my fault. We have been fighting BAD lately. We are fighting because of THIS ISSUE. I dont see what he doesnt understand. How can I compromise? That would SUCK. I suppose I could and just back off but I feel like that is a game too!