When he says he won't give 100 pecent, what do you do?

[geekgirl4]

What are your reasons for staying in the relationship? Scared of things being different? Very accustomed to being with your bf? He's a funny person? I don't know, I just feel like any reason you have isn't enough to put up with someone who blames you for them not putting in effort into a relationship. This incident shows:

1) his immaturity - he refuses to take responsibility and instead, chooses to blame you

2) his selfishness - there's no compromise at all, its his way or nothing at all

3) his lack of honor - instead of letting things lie in the past, he continually keeps choosing to bring it up

4) his laziness - he doesn't want to put effort into the relationship, he'd rather you do all the work

5) his lack of love - he doesn't think you and the relationship worth it to try

 

There's probably more but this is what stands out to me the most.

[geekgirl4]

P.s. He won't change. He's stubborn in this issue so the only thing that you have power over is how you choose to take action. You can lie there and let him bulldoze all over you with his selfishness. Or you can leave and take the 100% chance that you'll be happier than in this crappy situation that has been happening, is happening, and will continue to happen.

[catfeeder]

When someone essentially says to you, "I won't give you my best because of stuff I'm holding against you, and there's nothing you can do about it," that really leaves you nowhere else to go--but out.

 

You deserve someone who's crazy about you. This guy is not him.

[Kjv1611ad]

I wish I could tape record our conversation. He is saying that he "is trying" but doesnt know what I want from him that he isnt giving me. He says that he isnt the way he was before because of things I have done to him in the past (i didnt give him 100 percent) but that he is trying, that is just the way he feels right now. And that he stayed with me when I did this to him. So I just said I didnt know. And I just left it at that.

 

Im so confused.

[Kjv1611ad]

When, basically I said this "I won't give you my best because of stuff I'm holding against you, and there's nothing you can do about it," that really leaves you nowhere else to go--but out. Line from catfeeder to him, is when he said it. He said "I am trying" but I dont know what you want from me right now. I said 100 percent. He said "hes trying, BUT he says Im expecting things all at once. Which is weird because we did break up for a month but that was over two months ago and the reason we broke up was this very issue. So unless something changes its going to happen again. He says he is struggling, I think he feels justified in treating me badly.

[quirky]

What happened in the early stages, did you do anything to challenge his trust? Does he hold resentment and if so why do you think that is?

I might be naive but I don't think the OP wants to break up. It's not something that happens overnight when you've been with someone for a while.

 

Some space, a day or 2 might help but don't force yourself to break up if you're not ready. Do you sense that this is what he wants?

[geekgirl4]

When, basically I said this "I won't give you my best because of stuff I'm holding against you, and there's nothing you can do about it," that really leaves you nowhere else to go--but out.

 

Wow... you said this to him in the past? That's rather harsh to hear....