When do men miss their exes?

[mhowe]

I'm talking about the dumper men. When do they miss their exes? And why? Give me some positive and negative examples.

 

my dumper ex (now currently in reconciliation) took about 3 1/2 months....we broke up at the end of the year, total NC from me, we ran into each other locally in mid March and had a pleasant exchange, I went back to NC, and about a month later he called and said "I cannot spend one more night in my home thinking about you without being able to hold you".....came over and spent 3 hrs saying how much he missed me, loved me and wanted a future with me. If you had asked me if that was coming (since no contact for basically 3.5 months, I'd have said NO WAY. In fact, when I never heard from him after running into him, I figured he was doing the slow fade still.....when we talked, part of it was dealing with the crap in his life, and the other part was realizing thru not seeing me or hearing from me how much he missed the "being in a relationship" part of his life....another part, according to him, was that I treated him with respect (as in, "I need space")....and didnt over react to the break. I did.....he just never saw it!!!! So, I would say it will take a couple of months...the 8 week mark is probably the minimum. All depends on the specifics of your situation

[WildChild]

Thats it. Time to blow his phone up : ) dont let him forget you woman lol

 

 

LOL, just saw this! No doubt...bombs away! LOL

[Heartbroken30]

Would the dumper miss the dumpee if he is dating someone else? We've been broken up for 3 months now and a bit over 1 month NC and I think he has started to date someone else. Just wondering if in that case the dumpee still comes to their mind. I was his longest relationship of 1 1/2 years.

[Gemo112]

When I dump a girl it's normally for a good reason and I do not miss them! I remember dumping one of my exs for being clingy and obessive even when I asked her to give me some space to decide what I wanted. She ended up really annoying me and I ended it. Still took months for her to stop texting me "you where a mistake", then the next morning "i'm so sorry for texting you that". Psycho.

[italiannmf24]

Hello NewDilemma, since your so curious as to when men miss their ex I thought I'd give you some of my personal experience on this topic.

 

(Note: Every situation, person, place and thing is unique in it's own way. This is just personal experience and some insight into my story and how I ended up missing her.)

 

 

So, let's begin...

 

 

My ex and I were in a very loving, close and healthy relationship and things couldn't have been better for us. We did everything together. We went out to the movies, had nights in, stayed up all night, experienced intercourse, hung out with our friends in groups etc. that sort of thing. Our lives seemed to match so perfectly and peacefully that nothing was going to stand in our way. We had it all ... we had eachother...

 

Yet, as time progressed, I started feeling different about "us". Assuming these feelings would eventually dispatch and things would return to normal, I ignored them and continued on my way. I felt myself becoming distant towards the relationship, not as excited to see her when we met up and basically not enjoying her overall time with me anymore. I was loosing interest.

 

I definitely pulled away from her more and more and she had noticed. Well, one night, we deicded to go out together and I realized I could not take it any longer.

 

I wanted out. Now.

 

I already decided I was going to end things with her that night and didn't even know how to approach it. I couldn't imagine the pain she must have been going through once I broke the news to her in person. She broke down, crying, begging, pleading and I was heartbroken because my feelings felt non-existent at this time and there was nothing I could do about it. I told her that my feelings had progessively changed overtime and I wanted to see if things would get any better. They didn't. After our hour discussion, which was basically her sobbing and crying while I was just angry at myself for not having feelings for her anymore. She was floored and I don't blame her. But as hard as it was... that was that...

 

More time passed and she hadn't talked to me since the initial break-up. She had kept silent while I was feeling pretty good about things. I felt as though I had been released and nothing could stop me now. But, I was wrong. After a good amount of time had passed (I don't want to go into detail) I started thinking about her. What was she doing? Who was she with? How was she?

 

Turned out I was missing her. I caught myself thinking about her on numerous occasions trying to figure out why I had ended things in the first place. I had fond memories that were stuck to my brain day and night. I valued what I once had with her and only now have come to realize my mistake in the first place. I shouldn't have broken up with her, it was the WRONG decision. I missed her.

 

Well, we never ended up getting back together and I don't blame her at this point. I'm not too heartbroken or beaten up over it. I did eventually go back to her only to be rejected and figure out she was seeing someone else. I know it's some what of a sad story but I have done all I can to make it work, but she had already moved on by then.

 

Either way, moral of the story is. If your in a relationship and it was meaningful to some degree, the dumper will think about you from time to time and even miss you at some points. You just need to let go in order for something like this to happen.

 

Just my 2 cents, hope it helps.

[wilyone 11]

Prince William took 3 months to get back together with Kate.

[90_hour_sleep]

Also, regarding the title of your thread. People can miss you and love you, but wanting to be WITH you is a totally different story. He might miss you, but that doesn't mean he wants to come back.

 

dramallama I think that is a female thing. I think if a guy really miss a girl he`ll want to come back... woman however are more considerate when it comes to future-plans and if things realisticly can work out.

 

you could be right, nattpanter...but i'll add another tally to the male vote for drama's post here.

[PrettyGood]

Either way, moral of the story is. If your in a relationship and it was meaningful to some degree, the dumper will think about you from time to time and even miss you at some points. You just need to let go in order for something like this to happen.

 

Wow, it was a really interesting and nice story. That's the way I'm behaving. Just doing my NC after break-up. It's the 5th week. At the beginning I've sent 2 emails, but had no response. So I've chosen to move on. It he wants me back he can come and take me himself.

[DreamSeller]

I never thought I would be the psychotic ex-gf, but I was. I broke it off with him but I wasn't ready to let go. When he told me that there is no chance for us to ever getting back together, I was devastated. I cried, pleaded, begged...anything you can think of. It's been 4 months and I am happy to say that I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. When he told me that he was dating someone else, it gave me hope. Hope to move on. I feel like I can finally let go. I still think of him, but I think of him less and less each day. I do miss him and I am sure he misses me too when something goes wrong, but it's just not enough for us to get back together. It has only been a week since we last talked and I don't even plan on saying goodbye to him when I leave this town.

 

I told him that he chose to not believe me and now I am choosing to leave. Don't stop living your life. You're all you've got. Take care of yourself. I know it's easier said than done. But you can get over it. You just need the right motivation. For me, it was when I found out he's been talking to some girl and things are heading in a direction of them being together.

 

I love this site. I love reading other people's stories. They give me hope and strength.

[faithful14]

Prince William took 3 months to get back together with Kate.

 

Since were on the topic of royalty lol, I read online that prince harry is back on with his girlfriend of 5 years...they were apart for more than 6 months i know....anyways, it shows that you never really know.

[Eocsor]

When do men miss their exes? When they can't aim the gun properly.

[Talk2much]

Like someone else said men fall into the "out of sight out of mind" category and woman fall into "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" well in the past it has but you can't label every woman and man.

[Kailynn]

Like someone else said men fall into the "out of sight out of mind" category and woman fall into "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" well in the past it has but you can't label every woman and man.

 

I think that's way too much of a generalization. While men may typically avoid their issues for any amount of time, be that 2 weeks or 2 years, they don't just "forget" someone the longer they're out of their life. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that the more emotionally invested a man was, the harder it is for him to actually think about missing them simply because he'd rather pretend she doesn't exist. Definitely out of sight but, only temporarely out of mind. Whatever is is they are avoiding feeling or thinking always comes back to haunt them. Men wouldn't be human if that wasn't the case.

[Heidi90]

I think that's way too much of a generalization. While men may typically avoid their issues for any amount of time, be that 2 weeks or 2 years, they don't just "forget" someone the longer they're out of their life. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that the more emotionally invested a man was, the harder it is for him to actually think about missing them simply because he'd rather pretend she doesn't exist. Definitely out of sight but, only temporarely out of mind. Whatever is is they are avoiding feeling or thinking always comes back to haunt them. Men wouldn't be human if that wasn't the case.

 

Yeah I agree Kailynn.. I don't see how men would fall into that category but women wouldn't and vice versa. If I was going to generalize..I'd actually say it would be the other way round. Women grieve and then get over it, whereas men try and keep busy, enjoy their freedom, then come back down to earth and miss what they had. I'm not saying this from experience..but that's what I think would happen.

 

I do know that when me and my previous ex broke up absence definitely didn't make my heart grow fonder!

[NCforME]

I think men typically are better at compartmentalizing their issues. Women's emotions are much stronger usually when it comes to these kind of things but I think it actually helps them get over it completely once they do. Since guys tend to compartmentalize I think they can carry it with them longer.

 

The only other issue I have seen that is more the case with guys is when they are with girls for months because they had nothing better going on and they never loved the girl. Girls typically won't do that kind of nonsense. These are who I call douches and there are a lot of them sorry ladies.

[NCforME]

 

I do know that when me and my previous ex broke up absence definitely didn't make my heart grow fonder!

 

But did you break up with him?

[Heidi90]

But did you break up with him?

 

It was mutual, but he came back after two months and wanted to try again. I was way over him!

[Kailynn]

I think men typically are better at compartmentalizing their issues. Women's emotions are much stronger usually when it comes to these kind of things but I think it actually helps them get over it completely once they do. Since guys tend to compartmentalize I think they can carry it with them longer.

 

The only other issue I have seen that is more the case with guys is when they are with girls for months because they had nothing better going on and they never loved the girl. Girls typically won't do that kind of nonsense. These are who I call douches and there are a lot of them sorry ladies.

 

Well for sure, if the guy never cared for you at all, and this goes for girls as well, no amount of time apart is going to change that. I dated a guy once simply because I felt bad telling him no. It was 8 months of a reltionship I didn't really want to be in. When I broke up with him I cried, not because I was sad it was over but, because I was sad I had hurt him. It was selfish..but I was also 17. Now, for the serious relationship..one that involves talks of marriage, genuine feelings of care as well as compatability than there is certianly no reason to suspect that he or she won't think of you.

 

I'd even go so far and venture to say that if the relationship wasn't doomed to fail to begin with, meaning their wasn't any cheating or abuse or the like, it's highly probable for time apart to help BOTH the dumper and the dumpee. I find relationships that end on "good terms" are rarely forever and more often than not are a product of bad timing and confusion for both parties. Unfortunately, it's not until after you're away for a significant amount of time that personal growth and understanding of the relationship when it's not so "close to home" that it happens.

[Heidi90]

I'd even go so far and venture to say that if the relationship wasn't doomed to fail to begin with, meaning their wasn't any cheating or abuse or the like, it's highly probable for time apart to help BOTH the dumper and the dumpee. I find relationships that end on "good terms" are rarely forever and more often than not are a product of bad timing and confusion for both parties. Unfortunately, it's not until after you're away for a significant amount of time that personal growth and understanding of the relationship when it's not so "close to home" that it happens.

 

My ex did say to me that two months would be too soon for us to get back together because if it happened then it would have to be a new relationship after we have had time alone and to grow ourselves. Now, he didn't say that this would definitely happen so neither of us are waiting for the other but it is interesting in relation to what you just said!

[doyathink]

Absence definitely doesn't make my heart grow fonder. In fact...time gives me a better perspective of who he really is. Once I remove that person from my life....then the clearer picture comes into play. Right after a break up I usually only think of the good things about him....after being apart for a while then I see all the reasons I dont want him back.

[Kailynn]

My ex did say to me that two months would be too soon for us to get back together because if it happened then to make it work then it would have to be a new relationship after we have had time alone and to grow ourselves. Now, he didn't say that this would definitely happen so neither of us are waiting for the other but it is interesting in relation to what you just said!

 

Mine said something along the lines of "I won't rule us out for the future but, I don't know where I'll be in 2 months or 2 years. I'm not happy with the direction the relationship is going and things need to change"

 

So, I apologized for my end, gave him a hug, and haven't really spoken to him since. If he was an a-hole I'd assume it's because he's got another girl lined up, however this was the same guy who was crying to his mom about losing me 30 days before. So, I've refrained from talking to him and it's been an awful experience. Two months into our breakup and just over a month of NC hasn't made ANYTHING better. He's coming home from grad school tomorrow and we have yet to exchange our belongings, even though I've requested that he mail them and I tried to get him to drop them off while he was home for his break, no such luck. It's been a frustrating experience because it wasn't a break up of "I hate you, leave me alone" just a "I'm not happy, things need to change." I always liked it better when I got an FU not an uncertainty.

[NCforME]

Well Kailynn, for my own sake I hope you are right because that sounds like my relationship. I'm 25 and had to move home with my parents to finish grad school and I think she started resenting me for it over 9 months until we broke up. Big distance physically and emotionally formed in really great relationship and I didn't fight the break on bit. I only told her I was willing to work on it and left it at that.

 

Well thats sucks you hurt him, you obviously weren't emotionally strong at 17 but none of us really were. I still run into guys though you I think are incapable of love. I don't see this as much in women. Guys who think cheating is as natural as breathing. Some of these men are even married. I have really only ever met a few girls my whole life who thought nothing of cheating it does seem to be skewed in my experience toward men acting this way. Some of these men are even married.

[Heidi90]

Absence definitely doesn't make my heart grow fonder. In fact...time gives me a better perspective of who he really is. Once I remove that person from my life....then the clearer picture comes into play. Right after a break up I usually only think of the good things about him....after being apart for a while then I see all the reasons I dont want him back.

 

That's interesting because many people say that in time the bad memories fade and the good start to resurface. But actually yeah I'd say the same happened with me and my previous ex, and when I think of him now it's kind of a 'why was I with him?' mentality. My relationship with my current ex was a million times better so I don't worry about him remembering bad things over time, because there weren't really any. But I definitely think this is an interesting point!

[NCforME]

Absence definitely doesn't make my heart grow fonder. In fact...time gives me a better perspective of who he really is. Once I remove that person from my life....then the clearer picture comes into play. Right after a break up I usually only think of the good things about him....after being apart for a while then I see all the reasons I dont want him back.

 

And what happens if after you get over them emotionally you still respect them? I think when that happens often people try again. I've seen it happen.

[Kailynn]

I think that's because when a girl wants to be out of a relationship so often gets herself out of it. A man, and some women, cheat because something in their relationship is missing. Perhaps it's communication, intimacy, or even something as simple as her being unsupportive but, like they do with their feelings, men choose to solve the problem by "finding a solution" instead of actually "working on it" IE: find a hot girl who has what he's looking for instead of facing the issue he has with his partner..even if he loves her.