DN Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 i am probably just craving excitement and adventure that you dont get in a long term relationship. So does this mean that the behaviour is going to be repeated any time you get into a long term relationship? If you are craving excitement and adventure you have no one to blame but yourself for not getting that with your boyfriend. Link to comment
LostOne01 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 Lady just let your BF go. No point in gas lighting him into thinking you actually love him, when you don't. Link to comment
capilot Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 ive tried telling my bf that i need a break and i do believe we'll be together forever, but that we should both be single one more time before we meet back up for good. You think he'll believe that for one second? Do you think we do? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 Whatever excitement you are feeling now with the new guy is going to fade out over time just like it did with your boyfriend. Now if you are the type that thrives on excitement then perhaps you need not be in a relationship of any kind and just keep your sex casual so there are no feelings involved. You might want to reconsider what you consider love. Love is not sharing your body with another man when you have commited to one already. Love is not hurting your partner in probably one of the worst ways possible. You are comfortable with him but you don't love him. Link to comment
BCC123 Posted April 24, 2011 Author Share Posted April 24, 2011 i honestly do believe that we are meant for each other, but right now i want to explore and be single again. i want to marry him and be with him later in life but at this moment i do not want to be tied down, we're both too young! (20 and 22) honestly. i dont know why i would lie to a bunch of strangers on a forum! i do believe i love him, but some needs were just not being met, and it was my fault that i didnt ask him what we could do to fix things before i looked outside the relationship. Link to comment
DN Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 Why do you think he would want to marry you after the cheating and lying? It's all very well to talk about what you want but what about what he wants? If you did love him these issues would concern you but apparently they don't. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 So you feel you need to explore dating some more and then one day you and him can marry? How does this work, do you tell him "yeah babe, I love you but I need to sleep with other men for a while but one day you can put a ring on my finger"? I hope you find the courage to end it with him so he can find another girl that is worthy of his love and his ring. Link to comment
Starrgrl Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Don't use age as an excuse, I recently turned 21 and I don't think like you at all. You need to break up with your poor bf, he doesn't deserve this at all. Do what you want, just don't do things that would hurt others. Your bf's going to hurt like crazy, but he would want the truth. Either way he's going to find out. And karma's going to catch up to you one day. Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 ive tried telling my bf that i need a break and i do believe we'll be together forever, but that we should both be single one more time before we meet back up for good. Why would you fill your current boyfriend's head with lies? This has definitely gone on long enough, tell your current boyfriend your having an affair, don't tell him you want a "break" only to go after a different guy. Honestly, how could you do this to someone? Low quality in my book... Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 You are very nonchalant about having this affair. You do not respect your boyfriend nor have empathy for his feelings. It's time to come clean and move on with your life because even if your boyfriend did forgive you I think you'd be doing him a disservice having him stay with you. Link to comment
SugarSkull Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Well, you need to tell him NOW that you want to go on a "break" and make it very clear you two can see other people. Then you need to take this time to figure out if you actually want to be with this guy, and actually love him. If you're "bored" of him, I doubt that problem will ever go away. And you will probably just end up cheating on him again. So, take this time to actually decide what you want. It's not far to string these people along Link to comment
Koglin Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Let me get this straight. You are trying to tell your boyfriend of 6 years that the two of you need a break and be single for a while before you finally settle in together all while cheating on him night after night? How about you tell him the truth so that he can move on and find someone who won't cheat on him and will be honest. That's the least you can/should do. Link to comment
sidehop Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 When you're in love you don't look elsewhere. Somehow I have a feeling you're in this mindset where nothing will fall apart whether you cheat on him or leave him temporary. If you have to test the water to see what it would be like to be single and date other guys then expect no good outcome. I would be surprised if your now ex-b/f takes you back. Link to comment
BCC123 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Share Posted April 25, 2011 i know i have ruined this relationship. and i know deep down inside i dont want to leave him. i made a mistake. a big one! but i feel like i owe it to him to break up with him and that this is far past the point of reconciliation. i feel horrible but whats done is done. Link to comment
DN Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Well, don't feel too bad, at least you can turn to this new guy. Link to comment
Longview01 Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 i know, it would kill me. i am probably just craving excitement and adventure that you dont get in a long term relationship. i have made up my mind to break up with him but its so hard for me to pull the trigger because he will be soooo hurt and i still care about him. but i guess i have chosen this. the other guy keeps telling me not to drag it out because that'll just be worse for him in the long run and i know hes right. im being so unfair to my boyfriend. i feel like a horrible person for doing this to someone who loves and cares about me and i wish i knew why i did it. do i regret it though? i dont know Suddenly the other guy grows a conscience? Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 i have to choose between the two very soon, and i have no idea what im gonna do. what if my affair is just fun because its new and exciting? what if i immediately regret breaking up with my bf and he moves on? all these what ifs are killing me and i really need some advice! any advice is appreciated. You've already chosen, the second you cheated on your FUTURE PARTNER, let him go and be fair. Link to comment
selfi Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 I am in a similar situation as you but the first thing you should do is forget about this new guy and deal with your bf. Even if this other man is your soul mate you need to realize that he can not take any precedence. Don't break up with someone Coz you 'owe it to them', break up with them because you believe you're both better off without them. And if you don't believe that and can stop seeing this other guy and truly think you can rise above your heavy guilt then stay with him and see where it takes you. But in your case I find the latter is not a viable option for you. Do not though, jump from one guy to another, be single and get some perspective that way and let the same happen for your bf. Link to comment
DN Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 I think your conscience is telling you the right thing about your actions. Link to comment
coin80 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 So any news on this? I'd be curious because I'm your (ex) BF, .... well in a way. My story is eerily similar to what my now ex gf just went through. 6 yr RS, SHE wanted to get engaged, beseeched me to buy her a ring, etc, etc. We were in a LDR since Oct of last year. And all of a sudden she is with someone else. Her reasoning mirrors yours 100%. Let's have a break so that I can be with the other guy. I know the other guy is not the right one for me, you are, but I fell for him now. Needless to say, the other guy was pushing her to break up with me. And in the end she did. She still maintains that we might get back together. I'm not going to blame you. In fact, I think it is great that this is an anonymous forum. So I'm reaching out to you, pls explain to me what is going through your head? I am not saying it is not rational or sth. Happens all the time, but if someone can tell me honestly what goes on in a girl's head in such a situation then you are. So pls do. To fill you in: we broke up in late Feb, I have been in LC for a few weeks as I had to get all of my stuff out of her flat etc etc. I have been in NIC/NC ever since. She contacted me a few times to put me in the friend zone, my replies were detached and terse. No there it's silence, almost for 4 weeks. I have no idea whether she is happier or not where she is now. I'm 30, she is 29 (had the bilological clock ticking for a while and always talked about kids), her new bf just turned 27. Link to comment
saehg Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 what happened BCC? did u tell him? did u go with the other guy or stay with ur bf? how do u feel about whatever decision you made? Link to comment
Staple Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Stop thinking about yourself for once. Break up with him. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 i have to choose between the two very soon, and i have no idea what im gonna do. Um, you may be a little optimistic here. If you tell your BF what you've done (i.e. are honest) he could chose to boot your butt to the curb - in which case you won't have to choose between the two. It's not all about you eh. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Why do people whose story is going to end like this: but about a month ago i started cheating. ive been having an affair with another guy that im falling for. ... try to justify it with this: my boyfriend and i have been together for 6 years. we both love each other very much and have never cheated on each other before. we are super close and are best friends, and convinced we are gonna be together forever. It doesn't matter how many years you have been together or that you have never cheated on each other before, it doesn't validate what you are doing to your bf. ive been staying with him every night for a little over a week now and we are developing strong feelings for each other. hes convinced im gonna leave my bf for him, and ive tried to but its so hard to officially end things between us. ive tried telling my bf that i need a break and i do believe we'll be together forever, he doesnt know theres someone else and i keep telling him i dont want to break up to be with other guys, just to be alone and have space the thought of not having him around scares me because we've been together for so long. i love him so much and there are things that i just cant compare to anyone else because, well its him and we've been building this for so long. This is so full of contradictions. I don't think you have any idea of what you are doing or how wrong this all is. I don't sense any guilt, just fear that you may regret your decision but that your bf may have moved on. So you have been staying with this other guy for over a week, you are developing strong feelings for him yet you are in love with your bf and are convinced you are going to end up together! How does that work? And while you are convinced that you are going to end up with your bf, you have managed to convince the other guy that you are leaving him! On top of which when you do break it off with your bf you are going to tell him its not to see others even though you have told him you both need to be single one more time before you "meet back for good" and even though you are hoping to go on a little jaunt with some other guy who, in turn, has no idea that you are going to dump him to go back to your ex!! Good grief, this is just nuts ... you are lying to both these guys and you are lying to yourself. What makes you think that your bf would take you back once you have finished with him? That is the reason for the lie I guess. He sits at home pining for you, waiting for you to come back from your "break" with no idea that are on a jolly with some other guy. How long do you break for? What if your bf asks you that? What are you going to tell him ... "when I'm done we other guy"? I doubt it. Don't you see how utterly selfish you are being? You are already in this, however, and the only decent thing you can now do is to end things with your bf. Don't give him a load of BS about "wanting a break", "not wanting anyone else", blah, blah, blah. Tell him the complete truth, he deserves that at the very least. Then let him decide what happens thereafter. Link to comment
BrianH46 Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 Poor guy, what happened with them anyways, its been a while Link to comment
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